Friday, April 04, 2014

Blind Items Revealed

December 27, 2013

This former A list singer/celebrity who is now just an A list celebrity who does other things well too was having drinks with her boyfriend at a bar this week and when she thought he was starting to get too drunk said, "I had an enema today for you so you better not get drunk and pass out."

Jessica Simpson (I just want to know if she was joking or not)

63 comments:

sandybrook said...

Not!

Groggy said...

I am so going to use that line the next time I'm out trying score with the ladies!

Kno Won Uno said...

Heh heh. Smart girl.

Mickey said...

Hey, she went to the effort to get all spic & span downstairs, Sister has a right to pitch a bitch. I don't blame her a bit. I'd say the exact same thing under those circumstances.

Seven of Eleven said...

WHOA!

Lady Heisenberg said...

BUTT

rajahcat said...

something John Mayer turned her onto??????

PJ said...

Knowing Jess (if this blind actually happened), she wasn't joking and was 100% for real :D Girlfriend loves to get freaky in between the sheets according to her exes and former flings! *Sexual Napalm anyone??*

MISCH said...

Don't marry him honey….

D Brown said...

Is that the definition of "sexual naplam"?

Dolphy said...

@Count is going to love reading this.

Rolf said...

Reading this I just developed some sympathy for young Miss Simpson.

LottaColada said...

No more babies.

Bacon Ranch said...

I just want to know how loudly she said it.
I mean, can you imagine being the waiter walking up to ask if they want more bread? Or the couple at the next table trying to have a quiet night out?
Geez

Lady Heisenberg said...

Yep. Count will be thrilled. Wilmer outed Asslee as a fan too, hence the name...

fancyscreenname said...

Jess is a MESS!
tehehehe

Steampunk Jazz said...

I thought that the back door was how she maintained her virginity....
Back Door Beauty, anyone?

Leekalicious said...

Bahahahahaha!!!! Well at least she's thinking ahead!

FSP said...

Hello!!!!

Bacon Ranch said...

I need FSP and my safe place.
I pity that poor waiter now.

Mickey said...

Don't knock it 'til you've tried it...

Lady Heisenberg said...

Spoken like a true Christian girl from Texass, @Jazz! (I was toooootally thinking the same thing)

Kno Won Uno said...

She might have used more sex-specific terminology like "anal douche". Made clear her intentions, unlike the Goopster's high colonics.

Ray Nicolet said...

#teambutters

Alicia said...

In the bum no babies!

Sugar said...

D, I'm not sure either and I've always been afraid to ask because I never really understood if that was a compliment or not!

FSP said...

SB
IO
DO
EB

Renoblondee said...

Oh Jess.

Bacon Ranch said...

N
O

FSP said...

Boo

parissucksliterally said...

Oh, she was serious. She dated John Mayer!

Bacon Ranch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bacon Ranch said...

Heya paris! Grats for the Dlist win last week :) Hope things are looking up (don't look at FSP's avi)

Cindy said...

Was she preggers at the time? If so I am impressed.

Count Jerkula said...

Hot, rich, dumb as a rock and willing to go the extra mile to make sexy time enjoyable. She's a keeper.

crila16 said...

Well...I guess she likes having nice clean pooper.

Count Jerkula said...

I hope dude was getting some preggo anal. That is one of the things on my bucket list that will probably never happen :(

parissucksliterally said...

Hey Bacon Ranch! Thank you!

Tina Mallette said...

What we do for love......

Tina Mallette said...

all porn stars do the enema thang before filming or at least the Seymore Butt girls do

Tina Mallette said...

according to his reality show which I found fascinating

ItsCourtneyD said...

According to my boyfriends most favoritest quote ever..."you can't get pregnant in the butt, Courtney." Doesn't mean I can't punch him in the 'nads for trying!

Tippie Toes said...

She wasn't joking whenever I look at her I see smelly cat!

Eros said...

Damn!!!! Lmfao, fuckin a he needs to really check between his legs to see his penis is still intact. I hope its worth the payxheck because hes the personification of a bitchboy.

sugarbread maker said...

