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Man Tries To Have Sex With ATM

A man, who is probably from Florida, but was arrested in Tennessee tried to have sex with an ATM. Police in Murfreesboro were called to a bar late Friday night when Lonnie Hutton walked into a bar and took off his pants and started trying to have sex with the ATM in the bar. I'm guessing he thought this was a way to enter his PIN without using his fingers. Staff at the bar called police who told Hutton to sit at a picnic table. The wood or checkerboard pattern must have looked especially erotic to Hutton because he then mounted the table and tried to have sex with it. Police suspected Hutton was drunk. Nooooo. What gave it away? He was charged with public intoxication.

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Comments: 51
  1. May 20, 2014 at 9:17 pm

    Well, that ATM shouldn't look so damn bangable. There's an early withdrawal joke here somewhere.

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  2. May 20, 2014 at 9:17 pm

    "…You and the ATM machine you rode in on"

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  3. May 20, 2014 at 9:17 pm

    I thought we already covered the daily Tori and Dean story…

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  4. May 20, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    DECLINED

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  5. May 20, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    i mean, i like money too, but…

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  6. May 20, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    Hey O!

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  7. May 20, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    No Sugar. He was looking to make a deposit.

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  8. May 20, 2014 at 9:19 pm

    Hey O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ATMs are such teases.

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  9. May 20, 2014 at 9:20 pm

    Does crap like this happen in other countries? I mean come on.

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  10. May 20, 2014 at 9:20 pm

    lol @sugar and chuckie :p

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  11. May 20, 2014 at 9:22 pm

    well Sandy Boo has been awfully quiet these days—Nice Mug shot Sandy*jokesjokes*

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  12. May 20, 2014 at 9:22 pm

    I guess he wanted to "cum into money".

    I'm here all week. Try the veal. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

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  13. May 20, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    Hey O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  14. May 20, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    What's with these guys? There was one awhile ago that tried to have sex with the pavement. (Sidewalk). Said he had a thing for Tarmac. Not kidding.

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  15. May 20, 2014 at 9:24 pm

    LOL: "His bail was set at $250, meaning the next sweet nothing whispered by his lover may be, ‘insufficient funds’."

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  16. May 20, 2014 at 9:24 pm

    My milk came out my nose.

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  17. May 20, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    The guy is a sucker for subliminal messaging. Never should have set 3825 as his PIN number.

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  18. May 20, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    on TLC there was a guy who was in love with his car and banged it…

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  19. May 20, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    Ever see that show My Strange Sexual Addiction (I think it's called that). Some dude was fully making out with his 1998 Chevy Monte Carlo named Chase. Some chick also was in love with the Golden Gate Bridge.

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  20. May 20, 2014 at 9:27 pm

    Jinx derek! He's all like, "mainly it’s just a lot of rubbing up against it. It involves masturbating as well.”

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  21. May 20, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    As if I wasn't germaphobic enough already….

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  22. May 20, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    I hope the ATM at least threw him $20 for his efforts.

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  23. May 20, 2014 at 9:30 pm

    Nope. Insult to injury- he still had to pay the Service Charge.

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  24. May 20, 2014 at 9:33 pm

    @Sugar—haha. Well not everyone can afford a Oscar winning yacht girl! and women can be a real handfull sometimes…

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  25. May 20, 2014 at 9:33 pm

    No Cyril'a the ATM stiffed him.

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  26. May 20, 2014 at 9:33 pm

    The minute insurance companies stop paying for boner pills, drunk old guys humping everything will stop.
    So, never.

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  27. May 20, 2014 at 9:34 pm

    Gotta have sex for dem bills sometime.

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  28. May 20, 2014 at 9:35 pm

    @crila16, bloody spellcheck .

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  29. May 20, 2014 at 9:44 pm

    Shaddup Derek!!!!!! There was a guy down here in the county next to mine who wanted a marriage license to marry his PC last week because he loved the porn on it. He was taken to the hospital for evaluation instead.

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  30. May 20, 2014 at 9:49 pm

    Well if that ATM didn't dress so slutty & lead him on.

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  31. May 20, 2014 at 9:51 pm

    Talk about a needled*ck.

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  32. May 20, 2014 at 9:52 pm

    Guy in Sweden was caught on CCTV banging a bicycle. I can sort of see it. This is my bike and you can see for yourself she's a beauty and some times, well ….

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  33. May 20, 2014 at 9:54 pm

    For a while he'll be accepting deposits instead if making them.

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  34. May 20, 2014 at 9:55 pm

    That ATM must have been hard up! Look at him. Unless he put some money in first.

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  35. May 20, 2014 at 10:17 pm

    You guys are too funny! LOL

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  36. May 20, 2014 at 10:18 pm

    I gotta say I really feel for the ATM, one minute its all about the ATM & then next thing you know dude turns around & is all over the table like really what a Skank!

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  37. May 20, 2014 at 10:19 pm

    The table must have been showing more leg.

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  38. May 20, 2014 at 10:25 pm

    Save a cowboy ride an ATM?

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  39. May 20, 2014 at 10:28 pm

    Tres bien, Tina.

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  40. May 20, 2014 at 11:25 pm

    Heard of a guy in high school who tried doing it with a vacuum cleaner. So I guess an ATM would represnt a technological update.

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  41. May 21, 2014 at 12:02 am

    No.

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  42. May 21, 2014 at 12:04 am

    Dumb, Wendy.

    I tried to use single syllable words so you'd get it. But then I said syllable. Double dumb! How was church?

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  43. May 21, 2014 at 12:14 am

    Heeey, didn't SingleManInLoveWithLove say on the Swank BI that all men see vaginas as how much they are worth? Reader Photo Day!! Woot!

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  44. May 21, 2014 at 2:59 am

    I have absolutely nothing to add to this string of posts. All you guys are too bloody funny. Take a bow.

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  45. May 21, 2014 at 3:09 am

    wasn't this in Bad Grandpa and the fake dong was stuck?

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  46. May 21, 2014 at 4:38 am

    Deposit or withdrawal?

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  47. May 21, 2014 at 7:29 am

    Maybe he thought it was a sperm bank?

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  48. May 21, 2014 at 7:29 am

    True Q: where is there a slot to fit any penii? Maybe he was just a dancing machine.

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  49. May 21, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    Name of bar please?
    Cum.on.in.
    Open all night
    Sluttybuddy.
    @count where r u

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  50. May 21, 2014 at 3:59 pm

    I love the victim shaming that continues after every assault case.
    Like the atm. Was being overly suggestive. Or just asking for pin# not penis. Some people always have to slut.shame.the.victim.
    #shameonyou.

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  51. May 21, 2014 at 5:36 pm

    "I thought it said enter your PEEN number."

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May 20, 2014 51 Comments Uncategorized17