Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Aimee Mann, Ted Leo And My Parents



“I need you to drive tonight.”

Those might seem like ordinary words to all of you, but in my house, those six words cause heads to spin and mom to turn off HSN. I don’t think she has made Wolfgang Puck a millionaire by herself, but I would be really upset if she went to Spago and he didn't pick up the tab for dinner.

As soon as my dad uttered those magic words, my mind drifted back to the Uma Thurman piggyback incident. I don’t know if she has ever truly healed. Physically, yes, but mentally, you don’t expect your friend’s father to suddenly leap on your back and start asking her what she was thinking when she made Johnny B Goode.

There was the Mena Suvari fawning at The Improv. Luckily, Mena was in between guys at the time and is a very good sport and loves my dad or that could have been embarrassing for everyone.

The run in with Sean Hayes where my dad kept running up to Sean and doing jazz hands also springs to mind.

Don’t even get me started about why Sam Waterston started going to the 1130 church service instead of the 10 a.m. service. If Sam is walking down Camden on Sunday morning in his sport jacket and slacks and sees my dad, he invariably crosses the street while always giving a polite nod to my mom while his wife Lynn whispers hello as they rush past.  My dad then starts trash talking Law & Order at a volume Sam is sure to hear.

It is the day before Father’s Day and mom and dad and I are all going to see one of our favorites, Aimee Mann. My dad has always been a sucker for tall blondes and Aimee is so nice to each human being that has ever crossed her path that she even calls dad on his birthday and of course he thinks this must be true love. My love for Aimee comes from her love of whiskey. The fact that she enjoys drinking it out of a red Solo cup just kind of cements the deal.

“I will drive, but please, just behave. I love going to the El Rey and if you get us banned, I will be really upset,” I replied.

Dad starts drinking early. Really early. As in the show doesn't start until 9 and he is sipping bourbon at 4 early. Mom doesn't seem to mind though so I let it go. Not in the Frozen sense, but just letting it go as in I don’t want to make a big deal of it and I do mind if it is cold. Who the hell wants to live in an ice castle anyway? Oh, and where does she get her food?

Contrary to most laws, my dad is drinking in the back seat of the minivan while I play chauffeur and drive my parents to the show. I really don’t want to look in the back because I am afraid what I will see. There was this time when I was a kid and heard a lot of noise from my parent’s room. I was probably around 8 and I went to investigate. I blame some of my drinking issues on that night and what I saw when I opened the door.

We arrived a little early and I know Aimee that you are reading this and I love you with all of my bacon loving heart, but why oh why did you let that band open for you? I would have preferred Juliet from Ladies Of London belting out the National Anthem to that group. Not that mom and dad even noticed because they were a little busy. Father’s Day is a lock for my dad with my mom and apparently he wanted to celebrate early. You have never seen a guy so upset that there were attendants in the bathrooms.

“They have a damn c**k blocker in the men’s room.”

Yeah, not what you want to hear from a parent, but mom seemed like she was enjoying all the attention and if they want to be that way, who am I to say otherwise. 

If you have never seen Aimee in concert, you are missing out. I know lots of you have no idea who Til Tuesday is, and you should stop reading now and go You Tube them and I will see you back here in an hour.

You put Aimee on a stage and you are going to have a great time. You throw in Ted Leo and you are going to have an awesome time. If anyone saw the opening act and then saw Aimee and Ted who go by the name The Both, you will understand why some groups make it and some don’t.

For those of you who have read the site from the beginning and remember the band photos, you know how much I love good music. I adore it. The only distraction for me was when Aimee asked for a new guitar for Ted and asked her husband Michael Penn to come deliver it from their house. All I could think was, “Do I stay and listen or do I run outside and wait for him as he drives up and run after him yelling out, “What about Charlize and your brother? Is Lizzie Caplan into fat guys who smell like bacon? (He does the music for Masters Of Sex).

