Friday, May 02, 2014

Blind Items Revealed

November 18, 2012

This actress is barely C list. Considering that she is the star of a network television show you would think she would be a B or even an A. That would probably be pushing it, but in her mind she is an A. The thing is no one recognizes her because no one watches her show. Plus, she just kind of fits in with everyone else. She is not memorable. The other day though she yelled at her PR team and said she was going to get a new team unless they made her famous that week. Yes, she gave them a two day deadline because it was Wednesday already. Well, it is Sunday now and no one knows who she is still. She actually said on the phone that she wanted to be as famous as Lindsay Lohan.

Dakota Johnson (It ended up taking an extra six months, but her team got her a great role)

37 comments:

LottaColada said...

Time for that wardrobe malfunction

Cocoa said...

Lotta, I read her imdb page. She was in the movie Goats!

LottaColada said...

Classic!

Kristin (Wiglet) said...

And three years later we shall see her mad thrusting skills. Nice work, everyone!

Sugar said...

...as INfamous as Lindsay Lohan. Not a lofty goal, Dakota. Aim higher, boo.

Jeneral said...

Don't agree that it is a great role, but it probably will make her more famous.

Count Jerkula said...

She highly mediocre. Her only chance at attaining B+ to A- list name recognition to to show lots of vagine and bunghole in that 50 Shades movie. Initial inspection via Google Image Search tells me titty and buttcheek aint gonna get it done.

And by vagine, I mean actual slit, not bush, and everyone acts like it is vag, like with the Sharon Stone Basic Instinct scene.

Sugar said...

What is this movie about? Goats? Is it a doc about Goats?
Oh, IMDB..... not about goats. sad face.

BUT! David Duchovny played the role of Goat Man. Why no Oscar?

mooshki said...

Well, she's already got the "looking way older than you really are" part down pat. A few cocaine-fueled car crashes and she'll be right up there with LiLo.

sandybrook said...

Wants to be as famous as Lindsay LMFAO!

Seven of Eleven said...

Well, she's got a good start, trumping Lilo's soft-core porn with 50 Shades of Meh. Man, Jax dodged a serious drah-ma! bullet.

This made me laugh:

Rita Ora found her "distracting" and says she's an amazing actress. Rita Ore-Ida also says she was "being the smart girl that came from French school to see her family".

Zach said...

She was okay just being there in The Social Network, but she is a far cry from her mother and grandmother.

Cocoa said...

Sugar, ITA: he plays a goat herding sage who "lives in the pool house"!

Ari said...

She basically chose to do a softcore porn to get famous

Sugar said...

A lot of sane and good actors chose to be in this movie called Goats. I honestly never heard of it before today but if it's on Netflix streaming I may twist one and watch it tonight.

In Goats, Ellis (Graham Phillips) is the most adult member of his eccentric family at 15 years old. His mom (Vera Farmiga) is a New Age hippie that spends all of her time working on self-help rituals with her hustler boyfriend (Justin Kirk). His dad (Ty Burrell) left home years ago and is more focused on his new wife (Keri Russell) and family. And then there's Goat Man (David Duchovny), the goat-herding sage who has lived in their pool house since Ellis was a child, teaching him the meaning of stability, commitment, and expanding one's mind. When Ellis decides to leave Tucson to go to the same East Coast prep school that his father went to, he easily assimilates to his new environment - even gaining the attention of a local girl (Dakota Johnson). But as he re‐connects with his estranged father, he finds Goat Man's influence and his life out West thrown into stark contrast. -- (C) Image

Steampunk Jazz said...

I suppose it beats mowing the acreage. Jeeze Cocoa, where do you keep your goats? By the tennis court?

Count Jerkula said...

Easy people. We don't even know if this 50 Shades movie is going to be good enough to be softcore porn.

Cocoa said...

Goat Man teaches "stability and commitment"? Expanding ones' mind I can believe.

Dakota, this might have been the best project you've been involved in!

Cocoa said...

I keep 'em wherever the Goat Man likes 'em, Steam. :)

Cocoa said...

The books were shite, apparently.

How you doin' today, Count?

Jessica Larson said...

Don't forget who this girls parents are, Don Johnson & Melanie Griffin. I'm surprised she isn't a durg addict porn star. Dokota looks like every other girl her age & doesn't really have it, what makes you want to watch her.

timebob said...

Dakota already went through rehab. I guess it worked so good for her.

http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2007/12/dakota-johnson-leaves-rehab.html

To be fair for the role of Anna Steel she isn't supposed to be a great beauty but a mousy girl that is pretty and naturally submissive that Christian is attracted to, so you know he can whip her sexually. Go feminism!

Sophie Helene said...

Secretary was a great movie about a mousy gal finding fulfillment in submission.

It absolutely did not offend my feminist sensibility.

Fifty Shades in turn just makes me cringe.

lazyday603 said...

She was very funny as the young girlfriend in "The Five Year Engagement". Her breakup scene was a classic rant.

Tara said...

She was amazing in Ben and Kate. I love that show. It bums me out that she's not very Kate in real life!

Anna Olivares said...

Who? :)

Count Jerkula said...

I'm doing alright Cocoa. Afternoon errands to run. Gotta pick up my son for my birthday weekend.

Count Jerkula said...

How about you, Cocoa? How is your day going?

Sillygurl said...

This will never top Secretary! Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader, hottest mainstream sub movie ever. In my opinion.

Sherry said...

Agreed Sillygurl...Secretary had that something off making it right sort of believability movie.

Dakota wants to be famous like Lohag is a very bad ambition to have.

Goats..I'm just speechless except to say I had a friend who worked for a calendar company who suggested "Goats In Trees" for a calendar. One of their best sellers ever.

Jason Blue Eyes said...

Didn't she play one of the new people brought in on the last season of The Office? She was so unmemorable I forgot she was even on the show.

Harlow17 said...

she doesn't stand out in any way except for her parents

Hits123 said...

I wonder if there's anything in Fifty Shads that will make her memorable. They're going to have to shock people to make that movie work. Push boundaries. Otherwise she's just blah.

Cocoa said...

Shit, didn't see this til late. I got busy too. Weird effing day, glad it's nearing an end. Happy birthday again.

Count Jerkula said...

@Cocoa: Thank you, Sweetness. Carvel cake with my son on Sunday will be the highlight.

Alita said...

That sounds like a really compelling movie, @Sugar ;)

I used to have a dream, where I kept David Duchovney in my pool house too, so he could teach me about stability. Note: substitute the words' imprisoned,' 'dungeon,' and 'tantra' into that sentence as you see fit.

Lux said...

I really, really liked Ben & Kate. I was bummed when they cancelled it. I loved it mostly for Nat Faxon and Lucy Can't-remember-her-surname, but I thought Dakota was pretty decent in it.