Saturday, February 15, 2014

Brandi Glanville Blind Item #3

NBA star who is best friends with another NBA star who was married for 72 days to a reality starlet. (Kris Humphries, anyone?)

“He was six feet eleven,” Glanville brags. “…The energy between us was out of control and even the simplest gestures became sexual.”

“We couldn’t keep our hands off each other,” she remembers. “…By the time I was on my third glass of wine and he was on this third potato vodka, the heat was turning up. His hand found its way under the table and up my dress. … It was on like Donkey Kong.”

On the way to his place, “We made out like teenagers every time the car hit a traffic light or stop sign,” she writes. “His fingers were all sorts of ways up my dress … ’You have to pull over,’ I said with heavy breath…”

“When the car was finally in park, I tried to get on top of him,” she explains, “but it was not working in this tiny car.”

And so, she admits, they had sex on the hood of his car by the side of the road.

73 comments:

Cleodacat said...

Lamar Odom

LottaColada said...

She's like a real life version of Samantha Jones!

Count Jerkula said...

Brooke Lopez

Kassandra said...

um...that was the least sexiest account. ever.

SecretTorture said...

How does she land these men? She has a great body but a really strange face. I guess she must be a ton of fun to hang out with... or maybe not since none of the men have stuck around.

Derek Harvey said...

She is gross. I don't find her attractive at ALL. and not funny. Who names a book "Drinking and Twitter" or whatever---what is she 16?!

sandybrook said...

Kevin Love former teammate of Kris Humphries.

The Real Dragon said...

I dont know who she is.

The Real Dragon said...

welp nvm I just seen her but didnt know her name lol

Seven of Eleven said...

You have to pull over, I said with heavy breath.

You know it's bad when 50 Shades of Grey reads better. I suppose the book would be slimmer if she wrote about the men she DIDN'T sleep with (she said with bored breath).

Gina Sz said...

Who cares?! It's Brandi Glenville *yawn*

Steampunk Jazz said...

Dear Penthouse Forum,
Do I have a story for you....

Lady Heisenberg said...

...and she wonders how she ends up with HPV!!!!!! SMFH

sandybrook said...

Hey @TTM you might wanna consider this epic for your book club! :))

Dingle Barry said...

Is Enty-Obvious going to quote Brandi's (not the traditional spelling of the name) new book? It's not shocking, it's Brandi Glanville.

Dingle Barry said...

Is Enty-Obvious going to quote Brandi's (not the traditional spelling of the name) new book? It's not shocking, it's Brandi Glanville.

auntliddy said...

Shes a willing, enthusiastic partner. Thats all u need!!!!!!

Celeb Friend said...

Brandi has no shame,and Kris Humphries will have sex with anyone who will up his star status.

Steampunk Jazz said...

Hey seven, you have to admit Glandi has a way with words... " with heavy breath" ...Really? Was ...my heaving bosoms choking from the heated air...taken?

CocoaBeachBunny said...

they had sex on the hood of his car by the side of the road.Like Jimmy McNulty in The Wire!

Seven of Eleven said...

@Steampunk :D

Lady Heisenberg said...

What Brandi? Can't handle the back of a Volkwagon? LOL

Lady Heisenberg said...

YESSSSSS

Kimba said...

Thank you Enty, you saved my two bucks I wld have dropped at the book bargain store.

Susan said...

Did she really say, "It was on like Donkey Kong" when referring to this escapade? OMG. I'm dying. Ha ha. I can't wait to read the other ones.

I can't wait to see the implosion of the Dream Team.

Count Jerkula said...

Brandi has a horrible ass. Too bad.

olliebolliesnollie said...

Backsies or frontsies?

msgirl said...

Hahaha yeah right Brandi, this is like this rag True Romance that we read when we were 12.

Count Jerkula said...

Ollie: that directed at me and how i'd plow her? Definitely face to face. Them stumble drunk pix in the lingerie a couple months ago made her ass out to be a horror scene. Possibly it looks better on all fours, since the skin will be tighter, but I imagine it would just be like canvas thrown over a pelvis.

Ella Bee said...

You know, love ya Enty. But out of respect to Radar Online, you should have quoted your source before copying and pasting a portion of their large BI. NOT COOL.

Radar Online Brandi BI

__-__=__ said...

Also laughing at on like Donkey Kong. So sexy!

Flora Goforth said...

Isn't all vodka made from potatoes?

e.non said...

doesn't this skank have sons. why in the world would you celebrate your whorish past by publishing a friggin book.

Bacon Ranch said...

Real housewife who isn't even a wife anymore writes a book.
Trees everywhere mourn for their loss.

Sherry said...

So many funny reactions here.Reading your comments are defintely better than her book I'll bet.

Susan said...

Bacon Ranch - OMG. Trees in mourning. Love it!

I would totally read this mess as long as I could cover it up with a the cover from a real book - like a Fitzgerald or a Faulkner; wear a disguise and drink copious amounts of anything to get through it. Maybe I should buy it for the plane ride to Florida in two weeks? You think I could finish it in 2 hours and dispose of it in the trash immediately exiting the plane?

Hits123 said...

I thought this was KFF? Kris Humphries is Kardashian tainted.

TalksTooMuch said...

LOL, lemme take a poll, sandybrook. ..

Wen said...

She is such a proud pig.

Kristin (Wiglet) said...

@TTM and @sandy I'd rather set fire to my vulva than read this. So that's a "no" from me

TalksTooMuch said...

