Monday, January 22, 2018

Your Turn

I was out and about yesterday during the day and from about 20 feet away saw a woman slap across the face loud enough for me to hear at that distance what I believe was probably her granddaughter. The granddaughter was I am guessing about 3 or 4. Probably closer to four. The granddaughter started crying and immediately ran for comfort to a man I'm guessing was her grandfather who hugged her. I didn't say anything to anyone but as shocked that this was out in public. It made me wonder what happens to that little girl at home. Would you have said something? Confronted them? Walked away? What is the protocol?

57 comments:

filmfanb said...

Probably shout "oi you cunt" really loudly

sandybrook said...

MYOB is the correct answer. In any case slapping her in the face isn't the right thing either, maybe one hard ass slap.

roxy said...

I might have slapped her to see how she liked taking on someone her own size.

Maybe.

I can get pretty ballsy where this stuff is concerned. I once chewed out a woman at the Magic Kingdom for the way she was "teaching her child a lesson" which involved her leaving him in his stroller while she was about 50 feet away letting him throw a tantrum. She left all her stuff in the stroller, too.

Freaked me out because I thought at first the child had been abandoned.

Quickread said...

Call them out on it every time. They'll start screaming at you to mind your own business but at least the kid will learn that it is indeed NOT normal to be treated like that.

Few things in life as satisfying as getting in the face of a bully.

Lisa said...

I can't bear abuse of children or the elderly. I've gone crazy on a WalMart cashier because she was so rude to someone who was clearly in her 80s and didn't nothing but be slow in counting out her money. I'd like to say I would do something.

A slap is pretty much over the line for me, though.

WickedBee said...

I wish I could say I would have confronted her but I get antsy in those situations and rage cry, without making any valid points.

If it was my kid she hit, she'd be dead...

DaniHS said...

That sucks that you had to witness that. It can be extremely distressing, especially if you aren't sure about what to do. MIT has an active bystander program with tips for intervening in a bunch of situations that range from calling someone else to actively doing something in the situation if you feel able. Here's a link to their website that highlights different situations and different ways of approaching them . http://web.mit.edu/bystanders/strategies/index.html

DDonna Tarttty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DDonna Tarttty said...

At least a decade ago in the Port Authority on my way home from work, I saw a woman slap a young boy--two years old?--across the face, right in front of the Peter Pan ticket area, then when he started crying do it AGAIN and tell him to stop it or he'd get another one.

I stepped up and said "Hey, hey, hey! Stop that! That's not right!" She looked at me with a sneer and said, "Mind your own g-ddamn business!"

I said, again, "That's not right. What you're doing is not right. That child cannot understand what is happening!"

At that moment, another guy came up behind me and said, "Mind your own business, lady. You don't know the full story here. You don't know what that kid did."

I turned to him, incredulous. "Are you kidding me? That kid is like TWO YEARS OLD!"

At that point, another woman walked up, cool as a cucumber and started talking to the woman in a calm, reasonable tone, saying something like, "I'm a child therapist, and please, let's talk this though...this is not an appropriate way to deal with this boy."

The crowd was gathering and turning against the woman who slapped the kid. A couple other people spoke up, and suddenly a cop was there, asking "What's going on here?"

The lady who claimed to be a child therapist started talking to the cop and I exited. In hindsight, since I saw this from the moment it started, I probably should've hung around.

Brayson87 said...

Developmentally speaking, most humans between 3 to 4 have no morality, they're like adorable psychopaths who only understand punishment. Older generations would deal with it through harsh discipline, today's parents reward misbehaving children with tablets and cuddles. If grandma was disciplining, maybe ignore. If grandma was doing it for kicks or because she was off her meds, maybe report. It's situational, maybe the granddaughter called her grandmother a cunt. CPS is so backed up with children with cigarette burns and broken bones and worse that they don't have the resources for every slap.

And if you confront an abuser without the authorities it will be the victim who suffers when they get home or just back to their car.

Of course it's fun to mess with jerks so YMMV

Dana said...

I would have definitely have said something. But thats just me.

