Thursday, January 24, 2013

Greatest Florida Story Ever

For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you know of my obsession for all stories Florida. I am convinced that the craziest stories and crimes occur in Florida. This recent arrest might be the perfect combination of Florida though. It is possible there is nothing that can top this. A couple in Florida came home to find a 21 year old carnival worker (above) sitting on their roof. He was naked. The carny worker dropped down on to the husband from the roof and then went inside their house and started trashing the house. The wife, grabbed a gun and started shooting at the carny worker. She missed and 911 was dialed. The couple waited for the police while the carny worker proceeded to masturbate all over their living room floor and also crapped in two separate places in the home. Oh, and to make things even more fun the guy sucked up the contents of a vacuum. Bath salts?

61 comments:

tamarind said...

woah
that's a lot of carnie

goheels83 said...

Damn carnies

Cathy said...

Great story to post when the east-coasters are eating lunch....

FSP said...

Gotta love Florida.

Supermom said...

I swear not all of us are cray cray down here!

Sherry said...

I hate pikies!

EmEyeKay said...

Uh... um...



Sherry said...

This guy is actually kinda cue though.

dia papaya said...

Florida! The gift the keeps on giving!

Dude is on EVERYTHING! He looks surprisingly normal in this pic. could he have beeb rehearsing his carny act? You know, the masturbating, pooping, rolling around in all if it combo, while dodging bullets! Classy Act!

Now that's gonna a fine sticky mess to clean up. Merry maids anyone?

*karen* said...

You need a crime scene cleaning crew for that.

Alicia said...

No one will ever beat the Florida Walmart booty bandito.

phoenix said...

A carnival worker could be from anywhere. A number of acts winter in Florida rehearsing until spring. Sure sounds like bath salts to me.

LottaColada said...

It must be something in the water. Pretty soon we'll have to cut off ties completely if these Floridians don't start behaving!

dia papaya said...

PS - don't worry Florida. I think Portland will surpass you in the cray cray very soon. You just have better weather. And warehouses full of carnies and bath salts!

Anna Nonymous said...

Bath salts for sure! They should just be glad that he didn't eat their faces or internal organs like most bath salt zombie victims.

FSP said...

I think I missed that one Alicia, care to elaborate?

dia papaya said...

Where are Amy Adams and Emily Blunt when you need some Sunshine Cleaning?!?

Carissa said...

.....The Aristocrats!

KPeony said...

Centuries from now when future archaeologists are digging up our civilization, I hope these are the stories they find. They will think Florida is some kind of heaven we all hope to be part of, and this man is our god. Forget all of our other human achievements because this tops them all.

lc said...

My daughter loves that movie for some reason

Rosemary Young said...

What would make it more Florida would be if the carnie was accompanied on the roof by his salt-sniffin' grandma. Then the homeowners leave their toddler in the car (in 100F weather) while they chase the invaders. The grandma performs a pole dance around their lamp post while the carnie watches through the windows and does his thing inside. Meanwhile, the cops are delayed due to an overturned trailer full of bees on the highway. Just as the residents are about to give up hope, the toddler frees himself from the car, grabs mama's gun, races into the house and takes carnie hostage. The baby is proclaimed a local hero and 30 years later is elected governor of Florida. The end.


@Carissa: touche!

mynerva said...

Nice!!

KPeony said...

@Rosemary

LOL give it time. I'm sure it will happen one day.

Dulcinea said...

I don't like carnies. They have small hands...and smell like cabbage.

dia papaya said...

@Rosemary. That was perfect! And I'm scared it really could happen one day.

BEES! The bee truck story is still a winner!

Renoblondee said...

Well, at least he's got great hair!

JSierra said...

I am snorting because I'm laughing so hard.

I can just imagine this guy acting like George of the Jungle and making monkey noises while doing all of this.

auntliddy said...

Holy shit!'nn ehat homecoming welcome!!! So in a small house she missed with a rifle? Someone needs target practice! Totally bath salts and i think i might move if i were them! After what he did in living room? Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww

Zeeky_Boogy_Doog said...

Too bad Dexter wasn't this couple's interior decorator, would have saved a lot of clean-up!

Carissa - Zing! Well played.

Zeeky_Boogy_Doog said...

Also, I think it's time we send Bugs Bunny in to take care of this mess:

http://gifs.gifbin.com/florida.gif

dia papaya said...

lc - I love that movie too! Your daughter has good taste ;)

Vicki Cupper said...

