Wednesday, June 04, 2014

Blind Item #8

This former A list mostly movie actor who rarely changes clothes has been making his neighbors angry because he has been shooting every squirrel that comes through his backyard.

106 comments:

Kristin (Wiglet) said...

Pepaw Derp

AlexF said...

Shia

derek harvey said...

Davey Crockett

jack ducky said...

Depp. Ugh he use to be so attractive and talented.

Violet said...

Squirrels are rats with tails. Depp?

Riven said...

Sad Keanu Reeves is sad

Diane McGee Hardin said...

another vote for Shia.

parissucksliterally said...

Joaquin Phoenix

OneEyeCharlie said...

No love for squirrels either. Rats with fluffy tails.

Pacino. And he calls every one of them, Fredo.

derek harvey said...

"Amber go feed those lovely squirls honey-I will be right here cleaning my riffle"

Sass71 said...

@Violet, squirrels are rats with good PR.

Violet said...

Bushy tails. I know rats have tails.

Frufra said...

Does sound like a Depp move. I had a great-uncle who'd shoot squirrels out of his yard and cook them. I'll never forget the time we went over there for dinner, and the choice was squirrel or venison. Note: his home was in one of the old, downtown neighborhoods in our city, not out in the country.

Riven said...

(Ps yes I'm legitimately guessing Keanu for this one, although I can totes picture Gary Busey running through his backyard stage-whisper-screaming "HELLO SQUIRREL! HELLO NATURE!"

Seven of Eleven said...

Ugh, I loathe squirrels. There is a little squirrel mafia in our neighborhood and they taunt the dogs into a barking frenzy. Neighbor's huge dog, other neighbor's teacup dogs, other neighbor's poodle, some days I'd give my kingdom for a slingshot.

Violet said...

Sass. I do like a red squirrel though. I can forget the rat then.

Frufra said...

@ derek - your Depp dialogue made me lol!

Frufra said...

P.S. - these are the kind of blind items I adore over all other genres of blind items. I'm giggling my head off thinking about different movie stars and their squirrel-shooting scenarios!

discoflux said...

I love squirrels. They make a nice alternative to chicken with dumplings.

Frufra said...

Plus, have y'all seen the SpongeBob where he does stand-up, telling primarily squirrel jokes at Sandy Cheeks' expense? "Squirrely squirrely squirrel" is what he sings for his vocal warm-ups. Gotta find a link to that.

Froggy England said...

I wonder at what point you realise that not changing your clothes and spending your days shooting at squirrels is not ideal and you should maybe get yourself sorted.

JoElla said...

OMG seriously.. ya'll hating on squirrels?!

But i'm the type of person who feeds the birds and yes, the squirrels like to snack as well. And I don't have big ass noisy dogs either..

Kno Won Uno said...

I think Shia, too. He's definitely former A. Isn't Depp still A list?

Karen said...

Squirrels have been known to go missing from my father's yard if they were stealing from his vegetable garden. He used to keep an air rifle by the back door for this purpose, but hasn't resorted to that for many years now.

One time he shot one that was in a tree two houses down from ours. He didn't know that the couple who lived there were outside eating breakfast, but found out when they started shouting. They saw it fall from the tree and thought it died upon impact.

Frufra said...

Ok, for those of us who might have 11 minutes to kill:

https://archive.org/details/SpongebobSquarepants-SquirrelJokes

Lily Thomas said...

Def Shia. Depp isn't former and we have seen him in different clothes. Shia is always in those nasty clothes.

Boishglamorpuss said...

Are you one of my neighbors? The vermin hid in the 2 mulberry trees in our backyard, taunting the dogs.....

derek harvey said...

Well if it is Shia I highly doubt he is concerned for his garden. I see potential serial killer personality traits in him already. He already dresses like the Unabomber and his desire for his "hot" mom---he needs help cause I predict he is crazy

Riven said...

@Derek it's called "art," ok? If Lady Gaga can get away with calling her asinine stunts for attention "art" then so can little baby Stevens. He's just so under appreciated these days. Poor little Picasso.

derek harvey said...

I saw Nymphomaniac Vol 1 and 2 and "little" Picasso sounds about right. That is mean but I cant stand this guy...

Melissa said...

Depp is a known gun fan. He's gotten in trouble before for discharging a gun on his property.

Sherry said...

Same her JoElla. The former MIL had one as a pet. It was a lovely creature but then I don't condone shooting any animals. Love them all.

Shia is my guess too. Scary thought of him with a rifle.