Samantha Willow said...

I've gotten in people's faces for far less but then I am a secret superhero. I use shame which usually works. Usually. Something like "Wow, I wonder how that child's parents would feel about you doing that?" and/or whipping out my phone to take a photo (a scare tactic.)

TimC said...

i would have demanded a large sum of money or report her to the cops. i'd split the swag with the little kid.

Unknown said...

I'd call a cop. I did it at a place I worked at in college, in a restaurant. Granny got arrested, when the parents were called and found out she was beating her granddaughter. (In public, no less)

Do Tell said...

Years ago, my mom, brother and i did see something like this once, only it was a middle aged man and his son who probably wasn't older than 14. They were having some sort of dispute and the father kept punctuating it with little slaps to the face. A lot of people were staring and saying things out loud it made me wonder what was going on at home if he had the balls to do this to his son in public. I['m sorry to say that none of us did anything because we weren't sure what to do, it was before cell phones and we weren't sure if we would make things worse for the kid by stepping in.

Krab said...

Only time I've ever seen something similar was when I was driving past and I saw a man kick a child who looked about six. I was so shocked and outraged, I opened my mouth and basically nothing came out.

That said, I once slapped my then-teenage daughter on the arm on an airplane because her behavior was so atrocious, rude, and nasty, I lost my mind. Of course she started screaming loudly and a flight attendant came over and I said, "I'm sorry. My daughter is behaving horribly. If she doesn't stop we will get off the plane."

Alexandria Anna said...

If she ran to her grandfather for comfort, then maybe only grandmother is abusive. There is nothing strangers can do to help kids abused at home. Teachers have more power to help if they'll notice signs of abuse. Hopefully that girl won't be damaged when she'll grow up.

If I saw one parent/grandparent slapping kid, I would find it hard to pass by and leave kid alone, and I would tell something.


witwritergirl said...

I've said something to people in the past and then been told to mind my own business. I recently witnessed a young mom tell her toddler to " shut the F up." I gave her the disapproving mom look. She gave me the " shut up or I'll kick your ass look." Classy gal.

If they'll smack their child in public I suppose they'd kick my ass in public.

Aleigh said...

Depending on circumstances...some people work in occupations they are mandated reporters of abuse and neglect. I worked and daycare previously and was a reporter.

Spider Rico said...

Saw a Man do this to a dog on a NYC street and I confronted him and wound up in jail for assault - not the first time. If You do confront you need to be prepared to go all the way, and sometimes you have to.

M Styles said...

I would be that person who would probably punch her in the face and get arrested for it.
I was an abused child and people knew yet NO ONE stepped in, I thought my mother was going to beat me to death at times. Therefore I have no tolerance for child abuse of any kind.

Mehitable Storm said...

Enty, it's hard to know what to do right when something happens, because we're usually too shocked to respond quickly, which I'm sure is what happened to you. I've said things to parents on occasion and believe me....they get very defensive and nasty. If I had my wits about me, observing what you did, I would have said: "I can understand how upset you must be, children can be very aggravating. But nobody should be struck in the face, it's very disrespectful. If you keep treating her like that, you're not going to have any real influence and she's going to just be afraid of you." And then I'd stand back for the inevitable shit storm. Don't feel bad that you didn't say anything, but prepare some response for the next time you see some shitty behavior like this. I do think people should respond in some way, unless you think you're going to get knifed - which can happen with some people.

Donna Marie said...

When I lived in the US, I had a job where I was a mandatory reporter of child abuse. The legal interpretation of that by the state I lived in was that it also applied to incidents outside of my job. So at the very least, I would have called the state's CPS tipline with as much information as I could provide. In terms of public confrontation, it would have to depend on the situation, my assessment of my personal safety if I confront, and my assessment of what the abuser might do to the child when she got home.

Mehitable Storm said...

Oh, something else - if you do make a comment to someone about public behavior, either like this with kids or something else - try to be calm and soft spoken about it. The old saying "a soft answer turneth away wrath", has a lot of truth in it. If you yell at someone, they'll just react like that as well, but if you're soft spoken and seem concerned about the abuser, they might actually listen to you, before they knife you.

