Friday, July 20, 2012

Another Dating Profile


It's Friday so what better day to share another dating profile. This winner comes from a reader who got a message from this guy. The only thing in the subject line were the words Law Enforcement.


Well, she had to click, and this is what was on his profile.


PICTURES UPON REQUEST.... OR BETTER YET, YOU CAN VIEW MY CAM ON THE POF CHAT :)..(I WILL have my cloths on btw)

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Side Note:

I am not looking for a forever, but I am looking for a nice long run and good friendship.

Nothing last forever. Even the coolest people ever never stay together with each other. Even if you manage to grow old, death will eventually catch up and you and your partner will be separated.

The more independent a person can be, the less they would need to stay with anybody, yet, it is always nice to share with another.

With the above said, I am looking to share an awesome friendship for a long run.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I am just a good boy. I am honest, loyal, drama free, and an awesome kisser.

Something important is that I do not want to make new babies. I don't mind going out with a mom, but I just don't want to make new kids..

Do you like Ceder Point? Jim Carey movies? The Detroit Science Museum? That would be freaking cool!!

My ideal girl to build an amazing friendship would be:

- Cute, sexy, gorgeous, super model type, a complete Goddess sex symbol, super hot!!!! (you get the idea)
- Smart / Intelligent.
- Confident. (--- this is part of being super hot, big hint there)
- Independent.

Yes, I have been on POF before, and here are some other important points:

1. I have a hard time being attracted to overweight ladies. Just putting it on a nice way its just not my deal.

2. My body type could qualify as slender or fit?? I don't know, so set it up as avarage but I am slender than most guys specially around my age...

In other news....

OMG. systolic blood pressure below 120.. I have never seen my systolic blood pressure that low since ever...

One day I will be rich, but that I gotta keep it down low cuz I dont want chicks for my money. I'd like to think they want me for my body instead.. and my super awesome personality..

I tend to think too fast and my fingers arent as fast of as my mind, so if you are reading something and it doesnt make sense... then I have an excuse...



FAQ Section:

Q. I noticed that you don't drink on your profile. Do you mind if I drink?

A. Baby, feel free to slam all the drinks you want. I would be more than glad to be your designated driver and I promise I will try not to take too much advantage of you. :)


Q. My body is not like a super model. Would you still like me?

A. No, I only date hot super model types. (-- that was sarcasm btw...)


Q. I see you are non-religious. Are you going to give me a hard time because I am a Christian?

A. No (-- that wasn't sarcasm.)


Q. Do you like kids?

A. Yes, I like kids. They are fun and I don't mind hanging out with them. I just don't want to make new kids.


Q. You sound like a badass. Are you mean?

A. No, I am actually a sweet type of guy, so I have been told.


Q. Why don't you have a girlfriend?

A. If I only would have the answer of that one.


Q. My profile says I am in Michigan, but I am actually traveling through Europe right now. Do you still want to chat?

A. No.


Q. I am in Africa and I need some money to get out of my hotel. Would you help me?

A. No.


Q. Do you like ice cream?

A. Yes, I looove ice cream. Let's get some.

73 comments:

Vicki Cupper said...

"I tend to think too fast and my fingers arent as fast of as my mind, so if you are reading something and it doesnt make sense... then I have an excuse..."



Somehow I have a hard time believing the first part.

Renoblondee said...

Maybe I need my morning caffeine, but that wasn't so bad was.it? Just me?

Rose said...

He didn't mention if he still lived at home with his parents. I'm going to guess yes.

rejectedcarebear said...

I don't think he needs to worry about making any new kids anytime soon!

Patty said...

I get his position making new kids. But where does he stand on making old kids?

And the blood pressure comment...seriously?

Sounds like a winner.

Patty said...

Actually, he sounds like a weiner.

Cathy said...

Well hot damn - I'm single and living in Michigan; I think today might be my lucky day! I've gotta find this guy!

In all seriousness though, except for the way he repeatedly talks about not wanting to make new babies and looking for a nice long run instead of forever, this guy isn't nearly as bad as half the weirdos out there.

rejectedcarebear said...

My ex best friend, who is a whore, uses this dating site. She meets guys, sleeps with them on the first date and they never call her back. After a terrible breakup, she set me up with a profile and I actually met a super attractive and amazing man. So not all of them are weirdos, and some of the girls on those sites are equally odd.

Cathy said...

Also, he must not love the Detroit Science Center too much, if he doesn't realize that it's closed...

luckylass said...

I wouldn't respond to this guy, but this isn't nearly as bad as the crap I received when I was online dating (back in the dial up ages).

