Friday, June 20, 2014

What Every New Bride Needs - Gun, Cereal And Duct Tape

Judging by the wedding registry of Jill Duggar, the honeymoon is going to be out of this world. Jill is getting married this weekend to Derick Dillard, who also wants to have 20 kids. On their registry are items such as a shotgun, a rifle, ammunition, a football, a basketball and a foosball table. Also on the list are green, pink and orange rolls of neon duct tape and five different kinds of cereal. Do you think they will use all of the duct tape during the honeymoon or will they save some for the first year of the marriage. Then, when boredom sets in and they realize they don't know each other because they never really dated, the foosball table and other sporting equipment will be used.

53 comments:

Kristin (Wiglet) said...

Mazel.

NEXT

TalksTooMuch said...

I immediately thought Bernardo / Homolka and I'm sorry

Violet said...

Lord, so many uses for all that duct tape. That poor girl's going to be in for a mighty shock.

Frufra said...

Wonder where this registry can be found - WalMart, Target, where? Shotgun plus ammo plus foosball table makes me think WalMart.

Dolphy said...

Anyone else seeing a white line? Was something redacted?

Tongue N. Cheek said...

Even duct tape can't fix stupid. But it can muffle the sound....

OneEyeCharlie said...

You can't go wrong with All Bran.

Freya said...

Interesting foreplay.

TalksTooMuch said...

That ain't right, TNC

Whitney said...

Just found it on Walmart.com. It is a normal registry for a very young couple in the Ozarks. Lots of bedding, housewares, kitchen stuff, etc. the cereal is kind of weird, but it shows that people have purchased it. Maybe it is an inside joke or something.

Tongue N. Cheek said...

Oh I was kidding. Not like I went all full Count Jerkula.

Shelly Shell said...

Is this at Walmart? What other store has all those items? Target doesn't sell guns.

You can tell how young they are with all the sports stuff. Wedding registry is for those household items, like applicances, furniture, etc...to help a couple get those house started. Putting things like duct tape & cereal on is just asking for each guest to just buy a roll of duct tape.

Shelly Shell said...
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TalksTooMuch said...

Ohhhhhh!

crila16 said...

You can fix anything with duct tape. Maybe he's just a handy guy around the house.

WareCat said...

Wat, no Pop Tarts?!

auntliddy said...

There is oddball stuff on there and multiples of some items. And their family's whole mantra is buy used. And save. So wtf? Over on Duggars Witjout Pity- dont judge- there is spec someone is adding things as a joke. I wish they wld address that and say why they seem to need 2 blenders. and doubles of other stuff

WastedTime said...

The duct tape is probably to keep him "out", so to speak, so she doesn't have to have 31 kids.

Froggy England said...

Apparently they are registered at bed bath and beyond, Walmart and amazon. I googled it, but still don't know who the hell they are. Other than a random couple who like duct tape.

Kristin (Wiglet) said...

TNC OT, after copious amount of research, Skeletor farting gif does not exist. But a Schwarzenegger movie montage set to farts does!

Fartzenegger

Froggy England said...

Lol at fartzenegger. Suggest headphones if listening in the office:-))

Tongue N. Cheek said...

Will you all think less of me if I tell you I fought back tears from laughing at that? What am I? 12? Too funny.

Erin B said...

I hope if they're having 20 kids they keep those guns locked up.

Alita said...

It's okay, TNC. We have a 'juveniles corner' here at CDaN. We're thinking of putting extensions on.

Liz L said...

I hate that I know this, but they usually invite over 500 people to their weddings. They probably ran out of stuff to register for.

Haywood Jablomee said...
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AKM said...
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AKM said...

RE: the cereal...Jill's secretly a "Seinfeld" fan. Don't tell Mom and Dad!

Also, am I a weirdo because I kind of want to buy the Burger King gift cards they requested and send 'em to them? You know..."Jill Duggar requested BK gift cards as a wedding present, and I sent them to her!"

I just think it's funny...no? Just me?

Haywood Jablomee said...

Holy discount doublecheck. We have a winner in the Aaron Rodgers look-alike contest. One call, that's all.

Wen said...

Well! Excuse her for not being a paid whore piece of shit like most of Hollyweird. Decency? OMG

Wen said...

Well! Excuse her for not being a paid whore piece of shit like most of Hollyweird. Decency? OMG

JSierra said...

Man, they're really going all out with the gift cards aren't they? It also seems like they are really into camping, and bedding of every thread count. At least they're not pulling a Kimmie K and registering for absurdly expensive shit.

LetLoveRule said...

I didn't recognize them and thought for a second this was going to be a story about a wife who offed her husband! The registry is a little 'Dexter-' esque, no?

Tina Mallette said...

Now come on now y'all hunting skills come in handy when you plan on a tribe of 20.

CanadianMiss said...

Is it just me, or does that pic look a little "young girl, creepy uncle"?

Sherry said...

Sigh...the Duggars lost another babysitter.

Cereal has GOT to be an inside joke

Seven of Eleven said...

It's not just you, @CanadianMiss. He gives me a skeeze vibe.