Aimee and Ted went through what seemed like their entire catalogs. Have I ever mentioned how Aimee was robbed of an Academy Award for her song Save Me from Magnolia?  Tom Cruise agreeing to have Aimee perform most of the soundtrack is one of the few decisions that Tom and I see eye to eye about. Oh, and that if I could marry Katie Holmes and have her reenact her scene in The Gift. OK, so he probably didn't care, but I would.

When Aimee and Ted said goodnight, some of the people started to leave and I wanted to yell at them because I knew and the crowd knew that stayed that Aimee would be back. There was one number she didn’t sing when performing. Voices Carry. I love that song. I don’t know how she does it, but almost 30 years later she sounds the same singing it. Oh, J-Lo, you can only dream about having talent like this.
When Aimee and Ted finally said goodnight for real, my parents were in a lip lock and I was stone cold sober. Those two things do not go well together.

I asked them if they wanted to hang around and talk to Aimee, but my dad said he was ready to leave. I started to text Aimee to say we would be going and I would talk to her later, but my dad pulled out his phone and with remarkable dexterity for a man his age and while cupping my mother in a scene straight out of Cinemax, said he had it under control. Turns out my dad has Uber on his phone and while he bitched about the surge pricing he got a driver and said that he was taking mom to a hotel.

Well, it was past midnight, so I guess he was starting Father’s Day early.

Left alone and now slowly sipping some whiskey I stole from backstage I waited for Aimee and watched the guys from the opening act try and convince some women they were going to be big stars.

Out came Aimee and there she was with that red Solo cup and sipping her whiskey. We stopped talking only long enough for me to take a photo of her with two fans who flew from Europe just so they could see Aimee. That is some dedication. I could have seen Aimee in Malibu a few months ago, but waited until she was 20 miles closer. I told her I had a head cold which is why I missed the Malibu show. Let’s keep that between us though.


55 comments:

derek harvey said...

I love Voices Carry! and Aimees husband does the music for shows like GIRLS which is always awesome. We have the same b-day! He is also Sean Penns brother which could explain how enty has so much dirt about him....

derek harvey said...
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Violet said...

ah, enty's mum and dad. cute. and enty's mum and dad and sex talk. not so cute.

derek harvey said...

how does Aimee still look 25....

Nutty_Flavor said...

Fun story, Enty. Thanks.

Renoblondee said...

Very cool post OG Enty!

WareCat said...

God damn!
tl:dr.

SecretTorture said...

g'awwwww Enty Sr. goes hard :')

Sass71 said...

This is an Old School Enty type story. I enjoy them :)

AJ said...
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AJ said...

This is epic. Love Aimee & getting OG ENTY posts.
Hi OG ENTY !!! We've missed ya !!!

Dena said...

Yay OG - great story! And I agree, Magnolia is a fantastic soundtrack!

Stephy said...

Aimee's one of my favorites. I love the album "Lost in Space"--depressing, but great!

Gossip-Monster said...

I love this! I love Aimee Mann! More music stories please!!

bellaluna said...

I LOVE her voice! Have since high school and bought and wore out Til Tuesday's cd. I still know all the words to every song. No More Crying is one of my faves.

Enty, I know it's not what anyone ever wants to see, but you are blessed that your parents are still so in love. ;-)

Candyland said...

OG Enty in the house!

Brenda L said...

Whassup OG? I miss the music photos from back in the day! I've not been the same since.

discoflux said...

Love Aimee Mann and love this story!

Glad to see you and the parents are doing well, Enty!

derek harvey said...

though I am slightly confused about the bathroom attendant being a cock blocker---was his dad trying to get some action George Michael style...

TinselSass said...

The original Enty returns! And order is restored to the universe!

(Best to your fantastic parents!)

Rose Lizenberg said...

This was a surprisingly fun read, thanks for posting!

Rose Lizenberg said...
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MikeAdamson said...

Now that was a good story.

sandybrook said...

OG ENTY thank goodness you are here today the idiots running things have made a complete mess!

Wendy Rene said...

Omgosh, she looks exactly the same as she did back then with Til Tuesday!! Gorgeous.

hahaha...piggybacks, jazz hands, jaywalking. I love Enty's dad already.

