Friday, February 14, 2014

A Reader Almost Becomes A Real Housewife

Two weeks ago a long time reader from this site wrote on her own site about how she almost became a Real Housewife from Orange County. Judging by what she wrote on her site, I think the world has missed out on something that would have been a lot of fun. Here is a sample of what she wrote, and you can read the rest here. 

"Just before Thanksgiving I spoke with the casting team in charge of Real Housewives of Orange County. An agent called me at the suggestion of a friend. I went through a few interviews and sent in the requested photo proof I have a family, actually live in a home, drive a car, and I am a woman. They were moving quickly to hire two new women, they explained. But I never heard back. My sister said it was probably because they had another kind of person in mind. My husband said it was because I don’t have enough plastic in my face. I would have asked my therapist, but I haven’t seen her in months. To be honest I’d like to think I would have brought some sass.

MY BIO: Kate is a 36-year-old mother of three children under the age of 4. She’s a media consultant for lawyers by day and a frustrated comedy writer covering pop culture by night. Unlike some of the previous husbands who say they are entrepreneurs (cough Bellino) Kate’s actually is one. For the last two years his software company has been listed on Forbes list of America’s Most Promising Companies. In their non-existent free time they take turns sleep training their new baby, eating take-out, and trying to finish House of Cards from Netflix. Her inner circle includes her sister who thinks she should spend more money on facials, her friends who also have kids, and the guy who baby proofed her house who believes they are spiritual soul mates."

39 comments:

T. E. Cuz said...

she is way too stable and smart to be on the show

Harry Knuckles said...

Well isn't she precious?

FSP said...

Who?

Kourtney Kardashian said...

Do you often stalk the blogs of readers?

#stayoffmytwitter

#thenagainmaybenotpleasepromotemytwitter

John Travolta's Wiglet said...

I don't get what the point of this was. A post about someone's bio?

trainrides said...

Is she the real-life VIP?

VIPblonde said...

@trainrides No. I would never do reality TV

The Real Dragon said...

I was about to say VIP too

Kourtney Kardashian said...

I'm curious as to sleep training.
Why would you need to train a baby to sleep?
Getting them on a schedule, I understand. Having them get used to sleeping through the night I also completely understand (trust me). However, sleep training? That sounds like baby boot camp.

sandybrook said...

There is no "almost" involved here she didn't pass the preliminary audition. Anyone who wants to do shit like this should have their heads examined.

Mari (from her other mail acct.) said...

Never getting called back to be on any of those shows is a compliment.

Anna Belle said...

Sounds like the woman who was on 1 episode a couple years ago for a few minutes & starting tweeting that she was new housewife...people bought it until Andy tweeted NO, she would be on a little bit tonight cuz she was at the same event as the other ladies

Laurenza Kyle said...

I think VIP is far too busy doing movies and real tv, being totally gorge, and spending time with that HAWT boyfriend. She should also do more horror, in my opinion. Her last flick was awesome. That's if some of us are right about who she is :)

TheLondonBee said...

If VIP is who we all think she is then I second @Laurenza Lyle, more horror please VIP!

Seven of Eleven said...

Now we know who Enty's valentine is!

The Real Dragon said...

Wait who is she give me a hint lol

Love ya VIP

John Travolta's Wiglet said...

Eh, I take it back. She's probably an okay lady. Readers have given pats on the back for much less

You do you, almost-Housewife!!!

cdanluva said...

omg, i wish she was on the show! based on the bio, she would have brought ratings. probably better for her though, that she is not on the show.

iLL-nAsty natasha said...

HER BLOG IS FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!! Everyone needs to read it! LOL!!!!

Count Jerkula said...

I wish I spent more money on giving facials too.

Miss S. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
cc423 said...

She sounds awesome. Their loss.

NomNom83 said...

Um... who do "we" all think VIP *really* is?

If you can't say it outright, maybe just a hint? or two?

SFgirlfriend said...

Please VIP - a hint. You are by far the most intriguing person on this blog.

XaosVale said...

I thought VIP was AnnaLynne McCord?

Seven of Eleven said...

She won't confirm or deny, but there have been hints as far back as the early 90210 days.

John Travolta's Wiglet said...

She sent in a Reader Photo last year. This isn't the legend of Keyser Soze. ALM = VIP.

laura ramona said...

She can be "nice" but sounds like a control maniac to me. that type of woman always in anxiety who never sits down. agree Kourt, too military

Topper Madison said...

This is a gossip post about a no-name person who didn't pass an audition for a TV show?? Wow. This post makes all the tween stuff look interesting.

