Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Your Turn

Do you talk to your ex? Do you let your current significant other know you are talking to your ex? Have you ever cheated with your ex?

76 comments:

CamColty said...

I would talk to him on a casual basis if he were mature enough to do the same. I wouldn't keep it from my husband. And no I have not and definitely wouldn't cheat with him ! Been there done that.

IDoTheRobot said...

No I don't talk to any of them and no I have never cheated on my husband with an ex. I've never cheated on him or anyone. An ex is an ex for a reason, IMO.

Terri said...

no hookups, but I had 2 serious relationships before I got married and we reconnected.

The strange part is that I carried so much baggage from them that once we reconnected and I saw what they became, I had some sort of strange shift and I'm still not sure what to do with it. All the depression and guilt changed me, and now I"m over it and it changed me again. Very odd feelings.

All I can say is I appreciate my husband more now than before.

*karen* said...

Ex-BF #1 and I haven't spoken since the day we broke up more than 3 1/2 years ago, nor do I want to talk to him.

Ex-BF #2 and I haven't spoken in a year, but I'm close friends with his brother and sister-in-law, so I hear about him occasionally. Up until I got engaged, he still asked them about me every time they spoke and whether I was "serious" about my guy.

If I spoke to either of them (or any other guys from the past), I'd tell my fiance. No secrets or cheating.

MISCH said...

No, when it's over it's over.

califblondy said...

Yes

Yes

HELL NO.

Ms Cool said...

I had two serious ex-boyfriends. One died so, uh, no I haven't talked to him.

I reconnected with the other one last year to apologize for my behavior in the relationship as it always bugged me. He apologized, too, and we quickly lost touch. It was a very friendly, positive communication and I feel so much better having a good feeling towards him. I assured him I was happily married and he sounded happy in his life and my husband knew about it all.

Nosey Parker said...

I'm friends with most of my ex-boyfriends, but have no interest in sleeping with them.

crow_soup said...

Yes! We split after 7 years, attended each other's weddings and still get together with our kids and spouses. It seems normal to me, a lot of folks find it strange, but we're still friends.

sylmarillion said...

I still talk to one of my exes, occasionally, via skype. My hubby knows about it, the guy was even invited to our wedding.

Hookups? No. I agree with Robot, an ex is an ex for a reason. Besides, I married the greatest guy, why would i need a hookup? :)

djphob said...

Yup! My fiancée is not the jealous type. Thank goodness bc I am a flirt. My ex is engaged now, too. His lady is not as cool about it. They're moving to the other side of the country, though.

SusanB said...

Haven't kept in touch with any ex-boyfriends. I would never get in touch with my ex-husband. I don't even want to live in the same state that he does.

Roman Holiday said...

I don't have an ex - I have been with my husband since I was sixteen! but if I broke up with him - hell yes!! He keeps me normal:)

Kimberly said...

1. Living Exes, no. Ex ( if you call him that) who died in 1998 in Bosnia, yes, often in my dreams. Oddly he knows every detail of my life but never ages. And occasionally at his grave but that's one sided. :(
2. No.
3. If he were still alive,I would say that there is a 75% chance we would have married. We spent 3.5 years together, first as best freinds then more.. Or if would have run its course and I would be with someone else. So, NO.

#4. You don't stop loving someone just because they go away. You love them for the rest of your life, and maybe till the nest. Especially when there is no closure.

Kimberly said...

1. Living Exes, no. Ex ( if you call him that) who died in 1998 in Bosnia, yes, often in my dreams. Oddly he knows every detail of my life but never ages. And occasionally at his grave but that's one sided. :(
2. No.
3. If he were still alive,I would say that there is a 75% chance we would have married. We spent 3.5 years together, first as best freinds then more.. Or if would have run its course and I would be with someone else. So, NO.

#4. You don't stop loving someone just because they go away. You love them for the rest of your life, and maybe till the nest. Especially when there is no closure.

Kimberly said...

1. Living Exes, no. Ex ( if you call him that) who died in 1998 in Bosnia, yes, often in my dreams. Oddly he knows every detail of my life but never ages. And occasionally at his grave but that's one sided. :(
2. No.
3. If he were still alive,I would say that there is a 75% chance we would have married. We spent 3.5 years together, first as best freinds then more.. Or if would have run its course and I would be with someone else. So, NO.