Okay, sounds like 1 in the Nay column

The Original CDAN Reader said...

WTF?
The Enties are absolutely, positively desperate for clicks.

sandybrook said...

Ok you have 3 now @TTM because I dont wanna read it and just a hunch here..you dont either.

TalksTooMuch said...

Nope, I absolutely have not drank enough this afternoon to make this sound even remotely interesting, and you are speaking to a Jackie Collins fan

TalksTooMuch said...

It is so odd that you would say that, Kristin, I was just reading this article at the same time! Sounds like maybe you were at the ballet recently!


http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-women-who-put-their-lady-parts-to-horribly-practical-uses/

sandybrook said...

Nothing like trashy novels. Unfortunately this one isn't complete fiction just trash.

sandybrook said...

Cracked has articles now?

Kristin (Wiglet) said...

@TTM Only female Russian soccer fans are dumb enough to put explosives in their clamaramas.

Stepforded said...

I wonder who the Ghost Writers were ... she would have had one transcribe the gist of the story, and another come in and accentuate the "happenings" (for lack of a better word). There's no way in the world this woman wrote the book herself - listen to her show and she can hardly string a sentence together without constant (misplaced) swear words. And on Twitter, she can't even spell.

bellaluna said...

Consider yourself lucky. ;)

LowKey said...

Vodka can be make from rye, wheat, and other grains; also sugar beets, apples, grapes, even acorns. Until quite recently, potato vodka was considered to be inferior.

AsileM said...

She has to be some what juicy to get that cash! And for attention! And to piss off Flea Ann the cuntry star home wrecker. She is one of the most entertaining house hoes on TV. Calling out Kim Richards for smoking meth was awesome. Period. Humphries has the herpes too! So, Brandi has HPV and herpes too?

Count Jerkula said...

@Sandybrook: Yer confusing yer tall white dudes. Brooke Lopez is the 7' center for the Nets, Hump's ex teammate. Love has played in Minnesota his whole NBA career, UCLA in college. Hump played for University of Minnesota.

Of course, looking back in Humphries history, he did play 3 yrs in Toronto w/ Chris Bosh, who it 6'11.

Ya figure if she got stuck by a 7 footer, like Lopez, she would flaunt that, like I would if I boned a chick who is 4'11.

Count Jerkula said...

@AsileM: Blind seems to say that she banged Hump's friend, not Hump.

Stepforded said...

O/T -

Carrying on my obsession for all things real estate, Ryan Reynolds sells his Hollywood pad at at a loss:
http://luxe.truliablog.com/2014/02/14/ryan-reynolds-sells-home/

And the Eminem concert last night was one of the worst I've been to EVER, partly because of the crowd; partly because of the pre-recorded tunes and female voices (Dido and Rihanna) in the background. If I was in my early 20s and a bogan, I might have fitted in better. Alas, I'm not and we opted out of the meet-and-greet because the stragglers were too much to bear. I'm not having some rif-raf fingering my bag in search of contraband (not that there would ever be any). And I didn't see Pam Anderson! (Thought she might have turned up 'cos the promoters often hook performers and visiting celebs up together, but that wasn't the case). #WasteOfASaturdayNight

Ramone Love said...

What a skank.

Stepforded said...

Enty(ies), can you please tell us tomorrow if the story about Charlie Sheen getting engaged to that Brett Rossi tramp is kosher?

Count Jerkula said...

TMZ and the NY Daily News are reporting it as fact. TMZ has a pic of the engagement ring, if you are interested.

Stepforded said...

@Count - thanks - wow, that's too big and genuine-looking to be a joke, I'm thinking ...

#SillyGirl

headrot said...

i need friends

Kristin (Wiglet) said...

@headrot I'm here, boo. Whatchu need?

Stepforded said...

@headrot - I'm here - don't know you, but happy to chat :-)

Stepforded said...

Enty, will there be a red carpet post for the BAFTAs tomorrow?

:-)

RowdyRodimus said...

I think I'm going to write a book like 50 Shade of Grey. I bet I can do it. It will be like when Brian wrote that self help book on Family Guy.

Count Jerkula said...

Write it just like a wrasslin show, Rowdy. Hot start, keep em interested in the middle with some high spots here and there while you develop characters, then a big finish that makes em want to tune in next time.

Count Jerkula said...

Write it just like a wrasslin show, Rowdy. Hot start, keep em interested in the middle with some high spots here and there while you develop characters, then a big finish that makes em want to tune in next time.

SingBlue said...

Brandi's good fun to have as a FB friend. She's normally pretty cool about responding to messages too. Will have to ask her about some of these.

Scallywag said...

"It was on like Donkey Kong."

Is it 1992?

Mitchellaneous said...

Me too. I have few friends, even though I'm delightful.

Zeeky_Boogy_Doog said...

Kristin (Wiglet) and TTM - Ahahhahahahaa!!!! That Cracked article. Hoping Brandi Glanville doesn't read it, can you imagine reading her book if so? "His hand found his way into my hobby lobby..." Ahahaahhahaha!!!!!!!

Sandybrook - Cracked.com is more or less all articles now. Topics vary widely, but usually conform to a list, like "6 Life Lessons Learned Working as a Carny" or the one they mentioned above. They're written with a good dose of humor and enough dick jokes to keep 10-year-old boys laughing for months.

Wen said...

This trick is a real pig.

di butler said...

Gonna say-Kevin Garnett

headrot said...

@stepforded @kristin thanks guys. i had a rough night that night <3