Since you're obviously grasping for tips, Here's one: It snowed yesterday, so @Topper Madison shoveled and could have got a hernia, but didn't.

Krissie said...

Obviously this woman was not going to fit. She sounds much too smart and interesting. All this show wants are trashy morons who spend all their time shopping and screaming at each other.

surfer said...

Thanks for the laugh Topper! And glad you didn't get a hernia, lol!

Sunny said...

Dear long time reader,
I don't watch any reality tv, but you sound too good for those knucklehead Housewives. Good luck with your comedy writing

__-__=__ said...

VIP is waaaaay too talented to ever do reality TV.

Alita said...

Bwahaha Count.

Curious Count's Iridescent Ivory (toutes peaux)

The Jerkoff Protein Formulae - Hardening Masque Rehydrant Reveil Beaute (aide a preserver activement la jeunesse)

Stepforded said...

Wow - interesting article. I've saved her site to my Favourites to have a read-through of later.

She probably didn't get the job because she's too nice and normal (I don't know her, obviously, but I'm just guessing). It takes a special kind of woman to handle being on any of those shows, especially the OC franchise ... bugger having to socialise with that psycho bitch Tamra ... and don't even get me started on Vicki. This said, you have to remember the storylines are scripted. Besides, Tamra is a real estate agent in 'real life' (and now owns a gym) - if they were like this in reality, nobody would want to deal with them in their 'real' jobs (despite the fact that most get paid in the region of $250k starting salary, most do have other jobs on the side ... the $250k wouldn't even be enough to pay the taxes on their homes where owned, or stylist / hairdressing / make-up / cosmetic surgery needs).

The thing is, a lot of these 'housewives' don't have the wealth that they claim to have. Take Vicki's divorce, for instance - read about it here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2547558/Vicki-Gunvalson-awarded-nearly-1M-assets-divorce-ex-husband-Donn-finally-settled.html - with the way she is portrayed in the show, I was expecting her fortune to be in the $50m+ range ... especially given her successful business ... but no.

Brandi Glanville is another one - lives in a leased home, and was complaining about not being able to afford medical insurance when she broke her hand.

What a lot of people don't realise is that these people already know each other, and when a casting call is put out, it's to keep up appearances of these women being hired through a 'proper' process. If they (cast and producers) don't know you, or of you, already, then you needn't apply.

There's a huge storm happening over at the Beverly Hills franchise at the moment, where Brandi has said that Kyle told her Lisa and Ken declared bankruptcy and lived in Calabasas. As the result of a few web sleuthers looking into this, it's been uncovered that one of the names linked to the property that Ken and Lisa allegedly own in Calabasas, is 'Gebbia Entertainment' - being the same surname of the new housewife, Carlton. Throw in the fact that the other new housewife's husband (Joyce) does property scouting for a job ... and you have an instant connection.

Another case in point that they all know each other: the first housewife appointed to the Beverly Hills franchise was Kyle Richards (a good friend of Teresa Guidice), who was instrumental in picking the cast for the first series - Camille, Taylor and Lisa were all her friends, and of course Kim is her sister. The only one Kyle didn't know too well was Adrienne, who was Lisa's neighbour.

Bravo were looking to produce one spin-off show from the Beverly Hills franchise and, with this in mind, had Kyle's husband shoot a pilot of the goings-on in his real estate agency, as well as Lisa shoot one of the goings-on her restaurant. Lisa's won, which further cemented the very close relationship she has with Andy from Bravo.

Mauricio didn't lose out though, as Brandi is supposedly dating Jonathan Ruiz, one of his agents, and there's a lot of cross-over between 'Million Dollar Listing' and Mauricio + his father.

I can't really talk about what happens in the other franchises as I only watch BH and OC.

Oh. My. Goodness. I can't believe I know all this #SelfConfessedSaddo!

CDAN Reader said...

Anna Belle, that was Dayna - the woman who was engaged to a gazillionaire and boasted she had 20 thousand dollar sunglasses

Count Jerkula said...

@Alita: I just read the other day that the proteins in splooge help fight wrinkles. You have to let it dry though. (SFW article 10 Fascinating Things About Sex.)

And I always used the Richard Pryor line on chicks that it helps with pimples. Silly me.

Oopsy_Daisy said...

I'm a housewife in OC now but definitely not crazy enough to be cast for that show.

Sprink said...

Highly amusing photo of her ice dancing with Tom Cruise in Sochi here:

http://loveandknuckles.com/2014/02/my-sochi-olympic-dream-ice-dancing-with-tom-cruise.html

(Yearns for a moment to learn The Secrets of the Clicky...)