Thursday, March 20, 2014

Today's Blind Items - The Assistant

This almost A list mostly movie actor is doing lots of press for his new film. It should catapult him to A list, but it is a shaky way to be an A lister. Anyway, in the background you may have noticed a very familiar looking woman. Maybe you thought to yourself she is a PR person, either for the actor or for the studio. Nope. She is a very plain looking, nondescript looking woman because she hides her features to some extent by using wigs and also wearing baggy clothing. One day she might be a blonde and the next day a brunette, but she is always there. The face never changes, but the accouterments do. She is known as The Assistant. Seriously, just like that with the caps and everything. She gets paid a lot of money to do one thing and that is to make the person she is working for happy. They are always big box office movies. These are movies that cost a ton of money to make and need a lot of press and a lot of commitments from the star. The Assistant is paid by the studio and she is not cheap. She costs about $25K a day and has a minimum fee of 30 days. She is generally hired when the guy, and it is always guys she works with is single and been known to get in trouble with drugs and booze or has a problem with getting caught up with too many women, or not showing up to places on time. The Assistant keeps him on schedule. Very little or no drinking. She keeps him away from other women and clubs. She gets him to the right place at the right time in the right clothes. She is his mealtime companion and his bedtime companion. She never leaves his side the entire time. She makes herself look different each day so the actor doesn't have to answer questions about a girlfriend. She never looks the same two days in a row. Often she can go a week without looking remotely the same. Some people say she used to work for the FBI or the CIA with the way she can change her appearance but others say she is just an actress who could change her look but wasn't a very good actress on screen.

66 comments:

Lady Heisenberg said...

Zach effron

sandybrook said...

How aboot Theo James?

TalksTooMuch said...

So look for someone carrying a taser?

Kloie said...

That's dumb; why can't he just say "that's not my girlfriend, she's my assistant"?

Violet said...

How mysterious. I love the word accouterments.

sandybrook said...

Imma switching to Chris Evans

MontanaMarriott said...

Chris Evans Captain America

MM said...

If this is real, I am very impressed. Does she do her own disguises?

texas rose said...

Shia LeDouche and the nymphomaniac movie.

sandybrook said...

Jinx@Montana

MontanaMarriott said...

I hope this chick has amazing health coverage because with all these std-ridden actors she is taking her life in her hands

texas rose said...

MM- at $25k a day she can afford a makeup artist.

Oopsy_Daisy said...

Sounds like a great gig.

Renoblondee said...

Chris Evans is my guess

MontanaMarriott said...

LOL @sandybrook

Unknown said...

My guess is because it would be weird for this same lady to be the assistant to multiple movie stars.

Jessi said...

How do I sign up for this job?!?!?!

Leekalicious said...

This is so screwed up in so many ways...

MISCH said...

Where do I sign up…? This is a dream job.

Miri said...

I don't know, but I'd love to have this job. Any studios reading, contact me!

ethorne said...

I don't know who the guy is, but I'm convinced the chameleon is Jennifer Garner

Frufra said...

What's "a shaky way to be an A lister"? That phrase is a big old clue, but I don't know what it means!

texas rose said...

You ladies that all want this job do realize that in order to keep the talent diverted from his other vices that it probably means engaging into whatever perversion that actor is into in the bedroom. Why do you think the studio is paying her- to keep him out of public trouble by being his dream slut whenever he wants.

NomNom83 said...

Her job title sounds like "mom/gf/sober coach/dominatrix/moral compass/chameleon".

I want in on this gig. She can have the sex part. I'll do everything else for the bargain basement price of $1k/day.

texas rose said...

unfortunately the sex part is probably the key- his kink could be domination but could also be submission, anal, bdsm, watersports - whatever he wants.

Kno Won Uno said...

That's a helluva gig for the money. Where was this job when I was 25?!

rajahcat said...

so are we guessing him or her????

Jessi said...

That's Ok @Texas, I probably wouldn't get the job anyway, I am flat chested. : (

texas rose said...

Jessi - it is probably more about attitude and maybe he's not into big tits. You probably got a shot if you're up for anything freaky.

crila16 said...

I'm confused though...is she a girlfriend to each of these guys...or is she really just an assistant?

Count Jerkula said...

If I were an actor, I would pretend to have booze and drug problems so I could get a comped whore from the studio.

texas rose said...

Crila - she is paid the studio to keep him happy and supposedly out of trouble during press for the movie. She must have a certain presence and persuasive skills but probably just into giving him whatever sexually that he wants and must be good enough at it that he behaves in order to get more. At the end of the contract I wonder if the actor pays to keep her around.

CharRicho said...