D CHAPMAN said...

How many children have you raised, if the answer is none
YOU still ARE the child
Spanking a child can be useless, i might agree
but the minute that 3 year old runs into the street you bleeding hearts would put the parents , grand parents in prison
i would rather be wrong in your eyes dodo, than have my child hurt themselves
Don't worry test tube babies aren't really a thing,
So you will never need to grow up
Now, this not always the rule, no, once a man took a belt out at a restaurant and promised his son in spanish a whooping, I stood up invited the man to fight a grown ass man (Me) with his belt, as he still had belt over kids head
Imagine it, he cussed and fussed but never did he step up and get stuck in with an adult

Ana said...

What I have said in this situation was, "Hey, do I need to call the cops?"

Raging Bunnies said...

Yes, indeedy, I would say something. And I have.

David Howes said...

Only weak, weak people have to hit someone to discipline them.
*Tough love doesn't work, BTW! (Tough Love = Bullying)
And, the fact that the victim of this assault was a young child, there really isn't any need to demonstrate violence in this manner.

I have found, through my years of raising our children, if you manage a child thoughtfully, their behavior doesn't require any physical violence at all.

Would I have said something to them?
I don't know.
Apparently, the woman lack training in child management.

*Father of two grown children.

Emma F said...

Yes. All those times I was desperate for someone to pay attention or intervene. No-one ever did.

Nonya Bidness said...

There's never a reason for a slap in the face - period. I can see spanking a kid on the bottom for an offense that endangered them or others (like running in a parking lot or throwing something), but anything more is abuse. And regular spanking of any kind is counterproductive, it just teaches kids that physical violence is ok when you are upset.

I would have spoken up in that instance (I have before), and if told to "mind my own business" would tell her she made it my business and the world's when she was abusive. That is not discipline, that is assault. I would happily offer to consult the police or CPS for their opinion.

Veronica Jordan said...

I saw something similar many years ago, it was a dad doing the slapping of a 4 year old. I immediately confronted him and told him he should be ashamed of himself for treating his child that way. He cried and hugged her to him. Didn't call the police, it was Oakland no chance they would have showed up over something like that 30 years ago. I also confront people who leave their dogs in cars and I've got animal control numbers on cell and I make the call. It's EVERYONE'S business to do something when you see abuse!

A Hopeful Balance Hope Bucher said...

I would be unable to stop myself I would say something

Guesser said...

@Emma F,😢 In general, people that do that in public are worse in private. I suppose the safest way would be to calmly ask what happened, but a face slap wouldn't be acceptable with an adult,why would it with a child? Spankings are a different argument, I'm not for it, but it rarely causes harm.

Ellen Meekin said...

Several years ago, I was driving down one of the busier streets in my city, and I saw a mom and her two young kids at the bus stop. All of a sudden, the boy who looked to be about 5 darted off towards the street, and the mom flew into action and grabbed that kid by the arm before he could get hit by a car. She slapped him very hard across the face while simultaneously yelling at him. That kid could've been killed or seriously injured if he had actually gotten in the road so in that situation, I really can't blame the mom. She probably wasn't thinking clearly at that point - just reacting to a very frightening situation. That's really the only time I can remember seeing someone slap a child across the face. I've encountered situations with parents being emotionally abusive to their kids that have been far more disturbing and inappropriate - and really, there's not a lot a person can do to intervene when it comes to verbal/emotional abuse. Parents like that usually have personality disorders, are abusing some type of substance, or both and there's no rationalizing with that.

Kikibunny said...

I have a friend who lives in a neighborhood with lots of shootings, his neighbor has a skinny dog who is tied up and cries and cries...i want to call the police but I am afraid I will put all his friends and family at risk...too many guns. This is an excellent point.

beebopcowboy said...

this happened to me in a nordstrom's parking lot once when I was at my car. I saw a mother and father, the father was frustrated with his toddler daughter who was saying something, then I heard a LOUD SLAP, and her crying and him yelling at her.

if it's illegal to hit another adult human, it should be illegal to hit a child. It's just the law - and it doesn't matter at all if you are their parents.