#4. You don't stop loving someone just because they go away. You love them for the rest of your life, and maybe till the nest. Especially when there is no closure.

AKM said...

No. No current S.O. No.

tara17 said...

No way, no contact with any ex. Should it happen, I would tell my spouse. No, never cheated with an ex. I'm incredibly biased about remaining in contact with exes, should NEVER happen. It's disrespectful to all parties. But everyone thinks I'm wrong about this extreme stance, even my spouse. Exception: when there are children involved of course.

shelly said...

Yes. My ex husband and I co-parent and live a few streets from each other in the same neighborhood. We share 50/50 custody and no child support. I love his new wife, and I made the grooms cake for their wedding. He is a good father and a great friend- but just not a good husband for me. I took my new baby for a stroll and walked down there to visit with them this week.

shelly said...

Oh and yes my fiance knows we talk and is cool with it. He's glad we work together with the boys. No, I would never cheat with him. I like what we have now so much more than the 13 years we were together. Plus I respect his wife and their family.

Mary Stewart-McGovern said...

I only talk to my ex-husband because we have 2 children together and, until the youngest turns 18 (in another 2 years), I will be civil towards him. After that, though, gloves will come off! lol

Obviously, my husband knows I talk to him because of the kids.

Do I talk to any of my other ex's or have sex with any of them? Hell no! They're ex's for a reason!

Kim's World said...

I talk to plenty of my exes but I'm single so I can do that.

lc said...

I am very good friends with my ex and if the chance did arise I think I would def hook back up with him for a booty call, the sex was amazeballs. But I would only do this if I was not currently in a relationship. I would never cheat on my significant other, but would let them know that yes, I do talk to my ex and we are on friendly terms. It does help that said ex lives in a different state.

lc said...

I don't think it is strange at all. You are a great example of maturity and have a healthy relationship with your husband. Kudos to you!

Amy in MI said...

My douchebag ex that hit me - absolutely not

My ex fiancé before him - yup and we hang out once a week because I have visitation of my adorable baby girl, a pit bull named Abby. We just fell out of love, but still have a lot in common.

tealily said...

I've tried to keep in touch, just in a friendly way. Pretty much know what they're up to and where they are. Definitely not tight. When I do hear from them, I do not tell my partner. I don't want to make him uncomfortable. But yeah, zero intentions of ever cheating.

lc said...

I don't think you are wrong in your situation. Every ones situation is different and you have chosen what works for you. And I do agree, if children are involved, that too is a totally different sitch. I think it is a case by case deal.

Barton Fink said...

I talk to all of my exes and I wouldn't have sex with any of them for a million bucks. Love for someone changes sometimes. You move on, you lose interest, it isn't the same -- for me, at least. My goal is to have someone to love that actually keeps me entirely on my toes, and I've been quite successful at that part of my life. Dating sober people with great physiques and strong minds and lots of emotional depth is the key.

Maja. With a J. said...

I don't really keep in touch with any of my exes, but should I start talking to one of them for some reason, I'd let my husband know. I've met a couple of his exes (and I am SO much better looking!) but he doesn't keep in touch with any of them on a regular basis.

Cheating with an ex is kind of the ultimate betrayal, IMO. You know there are feelings there, somewhere.

lc said...

Yay for you! I am so happy that you have made it work for the kids sake. So many broken up parents use the children as pawns, or weapons in something that has absolutely nothing to do with the poor little babies. I commend you, your ex husband and his wife in putting aside all of ypur differences and garbage and truley making it work for your kids. The kids had no part in the grown up drama and should not be punished for that. I wish there could be a reality show, showing a.family like this, not like.the Adrienne Maloofs trying to stick it to Paul. The kids will grow up happier, well.adjusted and less.cynical.

kelgela said...

Aha no. Not talking to him. Wish we would still be friends because that's basically what we were when we were together.

No current significant other. Other than my fwb that started last night. And he knows my story.

Never will and never want to.

Merlin D. Bear said...