I just think he isn't a strong enough writer to convey sarcasm and wit.

luckylass said...

And that would be CedAr Point. Geez!

FSP said...

One of my ex-gfs told me she used this site. I looked her up and found out she's in to much much younger guys...barely legal. This explained a lot. Bitch.

EmEyeKay said...

@Reno: I didn't think he was too bad, either. No one looks bad after reading about the Dark Knight shooting.

Audrey said...

I agree. I appreciate his honesty about overweight women.

anita_mark said...

Except for the insistence of the woman being an impossible dream (because I'm taken), I don't have a problem with what he wrote. Oh, except the Jim Carey stuff. I DESPISE Jim Carey. And the gross "awesome kisser" line. Icky.

I like that he's up front about babies. Saves heartache later on.

At least he doesn't go on an on about himself. I think if we're going to rag on someone, they have to be over the line awful, this was barely interesting.

Vicki Cupper said...

Kneepads is saying Melanie and Antonio aren't getting a dee-vorce.

What say you, Entward?

Beta said...

hands up who actually thinks this is pretty cute/cool!

id actually give him a try, I like his honesty and I like the part about finding a long-term partnership

Connie151 said...

I love how loser guys have the illusion that hot super models would want to date them.

Audrey said...

If I were single, and if he wasn't so slim, I'd reply. But, alas, I'm engaged to a big, burly guy.

Frufra said...

I am so beyond thankful that I'm married. I couldn't slog through this online dating shit for all the tea in China.

If, God in heaven forbid the thought, something happened to Mr. Frufra, I would surely die alone with my animals. I could not deal with dating bullshit for 10 minutes.

And with my lovely attitude, I'm sure I'd charm all the eligible dudes out there. Maybe I could meet someone as surly as myself. Perhaps old men who come to city council meetings to complain or something? I'll throw that idea in the old mental Rolodex.

Err said...

I think this guy is off his rocker. He's a little obsessed about making "new" kids. And the blood pressure thing? Weird. And the subject line being LAW ENFORCEMENT?!?! He's a total creep. And why no pictures unless you ask for them? Too many red flags.

Frufra said...

Totally agree with you, Audrey. Said it before - got no use for a skinny guy.

Steppy said...

Even though this isn't too bad, I'm not sure it's real. No one would refer to the Detroit Science Museum, it's Detroit Science Center. And - it's been closed for a while.

Ima Guillotine said...

He's obviously a little slow, so extra points to him for spelling words like "separately" correctly. (<--- that is not sarcasm)

Ima Guillotine said...

@Connie, I was thinking the same thing...or that an intelligent, confident woman would.

__-__=__ said...

Maybe he's a petite waif type guy. I have a friend about 5'3" and he's barely 120 lbs soaking wet. Those guys have a hard time finding dates.

I applaud anyone with the guts to do the online dating thing. It's just scary out there!

The Black Cat said...

Apparently there are a number of fake profiles on that POF website. There aren't enough hot super model ladies on there so they made some up, I was reading some time back.

lalaland923 said...

Some people can appreciate his honesty but lets get real. He was completely inappropriate in his profile. He wants a supermodel type to have friends with benefits with & "politely" mentions he does not like overweight ladies. He really could have left those things out & not have a, long drawn out explanation. Just leave that stuff out & do not respond to the women you are not interested in. it's that simple. Even if a supermodel not interested in creating new babies sees his profile she would go running because he comes across as a condescending, egotistical, superficial, jerk. & that dating site gives users the option to put on your profile what u are looking for & intentions so why be asinine in your self description?

lalaland923 said...

Some people can appreciate his honesty but lets get real. He was completely inappropriate in his profile. He wants a supermodel type to have friends with benefits with & "politely" mentions he does not like overweight ladies. He really could have left those things out & not have a, long drawn out explanation. Just leave that stuff out & do not respond to the women you are not interested in. it's that simple. Even if a supermodel not interested in creating new babies sees his profile she would go running because he comes across as a condescending, egotistical, superficial, jerk. & that dating site gives users the option to put on your profile what u are looking for & intentions so why be asinine in your self description?

Cathy said...

Also, I'd just like to note that a "normal" systolic blood pressure is 120 or less. So this guy is pretty excited about just being on the fringe of normal - I wonder how high it had been before!?!?

Seachica said...

"One day I will be rich, but that I gotta keep it down low cuz I dont want chicks for my money. I'd like to think they want me for my body instead.. and my super awesome personality.."

