Thursday, December 12, 2013

Today's Blind Items- The Ultimate Drunk Female Celebrity

This actress has been in this spot before, many times before, but it is time to unveil her on January 1 and have her stop clogging up the blinds with her presence. What you see below is not anything I have written about her previously but is all brand new and when she is revealed she will be the namesake of a prize I intend to bestow on all female drunk celebrities. I think we can agree that Kiefer Sutherland wins the prize for ultimate male drunk celebrity.

Our actress is an Academy Award winner. Plain and simple she has that going for her and she won't ever let you forget it. First thing out of her mouth is that she is a winner. Like someone is going to take it away from her. If you are ever unfortunate enough to cross our actress and are not sharing a drink with her you will probably be subject to curses and why you are in her way or blocking her light or doing something, anything to tick her off. If you are drinking with her then she will be your friend until she crosses an unseen line and turns into the quintessential meanest drunk alive. Our actress is not a friendly drunk. She is a friendly tipsy but that goes quickly. Our actress is fond of carrying a flask. Small enough to fit into the tiniest of clutches or in the palm of her hand it requires a deft touch to fill it. A request often heard by our actress during one of her noon bar runs is whether the bartender has a funnel. If the answer is a no, then our actress spends the next fifteen minutes slowly pouring her favorite top shelf tequila into the flask to get her through the next hour or two away from a bar or a bottle. The concentration she achieves while doing this would make an Olympian proud. The fact that she can stop for a minute to take a call and go off on someone on the other end of the phone using words you weren't sure even existed except in some ultimate curse word universe and then hang up and continue pouring again without missing a drop. If she does happen to miss a drop she will be found with her head on the bar lapping it up.

If you think our actress is a joy to see after hours, just imagine what it is like to work with her. Our actress rarely comes fully prepared for the day and woe is the director who decides to shoot something not on the original call sheet. Our actress likes perfection for herself. She doesn't really care about the performances of others, it is all about herself. Prior to shooting her most recent movie, the director and producer were warned that life would be hell on earth if they hired the actress. Each said that they could handle her and that she was worth the chance. Two days into filming they were regretting their decision and two weeks into filming they were regretting getting into the film business. Here is the favorite trick of our actress on set. She films a scene with someone and doesn't like her portion of it. Not the director not liking it, her not liking it. When another character starts speaking she will start talking over them and put her face right in the middle of the camera and start saying f**k repeatedly to ruin any chance the shot can be used and she can start from the beginning. This is a regular occurrence on set but she is very good at using different words and gestures throughout the day just to keep things fresh.

After lunch is not the best time to work with our actress because she likes to imbibe during the lunch break. The best time to work with our actress is between 10am and noon. The rest is all going to be hit or miss. The last director who worked with her called her the most vile person to work with ever. She seemed so sweet when she used to be on television back in the day.


135 comments:

LottaColada said...

You leave Kiefer Sutherland alone!

Im just sayin said...

Sounds like a great gal...I'm at a loss though. I'm no good at these things!

Derek Harvey said...

Marisa Tomei---was on the cosby show

Susan said...

Marisa Tomei.

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

I was going to say Melanie, but I don't think she's been working.

Murphy said...

After reading the first paragraph I want to say Susan Sarandon based on the people.com article up right now. But I'll go back and read the rest.

MontanaMarriott said...

Until the tv line I could have sworn this was Faye Dunaway

tennis peach said...

Helen Hunt

tennis peach said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Simon said...

Until TV line I was going to say Reese!

msgirl said...

Marisa was on the Cosby show? I had no idea! I met her when she was first starting, I worked at Miramax and they were making their first film, Playing For Keeps. She was very funny, down to earth and sweet.

Yes, Kiefer is a funny and amiable drunk. I think he even learned his lesson and doesn't drive when drinking.

Himmmm said...

Marisa indeed.
Been there, done that.
Now I hide from her.

Kloie said...

I was also going to say Reese. She did some TV, but it was not much.

Mr.Cannon said...

I read this as Melissa Leo the entire time. She's so brass and always has looked a little rough. That role she had in the Fighter was a natural fit for her, LOL.

Plus, she was on Homicide: Life on the Street for like 3-4 years, right?

Kristin said...

I'm with Mr Cannon.

sandybrook said...

I'm going to say Julia Roberts she started on Tv before Mystic Pizza.

sandybrook said...

Hi Mr. Himmm! Hows the back ended percentages going from Iron Man?

Susan M said...

Himmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ParkerNosey said...

Is Demi too obvious?

chopchop said...

Marisa Tomei

Sherry said...

Until TV I was gonna say Julia or Meryl. But I think directors love working with Meryl.

I know Marisa Tomei was once labeled Tomei poisoning but I thought she cleaned up her act after she stopped getting work. Just looked at her IMDB and she's been steady but not a lot of things each year.