JSierra said...

I started liking squirrels when I met the ones on campus and they came right up to me and ate Altoids out of hands. They were so cute how they furiously nibble nibble nibbled and then stood up with hands out asking me for more. I just want to squish their chubby, fluffy little cheeks.

SusanB said...

If it were legal in the city limits I'd do the same thing. I hate squirrels.

Shocky said...

De Niro

Junior Mints said...

Renner is always bragging about his guns and his dick (look at that basic stripper beard he pays): I first thought it was him but I am sure his long time boyfriend does most of the shooting. wink wink.

Gayeld said...

I used to love squirrels. Fed them in parks and at the college. Then I bought a house. All it took was having them chew through the phone lines (twice*) and having to scrap the one that fried itself on the power lines off the lawn to change that.

That said, I prefer to let the cats take care of them. Shoot animals not cool, especially in a residential neighborhood.



*This was in the days of DSL. I didn’t mind loosing the phone, but they took out my internet, the little bastards.

Renoblondee said...

Awww, I love squirrels! They're so cute to watch! I have a huge acorn tree they run around.

LowKey said...

GODDAMMIT RIVEN!!!!
*wipes spittle off screen*

LowKey said...

Squirrels are fucking delicious.

aemish said...

The squirrels in St. Augustine will eat bread out of your hand.

sandybrook said...

Depp is filming in Boston as Whitey Bulger shouldn't be him imma say Shia.
squirrels are friendly rats as long as you leave them alone. I like the mf 'ers OTOH I dont like opossoms which Ive also had a few run-ins with. :(

sugarbread maker said...

vanessa paradis is the elin nordegrin of hollywood. she must be getting magic dick every night and shopping johnny's money away all day. poor amber neverheard will have to limpride this out for evah!!

__-__=__ said...

Whaaaaaaaat???????????

Sincerely,Your Friend said...

+1

aemish said...

lol @sugarbread

Glitter said...

I used to love squirrels but my yard is overrun with them. We have several pecan trees and they are constantly eating them (in season) and dropping the shells on the deck. They make a huge mess.

Count Jerkula said...

If he would like to branch out into coyotes and cats, she can stop by my house for a couple days.

Oh, and I got another woodchuck in the run in shed. I threw a chunk of rat poison in his hole, hopefully that does the trick.

Sincerely,Your Friend said...

Keaneu, call me. My brother got me a pellet gun for my BD. And he set a target up in my backyard that u can use, and my neighbors don't complain...yet.

Had an oposum set up camp under the house and came out at night. I couldn't do it. Just couldn't. So bro got me a trap, I doctorated it with tree branches, MASH style, and put a banana it it and got myself an opossum. My brother came and got it and took it golfing. So he said. (Actually he swears he did)
I don't recommend doing this and using cat food as bait. I caught 2 of the neighbors cats with that. They did not go golfing their still trying to use my flower beds for their toilet. Lucky I'm nice cuz I'm a good shot now.

Frufra said...

For the record, the logical side of me says this is Shia. But it's much more fun to picture Depp shooting squirrels. In full Jack Sparrow costume. Or maybe Willy Wonka costume.

texas rose said...

Keanu doesn't have time to sit around his back yard shooting squirrels. He is too busy out stalking Charlize. I think that is why she is dating Penn- a bodyguard.

Harry Knuckles said...

Maybe Depp, but I wouldn't bet on it. Johnny loves his guns ... almost wacked Winona ... but this would have to be an air gun ... discharge a firearm in Los Angeles and SWAT will be parked outside your house 7 minutes later. Can't see Depp pissing around with pellet and BB guns. Maybe a 22 with a silencer, though. Wouldn't mind something like that for myself.

I like squirrels. Don't like rats. Years ago was living in a bachelor apartment with the kitchen table across the back of the pullout couch. Was watching tv and noticed a rustling sound. Turned around and there was a big rat about a foot away from my head gnawing his way into my bag of Bridge Mix. I jumped up and yelled like a little girl and the rat ran down the lamp cord and into the closet and back through the big hole in the wall that I didn't know about. Went down to the hardware store to buy some rat traps but they didn't have any so bought some much smaller mouse traps. That night I set the mouse traps with a little cheese (Kraft Slices) and got into bed and turned off the lamp on the kitchen table. Five seconds later there was a big SNAP followed 1 second later by a thump of something landing on the bed by my feet. I somewhat hurriedly turned the table lamp back on and there it was, a big fucking rat down at the end of the bed with a mouse trap clamped around it's neck. The rat was thrashing about like crazy and after a few seconds the trap was off and the rat was gone. Just leaped off the bed. Over the next couple of days I scoured the tiny apartment for rat openings, sealing up everything I found with tin foil and window caulking and metal screening, and laid half a dozen proper rat traps - got a couple. No more rat incidents after that ... but some day I'll tell you about the cockroach that crawled up my dick.