I was at Office Depot the other day and I walked by this huge display of patterned and colorful duct tape. Barbie duct tape, flowers, patterns, polka dots, you name it - but all I could think of was, "Barbie duct tape? Is that what Ken wanted for Christmas?"

skimpymist said...

Jills going to have quite the busy weekend. She's getting married, having her first kiss and finally getting laid all in one day. Jill looks like quite the freak too. She's always giving her guy the "I want to have crazy marathon sex right here right now" look.

SecretTorture said...

Why all the negativity? I think it's nice they've chosen modest items for their registry. Things they'll actually use and enjoy and that will be affordable for people attending their wedding who themselves likely have a dozen kids or more.

Meauxelle said...

@TTM, Bernardo/Homolka? I am speechless, and very, very, impressed that they were your first thought, lol!

TalksTooMuch said...

I'm a little worried myself, Meauxelle!

RowdyRodimus said...

I used to be a Team Leader at Long John Silver's, for a few months back in 2001 (during 9-11 in fact, that's when I decided to tell them I'd been away from home too long) they sent me to manage the store a town over from where the Duggar's live because they had no manager after firing the one that was there. If you've ever worked at a LJS, you know how they are on Sunday's and Wednesday's after church lets out. The church crowd is crazy and usually the rudest and messiest of anyone.

So here I am, fixing to go back to my hotel for the night after the church rush was over. I had been there since 8am and it was close to 9pm. I had pretty much had the place ready for the Team Leader that had been recently promoted to close up when the clock hit 10:30. I was exhausted (didn't have a day off in almost a month, working a lot of full days open to close in that time) and had a friend I knew from the net that lived nearby who had made me a good dinner for once. I had been living off of Rally's, LJS and pizza the entire time and was looking forward to the steak and shrimp she had made for me. I was just about to walk out the door when I saw a huge crowd in the parking lot fixing to come in.

They didn't have the show at the time but the people that were from there knew who the Duggar's were. There weren't as many at the time but since they had their church friends with them it was a big crowd. So they all order, it takes an extra amount of time since we had to cook all their food since at that time of night stuff was cook to order. All told we had to drop 3 loads of fish (60 pieces) and 4 loads of chicken (120 piece) on top of random shrimp, clams, fries, etc.

They knew they came in close to closing time but still were rude as hell to everyone because they had to wait about 20 mins for their entire order, which they ate in the restaurant. The adults didn't control the kids, who had condiment fights, threw drinks on the floor (including this bitch getting married) and other stuff like that. When they were leaving we caught them stealing bottles of malt vinegar, I had to get them from them and told them we sold them for $2 and the mama said "We ordered a lot of food, we deserve it" and I said "No, you deserve the food you paid for. Your order isn't even going to pay for the labor we're going to have to use tonight to clean up the mess your kids made."

Then she got all bitchy and said I was rude (later calling the home office to tell them how crappy we were. We were vindicated when I made the DM watch the security footage of them) and that I couldn't run the store because we made them wait. I told her that if they have huge groups coming in, call ahead and we can have the food hot and waiting for them. She then said some Bible verse that right now I can't remember but then I countered her with another verse and let her know "just because some of us have to work when others get to go to church but that doesn't mean we don't know the Bible." Then they left in a huff, throwing their cup at the drive through window when they left.

Basically, don't let this "All American, Churchgoing, God Fearing, Perfect Family" crap they show on TV fool you. This group of people are the rudest, most obnoxious group of asshats I've ever had the displeasure of dealing with. Nobody in AR likes them. They are more embarrassing to us than if we had the Duck Dynasty guys living here and screwing Honey BooBoo in a gang bang while Chris Hanson watched on from his spank lair.

TLP said...

TTM- I hear you on Homolka/Bernardo. Nasty scary people. Can't believe she's free

Zeeky_Boogy_Doog said...

The really big rolls of duct tape make fine cup holders when you don't have a stable or level surface. If you put a soda can into a foam cozy, it's exactly the same width as the duct tape's center hole.

M. Brown said...

I love stories like that. That behavior would make a more interesting show than the snore fest they air. Sorry they treated you like that though.

Meauxelle said...

@TTM, Since you brought up those two crazy kids, did you read Paula Todd's e-book, "Finding Karla"? Only about (aboot?) 50 pages, but very interesting. I admit, I was fascinated by those freakazoids.

Harlow17 said...

i thought registrys were for stuff a new couple needed. cereal? wtf. I've been finding it annoying to buy gifts on a registry for people who have lived together for 6 years. Like what do you really need? ok I just had to get that out.

Harlow17 said...

@rowydrodimus omg that sounds awful!

Meauxelle said...

Rowdy, I tremendously enjoyed your account of meeting the Duggars. However, that last sentence was GOLD!!!

MeanieRhysie said...

@Rowdy. I am DYING at that last sentence!! :D

Erik said...

@Rodwy Great story! I hate the Duggars (how much you wanna bet their kids all have 20 kids too?).

Riven said...

@Rowdy Wow thanks for sharing. You win at story telling. Random pointless info: my sister lives in Ar-Kansas, it's beautiful there.

Alita said...

Great story, @Rowdy - the team is accurate, last sentence was brill, too XD

Also is Wednesday Church a thing there?