"Shaky way to be an A lister" made me think of the Twilight cast and how they were A listers only for the duration of their teen movie franchise, but not for anything else, and have all dropped off since it finished. Shaky because teens are fickle and move on to the next thing quickly.

So then that made me think of Theo James.

Sean said...

That sounds like a great movie plot. Someone get typing!

Jeneral said...

Exactly CharRicho. I think this is supposed to be Theo, but I wasn't aware that he had a bad rep. I'd do this for free to be with Theo James.

texas rose said...

But Divergent doesn't sound like twilight. I think he has lots of projects lined up. I though Shia leDouche because of problem child rep and Nymphomaniac movie might be controversial and a risky way to get back to A.

M. Brown said...

CO$ should snap her up.

What if an actor is gay? Do you think there is a male The Assistant in that case?

nurysp said...

that would make for a great movie plot

Naomi said...

This blind item is BS. NO studio would pay that kind of money per day unless he was a brad pitt.

Shotinthedark said...

Me too, but I'd have preferred Enty to spell it right ; )

Snapdragon said...

@Shotinthedark, haha, I thought the same thing.

Eros said...

Enty this may be my favorite nlind to date. Very very interesting. . Hmm

Debbie Taylor said...

Shia has a girlfriend. Is Chris Evans still involved? I have no clue, but I truly think I missed my calling!! Lol

Frosty said...

I don't buy this one, although I can see a studio paying a minder. But at that price I would imagine The Assistant is a former legal enforcement person of some sort who still has the pull to get someone out of trouble, find the right discreet hookers, drugs,whatever. Possibly even someone still in that job. They'd have to be a fixer more than an assistant, to justify $25,000 per day (which seems like chicken feed in my humble).

JoElla said...

I gotta be honest, it does sound like a fun gig!

Lisa said...

Fantastic job!!

The Real Dragon said...

What is this detective cadget realness

auntliddy said...

For me to turn down $25k a day x 30 days, it wld have to be pretty pervy for me to say no. Im not doing any drugs, he has to be clean and have his teeth and no anal stuff. There ya go.

Seven of Eleven said...

If she can go a week without looking remotely the same, how is she a familiar face?

Accouterments sounds like redneck jewelry.

Count Jerkula said...

Look at Liddy, trying to angle an upsell for anal. OK, $30k/day and a case of Prep H per month.

Basil said...

This sounds like a good job. Not sure about the amount she is getting paid. That is pretty steep.

Tina Mallette said...

Dealing with some of these actors I think she probably earns every penny of her fee. If you want discretion you better pay for someone who is professional.

I wonder how much do bodyguards get paid as a rule.

sugarbread maker said...

Ray donnovan. Season 2

anon said...

What the heck does "shaky way to be an A lister" mean?

LowKey said...

OK so who's out doing the big press tours right now? What big movies are coming out besides Captain America and Divergent?
Let's CSI this shit out...

Becca Parker said...

Of course they would pay for a big movie.
One day lost on a set can easily run $250,000, so paying 10% of that per day is cheap insurance, plus they get to find a way to creatively write that off.
Both Marilyn Monroe & Liz Taylor were know to screw up shoots for days at a time.
I'm sure there are a whole bunch of actors that do that now, by demanding all sorts of perks on set & off.
The Assistant is far cheaper & more importantly, more reliable!

sharka2002sharka said...

Cumberbatch and the blonde saggy booby lady in the deep v-neck dress at the Oscars.

Millie said...

Russell Crowe

Millie said...

Russell Crowe/Noah's Ark.

he has a history of being drunk and being violent. he is separated at the moment so maybe he wants to stay in his wife's good graces.

bellaluna said...

Because he (they) don't want it known that he/they need a glorified babysitter?

auntliddy said...

Count, ill the $25k and skip the hiney action.

texas rose said...

auntliddy -And there you go with the conditions- you would be out.

Simon Robrets said...

Andrew Garfield - promoting The Amazing Spider-Man 2 world-wide, currently in Australia. It's a shaky way to become an A lister via a franchise as often you drop down the list when the franchise re-boots/re-casts.

Alita said...

Depending obviously on the mark ... But ... Yeah!

RDJ - OK. But LiLo would be a low point. I don't wanna @2@ with her.

Hell I don't wanna cheek2cheek (face) with her.

leemonada76 said...

Sean connery

di butler said...

James is probably right. And for 25K a day, I'd be willing to do a lot. Anal, peed on, tied up, etc. I was married 14 yrs to a psychopathic wife beater. This sounds pretty easy. I don't have to enjoy it. Besides, the truth is, I'm betting 80% of them just want a mother. That seems to be what the ones that can get hot ass all the time really need