Wednesday, September 03, 2014

Your Turn

Should you live together before marriage?

44 comments:

sandybrook said...

Are you living in the 70s with this?

Feedly said...

Duh.

jack ducky said...

Other people suck so you should never live with them. That's why I plan on living in a micro house!

Tina Mallette said...

At least take a few vacations together, if you are truly incompatible a vacation will illuminate it immediately

Brenda L said...

Absolutely, yes!

Brea Lowe said...

N/A I would much rather get a pup and drive around the us in a VW bus and camp all of the times.

Cecilia00 said...

I feel it's whatever works for you. Heck, there are happily married people out there who don't even live together even AFTER marriage for whatever reason. (They find a job in another area far away, etc.)

The Real Dragon said...

Yes with separated bed in the room tho just like they did in the 50's.

Violet said...

Get with the programme Enty. Even that latest Duggar girl's fiancé is living with her before marriage. Sort of.

BreeB714 said...

For us it was weekends for a while, then a few days and finally it was engaged and moved into our home together... Its working very well.. There are some Thing you just need to get outa the way before marriage which is why I feel for those Duggar girls..

Karen said...

Sure, if you want to; no, if you don't want to.

Agree with the vacation idea--go on a trip where you're stuck alone together for several hours, preferably in a car while at least 20 minutes late to your destination.

Colleen W said...

I lived with my husband for three years before we got married. We were together all the time anyways, we wanted to live together, and it seemed pretty ridiculous to pay rent at two places. So, that's what worked for us!

Unknown said...

As Tina said above, at least a two week vacation will expose any problems!

All Lace no Leather said...

You should do whatever you and your SO are comfortable with. I lived with my husband before we were engaged and I'm glad I did. It made the transition to marriage easier.

All Lace no Leather said...

@Karen love the comment. Add while PMSing to the car ride and you have yourself a bonus test.

meme deemed said...

I think it's a good idea. Esp. Considering today how it seems folks have forgotten the meaning of commitment, how to appreciate each other just as you are, and the value of respect.

I'd say it's harder to be flexible if your in an older age range, meaning mid life - simply because of life and it's knocks up to that point.

Joy Staley said...

living together is way overrated. i like the burton/bonham-carter arrangement. not next door though...around the block.

Count Jerkula said...

At least a year.

I would offer to help with my kid's rent for a year, rather than help him w/ attorney fees to get out of a bad situation.

Topper Madison said...

I got no issues with it; but at this stage in my life, I own my own home, etc., so it isn't that easy to just pick up and move without knowing we're both committed to the relationship for the long haul. In fact, my insistence on at least an engagement ring before we started buying/selling/merging real estate definitely saved me several more years of wasted time on one Mr. Wrong. Sorry, but if you aren't sure about the relationship, I'm not selling my real estate.

califblondy said...

I can hardly do a long weekend, there's no way I could live with another man. Those days are over for me.

You're welcome fellas.

MISCH said...

ABSOLUTELY ….

auntliddy said...

Sure if it works for parties involved. But not after like 3 months!!!!!! I read about this quick moving in all the time, usually in an article about murder or abuse. Wait at least a year! That bladerunner guy who murdered his girlfriend- they moved in together after 2-3 months. Too soon!

Tina Mallette said...

The ideal living situation would be every couple lives in a semi, one on each side with an adjoining door in the middle. Husband can decorate his side, she can decorate her side and you each have your space, even with kids one day you are on Daddy's side when Mommy needs some sanity LOL

and if you got divorced you don't even have to necessarily move

Habibti said...

Of course. A loud snorer would be a big NO from me as I am a light sleeper. Bad hygiene is also a big no. I moved in after 3 months of dating only. It was not planned. My flatmate was moving out and I didnt want to live alone so he said to stay with him and it ended up permanent. We dated 4yrs got married and its has been 8 years of marriage so 12 years together.

Sherry said...

Totally a personal preference.

I've lived with all the partners for the most part. The one I married though we lived apart and saw each other about x a week for 3 1/2 yrs. Been together 18. The others it was 9 months before we moved in together. One lasted 10 the other only 4 yrs. No way would I buy a car without a test drive first.

Seachica said...

I lived with my now husband before we got engaged, and it worked well. I got a job across the country so he moved out and in with me. We had been dragging our feet about it when we lived back east. I owned a home; he had a cushy condo; neither of us wanted to give up our home.

We didn't buy a house together, though, until we were married. No way am I entering a financial commitment unless we have the legal one first.

Yeoman Princess said...

Its a preference.
I've done it before. Lived together for 7, engaged for 4 of those 7. I broke it off happily. And will happily not live with another dude til we're getting hitched. Other than that... I will enjoy the debauchery of my own place :)

Chris Jurgie said...

Yes. Either that or sell them a car, because those are the two true tests of friendship.

rosie riveter said...

Did It! Loved it. Do it.

Eros said...

Not a good idea. Plus it takes all the fun out of discovering your partner's idiocyncracies.

skippy said...

YES YES YES
Or no if you don't fancy it.

Yoj said...

Generally: Of course.
Personally: In London real estate?

Only if he's got a bigger flat than me. I learned from my parents (happily married 45 years now) that you need to have enough rooms for someone to storm off and cool down. The only option for sulking in my flat would be a kitchen cabinet.
I'm not a gold digger but I'd put up with a lot for separate bathrooms.

PugsterMom said...

I lived with my first husband before marriage and swore I'd never do it again. It just didn't feel right to be living together without marriage. I can't even explain why. Maybe I wanted the full commitment.

I didn't live with my current husband til a month after the wedding! My daughter started college a month after the wedding and I didn't want to move her twice. I'm sure that puts me in the minority!

Krista Honchar said...

Absolutely. You need to make sure you are compatible in every way - from living habits to sleeping habits to lifestyles to the all important SEX! Dating is when you are all on your best behavior - it's not always realistic.

Aeol said...

You should never live with someone for convenience. It should be a conscious decision with an eye towards the future.
Only boyfriend I ever lived with is the one I married. My best friend lived with 3 different boyfriends because lease was up, etc. hopefully the one she lives with now sticks.

BeckyMae said...

Werd!

Cee Kay said...

Good god, yes. I will strongly encourage my kids to do so!

Lady Heisenberg said...

You are fucking up if you don't...

Dany Girl said...

Yes! Unless it's my daughter ;)

Yoj said...

Yay! Lady H. is back!

PotPourri said...

nothing can prepare you for living together like living together can.

Lady Heisenberg said...

@yoj ;)

cowbulls said...

At least a year because it was at about that point that some of the things I enjoyed were suddenly no longer part of the package. I understand I'm not alone in my experience.

Count Jerkula said...

Testify, Cowbulls!