Someday rich - umm, yeah

Keeping it on the Down Low - real private of you, dork

Want me for my body - cause your blood pressure is SOOO attractive

And my super awesome personality - well, there goes all credibility

This profile is not that weird...it almost seems normal. Too many red flags that I wouldn't respond to it, but it's not horrendous. Which is probably a sad commentary on POF (which - because it's a free site - attracts a lot of crap profiles)

AKM said...

He's honest, but weird (and not in the good way) and inappropriate. Next!

Frufra, we can just start a club...

Cake said...

I like how he points out that no one ever stay together even "the coolest people ever", and even if you grow old, death will separate you.

Why does he need a super model for a "awesome friendship for a long run"?

donner said...

This tickled me:

"and my super awesome personality.."

How come you're single if you're so super awesome? wouldn't everyone want to be with someone super awesome?

Not hating, just giggling...

Bally said...

Blood pressure?

I think this guy's bragging about the wrong measurement if he wants to get laid.

Lori said...

@ lalaland923- ITA.

I hope that no dumb fat chicks hell bent on making babies contact him. Bet his inbox is hella full...

timebob said...

it's semi douchey but honest, he wants sex with a hot girl but doesn't want to be beholden to anyone or anything. AAANNNNDDD unless you look like Clooney or Pitt good luck with that. Oh and he sounds cheap too, which is why he wants free no strings sex off a dating site and not pay for it.

People like that are alone for a reason.

lolaluvs2snack said...

He doesn't sound bad, he sounds honest. I can feel his pain,I can't date ugly men. I've tried (because they had sparkling personalities...smh) it just doesn't work, I gotta look at them sooner or later. lol

I'm not trying to make anymore kids either, my 1 is good enough.

kriss_t said...

Maybe I've been out of the dating pool for to long, or maybe Im ovulating, but I didn't think that was too bad. Kinda cute actually.

jax said...

this isn't bad at all. if you're offended then you aren't his type, obvs. we cry that men are liars and cheats but when one bothers to be up front and honest about what he wants for his life we want to string him up? meh...it's online dating, what do you expect?

G said...

What a shame. He would have been perfect for me except I'm not cute, sexy, gorgeous, super model type, a complete Goddess sex symbol, super hot!!!! (you get the idea)

@Rejected If you think that there isn't a woman out there who would have a baby with this guy you clearly don't watch enough Judge Judy

Amber said...

Hah. I'm just catching up for the day now. I think he's funny, and is just trying to be funny. Sometimes that comes across weird in text.

jane3113 said...

Late 30's and single again (thanks ex) so I have to go through this shit. I don't know how else to meet people my age. I would not be into this guy. He's probably young, but guys who have to have a hot supermodel type seem too immature. I am not looking for Chris Hemsworth types on okcupid. It's not realistic.

I think it is assumed you are desperate if you are older on one of these sites but I actually feel more picky than before. I don't want to go through another horrible break up and would rather be on my own than with someone who wasn't right for me.

So I would not respond to skinny.

Li said...

Oh...my..Xenu! This guy wins all of the internets forever and ever.

I think English may be a second language for this guy..and if not I'm so embarrassed...for him.

Hi everyone! (*waves frantically*)
Long time lurker first time poster:)

Amber said...

Hi Li!!

BreeB714 said...

he is unbelievable! LOL OMG POF and dating sucks

moondancekat said...

He can honestly kiss my fat a**.
Sorry, I'm grumpy, my guy lost his job yesterday.

Seachica said...

Welcome, Li!

Sorry to hear your news, moondance. :(

Opie said...

I would LOVE a guy who says I can drink my face off and he will be the DD!
I kinda get the be independent thing. I have been divorced for 3 years now and just went on Match in the new year, went out on 1 date and pulled off my ad. Would rather be alone with all I have going on and be with my friends that I do not have time for than to go out with weirdo's who wanted to skin me and wear me. Too much! Guess I am too independent for my own good.

Lelaina Pierce said...

This wasn't nearly as bad as some of the others. He's clearly delusional. It made me laugh, although I'm not sure if he was intentionally trying to be funny? I really enjoy reading these. I love hearing from friends about the actual dates that come from these sites as well, so maybe people should start sending those in as well. :)

dizzyeggs said...

he wasn't as bad as the t-rex guy. that guy had me crying. this guy just seems to be just a scrawny guy trying to get laid in michigan by a supermodel. that's possible, right?

Mary said...

sounds find to me

Mary said...

I meant fine lol

EmEyeKay said...

Hi @Li! *waves back*

Mari said...

Hello Li!
I think it's very considerate of him to cover himself with cloths for a video chat.
Perhaps instead of online dating he should try online shopping.
;)

Jason Blue Eyes said...