If you don't talk to your carnies about Florida, who will?

mistang said...

Haha! The comments are crackin me up! Actually that dude looks like there's a hint of crazy behind those eyes.

Diana G said...

I'm laughing my ass off, too - this story is hilarious! Omg!!

Agent**It said...

Sounds like RDJ dropped in.

RocketQueen said...

omg Carissa - THANK YOU. I haven't thought of that for SO long. Perfect, just perfect.

StewMcG said...

Carissa, that was EXACTLY what I was coming in here to post. *rofl*

yodelay said...

WTF?!?!

I read another Florida story yesterday where a mom tied up her 3 week old to a high chair or baby carrier and left it on the kitchen table while she went out to party. The cops found her in her car passed out on the side of the road. :-(

Agent**It said...

There is a news feed that Enty follows. It is published by SunSentinel and is called FloriDUH. I have the pleasure of seeing it Sunday in the old fashioned newspaper but it is also on line. I wish I had thought of it:

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/strange/floriduh-blog/

Sherry said...

LOL Vicki and Rosemary...Bazinga!

Fek said...

I swear the water in Florida must be contaminated

kelly said...

And what crazy president's brother was the governor of Florida?
Just sayin'.

bobbi_1025 said...

This is why I drink bottled water.

And I thought that my best friend coming home to find an escaped mental patient in her tub taking a bubble bath with her kitchen spoons up her hoo-ha was crazy.

JoElla said...

You guys are totally cracking me up!

Since I don't snort bath salts, my mind is having a hard time connecting the dots with his behavior.

Who does the be on the roof nekked, jump on someone's head, masterbating and shitting like yelled at dog who ate salsa?

Oh yes.. it's because I don't snort bath salts. How could I possibly understand?

Agent**It said...

"JustSayin' " that reminds me of an old cdan reader.

__-__=__ said...

Portland has ThePotShot.com

Luxie_poo said...

Seriously...what up Florida? I live in Miami, I have most of my life..AND I live THREE blocks away from the 'face eating incident' this summer. I might have to get a guard dog. It's a beautiful town though & tons o fun. haha.

Agent**It said...

Thank you, Equation. That is hilarious. I think every state probably has one, if not, somebody should get blogging on it:)

Agent**It said...

Luxie_poo, there's a lot of readers from Fl. Broward County, for the moment:)

Della said...

When you gotta go- you've got to go!

Della said...

Note to all of the parents reading: don't let your daughters dress like a hoochie momma when going to the county fair/ carnival. Took my 8 year old last year to the county fair and was blown away by the short shorts and small tops all of the pre-teen / teenagers were wearing. The carnies were drooling at all of the girls and I wanted to protect all of them. It was horrible.

BFSkinnerchick said...

I know, right? I'm a native even. I promise, some of us are normal, law-abiding, non-floor-crapping, non-vacuum-sucking people. Damn.

JSierra said...

WTF Bobbi! Please elaborate, that sounds nuts!

Jenn said...

I blame the heat.

bobbi_1025 said...

JSierra- Ok, so my friend lived a couple miles from the State Hospital. And let me go ahead and say yes, this is in Fl. My friend and her mother come home from school and noticed their gate was open. Didn't think anything of it so they went on in. They could hear the radio that was kept in the bathroom and her mom went to turn it off. Big surprise, an older woman was in their tub taking a bubble bath. So the mom called her mother who used to work at the state to come over and talk to the lady until police got there. Once they were finally able to coax her out of the tub she said "Oh I have something of yours" and reached up in there and pulled out 3 spoons. Needless to say she threw out all utensils and bought new ones.

JSierra said...

Ohhhhhh jeez Bobbi that is a story! They handled it pretty well, I would have freaked out if I found a strange women taking a bubble bath and giving her uterus a good stir. Thank god she was harmless!

PuggleWug said...

She had three spoons in her hoo-ha?! That's impressive!

mistang said...

"... giving her uterus a good stir" Oh my gosh! I am dying over here! Ahahah!

HAILSwebzine said...

Former Florida resident here. I can confirm it is by far the craziest f**king State ever. I remember this horrible incident in which a man murdered his step daughter by tying her up and tossing her to the alligators in the Everglades. Obviously the evidence is disposed of quickly that way... poor baby.

Lelaina Pierce said...

Carnies freak me out as well. Gotta be bath salts...right? I felt a little guilty laughing at this story til I read your comments and this article.

bouncergirl said...

I want a link to his FB page.