Monday, May 06, 2013

Paris Hilton Wants To Procreate Again

At some point, usually towards the end of a relationship, Paris Hilton starts talking about marriage and wanting a family. The next thing you know, whatever guy she is with runs for their lives. I think it has more to do with the thought of what is needed to have a baby with Paris, namely unprotected sex, than staying with her. If a guy manages to make it through the first couple of months with Paris, he can obviously handle her and her needs, and her need for coke and backdoor sex. Oh, can you imagine something with Farrah Abraham and Paris Hilton. Who is trashier? Is it Farrah because she has kids? Anyway, so, this guy Paris has been seeing for awhile is probably going to be running soon.

277 comments:

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a non a miss said...

Do you realize that Seche Vite makes a base coat? I was referring to it when I made my comment. You can tell I was because I said BASE COAT. But don't buy it, it sucks.

J Ruth said...

I get the "joke" and it's not funny. Offensive humor is only funny if it's clever. Also I believe what you are describing is discrimination, not misogyny. What we are talking about here, Connelly scene aside, is a sex act popular mostly (but not exclusively) with lesbians. Do I think it's misogynistic to mention it on every post about certain women who are known for other things? Yup, I do. That's how I feel and I don't think it's an uncalled for false victimization of women as you seem to imply. Also, don't call me a bitch (unless WE'RE in bed and I ask you to.)

J Ruth said...

@Lucus I think it's the fact that it's mentioned every time certain women come up that gets under my skin. None of whom have actually been caught in the act as far as I know. And I can't recall a time it was associated on here with a male celebrity who was addicted to drugs. I don't have a lot of expectations of high level discussion here, but nor do I think it's ok as a regular reader to have to look at it multiple times every day for weeks (months?) Anyway I can't believe I'm arguing about a sex act on here. Lucas, I usually enjoy your comments but I guess we disagree on this one.

libby said...

It's funny, so many who complain about others' comments---ONLY show up to complain about others' comments. I just never see their names unless they're butthurt, NEVER on a 'legitimate' guess or comment of their own. Isn't that funny?

And yet they come to chat about their butthurt over the chat of others.
Just....Odd.

This site was & is perfectly fun, and it's one of your many many internet choices. I stopped reading dlisted comments AGES ago. It happens, blogs change.

AND----Btw jokes die faster if they're not WHINED about every two minutes, every damned day. A pro tip!

Love you all. For serious!

(ass2ass)


mooshki said...

Feraltart, you and many others fall under the "drowned out by all the childish bullshit" category.

(Just poking back in to look something up for someone and didn't want to leave without making that clarification for the good people I will miss.)

Jason Blue Eyes said...

Mookshi and Mrs Cool - don't stop posting. Every comment made here is as important as anybody else's. Sometimes an entire week goes by before anybody responds to anything I post. I just post now because I do really enjoy it, and I'm now used to it after 2 1/2 years. It doesn't bother me if nobody even reads the nonsense I type. It's just fun. I just want you to know that there are people like me that reads EVERY comment, from every reader. There isn't anybody I purposefully ignore. The ass 2 ass and Betch stuff will die down eventually. You just have to let it run it's course.

Unknown said...

What the Fuck - Is ENTY on strike??

Fijigrrl said...

What's going on with enty today? Hope he/she/them are ok!

Mango said...

ATTENTION EVERYONE: Please do NOT use the +1. Mooshki does not like it.

@ Amber: Re the HazMat suit: The only quack stupid enough to go near Paris' cooch was the one who played clown car with OctoMom's womb and I think he lost his license.

surfer said...

Mooshki - you're back! That didn't take long.

nunu said...

Thanks count jerk!

And yessss maybe anna will dress her...mayb this was the evil dash plan all along

Count Jerkula said...

Nope: Males addicts don't double dong each other for drug money. They blow dudes at rest stops or work rub and tug duty for Travolta.

nunu said...

http://www.metmuseum.org/exhibitions/listings/2013/punk/video?utm_source=homepage&utm_medium=banner&utm_campaign=metgala

Mari said...

Would you blame him?
The thought of Paris reproducing could knock out a karate expert with the constitution of Diana Prince.

Ms Cool said...

Hi Sherry and Jason Blue Eyes! I love reading your posts, too!

DewieTheBear said...