Dolphy said...

+1 @Mr. Cannon and @Kristin---Melissa Leo was in Olympus Has Fallen (e.g. "...make an Olympian proud.").

PugsterMom said...

Oh please don't be Helen Hunt! I love her. BTW Montana, Faye was briefly on TV in a comedy with Robert Urich. I was in the audience at the taping of the pilot.

fancyscreenname said...

There are no drunks.....only enthusiastic cocktailers.

You are welcome Enty.

Derek Harvey said...

its 100% Marissa ---go on her IMDB page under discussions and there is a crew member bitching about working with her

Tara said...

I thought Enty liked Tomei?

Jessi said...

People, this is totally Marisa Tomei. This is why she then goes to the mall and cries for 20 minutes on a bench!!!!! I told you this last week! : )

Johnny said...

Himmm is like Santa Claus. We know he isn't real but we cling to the idea anyways.

Brenda L said...

Himmm is like Santa Claus. If you don't believe, you don't receive!

TalksTooMuch said...

She was amazing in The Wrestler, so if she can do that good while sloshed, imagine what her sober would do.

Shane Robichaux said...

other academy award winning actresses that started out on tv-Sally Field, Helen Hunt, Hillary Swank and Jennifer Hudson

PugsterMom said...

I'm voting for Susan Sarandon. She was in TV way way back on a soap opera Search for Tomorrow.

FSP said...

R
D
J

Johnny said...

I'd rather not receive anything from some stranger on the internet who pretends to be relevant.

Simon said...

Marissa was on season 1 of a different world

Sherry said...

@Jessi: What? You saw Marisa crying on a bench at the mall?

Derek Harvey said...

@Johhny
define IRONY

skimpymist said...

Duh

Jennifer H. said...

I don't think this is Marisa. She's a good actress, and attractive, but there isn't anything so outstanding or special about her that a director would think she was "worth the chance."

I am drawing a blank.

Johnny said...

who is this Johhny character you speak of?

Flora Goforth said...

Julia has some TV credits in the 80s.

Sarah said...

I know it doesn't fit but I still envisioned this as Sean Young, licking tequila off the bar in a fur coat.

Bebedog said...

Goopy!!! I kid, I kid. I'm thinking either Marisa Tomei or Melissa Leo.

texas rose said...

I must respectfully disagree Mr. Cannon - Melissa is neither popular or in demand enough to warrant anyone having to hire her if she had a reputation as difficult.

MISCH said...

Don't dismiss Reese

AndrewBW said...

I hope it isn't Marissa. I think she's gorgeous. I know she has a reputation as a bit of a lush, but I've never heard anything about her being a mean drunk.

And IMDB doesn't list Cosby as one of her credits.

Count Jerkula said...

Reese Witherspoon.

DelC Transit said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Snit said...

mary tyler moore? or is that just too far out of left field. hmmm.. sally field? cyball shepherd..well, i dont think anyone ever called her sweet.

Cornbread said...

I'm reading this as Meryl. I love her, but can totally see this happening. She'd be worth the risk, too.

She's done a fair amount of TV.

DelC Transit said...

MT was in a Different World, which was a Cosby spinoff.

crila16 said...

Hi Himmmm...welcome back.

Yes...I like the Marisa Tomei guess. I've heard she has a drinking problem...yet seems so super sweet. Didn't she just get engaged too? It's amazing what people will put up with.

Mr.Cannon said...

Just checked IMDB... RDJ just finished a movie with Melissa Leo. Interesting..

Ms Cool said...

True story, I was hushed by Bill Cosby.

Ms Cool said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jimmyPx said...

Also if Himmm is really RDJ in real life, RDJ and Marisa Tomei starred together in Chaplin years ago.

Princess Nobody said...

Catherine Zeta-Jones

TalksTooMuch said...

I loved Mystic Pizza! You're a new favourite, Uncle Sandybrook!

crila16 said...

@jimmyPX...They were also in "Only You" together. Love that movie. I actually have the framed poster.

TalksTooMuch said...

Please tell me you are quoting Reality Bites, Derek

TalksTooMuch said...

WhadyouDO, Ms. COOL??

Jessi said...

@sherry in my minds eye I saw Marisa crying on a bench. It was from a blind last week. She was my guess.

V said...

I like this guess @Princess! People forget CZJ started off on TV.

Derek Harvey said...

@TTM haha I think indirectly...knew I didn't come up with that one on my own but forgot the source...saw that movie a while ago as well! but just saying that you can choose to trust or not trust peoples stories over the net and if your not trusting whats the point of wasting time here? I don't always believe everything but you catch my drift. This Johnny character did respond with whit though so I will trust him....for now....

aliciabutterfly said...

I read it as Reese. I know she has a mouth like a truck driver. Was she on telly?