I felt so conflicted, cause I knew I could cause major trouble or even myself be in danger if I approached. It's sad and I just hope that dad dies or something. If I could get away with it, I would video him and call him out for hitting his kid and then getting the license plate.

It also was tough cause...they were black, walking through the parking lot to the street, and I just didn't want to be that non-WoC that yelled at them, it looks bad - real bad. Ugh, it just further complicated it.

I hate it. You touch a child, you should get the same punishment as when you touch an adult. Unfortunately, some parents think they know better and are entitled to do it bc 'they are the parents' - sadly, it seems the ones humanity would rather NOT procreate always end up having the most babies. The people's who offspring we actually want, choose not to have babies, or maybe one - because they are smart and have good genes, and realize how parenthood sounds like a shitty setup for 18+ years. also it costs $250,000 for those 18 years on average.....yikes.

beebopcowboy said...

@ Kikibunny

I believe you can leave an anonymous tip/message to Animal Control about pet abuse. That person should NOT be a pet owner regardless of the neighborhood. I actually would also tell Animal Control that this is a violent neighborhood and perhaps if they could, bring police (public servants work together, Animal Control & police both count - often they need to coordinate to rangle crazy things like pythons on the loose! lol. anyway, thank you for being a kind human being thinking of the animal.

I'd rather kill a human than a dog - and if I had a choice, I'd choose the human to kill. It's just how I am. Humans can talk, make choices. Dogs and other animals can't.

Sneaky but good: if animal control confiscates the dog and this man/family gets violent or protests, Im pretty sure the cop would love to arrest his ass.....considering it sounds like a neighborhood that brings in a lot of the quota$....

bb said...

I do think it is funny that majority would report or say something. What about watching a person hit another person? What about a homeless person / child on the street, would you have compassion to help? I am not saying it is right, especially someone that young BUT some discipline is always good. Too may kids running around acting like fools. Kids want rules, they need boundaries. With that said, if the world was really made up of people responding to this blog it would be nothing but rainbow & unicorns.

Jeweled Skye said...

I don't believe in smacking a child across the face for any reason - even backtalk. I DO agree with a couple of swats to the butt. I fear that I would not have interceded, but on the other hand, i have SOOOOOO wished to intercede when a child is running amok in a restaurant or store with absolutely no parental supervision or reprimand - - yet I don't... and wind up hating the outing / dinner / etc., because of the wild ass hellion. Funny, i think I know EXACTLY the type of adult that child is going to grow up to be - I hope I'm wrong.

Violet said...

What if they take it out on the kid later?

Junebug said...

It may be best to let the police handle it. I've never been in that situation. My husband once was while parking at the grocery store where he observed a man whaling on what appeared to be an 8-year-old boy in the back seat of a car. The kid was crying loudly. Hubby attempted to intervene, saying, "Is everything ok here? The man told him to mind his own business to which my husband replied, "Why don't you pick on someone your own size?" This wasn't received very well and he soon had both parents telling him to mind his own business, the man's wife informing my husband that her father was a police officer, in case he was thinking abut making that call.

I think I would avoid approaching directly and call the police.

GladysKravitz said...

I have seen similar things---grocery stores seem to attract the parents who act out their stress on their children. Anyway, sometimes I have said something, sometimes not. It didn't depend so much on my fear of the parent as it depended on my proximity. When they do it right in front of me, I feel as if I have no choice or I'm just complicit. When it's fifty feet away, I am still complicit, but I don't want to make a big deal out of it, because that would just increase the parent's (or in this case, grandma's defensiveness). However, 20 feet is a little in the grey area. If I did say something, I would say something as gently as possible (someone mentioned this above). It's not going to register with Grandma anyway, but I don't believe that two wrongs make a right, either. If I want to model love in the world, I need to speak from love (and I do want to model love in the world). So it would be something like, "I see how frustrating you find your grandson. Maybe I could distract him for a second while you calm down a bit?" Since I wouldn't know about Grandpa, I would try to keep the kid entertained while Grandma found her happy (er) spot. I have done this before--even took the kid to pick out a candy bar while (in my case) Mom chilled. Bad parents often don't care who takes their kid with them, and are just looking for a little respite. I try to come from a place of love and compassion for everyone---Grandma may have had a hard day, hard week, hard month, or a hard life. She's just expressing it sideways. That doesn't make it right, but the best I can offer in cases of mild abuse (i.e., slapping too-young child) is empathy for her. If it was severe abuse (kicking, punching, etc), I would intervene but it would only be after I called 911 so that I would have police backup asap.