@JJ, I kind of agree. It was disheartening to see the conversation here devolve today into discussions of squirting and other various porn topics, complete with site recommendations. I'm not offended by the A2A meme, but I'm hoping it is on the wane.

I avoid the DListed comments for a reason. I hate to see that style seeping in here.

it took forever said...

Enty Enty where art thou?

Izzie said...

@feraltart, I love that word and in this context, it should be split up. We are common taters, didn't you know?

Interplanet Janet said...

Hmmm.... I think Paris broke the site.... ;)

brittiany said...

My husband and I did it. No drugs involved. And yes it is way annoying to see it on every comment over and over. It's really not a big deal people. Get over it.

brittiany said...

Totally agree

MnGddess said...

Enty - you must be so proud of what your site's become..

califblondy said...

Happy Monday everyone! Things get crazy when we're left to our own devices around here. I still don't know what A2A is and what the count said about keep going even if you think you might pee is absolutely correct.

Not A Ninny said...

BTW, speaking as a scholar of Hubert Selby's fiction, he'd be laughing his ass off over this weird debate derived from one of his books.

PM said...

whoa. mooshki has been here from my first day. don't go! the comments on this site get crazy sometimes, but it's (mostly) still the same old cdan.

Jason Blue Eyes said...

I don't read Dlisted comments at all. The only decent commenter there is Parissucks, and she makes her best comments here.

Paris Hilton should walk around with one of those pillows that has her fucking face on it tied around her head. That way she could allow people to punch it and she wouldn't feel a thing. Win-win for everybody.

Thanks, Mrs. Cool. You've been here as long as I have I'm sure.

Jason Blue Eyes said...

The whole A2A thing started regarding a blind we assumed was attributed to Jennifer Connelly. Naturally Requiem For A Dream came up and you can't talk about that movie without mentioning the A2A scene.

JSierra said...

Dafuq is going on in here!?

Count Jerkula said...

@Brittany: WHOA!!!! Was he jerking too, or just trying for the prostate orgasm?

I've never had a prostate massage, but I am intrigued by the idea and the BackPage ads advertising it. Plus they say such things are good for prostate health. Back to the insurance should cover it thoughts.....

Pip said...

J Sierra!? Where the hell have you been? I've missed your comments!

a non a miss said...

+1

But seriously, missed you!

Jason Blue Eyes said...

JSierra..Grrrrrrl....where you been at?

Did you ever pick the BEST day to come back. Awwww yeah.

LottaColada said...

@Jsierra!!!!!

Count Jerkula said...

@JSierra, glad to see you back.

J Ruth said...

Aw, I hope you aren't referring to me because I comment somewhat often and it makes me a little sad they aren't memorable for ya.

JSierra said...

Hey gang! I have missed all of your witty and perverted comments, my new life of big girl jobs and intense work outs is severely in need of some of CDAN entertainment.

Is Enty alive? Arrested? Actually Lilo and cut off from the interwebs in rehab? I sure did pick a crazy day to pop back in. I hope everyone is doing well!

astrogirl said...

And who said Mondays were boring.

Pip said...

Apparently the Enties internet is messed up. Yet he/she/it still tweets and has Facebook updates. So, who knows. Count has kept us busy by teaching us about anal twigs.

LottaColada said...

@JSierra, check your emails....

delete account said...

+10000000! :-D

thanks for cheering me up.

delete account said...

Its even worse on MK. He posted pix of Alanis Morrissette in a bikini. Whatever image that brought to your mind, i can tell you its far worse in reality.

Count Jerkula said...

@Califblondy: Thank you.

Ya see ladies, y'all can say I'm a scumbag, but there is useful info in my posts. Sharing my knowledge and facilitating sexual growth is the least I can do to give back to a community that has given me so much entertainment. Try some of the stuff I talk about. The worst thing that can happen is you like it.

Ivs said...

Wow, I've been so busy at work lately I haven't been able to check in here as much as I'd want to, but what an exciting day, huh guys! Where the hell is Enty?