TalksTooMuch said...

Johnny Dangerously always has wit to spare! Also the best hats

Johnny said...

I'm super awesome and legit Derek. I have to go by another name on the internets because some people think I'm just too awesome (aka I have a stalker)

Derek Harvey said...

All right I myself will try to refrain from stalking you cause I imagine that would be a real bitch to deal with and put a damper on the most pleasant of days

TalksTooMuch said...

And it is totally not me (call me!)

Bruna Vallejos said...

"Our actress is an Academy Award winner. Plain and simple she has that going for her and she won't ever let you forget it"

hint to the rumors that Tomei was awarded an Oscar by mistake

Derek Harvey said...

TTM: Blind Item ALMOST revealed This CDAN commentor pretends to be sweet and innocent but what others don't know is she is a psychopath who stalks innocent men until she destroys their lives. Sure she pretends to be a loving mother if you define loving as letting the kid drink from the hose in the backyard while she torments others over the net and drinks gallons of vodka and takes what she tells others as her "little helper pills". Its just a matter of time until she will be exposed.
Hint: She is not known to say little in conversation.

shopgirl said...

Jan 1st can't show up soon enough. Wonder if we'll remember the degree to which we may have cared. Happy Holidays anyway!

TalksTooMuch said...

Oh no you DIN'T!

Seriously, Derek, it's been a bad week. You say one thing about my weight and we are THROUGH

caralw said...

I met Marisa once and she was super nice. Earlier in her career. I wonder why she would keep getting roles if she's that difficult. That sort of thing gets around...

Hegg said...

OMG, I was thinking Marisa too!!!!
Always needs to talk about awards.

Derek Harvey said...

haha I think my punctuation skills is at par with the enties

Sherry said...

Thanks Jessi...Clears it up.

sandybrook said...

@TTM I like your recipe blog. I might try one some day.

Johnny said...

TTM, i wish you were stalking me. I feel like you would leave baked goods at my house and tell me how pretty I looked when I got out of the shower.

Ms Cool said...

@TalkTooMuch - My son met Bill Cosby this year. He wrote him a letter asking if he could meet him at the Cosby concert we were attending. It was his birthday gift. We were pretty shocked when we heard from Mr. Cosby's agency that he would meet our son. My son, who never stops talking, clammed up when we met with Mr. Cosby in his dressing room. Mr. Cosby was not interested in anything us parents had to say! When I tried to encourage my son to answer, Mr. Cosby summarily hushed me. The final time I tried, he said in his booming, Cosby enunciated voice, "will you Just Stop It?!" It was pretty funny but it was clear, that he had read my son's letter and he was only interested in speaking with him (as it should have been).

Johnny said...

Try to refrain? I like the way you think.

Tara said...

While I don't think it's Sally Field (given the recent Boniva and TV work) someone like her is our answer. Has to be someone with a memorable, wholesome/sweet television role where she was a regular or at least long-time recurring guest star. Three minutes on a sitcom isn't what we're going for here.

Otherwise Enty would have said something like "in her first few film roles/first interviews."

Reese said...

Whoever it is (I was thinking Julia), please reveal on New Year's Day.

TalksTooMuch said...

I know, right Lotta? He squishes ONE tiny Christmas tree...

TalksTooMuch said...

Baked goods, absolutely! I feel like watching people shower irritates them for whatever reason, so I try not to

TalksTooMuch said...

Thanks, sandybrook!

TalksTooMuch said...

That's really cool, Ms. Cool, he has personality to spare, doesn't he? I hear he is touring as a kind of motivational speaker now, is that what you went to?

it took forever said...

hey himmmm

Princess Nobody said...

Apparently the show was a huge hit in the 90's in the UK. Add that to the way she uses her bipolar diagnosis to cover for her many trips to rehab for alcoholism & drugs from her doctors and she is my favorite guess. Last trip to rehab she was clearly in the Detox wing, Cat Marnell has publicly blogged about it. She was there at the same time.

TalksTooMuch said...

Vodka sounds awesome, whiskey a little better, but I have no idea what she would do with viagra

V said...

@Princess, The Darling Buds of May? Right? Yah, I'm totally with your guess.

JW said...

The crew member who posted on IMDB about Tomei says that he was surprised at her behaviour because she didn't have that reputation. I don't think this is her.
I think Helen Hunt.

Gayeld said...

And Only You.

Gayeld said...

I rewatched that a couple of months ago. God, RDJ was so adorable in it.

nysh lazo said...

sally field??

B. Profane said...

It's Julia Roberts. Her first role was a cameo on Crime Story (one of my cult faves) as an innocent teenage girl. CDAN has had about a million BI's about her being a bitch on wheels. Plus she's good buddies with Clooney, who has his own brand of premium tequila.

