A reader sent me a link to this news story from West Virginia and said I had to read them. I'm glad I did. I think the writer must have been laughing uncontrollably while writing the story and I'm pretty convinced the people who filed the lawsuits are on bath salts and are probably trying to eat each other right now.
The plaintiff says that Kardashian, Humphries and Sinanaj were making a lot of noise in the next room. When the plaintiff looked through the peep hole, he saw them making a sex tape.
"It was weird because on the floor was barnyard animals staring at them, sheep, two goats, unicorn, and I thought they were there as witnesses. Sinanaj was bobbing her head up and down with a voodoo doll in her hand."
The plaintiff says he yelled at them that he was trying to sleep when Kris said, 'mind your business pip squeek' and I told Kris, ‘I got a sling shot' and ‘my middle name is David' ‘you are no Goliath,' the suit continued.
Kimberly said in his suit he would report Humphries to "JayZ, the Russian, and TMZ.com."
"And Kris went irate on steroid rage, ripped the door open dragged me into the room, put a shot gun to my head that he got from Nets player Jayson Williams and forced me to watch the three defendants have sex with another for 5 hr's against my will," the suit said.
The suit continued saying Sinanaj hit Kimberly with an RC Cola Can and Kardashian forced him to watch "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" reruns for six consecutive hours.
"I defacated on my self, barnyard animals snipped at my feet, Chris is laughing at me like the Jolly Green Giant, then a knock on the door, Kim Kardashian opened and it was Charlie Sheen, who had a bag full of ecstasy and set ‘lets get this party started,'" the suit asserts.
Kimberly alleged every two minutes, Kardashian would beat him in the head with her engagement ring, which he said caused bruises and a broken wrist.
"Kris put me in a pretzel, saying he is a chiropractor, and him passed gas in the room, and I passed out from it, and woke up at a truck stop, wallet gone, Kardashian lip stick all over my clothes," the suit stated.
"I'm violated, humiliated, and my voice is circulating on this Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries sex tape which puts me through public humiliation, I face imminent danger and bodily harm, I seek a restraining order from the defendants I pray this court for relief."
This is an actual lawsuit. You can read more of the story here. Thanks Adriane.