I'm sure I'm not the only one, but mysteries excite me sooo much. The other day I was out drinking some coffee with a friend, and somebody had locked themselves in the shop's bathroom; they were in there for a good 35 minutes and I went from being annoyed to being really intrigued over who was in there and what was taking them so long! My theory was that either there was a couple in there having sex (which would've been superboring), a girl crying over her break-up (mildly entertaining) or 2 junkies shooting each other up (very Trainspotting). I was literally sitting at the edge of my seat and my friend tried to steer the conversation back to other things not concerning the mysterious bathroom-squatter, but I couldn't stop looking at the locked door to see if someone walked out. I mean 35 minutes, come on?!


Turned out to be a young mother with her newborn: she probably fed him and changed him, lol. Yeah I know; my theories were infinitely more exciting - I'm telling you, I'm still disappointed. Point is, I have now come up with an awesome story as to what happened to Enty, but the truth will probably end up being so much more boring than that. :(

Ivs said...

Oh and @Count Jerkula - you sound like every single guy I've ever dated!

That's could be a compliment, I guess, lol.

Ivs said...

D'oh! *That!

Count Jerkula said...

@Ivs: How's it different from the married guys you've dated?

;)

Ivs said...

Ugh Count, that was soooo bad!


And actually, I've never dated a married man. Would never; I'm one of those who like to go to bed without hating myself. I know they say it's exciting but is it really? How do you keep enjoying it without being consumed by guilt? Wow now I have all these questions and there's probably no one here to answer them :(

85134943 said...

Hairydawg: "Jax said she has big boobs? Did she say how big? What about shape?"

Don't be creepy, dude.

Meanie Rhysie said...

+1 to ass to asssssssssssssss!!! :D

Missed ya, JSierra!!

keeshlo said...

I love the count. That is all.

Sherry said...

Hey JSierra! Nice to see you again.
Ivs I don't see you often but I enjoy your comments as well.

The Count? What can I say, I wish I were as popular as him. But I am allowed to be one of the Jerkuladies and that's good enough for me. (And I understand he's not for everybody's taste. I mean those who actually have taste! LOL)

Night all...Off to make supper (as they say in the south)

Samantha M. said...

@JSierra, you don't even know me and I was worried about you.

@rejectedcarebear - Seche Clear does suck BALLS. Use Zoya Anchor. Shit never chips. Orly Bonder is good as well, but the Zoya is better. Use your Seche Clear over glitters that suck up Seche Vite like a vacuum. Something about the base coat's qualities make a seal over the glitter, keeps the top coat from sinking in and stays smooth. Talk to me about nails. I'm 600 bottles in and not anywhere close to stopping or anywhere close to the worst I know.

For that matter, I'm wearing Man Glaze Fuggen Ugly topped with Ninja Polish Cover Band Sticks and Stones, in honor of May being Borderline Personality Disorder month. Borderlines tend to see things as only black and white, and never gray. The colors represent that.

I guess by the headline that Paris has had an/more than one abortion, or lost a child? Cruelty to animals = cruelty to people.

kelgela2 said...

@Sherry It's ok. I know she's facing an uphill battle. She has a husband and small child....that is not very marketable. But I think she can make it.

@everyone who tells me to rent... I was able to rent 3 books for a total of $150. The other 2 books I had to get at about $150 EACH because they are new and the school bookstore doesn't let us rent new books.

JoElla said...

@ Auntliddy, they also make a base coat.

I really like the Revlon Color Stay top and base coats, and you can usually find them on sale, or my favorite is Gellous that you buy at Sally's beauty.

StewMcG said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
StewMcG said...

Everyone talking about their college textbooks is making me freak out. My oldest daughter is graduating high school in a month and we started her college registration today. I thought that was bad. $150+ each for textbooks?!? Oy.

JoElla said...

You and me both StewMcG.. my son graduates in a few weeks..Lordy!

Since we are talking nail polish.. I threw on a single coat of Milani's new quick dry, in Hot Pink Frenzy, dried quickly for a quick dry, opaque in one coat and a fun spring/summer color.

Anonymous said...

I just hope he didn*t overdose on bacon

Gayeld said...

I now have one chartreuse hand and one violently purple/sparkly one. One three-year old approves.

Gayeld said...

Why is Paris still on top?

Manda_kitty said...

Definitely rent. Chegg.com

Count Jerkula said...

@Ivs: I couldn't help it. I watch too many Marx Bros movies to not channel Groucho when an opportunity presents itself.

@Sherry: LOL. I may have some flavor, but certainly can't claim to have taste.