MissInfo said...

@HarryKnuckles...I am DEATHLY afraid of mice...rats especially! In Houston, we have a major possum problem so I see them in the backyard ALL the time. Once I tried to scare one away with a broom because he wouldn't get out of the tree. This sucker leapt out with his claws extended and was aiming towards my face (apparently they go for the eyes, I didn't know this at the time) and I ran so fast that I hit the door face first because I wasn't even thinking about it being closed. LOL! Thankfully, I opened the door and as I was slamming it closed, he almost got in!! NEVER AGAIN did I go into the backyard to lay out. Your rat story scared me...I would have died if that thing landed on my bed but glad you haven't had a rat problem since!

Now, I haven't had a roach crawl near my privates BUT one crawled up my sleeve and I smashed it on my arm and when I took my shirt off, it was all gushy when I turned the shirt inside out. UGH!!

Clark St. said...

The only good squirrel is a dead squirrel!

aemish said...

Cheesus people.. I come in to check a comment or five, not the Encyclopedia Brittanica

hang on.. scrolling up

Saritex said...

Ha, I went on a blind date with a guy once that disclosed that he did this regularly. Even creepier, he developed a "special way of disposing of their bodies" so that his female roommate wouldn't "see all the blood and know what happened". I gave him a pass (he was a police office in NO during Katrina), but not a second date.

fancyscreenname said...

@oneeyecharlie
HA!
"I'm SMAAAT"
From the epic scene in The Godfather when Fredo yelled "I'm smart"...
LOOOOVE that freaking movie!

This is Depp, btw...

aemish said...

LMFAO @harry
you rule dude, *1000smooches*

aemish said...

TMI @MissInfo.. TMI!!! :p

Wen said...

I have no worries. I have the ultimate cat warrior. She will kill anything that tries to get inside. Nothing is taking HER food!

Wen said...

I have no worries. I have the ultimate cat warrior. She will kill anything that tries to get inside. Nothing is taking HER food!

Hanwi said...

Sounds like something that James Spader does. I think he talked about it in an interview years ago, and if my memory doesn't fail completely he also said he cooks them... But he's done plenty of TV in recent years, so maybe not him this time.

FrenchGirl said...

Keanu or Shia?

Junior Mints said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Senor Salty said...

Gary Busey for the win

Lioness70 said...

This guy hanging out with Uncle Si?

Depp is still A. Barely. This is Shia.

Lioness70 said...

I'm no fan of squirrels. I have chickens, and a few like to come up on my deck for treats. Effing piece of shit squirrel is on my deck every damn day stealing them. I have Miss Kay's squirrel recipe, so he better watch it.

8=====D aka Lil Tool. KermitGosnellKnobJockey said...

Squirrels are tiny and fast. Either the dude is great aiming or the neighbors have to fear for their integrity.

Mark said...

This is Yosemite Sam. he also shoots rabbits and any other varmints that enter his yard.

MeanieRhysie said...

Some of y'all be evil! ;(

I like squirrels!

aemish said...

@Rhysie.. co-sigh x8!

My brother shot one when I was ten and he was eight and I made him come down and have a memorial service :(

fancyscreenname said...

@junior

What is an iVillage and please explain why we r starting to smell like it.

aemish said...

@fancy.. no fair! I wanna know why we smell like something that got deleted

Seven of Eleven said...

iVillage is a chat/forum style site geared mostly toward women. Junior Mints isn't happy that there is chatter instead of only BI guesses.

I'm watching OITB again in anticipation of 6 June's premiere. I wonder if Twix Bar will be up next to complain about that reference. Turns out, there are solutions.

TalksTooMuch said...

Seven! I am putting up a post on Book Club for the OITNB premier! Mr is away so there will be boxed wine and blogging. You HAVE to come! Sugarbread is, maybe some other peeps?

I LOVE Junior Mints! The candy

Also clearly those squirrels shoulda got off his lawn

aemish said...

ROFL

aemish said...

@TTM post the whens the wheres and the whens again

aemish said...

nvm.. see yall on Sundae :D

TalksTooMuch said...