My ex and I broke up 18 years ago, however after about 6 months of not speaking we realized neither of us wanted to give up the friendship - we've been best friends since - actually, we're probably more like brothers now - but sex with him again? No way in Hell.
Those wounds scabbed over and scarred and there ain't no way I'm opening them again.
Through him though, I have an adopted niece (his daughter) and two adorable lights of my life, my adopted grandkids.
So yeah, I'm very happy with how things worked out.
And I love his partner of 6 years, who knows about our peculiar relationship and isn't worried.

lc said...

Well Barton, that is my goal too. I'm clean and sobedr 8 years, working on a great physique, have a very strong and intelligent mind, and I believe I have a fair amount of emotional depth. I am also an only Mom of a daughter and trying very hard to raise her with a strong sense of self, compassion for others and to be a leader and not a follower. I have not been in a serious relationship in a number of years because my daughter is young, and I do not want to make the same mistakes I have I the past. I would like to find a partner that is truly treats me as an equal, that will show my daughter what true love, partership, equality, and loyalty is all about. Haven't found the one yet, but I still believe I can.

JSierra said...

My ex is a filthy bastard who deserves to rot in a vat of hundred year old poop and vomit whilst burning in the extreme heat of the Sahara desert and being forced to eat elephant toenails until his gruesome death. So no, we do not talk.

lyz said...

I have my ex and his parents over to my home every Thanksgiving and Christmas eve. He may not be my husband any longer (thank goodness!), but he's still the father of my kids and his parents (eye roll) are still their grandparents. My husband and his ex are not on good terms, but I refused to play that game. My ex isn't my BFF, but I don't hold any hard feelings towards him. I don't want my kids to grow up with dad-baggage. As such, I've encouraged them to love him and accept him for who he is and as such, they are well-adjusted (for the most part!) and are able to work out the frustrations that come with dealing with their dad. And you know, because of the way I've worked hard at nurturing a friendly relationship with my ex, I know that if I was stranded on the side of the road I could call him and he'd come get me. He would be thrilled about it, but he'd do it....I think.

Barton Fink said...

ls, that's good stuff. I have like 7 years in recovery now, and even when I wasn't sober, I tried to steer clear of the party crowd. I didn't want to end up like Bobby and Whitney! The good thing about being in recovery and being single is that you have roomfuls of people rushing to you to say "Don't rush it! Focus on your health! Etc., etc.!" Plus, a mother and daughter -- that's a bond that is beautiful.

lyz said...

*wouldn't...most definately should have typed Wouldn't...

Audrey said...

I talk to my ex-boyfriends. They are real friends now. My fiance talks to his ex-wife, they are friends as well. We're all adults.

Phillip Themholes said...

Cheating is horrible and for the weakest scumbags out there. That said, if one was going to cheat, it would be stupid to cheat with an ex. What a waste.

Chilie said...

Speaking of the ex... did anyone else watch Sons of Anarchy last night? Opie? I wonder what's going to happen with his kids that he left with his ex.

TV Junkie said...

I get along great with my ex-husband for the sake of the kids. To the point where his brand new wife is incredulous. From the moment I kicked him out, after finding out about some very disturbing issues he has, I have not felt one romantic feeling for him. My current boyfriend knows all about it and is cool with us getting along. He knows it's for the kids' sake (I DO have sole custody but allow him visitation) and knows we're not going to hang out with him or anything like that - unless it's a school function.

bobbi_1025 said...

If I run into one I say hi and stuff like that. But I wouldn't carry on any friendship on a daily basis with them.

I did have one guy who I was really good friends with and we both always liked each other but the timing was never right one of us was always attached. Before my husband and I got back together and married we talked daily. Once I got back with my husband and we moved in together I actually set my friend up with my now sis in law, they dated for a few weeks and it gave him an excuse to talk to me. I only know that cause he called me one day and said he couldn't date her anymore cause he was using her to see me and that it was too hard to see me with someone else. So unfortunately I lost a good friend. Oh and my husband nor sis in law know about it to this day.

Del Riser said...

The father of my child died while we were married, I wish I could talk to him.

I have two exes, I did my time and it is over, so I don't talk to the compulsive lying son of a bitch who almost cost me my sanity, nor do I talk to the mama's boy who couldn't tie his fu**ing bib without my help.

I have the love of my life, I would not jeopardize this relationship for anything or anyone.

katsm0711 said...