@Keeshlo: Thanks. I Luv U 2.

Sherry said...

Count, you're on my time zone AND in my area. Putting it out..Meet for a drink some day?

HowToMakeMeSmile said...

Two things

1. I Check the site 12 hours later and this bitch is still on top???

2. If you have to buy books buy them on amazon (or rent) and sell thru amazon. I made $800 in the last 2 weeks selling books. Booyah

Jules_345 said...

My oldest is graduating this month and I am beyond stressed about the cost, thanks for the tips HowToMakeMeSmile.

And the comments about the quality of the comments/posters always make me laugh. Internet forums are always cliquish and annoying when it's not your group making all the noise. I am just irritated that my job won't allow me to join in very frequently so no one has a clue who I am.

Topper Madison said...

Good lord, this is the most inane 270+ post thread I've ever wasted my time skimming through. Nail polish, textbooks, and porn? Heading off to somewhere else until Enty returns...

Burn Book said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Silly Girl said...

Wow, I picked the wrong day to be sick!! I totally missed this with you guys yesterday!!
Too many comments on what you all have been talking about, my coffee got cold while I was reading them!! I missed an awesome conversation!
J Sierra, welcome back! To all the others who said they were going to leave: DON'T!!
This is my one vice, PLEASE don't leave! I love all the witty banter and the differing opinions. I love reading about what everyone is doing, their real thoughts on things and the snarky comments.
I was hoping Hmmmm would come out, but at least B Profane and Count Jerkula were here too! AWESOME.
Where the hell is Enty?! What else did I miss yesterday?!?!

Karrots said...

I thought I chimed in on the nail polish yesterday but I guess not - my current obsession is doing a base of matte nail polish and using a similar color gloss to make a french tip. It is subtle and fun, I saw it done with black on black and tried it with red on red, turned out really cool.

AKM said...

Yes yes, rent from Chegg. My textbooks were stolen recently and I'd rented from three companies. One is still making me BUY the book and one charged me a few bucks. Chegg forgave the whole thing, and a customer service rep wrote me back within an hour. They didn't even need a police report or anything. That's good people right there, so rent from them! :-)

babo said...

@Mooshki: I hope you ll stay on the site.

As for other commenters ... some are posting every day, several times on each thread. Therefore, it s inevitable that "private jokes", drivel and a feeling of overwhelmness for non-frequent posters ensue (I tried to write this earlier but I think my iPad ate it)

kelgela2 said...

Unfortunately for me, I have to use the financial aid money, so i have to get it from the school bookstore. I was able to use $100 to rent the books from chegg tht I could.

Good luck to your kids about to start college!

megan00m said...

Lol. That name kilked me!

Anonymous said...

@kelgela - how is your financial aid dispersed? it ALWAYS came as a check or direct deposit to me personally once my tuition was paid. You shouldn't be bound to buy from your school bookstore. I rarely have, and 9 times out of 10 you can get by with the previous edition of a textbook which will save you a ton of money. Most of my professors actually recommend that, knowing what kind of a rip off the bookstore can be.

Cathy said...

I'm late to the party for the textbook discussion, but always check bigwords.com for textbooks. That site searches the web for the best prices on textbooks (new, used, international editions all included). I'm in no way affiliated with them, but it has saved me TONS of money over the years. You can even enter all your books at once and it calculates the best combinations, taking shipping into account.

kelgela2 said...

@juicy Our financial aid used to be given to us within a week of classes starting, so we were able to get our books like that. Unfortunately, certain people took advantage of that and appplied for classes, got the money, and then dropped the classes and kept the money. So now, we have up to $800 available each for fall and winter semester at the bookstore, and $600 for summer. Any money left over after tuition and the bookstore charges, 1/2 is given 30 days after the semester starts AND the professors mark you present for every day and then the other 1/2 is given about 30 days after that with the same requirements.

AKM said...

Wow, kelgela. That bites. I was going to say exactly what juicy said: tuition/fees here at my school are paid, and then we get a refund to buy books as we see fit. That's for grad school, though; undergrads pay a fee for books, and then pick up whatever is issued. I'm sorry you can't take advantage of online renting! :-(

Let me say again to anyone out there who rents books: Chegg gave me very kind and very quick customer service when my book was stolen! I'm a fan forever (or at least this last year of grad school, ha ha).

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