Great stories :)

sandybrook said...

Voices Carry! :)))

Turkish Taffy said...

Great story.

Sincerely,Your Friend said...

Fun read Enty!!!
Yeah, Pops sounds like a hoot!! I had a dad that was a hoot too. Always makes things interesting, and makes for great stories. Enjoy the folks!!

rolotomassi said...

OG Enty, Encore..Encore..

AKM said...

Aimee Mann cleans my house.

TalksTooMuch said...

Lol that's cool and funny

Zach said...

I see enty is capable of good grammar when we wants to be. (Forgive me, all, a little irritable this morning, and always upset to view the BIs after the majority of posters -- west coast problems.)

Zach said...

*he. And I get there are multiple enties. Eek!

Harlow17 said...

Love this story! Thanks og enty

Persephone said...

Love, love, love Aimee. My only (note worthy) high school claim to fame is that she and I went to rival high schools in Richmond.

Virginia Squatch said...

Come back more often OG Ent!

AndyCane said...

I'll take this story over an onslaught of boring blind items/reveals any day.

Jason Blue Eyes said...

Was it really Tom's idea to have Aimee do the songs for the movie? I thought it was PTA's idea, as he wanted the movie to be reminiscent of The Graduate. Anyway, great choice. Magnolia destroys me every time I watch it. Especially the Wise Up scene. And Kevin Smith bashes that movie every chance he gets. Fuck you, Kevin Smith.

Oh, yeah, Aimee was robbed. Fuck you too, Phil Collins. The South Park dudes were right.

Count Jerkula said...

Who?

CanadianMiss said...

OG ENTY! How I miss you!

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

Post of the Year! OG Enty, Enty parental fornication, and AIMEE MANN!

PugsterMom said...

Best enty post ever.

califblondy said...

Great story and pictures.

Mz Kitty said...

yay og enty! had to put my 2 cents in

katslo said...

Love Aimee and Ted Leo, both genius musicians and cool people. People, give a listen to Ted's old band, Ted Leo & the Pharmacists. Caught them in a free concert years ago and it remains one of the best performances I ever saw, ever

Mango said...

Aimee is so nice to each human being that has ever crossed her path...

Except for Ice T.

Kimba said...

Most awsome-est post in years Enty! Love that you are tight with Aimee - you're an okay dude, even if you give us the good shite a few coughs a year.
I'm gonna try whiskey in a solo.....be a cool cat.

Snootches said...

Fuck. Now I have that Red Solo Cup song in my head.

Fried Cheese said...

I loved this!! I knew you had stories in you, and I hope to see more of that in the future:)

Sandy said...

OMG, this makes me want to drag out my "Whatever" and "I'm With Stupid" CDs right now. I used to hate her in "Voices Carry"-era Til Tuesday, but that all changed when I heard "Everything's Different Now," one of the single greatest albums ever made about a lost love. Now I worship her, although I do think she was at her apex when she worked with Jon Brion.

I am impressed that you're her friend, Enty. Wow.

Henriette said...

I adore Sam Waterson!

Prunella Buggerweeds said...

I love everything about this post!

You Don't Say said...

Great story. Come back more often, Enty. I've missed your writing.

Bitca said...

OG Enty! Miss your great narrative anecdotes sooo much. And it all rings true.

My mom's executor is an ent-lawyer & was a dear friend of hers. So, when he came by the apt to go through her financials, it was not just his quiet grief that showed how her loss affected him--he spent hours of his own time at this painstaking task--on a Sunday. What perhaps impressed me most was his determination to always be available, despite being on call around the clock for a clientele that includes some seriously demanding A list types.

Um, so not very surprised you had to resort to an "Ent" Army... tho' in honesty, a couple of the Entites/Enterns/AltEnts (or whatever they like to call themselves) might benefit from a gentle suggestion that some ESL tutoring would vastly benefit their career paths ;-) ?

Dean AtomBombCafe Lewis said...

Nice writing, and nice writeup.