Me too! I didn't get it but didn't want to seem stupid by asking. .
@count- can you translate please??

sugarbread maker said...

No! She's thinking behind. Hindsight is 20/20 eh?

Count Jerkula said...

@Tina: Porn whores dump out the enema solution and use distilled water for enemas. The solution dries you out, which can lead to injury, and tap water contains bacteria, which can lead to infection.

@Sugarbread: I have no idea what "sexual napalm" means. I figured it was something along the lines of "scorched Earth" like there is nothing left when she's done. She wears you out.

Count Jerkula said...

Mickey has the best blog ever.

#PrincessPlug

bellaluna said...

Lady Has - I thought that nickname stemmed from her being an asshole. Oh well, live and learn.

Count Jerkula said...

Here are some good tumblrs, Mickey.

Life of a Dominant Male, lots of gifs

Two Kinksters, tons of pics

Farm Dog, pet training subs

Vintage Booty, nude pics from 60's/70's and earlier

Puppy Girls, more sub pets

So much for Yahoo leaving tumblr alone. 3 photo blogs I rummage through for material every couple months appear to have been deaded.

Its just U said...

Up the bum, no harm done. If its done right of course.

Sillygurl said...

Me too!

Malibu Borebee said...

Not joking and didn't learn it from Mayer. He continued what she started with Knoxville.

di butler said...

Sorry, just don't get the appeal. It's not that great, imo. Plus, as my gaybor likes to say, "I don't find your adult diaper a turn on." We've both seen the pants' stainers, here in the ATL.

megan00m said...

I third this...at first I thought it was a dig as js got mad and it meant "sex killer" but then I thought maybe she was like so good he could die?...confusing..the playboy article didn't really explain either...

Count Jerkula said...

Try a vibe on the clit while engaging in it and you may think differently.

You gotta take tons of dick in the butt before adult diapers enter into it. Even then I would guess most of the adult diaper types either took heavy damage from doin it wrong or were into fisting or other sorts of extreme insertion. Nina Hartley been taking huge porn dick in the butt for 30yrs and she dont wear no Depends.

Redd said...

I thought the intent of the sexual napalm remark meant to imply that Jess has a hot box that well melt a dick!

Kathleen said...

I guess this goes back to the old theory - often applied to good "Christian girls" - that she retained her virginity when dating and engaged to Nick Lachey by practicing sodomy instead.

Count Jerkula said...

That is life, Kathleen. If you want some fun, you gotta pick your sin.

I still haven't found any backing (heh) for my Anal Sex seminar for Butt Only Virgins. The only thing worse than a young girl not saving her vagina for Jesus is a young girl having her butt cherry destroyed by some young tool who don't know what he's doing back their.

I sent some proposals to youth groups and televangelists, trying to develop a partnership, but have not heard back from any of them. Unless I get some up front money, I'm going to need to rely on volunteers to assist in demonstrations during some of the sessions. That will require screening and selfies and hygiene checklists. I prefer not to get involved with all of that.

I am also considering holding these seminars in conjunction with Purity Balls. Wouldn't every lil bible thumping bim like to become knowledgeable about alternatives before they pledge they pledge their vagina to daddy and Jesus? So a day time Anal Sex seminar, prior to the evening Purity Ball seems like a match made in heaven.

AKM said...

"I guess this goes back to the old theory - often applied to good "Christian girls" - that she retained her virginity when dating and engaged to Nick Lachey by practicing sodomy instead."

Very possibly true. I also wonder if those of us who waited a really long time and took our virginity very, very seriously are the ones who just become kinkier and kinkier with time.

Shit You Can't Buy said...

@Count; Are u reading Stoya's blog and got that thing about dumping out the enema solution from there? I swear to god I read that in her blog a couple of weeks ago :O
Plottwist; u are pretending to be a dude and actually Stoya *waves*

Count Jerkula said...

@Shit: no, Sasha Grey on YouTube. She had a few different short videos answering common questions.

Nolesgirl said...

I don't understand why there's an implication that Christians don't (or are bad if they) have sex, even kinky. love is love is love, right?