Monday, August 19, 2013

Blind Item #4

This A list mostly movie actor from a huge franchise, and I mean huge, backhanded his wife over the weekend. She said something to him which no one quite heard, but everyone saw the backhand to the face. They did leave together a short time later.

84 comments:

kpickle said...

Stallone?

VanVan said...

Please don't let it be Matty Damon...I've heard rumors before :(

FSP said...

R
D
J

Kristin said...

RDJ or Thor

Its just U said...

The word huge makes me think Hugh Jackman but I would never believe he would do that.

Tamarah Rockwood said...

Pierce Brosnan was Bond, and he's in the DM this morning. That would be weird though.

dee123 said...

The Hugest franchise is Bond. James Bond.

Tru Leigh said...

Huggest?

jane3113 said...

I don't want this to be Christian Bale.

Ivana Hump said...

Whoever it is, tell me where to meet you. Try and backhand me, bitch.

Whoever the wife is, he's going to kill you.

Murphy said...

I don't think its Pierce Brosnan, his wife could backhand him right back and break his jaw.

And I mean that in the sweetest way possible.

Ivana Hump said...

Ooh huge as in big steroided dudes in the expendables. I like it.

Ivana Hump said...

Mark ruffalo from avengers

Count Jerkula said...

A woman's mute button is someplace between the hinge of the jaw and her ear and located below the surface so a requisite amount of force is needed to find it.

Renoblondee said...

Someone in The Avengers.

ethorne said...

A guy's mute buttons dangle between his legs.

nevermindthat said...

I want to agree with FSP and say Iron Man himself RDJ because IM3 was out this year and it was a billion dollars worth of huge. Wolverine didn't fare so well.

But I don't see RDJ hitting Susan; I think she can take him. Plus he was known as a lot of things but being abusive towards women wasn't one of them. Enty also referes to him as A+

bbhood said...

How about Rachel Weis and Daniel Craig?

MISCH said...

In public ? Geez what does he do in private ?

Lynne said...

Jerk,

I bet you did a lot of R&D to find that "mute" button. I have lost all respect for you. You are a pig.

Vera L- said...

Sean Connery

Count Jerkula said...

@ethorne: Tru Dat!

Nope said...

Now Count, this is making me rethink our meet up. Nothing less sexy than a guy who hits when it's not specifically requested.

mama said said...

CJ..way to instigate some shit!...is it possible you are a woman because I dont know a lot of guys who live to stir it up like this...

Barton Fink said...

The fake history series comes to mind, making me think this is Cage.

ethorne said...

Holy shit people actually take the Count seriously? Mind blown!

sandybrook said...

Harrison Ford

msgirl said...

Unfortunately I agree with Sean Connery. He's supposed to be a real dick.

Count Jerkula said...

@mama said: ;) I definitely got junk.

@Nope: Come on, Snookums. If you can hold your liquor, I'm sure we'll have no problem :D

Besides, I'm going to figure you are just teasing me until my inbox has an email from you. Its cool, I can play along with a tease, but it would probably only take 3-5 emails back and forth for you to stop hemming and hawing and make up your mind.

Count Jerkula said...

@ethorne: LOL! +1

Count Jerkula said...

And Lynne, yes, I am a pig. That is kinda the entire schtick.

surfer said...

Sean Connery has admitted smacking his wife around, so I don't think this is him. I do think it's Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz.

Seven of Eleven said...

Wouldn't be the first time Connery has hit a woman. Ass.

mama said said...

Count = FFF???

Orvilla Bedinbacher said...

Bale or Craig. Bale is my first bet

di butler said...

Pierce is one of the nicest guys, ever. He also dotes on Kelly. Def no.

Nope said...

@Count, 1) of course I can't hold my liquor. What would be the fun in that? 2) I interpret that email comment to mean I get dick pics, so I will be setting up that email shortly. 3) I won't deny a little hemming and hawing but can you blame me? Can't deny you're intriguing but can't deny you're also a little nuts.

Count Jerkula said...

@Nope: I don't send dick pics and we are all a little nuts.

The Real Dragon said...

@Ivana Not mark Ruffalo. Didn't his wife had cancer. The quite ones are always scary tho.

I think its someone from the Avengers too.

Chris Hemsworh Maybe too.

Nope said...

Fair enough. Disappointing about the pics but I just set up my email address so YOU can reach out to me if you like.