Is that Vanessa Hudgens in the article photo? I Wonder if she responded.

Lori said...

@dizzyeggs- not unless you are Prince.

KZoeT said...

It wasn't that bad but when someone mentions multiple times he wants to date a supermodel ("but it's ok if you're not" - thanks for your permission, buddy!) that's a red flag. I can't make time for anyone that superficial.

timebob said...

I had a friend who is 40+ and put her profile on match her picture was just her against a tree with jeans & tshirt nothing fancy no makeup.

She got overwhelmed with responses from older men wanting to meet and take her out. When she asked them why them wanted to meet her they all had the same response.

She wasn't fat, that is all they cared about.

Ain't love grand..

Henriette said...

My favorite part was the "making babies"! He sounds like he would have to go into Santa's workshop and build children! Glad he's not procreating.

Moonmaid said...

I actually don't think he sounds so bad either. At least he is honest and has a sense of humor.

Mama Abroad said...

Same here. I actually found him endearing.

warmislandsun said...

I agree with lolaloves2snack, I just cannot with a guy I am not attracted to. We may have fun hanging out, but if I can't look at your face and want to kiss you, there is no point to dating.

Yet, this poor dude thinks he's all that and a bag of chips. But, you can't eat the chips, they're fattening.

I just ate a cookie so I guess I am out of the running.

Brenda L said...

Not wanting to make "new kids" - means he desperately doesn't want to ever pay child support.

"be your designated driver" - no car

Most likely no job.

__-__=__ said...

ClassicJimbo is the shooters profile on Adult Friend Finder. I was right. This IS scary!!

KellyLynn said...

I don't think his profile is that bad, but I don't think he'll have much success with it written like that. My guess is that this guy is 30-something and has never been married. There were probably one or two serious relationships in his past, but they probably got tired of his propensity to be a wet blanket, and his inability to compromise. They wouldn't have told him this -- or they told him and he didn't get it. Now he's a bit shell-shocked into thinking that a serious relationship isn't for him.

I'll bet this guy has been living alone for several years, and he generally likes his life. He has made a career for himself, probably as a prison guard or something like that. It's probably a job that's not all that dangerous, but he pursued it because it made him feel powerful and cool, and it fit in with his somewhat serious nature.

Even with a good job and a secure home, he's probably going through a bit of a mid-life crisis. He feels too young to settle down, but too old (or not a good match) for the club scene. Online dating is where he's landed.

I wouldn't read too much into the size-ism. A lot of guys think they want to date hot chicks, but end up with someone as average as they are. Of course, someone so focused on superficial cues is probably not going to get much activity, anyway.

Amy in MI said...

I'm on POF and live in the Detroit area. I agree with who said " Detroit science center ". An how would you not know it's closed?

My BFF and I met on PoF. We dated but we were in different places in our lives. I don't know what I would do without him now, and vice versa. He's my rock

kinglady said...

Omg I'm seriously dying! LMMFAO dying....

But really, I must be kinda desperate cause I don't think it was too bad, awkward as hell which had me dying but I mean he's freaking honest and serious as hell about not being some bodies baby daddy. So idk, he ain't that bad... But since I'm not a super thin super model (though I am a super model, well..in my office) I'm totally safe...

It was awkward, but not ALL bad, am I right? I'm going back to read the comments now
Seriously that shit was funny though

Chole said...

I'm 99% sure I've seen this profile, but I look at so many because they are entertaining that I can't recall :) I think us Michigan girls should compile a creeper list for each other :)

Betsy said...

I've tried online dating but without success - I get responses from people like this:- "Just the sight of her, her voice, her aroma, her gestures, would excite me to the core making me grateful she is exclusively mine, as I am exclusivly hers. As we walk the mall people would look at us and know that God has blessed us with the kind of love we all dream of but rarely obtain. So here I wait for my dream girl. Could it be you?"
This was from a 63 year old ADULT man.

Francoise said...

I'm female, and rocking a postpartum body and 20 excess pounds. Married, very happily so, not changing partners.

But I will say this. Any woman who thinks weight does not matter to a man is off her meds.

Curvy, curvacious, size 12/14 - that's the limit of sexy. Anything above that and you're dangerously flirting with unfuckable status.

Henriette said...

@Francoise
You really should speak for yourself. Maybe you have a problem with size and the men you choose do, but not everyone does.

There are many women who are larger than a 12/14 who are "fuckable." I guess you haven't seen all the fat porn out there.

I've been a size 18/20 my entire adult life and never had a problem getting sex or getting boyfriends.

doctressjulia said...

Ooh, a rapist-minded pig man who calls women 'girls'. No no no no.