Saturday, September 21, 2013

Blind Items Revealed

June 23, 2013

This spectacular a-hole of a celebrity who should be permanently banned to the F list was at a party last week and said that the worst celebrity sex he ever had was with this former almost A list mostly movie actress who now spends more time in trouble than on film sets. He said that all she wanted was his coke and when he tried to collect she actually asked if she could text while he was having sex with her.

Joe Francis/Lindsay Lohan

43 comments:

JSierra said...

There's a nice visual first thing in the morning

dee said...

Almost A List? What did he say in response though?

Count Jerkula said...

Ha! You can say she doesn't care about him enough to pay attention during the sex, but the reality is she doesn't care enough about herself to pay attention to who is filling her full of man spackle.

Count Jerkula said...

@dee: I figured he said, "OK, doggy will work."

Meanie Rhysie said...

Can't say I blame her: he's grotesque! I say, good for her!

Unknown said...

This is sad from every angle both literally and figuratively.

Its just U said...

Who is Joe Francis?

This makes me feel really sad for Lindsay. That must be a horrible way to live.

OneEyeCharlie said...

Who doesn't multi-task during sex??? That's why I like it in the kitchen. I can blanch my Brussel sprouts before sauteing them with onions and pancetta. Ahhhh love.

WareCat said...

barf!
i don't even wanna imagine the smells that filled that room.

Del Riser said...

They are both scaberous wounds on society. These two and others like them should only pester and infest each other and leave the rest alone.

FrenchGirl said...

poor guy !
he's ugly,he's as interesting as some Brussel sprouts and even Lindsay think it

and i forgot he's guilty of sexual assaults (i think)

dee said...

Hahaha, thanks @count/oneeyecharlie.now going to bleach my minds' eye.

Count Jerkula said...

@its just U: Joe Francis is the Girls Gone Wild guy.

In case any one is having a hard time visualizing: Not Safe For Work

Blondie! said...

I just fell in love with the phrase, "man spackle."

Blondie! said...

I just fell in love with the phrase, "man spackle."

Seven of Eleven said...

The funny part is her asking if she could text. Just do it, girlfriend. Text 'girls don't go wild over this package, must be the coke.' Snap a pic of his o face and instagram it. Tweet about his performance. You know you want to!

SyDy said...

@CountJerkula: Aieee! My eyeballs just cringed! Is she texting, "Not much, just hanging out w/ the Ass Whisperer"?
Joe Francis was startled that Lindsay Lohan was only w/ him for his drugs? Who would ever have anything to do w/ the likes of him if they *didn't* have ulterior motives? Does he think he's a big dreamboat or something?

Meanie Rhysie said...

+1 7 of 11!

Just do it! LOL

Meanie Rhysie said...

@Blondie: 'man spackle' had me thinking it would harden up inside...not so appealing. LOL

Count Jerkula said...

@SyDy: "Ass Whisperer", I think I need that on a business card.

Total Snark said...

I cannot think of two people who deserve each other more.

HannahBanana said...

LOL 7!!!! Now I can't stop remembering the scene from Mallrats w/ Ben Affleck saying, "Call me daddy, call me....whi's your favorite New Kid??" lmao!!!

MISCH said...

For Lindsay it's the drugs and the money....the sex is just a means to get it

ladybaus said...

joe francis is an asshole but i would hardly describe him as ugly. besides everyone knows linds prefers the ladies and only has sex with men for other benefits

Jacq said...

So the coke-monster isn't a cock-monster. Dually noted.

Alexa Rose said...

Guess he wasn't very exciting in bed. If a man is good in bed, a woman will stop whatever she's doing. Texting would be the last thing on her mind.

A. C. said...

Count Jerkula , that comment ahh ass whisperer on a card statement has me cracking up!!!!!!!!!!

kim said...

My first thought was that they deserve each other.

SophiaB said...

Do not Google that piece of slime. It is bad enough he talked about this. You do not wanna know.

CJ said...

Ur sad that she whored herself out for some coke to the guy who makes millions off getting girls to show their boobz on camera? U do know she had a choice in the matter.

Zeeky_Boogy_Doog said...

"Ass Whisperer" sounds like the name of the next Terrance and Phillip movie!

Unknown said...

can you blame the girl? that guy is a douche and a half, she is saving her supply of feigned interest for the men that actually pay her cash. She cant be wasting her precious energy on someone that only has blow

Flora Goforth said...

Like anyone would have sex with him for anything other than coke. She just didn't bother to hide it.

Count Jerkula said...

@ Angela C: I'm semi serious. I've been considweing launching Butt For The Bible . Org. An online resource for anal only virgins. Then if thr response is there, full day seminars and possibly an advanced class or 2 later on, for interested parties.

Hootspa said...

Was not happy to see via the reality show that Melissa and Joan Rivers consider Joe Francis a friend. I'd like to think they'd be more discriminating.

Count Jerkula said...

If I ever get my Bible Butts seminar going to educate anal only virgins, it will be my tag line on my card. I figure to start off with a .org, and move forward with full day seminars if I get a decent response. Advanced lessons available for intersted parties of course. I have an outline of seminar sessions somewhere on the net.

MadLyb said...

Sounds like HE was the worst sex she'd ever had.

MadLyb said...

Put a sock in it, Count. I'm sure you have stories about even that, but STFU.

Whaddya mean "We?" said...

He still went through with it, yet HE'S disparaging HER. Okay, Big Guy.

Count Jerkula said...

MadLyb: Just for you, I'm going to scour the internets to find my full pitch.

Count Jerkula said...

Sorry about the double post up there, I though my cellphone ate the first one.

This is by request for MadLyb. I hope she enjoys it:

The world of Anal Only Virgins is rapidly expanding. But these innocent youngsters are ill prepared for anal sex, which can cause physical and emotional damage if not properly administered. That is why I am seeking backers to launch the first Jesus based buttsecks seminar for teens, so young girls won’t have to worry about their boyfriends shtupping the Christless whore down the street.

Here at the Making Love Without Making Babies Resource Center, we will teach Anal Only Virgins how to demonstrate love through the buttocks, while saving their heart and vagina for Jesus. Any virgin above the age of consent in her state is eligible to attend the full day seminar. We will need a volunteer or 2 per session. Each volunteer will be given a modest discount on the seminar fee. Just fill out the Voluteer Section on the application, and submit face and body photos. Also, everyone attending will be given gift bags containing some items that will be useful in your pursuits.

There will be a short intro “Why Save the Holy Hole”, 2 morning sessions, “Your Anus and You” and “Analingus: The Benefits of Licking It Before Sticking It”; followed by lunch, and 2 afternoon sessions, “Butt Plugs, Dildos & Lube, OH MY!” and “The Dirty Deed in the Dirty Place.”

If that isn’t enough for you, then AOVs seeking a private, advanced class should inquire in person with the Seminar Leader following completion of the day’s event.

We will be booking hotel conference rooms once our market research determines the areas of most interest.

If you can’t save your vagina for Jesus, why should he save your soul?

Barton Fink said...

I don't know if I've shared this on this board, but a friend of mine who attends a certain apocalyptic American faith (they have their own "bible") was taught in church that only penis-in-vagina activity was "sex," so when her son had anal with someone in the local "ward," she wasn't able to be angry with him.

Anonymous said...

Ha ha One Eye: you must be a female? My hubby can only do one thing at a time. Like sex. All the blood rushes from the brain.

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