BigsPigs said...

Christian Bale

Shit You Can't Buy said...

Daniel Craig seems like a cunt. So him.

Tamarah Rockwood said...

I will defend Daniel Craig until the end of time. Not him.

Dasha said...

Bale. We've all heard about his explosive temper.

Candyland said...

I immediately thought Daniel Craig & Bond being huge franchise.

Also @allofyou one of the most humorous chains in a while. Thx!

Iceberg said...

Count, that isn't "schtick," that is hate speech. You can try to justify it with that pathetic "it's just a joke" rationalization all you like, but, to use imagery you'll appreciate, you are a massive boil on the butt of humanity.

Jacq said...

+1

FrenchGirl said...

Who is in a huge franchise and in DM today? Craig,RDJ or Bale are A+ list

FrenchGirl said...

Matt Damon was in DM today with his wife and kids to go Ben Affleck's birthday even if it doesn't fit

Count Jerkula said...

@Iceberg: What is hateful about it? If I hated a woman, I would just let her keep yappin and embarrass herself.

By utilizing the backhand and triggering the mute button reflex, it demonstrates that I care and want what's best for a lady when she can't figure such things out for herself. Certainly you know how dingy broads can be.

If there was hate involved, then a clenched fist would be in order. In that case, the mute button would be located somewhere around the solar plexus, as to not leave a visible mark.

scratchy kitty said...

Huggiest. James Bond is the huggiest franchise of all, lol. :-)

Lynne said...

"Schtick" is not an excuse, Count. You crossed a line.

JSierra said...

There must be a bunch of newbies around if we are getting Count outrage again. Oh the horrors of online comments!

JSierra said...

You must be a riot at parties

NaughtyNurse said...

Sean Connery, because he has spoken publicly about smacking his wife around.

Count Jerkula said...

@JSierra: It is getting so hard for me to drum up any outrage nowadays. Even this stuff, it is anger, but not true bile.

M. Brown said...

Bruce Willis.


But the Craig guess is interesting because wasn't there a blind revealed about her publicly calling him stupid?

Terrier Pines said...

I can see Bruce doing this. Much as I loved him for years, douche seems to be his MO of late.

Nellie said...

What?

Jenn said...

What about Harrison Ford, he was in Star Wars and Indiana Jones, both big franchises.

trainrides said...

@J Sierra Looks like some people skipped the chapters about the Count on the CDAN handbook.
@Count Do you know how much Enty loves you for the traffic you're generating? At the rate you're running (your celebrityhood), Enty is gonna feature you on a Four For Friday.

Cee Kay said...

Lynne & Iceberg - Count is beloved around here. He is a pig who speaks great truths. You are welcome to leave and never come back if you find him so offensive. (And OMG, have you never heard of a JOKE??? Uptight, much?) The rest of us find him to be quite charming...

Leo said...

I wonder what the wiFe said that noone heard. Maybes something about the fact that he slaps like a pussy. What dumbass stays with someone that hits them. Its insane. And yes, I've been in a situation like that.

Count Jerkula said...

@TrainRides: I once said I'd amp up my posting for a hooker a month, but they never hit me with a counter offer. I'm not even picky, they could get a volunteer or PayPal me $250. That is like 1/4 of the weekly income from a single ad on here. Maybe I need to go on strike.

Also, how about the loss of productivity I cause when chicks reading at work gotta take a bathroom break for a #3, so they can get back to concentrating. To me that is worth more than clicks, not as much as hookers though.

It is possible I'll settle cheap and do a week or 2 of high impact shit stirring if Fugazi Enty would do a Your Turn asking all you broads yer heights, so I could just type up a list and stop having to ask.

@Cee Kay: Thank you, Sweetie. I appreciate the kind words. If you were here I'd give ya a big hug. As a display of my genuine gratitude, I wouldn't even get gropey with it.

Iceberg said...

@Cee Kay "The rest of us?" So you speak for all of the readers except for us two? I guess you must be one of the Entys if you know how every other reader feels about it.

Count Jerkula said...

@Iceberg: Does that mean readers complain to Fugazi Enty about me, like via email? I haven't thought of that.

God, I would probably cum on the 3rd pump reading them emails. And what a "go fuck yourself" for such emails to fall on deaf ears.

Snootches said...

Ahhh it's not bc he was with me last weekend, or something... It's not him!!!

marie-ski said...