See you then! OITNB is Friday, tho!

fancyscreenname said...

@aemish
...what 7 said.

Junior Mints said...

ugh-i don't know how i deleted my post: i said its starting to smell like iVillage NOT that posters are smelly. everyone chill the f*ck out and yes my patience threshold for the chit chat on blind threads is limited.

Harry Knuckles said...

Missinfo. that is a very scary encounter with a possum! I had no idea they could be aggressive like that. Always thought possum's were one of those critters that would just toddle off if a human got too close, like a raccoon. Leaping out of the tree at you is freaking me out!

I've got lots more rat and cockroach stories. Something for you to look forward to.

fancyscreenname said...

@junior

We are chillin'. "U" however ...are not.

;^)

Harry Knuckles said...

Thank you aemish. And double thanks for getting me all fired up and then just leaving ... now I have to go take a cold shower. Third one today.

Kat has left the building said...

Depp loves guns but doesn't he live in France? Do they have squirrels in France? And he may (until recently) look unshowered and dirty but his clothes are always different. Shai has been photographed in the same dirty outfit often.
Fwiw I love squirrels and think they're adorable. And I'm dying bc I saw a baby chipmunk the other day and it was the cutest thing.

MeanieRhysie said...

@Fancy, *snort* :D

@Kat, I <3 baby (and adult) chipmunks!

MadLyb said...

Depp in HST mode.

Dizzel said...

I read my daughter what you wrote. She sang out, "squirrelly, squirrelly, squirrel", like, "me, me, me". lol.

She knows it, too, Fru!

Dizzel said...

*that should be 4, me's*

aemish said...

are you serious?! I missed you all uhh-gen?!

pusssykatt said...

sugarbread maker...still chuckling...amber neverheard! Priceless!

Alita said...

Wow how surprising and fresh.

- new posters with a 'series' of names
- bitching about OT chat

Just waiting for Elaine, Kramer, or the Soup Nazi to have a go at some completely random Canadian.

Comon' - mix it up!

Seven of Eleven said...

@TTM, I will so be there for OITNB!

I read something funny on notalwaysworking.com (introduced to me by a fine betch) that went:

(I am putting away the bulk candy bins at our movie theater and one of my coworkers make an observation about one of the candies.)

Coworker: “I can’t believe all the salt on these Sour Patch Kids.”
Me: “What? Salt? That’s not salt. That’s sugar.”
Coworker: “Then what makes them so bitter?”
Me: “I don’t know. Loneliness, despair, general sadness…”

LowKey said...

IKR, Alita? Next thing you know, we'll be unjustly accused of *bantering*!
Or worse... FAWNING!!!!!

The horrors!

Seven of Eleven said...

ಠ_ಠ

Melissa of Grand Island said...

Texas...totally conspiracy! Love this..

Melissa of Grand Island said...

Sam is always A+, can't be him! Lol

sugarbread maker said...

@lowkey. soon we will be told to get back to work! stop dawdling!

sugarbread maker said...

oh and depp lives in a castle in the hw hills. france wanted to make him a citizen and he was so honored until he realized he would have to pay $$ in taxes if he were a resident so years ago he hightailed his ass back to la. his kids have gone to school in la for years, he just likes to still act European like gwynnie

Melissa of Grand Island said...

To all my FAV Canadians..speaking of squirrels I had NEVER seem a black squirrel till I was in Canada..it scared me so bad, I screamed like a little girl. People saw me, I looked like an idiot, the lady said to me "Your not from around here". This one looked creepy and like a giant rat..I guess I'm just a big baby..I was walking my dog Ella, at the time. They were also acting aggresive running right by Ella & I. The scary scary "Black" squirrel!!

OneEyeCharlie said...

Lots of black squirrels along the West Michigan shoreline, Melissa. Of course, we're knd of Canada Lite.

BitchieMitchie said...

Penn is a big pussy. He was that short shit in HS that thought he owned the school would push people around and he was all talk.

Riven said...

@Low_Key It took me all day to realize the BI is about shooting a gun not a home movie. I'm like why are y'all so violent?

I really want to see Gary Busey chasing squirrels though. :(

Riven said...

Don't lie though, you could totes imagine Keanu Keeves in his backyard dressed in pajama bottoms and a black cotton robe looking like a hot damn mess recording every squirrel that runs through his yard and dubbing it with orchestral music.

Alita said...

Saritex - that's pretty scary. Good call on the second date decision.

Alita said...

I wrote 'low-key' on a work thing earlier in the week. I thought about you.

#fawning