I recently got in phone contact with my first bf after 10 years. We caught up, I'm not really interested in anything. He called me a few weeks after to invite me to a Gwar show. I think I gave him 3 seperate excuses by the time we hung up. If I needed a fourth it would have been, I don't go places where I leave covered in fake blood and monster sweat.

Sherry said...

I am still friends with my first ex but have drifted apart since he started a serious relationship a year ago. We do communicate via FB and I see him when I visit NC. Also email his GF too. She's very sweet and I am very happy for him.

Yes, my husband knows and has even hung out with the ex who typically calls us when he is in town.

We go to a Xmas party every year that has his ex in attendance. Her husband and I sit together and my husband and his ex sit together to catch up.

Neither one of us would have sex with an ex. It's over in that dept.

Once you've loved someone you don't stop. Occassional contact with one other ex but most have drifted off...

Maja. With a J. said...

@Chilie - my husband and I both screamed at the TV! I couldn't believe it!

Comma Chaser said...

Absolutely not. My ex was a complete psycho. Stalking, calling up friends to check up on me, asking to use my email passwords, amazon.com account etc. She was the first person I blocked on facebook when I signed up for an account. All the better to protect myself and my now wife/then girlfriend. I've told her only about 10% of the stuff that my ex did to me. She doesn't need to know that kinda stuff - but at the very least I avoid all contact as is possible.


marlolovespaty said...

Yes, I was in a 20-yr relationship with my ex and to this day, are on friendly terms. We're both women and I think it's always different when it's the same sex. When I met my current girlfriend, I made it clear that my ex and I were on friendly terms but that's all it was, friendship. You can't spend 20 years of your life with someone and then just forget about them...I can't anyway. Luckily, my current girlfriend is confident in us, and in me, and trusts me. I've never cheated on my girlfriend with my ex. I don't feel the need to...and if for any reason I wanted to, I'd just break up with her and go back to my ex, but I don't see that happening. I've been very blessed and love my girlfriend.

katsm0711 said...

@marlo please don't get upset at my slight stereotyping. It's a nice one so I don't feel bad about it, but please tell me if you find it to be true. I think I only saw it on maybe a sex and the city ep, not sure, and now u say it. Is it common for lesbians to first, be in long term relationships and then to stay friends after? Again, please don't get mad. The only lesbians I know are on tv and I'm curious if the stereotype (which is a very nice one!) is true.

marlolovespaty said...

@katsm0711, I can't say that it's true for every Lesbian relationship, but the ones I'm aware of, the women do end up staying friends after break-ups. I thought I'd be with my ex forever, but things changed for us. I chose to stay in contact with her because we own a home, and pets together (she kept the cats, I took the dogs!), and my feeling is, "Why hate someone because it didn't work out?" I'm thankful I had 20 years with her, heck, some people don't even get 20 months in a good relationship. So, I chose to take the high road and be thankful for the time we had together, and as I previously stated, we're great friends! I can call and vent about my crazy family or friends, and she knows exactly what I'm talking about.

E Gee Be said...

I have so much respect for divorced couples who manage to stay civil when there are kids involved.
And since I've been with my husband since I was 19, so the ex's I do see are people we both grew up with..

Chilie said...

@ Maja
On Twitter, I'm following Sutter, SoA, Ryan Hurst (Opie) etc. It's been pretty funny today. Lots of twisted humour from the actors and Kurt Sutter.

New Life and Attitude said...

Hmmm I didn't think my ex had been married before. LOL

katsm0711 said...

Thanks @marlo! Of corse I didn't mean EVERY one. U said u owned a home together, isn't "nesting" another common thing? Wait. Why do I think of lesbians as nesting but straight couples shacking up lol? I watch too much tv. Thanks for giving me ur input :)

bobbi_1025 said...

Oh man I haven't finished SOA from last night yet:( I have it paused cause I'm going to church

Chilie said...

@ Bobbi
I think you'll need Church *after* you finish watching this episode...

redronnie said...

no..my ex-husband and former partners are former for good and valid reasons, except for one we had a long relationship that evolved into a deep friendship with no sex, just good conversations and a lot of laughter. But I would not cheat on my husband, too much love and respect..plus he makes the world's finest hummus.

Carrie L. said...

I am friends with all but one ex. My husband not only knows, but most of them were at our wedding. I've never cheated with an ex; they are exes for a reason.