Tomei isn't famous enough to keep getting work despite such behavior. Roberts is.

Kristin said...

@TTM What kind of recipes? Like booze? Molotov cocktails? What is this blog Sandy speaks of?

TalksTooMuch said...

It's on my profile, shhhhh, skimptmist is gonna LOSE it if she hears we're talking about another blog!

Himmmm said...

Hi back to each of you beautiful rapscallions you!

maggs said...

I think Julia Roberts too, didn't she make some movie with the actor who just passed away who played Tony Soprano (Gandolfini I think) and I remember reading a quote from him that during the filming of the movie (I think Brad Pitt was in it too) that he worried about her and all the tequila she drank. It was filmed in Mexico. I also read she was a party animal during the filming of Oceans Eleven.

Hi Himmmm!

The Real Dragon said...

@Lotta LOL

MadLyb said...

Definitely Marisa Tomei. She was on my favorite soap at the time, "As The World Turns" with Meg Ryan when I was watching it. Too bad. I loved her!

MadLyb said...

Wait, after reading the comments, I realized that this sounds like something Helen Hunt would do. Changing my answer.

B. Profane said...

The tequila hint is the clincher. Can you see Tomei drinking tequila straight as a daily tipple? But Roberts lives in New Mexico these days, prime agaves-swillin' territory.

Renoblondee said...

Got here late. I don't know. Marisa is almost 50 and looks 35. Could a bad drunk look like that at that age?

Hi @Himmmm!!!!!!

Tina Mallette said...

Jessica Lange? just for an ill considered curve ball? Just loving Angela Bassett and Jessica Lange on the same show, American Horror Story: Coven.

Kristin said...

@TTM Now you're just asking for trouble. Guard your loins.

sandybrook said...

Kristin the answer to the Bobbin Brown questioned you asked me about 7 hours ago is yes that's her!

And here's a recipe for you and TTM:
1 16oz bag of fresh black beans
1 16oz bottle of salsa
Wash and rinse beans. Put into a crockpot. Mix in salsa. Add bough water to barely cover the beans. Cook on low for 8-10 hours.

I usually make this as a side dish for pork roast.

sandybrook said...

*Enough* not bough spelchek

NaughtyNurse said...

Well, well, well…January 1st can't come soon enough!!

Jeff Macauley said...

Not that I want it to be her, and I'm only suggesting it because no one has mentioned her yet, is Goldie Hawn. She certainly "seemed so sweet" when she was on Laugh-In "back in the day."

Little Broken Bird said...

Meryl!

Me2 said...

as usual i'm late to the party but...

hi himmmm! (counts m's **)

AB said...

Marisa was my guess and Himmmm has kindly confirmed...

trudi said...

I'd love to know Marisa 's secret to looking good and bloatless while hard knocking down the booze.

MissMatador said...

Really? No one for Kate Winslut? Coined it!

MissMatador said...

Really? No one for Kate Winslut? Coined it!

Nothanksdarlin said...

Jeff, nice guess. She seemed more quirky to me than sweet. Does she fit all the clues cause I like this one. Although all I could see was Julia Roberts when I read this

TalksTooMuch said...

I might even gird them, Kristin!

TalksTooMuch said...

Thanks, sandybrook! I will give it a try, I love new recipes

kj said...

i think this is Reese. I see the southern girl bringing the flask and fastidiously using the funnel and when that isn't available, pouring with intense concentration

Gabi said...

CZJ!

J said...

Tomei all the way.
Melissa Leo? Are you kidding? She was never "sweet" on tv.

Freya said...

@AndrewBW She was on A Different World, the Cosby Show spinoff.

Kristin said...

Goddamn spellcheck...

Steampunk Jazz said...

I remember reading an article where Douglas called her "a true vulgarian" in an admiring tone...

Rach Around said...

Sandy; Julia was my initial guess, however wasn't sure if she'd done TV

Em said...

It's not Meryl. Everyone knows that when she gets into character, it's for the entire duration of the movie.. on set and at the movie. I can't see her coming unprepared as she is prepared THE ENTIRE TIME. lol There have been interviews where her children have said it was sometimes difficult having "mom" at home because "mom was in character" lol

Em said...

I meant onset & before the movie even films**

Danielle said...

Yea this is REESE. No doubt.

Stephanie McDonald said...

Exactly what I was thinking. She was also on As The World Turns, and I think she was on when Julianne Moore was on.
I can totally see this being Marisa Tomei

Karen said...

Marisa Tomei still gets roles???! Lol!

di butler said...

Dammit, I say "mother's little helpers," like any good Stones fan. Plus, my kids are grown so the drinking from the hose business is old news. ;D

di butler said...

Wanted to add, I love Tomei, Down And Out In Beverly Hills, was great. Get off the hooch, girl!

Lily said...

That's exactly who I was imagining!