Yeah it's all a fucking joke untill some dude does that shit to you.
Ever been in jail for stabbing some dude with a broken glass because he snatched you up by
the back of the neck? You holier then thou fucks don't like it when children get exploited or
some stupid fuck says nigger, but this shit is just a joke? This is hate speech you stupid cunts!

Alexa Freya said...

Orlando Bloom.

PR Princess said...

@trainrides

Sorry but you are sorely mistaken if you think the Count generates responses, web clicks, or whatever. In fact...the count probably is employed by "Enty" to drum up controversy.

PR is my job so I can smell some BS a mile away. Wake up peeps.

Count Jerkula said...

PR Princess and Red Scare should hang out, smartest people in the room. LOL!

JSierra said...

And what exactly do you call that little rant? Its the fucking internet, s skip over what you don't like

trainrides said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
trainrides said...

@PR Princess If I am mistaken because I think that the Count generates responses, then why did you respond to my comment re: the Count? You just proved my point.

And if he is employed by Enty to drum up controversy, then, yes, that means the Count's job is to increase the number of clicks. And the way things are, whether or not he's connected to Enty, he is actually helping the numbers.

I'm not good in math but I do get this is a numbers game.

babo said...

Lynn has principles and she stands by them. My support to her.

The 'cool kids' (only able to get the 'double entendre' because the written words on the screen have spoken the real truth of the Jerkula inner soul to them only) may return plotting at the delusional daycare center.

The 'cool kids' are just a bunch of poseurs who don t know better than any other whether the Count is a decent dude. They just pretend it s all for fun because risqué is so in and it makes them so 'cool'.
Reminding them of his aggressive stances at women is just spoiling their fun.

As long it s not targeted at them. If you have been victim of domestic violence, sexual agression, sexual manipulation and all over jerkery from a man, some of Count s posts must have made you remember of these happy times.

Count Jerkula said...

Oh yes, Babo, only my posts remind them of such things, not the blinds and posts about wife beating, emotional abuse, and the like. I came into a garden seeded with nothing but kittens, rainbows and unicorns and brought a dark cloud upon it.

Do you read the friggin stories on this site, or just look through the comments for something I wrote to bitch about? Maybe try turning the computer off and twisting yer tits if you need to feel anger and adrenaline.

What ever yer purpose is, I'm glad it is cheap to rent space in yer head.

babo said...

What makes my blood boil is not as much your trolling and objectification of women (you re not the only one ...) but that you re given a pass anyway by other women because you re sometimes witty or make their loins tingle.

If I have to weigh the pros and the cons for myself, sisters, I just don t get it.

Count Jerkula said...

Some broads gotta wacked sense of humor, so what.

It really shouldn't upset you so much that you don't understand. They are the way they are and you are the way you are.

It is a very narrowed minded view to think "We have vaginas, so we should think the same way and get offended at the same stuff." If everyone thought the same way life would suck.

babo said...

Count, you know it s not quite about personal preferences between spanking and/or cuddling.

Misogyny, sexual objectification and domestic violence go a bit beyond than that in my book and I won t budge from it.

Which brings us to this diverse reality : you make use of your freedom of expression, I make use of mine...

Count Jerkula said...

How about if I am out at a bar and smack a broad I don't know, for saying something stupid. Nothing domestic about that, would it be OK?

Jeri said...

I don't think everyone has to agree and/or like the same people. What offends some people others enjoy.

Seems kind of extreme to tell someone they are welcome to leave & never come back. Did Enty make you guardian of the comment section or something?

Chill, no need to get all up on someone. Ignore the person if you disagree. It's not a club where you have to swear to believe/adhere to all the same things.

ethorne said...

Godammit why do people want to ruin my illusion that Count Pissuoffula is a special misunderstood snowflake that just needs a good woman to set him straight!!!! He is an emo nurturer begging for us all to save him!!!

Or he's just Rach...like I heard

Count Jerkula said...

I aint even looking for a woman to set me straight, just take the edge off. Nothing will soften a man like the sweet loving touch of a woman. If she could cook, clean or do laundry, any of them would be a plus. Last one not only didn't do any of that (well, she did HER OWN laundry) AND she wouldn't gimme a BJ reward fer doin it all, PLUS my work and gettin the kid to bed. I'm so bad cause an evil one of y'alls broke me.

GMonkey said...

I think Count Jerkula is actually a woman with a large vagina.