Cornbread said...

I was only in one serious relationship before my hubby (we met when I was 19). I don't talk to my ex, he's in prison for drug trafficking and attempted manslaughter.But that happened after we'd broken up. I was so naive at 17.

Alicia said...

I'm friends with a few of my exes .. I loved them once, why hate on them when the relationship ends? My current bf is amazing and I know he's friends with one of his exes as well. We are both adults.. No problems there ..

And no.. I would never have sex with an ex.. Once I'm done I'm DONE son!!! Besides .. My current sex life is fantastically great.. There's no reason on earth I would mess that up!

Sherry said...

I haven't seen or heard from my ex for over 20 years.

My sister, however is a different story. She talks to at least three of her four ex's on a very regular basis and I know she would still sleep with them after she had moved on to her next victim.

winnyfranfran said...

My husband and I are friendly with the guy I lost my virginity to 30 years ago, but no, I do not talk to anyone more recent. And no, I have never/would never sleep with an ex. Once I am done, I am done.

feraltart said...

I don't talk to any exes, but if my husband & I split I would like us to stay friends. I would prefer we stayed together forever. I have never cheated.

MadLyb said...

Yes - I talk to him since he's my daughter's dad and we were engaged. He married, then told me he was divorcing her and wanted us to get together. I sort of pissed him off by telling him I wouldn't even discuss it or consider it while he was still married. And I'm the godless heathen liberal while he's the born-again Christian Republican. He's divorced now, and we get along really well, but it wouldn't work for the reasons I stated in my last sentence, LOL. He needs a good Christian woman, I suppose.

bobbi_1025 said...

Noooooo!!! Forget church I need therapy:( I seriously cried. Like boo-hoo freaking bawling.

Nranders said...

My ex wife rents a room from me in my house because she is too poor with money to get her rent paid on time to live anywhere else. We also have two kids together that if she didn't live here I doubt she would see very often and a third kid that wasn't mine that I helping to raise to be shown a stable life. I don't date anyone cause no one would understand. She dates frequently and they know. I would not cheat on her if I was with a woman.

Picasso One said...

I found my ex on facebook, had always been curious about what she was doing now after 15 years, turned out she ended up marrying the guy she ran off when she left me, has 2 kids and living in strangely enough in my old hometown. We were both in another city during our relationship and I had long moved out of my childhood hometown where she now lives. Anyhow I talked to her a few times, I eventually married my girlfriend after her, my wife knows I contacted the ex, had no problem with it, well until after 2yrs of her (ex) being facebook friends and then wife finds a new friend who has same first name as my ex and started making jokes about it, so I got the hint and deleted the ex off my facebook, I have no interest in contacting the ex again, I'm sure the feeling is mutual. If I would ever hookup with ex, no f'n way! She's fat and fugly now.

Me said...

OMG, ex-sex with mine; barf! hell no. haven't talked to him except once in the last year, when he randomly called and said his parents got a call claiming one of the kids and i were in a mexican jail. (they were willing to bail her out, but not me.) when i told him to calm down, and that ll the kids were safe and sound upstairs, he started screaming about something else and i hung up.
haven't seen him in a year. hope to never see him again. he's a lying piece of shit.
no current partner, and don't think their will be one. done with that part of my life (sigh of relief).

astrogirl said...

Yes, yes and goodness grief NO. Once they move to the friend status, they are like brothers, total turn off, could never go back.

Me said...

@Nranders, YOU are awesome :)

Chilie said...

@ Bobbi
Yeah... I understand. I cried too. It will be interesting to see what happens with Tig this season.

@ Nranders
I second Me. You are totally awesome.

Char said...

I have many exes and I talk to some of them on occassion. My husband is still friends with his ex-girlfriend, and I am friends with her as well.

Henriette said...

Don't talk to any of my exes 'cause I don't see any reason to. That's an area where my hubs and I are quite similar. We don't go back when we are through.

tamarind said...

no way. there is a reason he's the ex.

Magnus 21 Gunz said...

I'm still friendly with almost all of my exes. My current boyfriend knows this and has no problem with it. I don't hang out with my them tho. Just a hi how are you doing type thing. But that's also because I didn't really have bad break ups so there are no hard feelings on my part.

doctressjulia said...

Nope. They're all trash.