Gator said...

It's awful, but it happened to me many times while growing up. My parents would still be in prison right now if they had enforced the laws the way they do today.

FirTrader said...

You must say something to at the very least demonstrate to the child that this is NOT okay - not normal.

MovieBuff said...

If you live in a town where the degrees can be 7 and feel like -10 with windchill and you see a child a teen walking to school with shorts and a t-shirt. What do you do? This child is being smacked in the face by cold ass air.

Does this kid have a coat? Did the parents see the child leave the home in freezing temps. Who is to blame? What do you do?

I’ll tell you what I see....several cars including me driving past the kid as he treks to school with shorts and short sleeves.

Humans are mostly resilient. There aren’t many adversities we cannot overcome. Rape, Molestation, drug abuse, depression, alcoholism, mental health issues...etc. If you able to be of service. Serve. If you are not someone else will come along.

Life is 50/50. You might be right. You might be wrong.

Clarke's World said...

I would step in AND call the police. Id also take pics & post on SM what this POS did to a little girl. NO 3 or 4 year old should EVER be slapped across the face. My blood is boiling.

fairylights said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Xpensive Hobutt said...

I would have cussed the bitch out. Straight up.

Zophie Enzo said...

Kikibunny, I knew someone years ago who had a neighbor with an abused dog they kept in their yard like that. One night they snuck the dog out of the yard and found it a new home. Unfortunately the assholes just got another dog to treat like shit.

Zophie Enzo said...

I guess I would have to be actually in the situation to know for sure. At least I would probably record it just in case. I have gotten into it with a woman in a store who was being a complete asshole to this sweet older woman in line, kept accusing her of cutting the line, blah, blah. I told her no, she didn't, and this woman just wanted to fight it seemed. I actually thought I might get my ass kicked right there in line. All these other people were just standing there staring but doing nothing.

Kim said...

There is a line between corporal punishment and battery. If it's loud enough to hear like that to grab your attention, then for me, it's loud enough to interfere and detain them and call the police and let them sort it out.

Kikibunny said...

You can leave an anonymous tip but the guy will know its one of the neighbors...We have a website that chronicles all the murders in the city...Im telling you these people are killing people over the stupidest shit, like who gets to sleep in the big bed etc...well, the first murder of this year was 2 neighbors 'over a dog'....sadly, a police officer lives a half block down from this dog and would hear it if he was paying attention, but he has to live in the neighborhood too...

luckythewondercat said...

I do not have kids so I am hesitant to say something to a parent. I am 57 and my mom did not hesitate to smack me when I was a kid.
If the scenario was really disturbing I would have looked for a security guard and asked them to have a word with the mother.

GoodAshBadAsh said...

If the adult was not the legal guardian of the child it's assault.

shakey said...

Many, many years ago I saw a woman come out of a grocery store with a young child - maybe 3 or 4 years old. The child was crying and apparently not walking fast enough for the woman who was holding on to a couple of bags of groceries in one hand and his hand in another. She was yelling at him then raised him up by his hand and dropped him down. I saw his mouth turn into a perfect O, and then the screaming started. I wasn't really near to them but I yelled out, "HEY!" She immediately yelled at me and a few others who were looking at her to mind our own business as she dragged him along.

Poor kid.

Samantha M. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Clarke's World said...

Never post a story a Dr shared w/you in confidentially, especially when giving such definitive details. If I figured it, so coulmany others. Not your tale to tell.

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