Showing posts with label Cash Warren. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cash Warren. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Random Photos Part Three - Sin City Premiere

Jessica Alba and Cash Warren
Jaime King
Rosario Dawson
Eva Green
Bruce Willis
Josh Brolin
Mickey Rourke
The amazing Danny Trejo.
Jamie Chung

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Jessica & Cash Kiss In Public - Hmmm Tastes Like Lindsay


It is not very often that you see Cash Warren & Jessica Alba in candid photos together. Red carpet? Sometimes, but out on the streets it is usually just Jessica or Cash alone. Well, Jessica has some new movies coming out and I guess she doesn't want to spend each interview talking about her marriage. What to do? Leave Honor at home while the happy couple get dressed up, get coffee and pose for kissing pictures for the paps.

Of course it must skeeve Jessica out a little bit to know that she could be indirectly kissing Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay has said she and Cash are just friends and business associates. Business associates? That is the funniest thing I have heard in a long time. What kind of business? "Army business, sir." Sorry couldn't help it. I had a Bill Murray moment there.

I never want parents to get divorced and I always root for the happy ending, but I am not sure this is going to end up that way.

Friday, December 04, 2009

What Exactly Is Raw?


Thanks to all of you who found the Lindsay Lohan Cash warren story for me. It is probably my favorite story of the week. Forget about Tiger or any of that. All week I have been trying to think of a reason why Cash Warren would ever think about making out with Lindsay Lohan. Yes, he has cheated in the past, but I haven't heard anything like that since he was married and with Lindsay? Really? How dark was this club and how wasted was he?

US Weekly described the kiss as raw. When I think of Lindsay and raw I think of disease and open sores. I know they wanted us to think it was passionate and animalistic. I'm just saying they should think about their subjects more and realize I now have spent the better part of two days wondering if there are any open sores on either of them. I mean wasn't it last year that LA Rag Mag or someone said Jessica Alba has herpes and got it from Derek Jeter. So, if she has it would it stand to reason that perhaps Cash has it also? I don't know. I do know that when I read things like this and my imagination takes over I just want to live in a full body glove.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Lindsay Lohan & Cash Warren?!?


I saw a few stories today about how John Mayer is supposedly acting as relationship counselor to Lindsay Lohan in an attempt to help her reconcile with Samantha Ronson. That is mighty decent of John wouldn't you say? Well, it wasn't that interesting to me so I kind of blew through the reports, but while I was reading a report of it from The Mirror, I found this blurb.

"But she's not putting all of her slightly rotten eggs in one basket - according to new reports, she's also trying to ensnare Cash Warren. Yes, Jessica Alba's husband. One US mag says they've been seen kissing..."

Has anyone seen a report in a US tabloid about Cash & Lindsay? If this were true it would be by far the dumbest thing Cash Warren has ever done in his life. I know I am not always the biggest Jessica Alba fan, but she is so far and above Lindsay and I just can't see Cash ever giving up his ride on the Alba money train can you? For Lindsay? That would be the biggest bonehead move ever. Oh, except for Tiger Woods cheating on Elin with rejects from VH-1 shows. If anyone finds this US tabloid that The Mirror refers to, please let me know. Lindsay and Cash? Really?

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Cash Warren Sells His Daughter


I kind of like that headline. Reminds me of the Blues Brothers when they are in the very nice restaurant and John Belushi asks one man, "How much for the women?"

It didn't take Cash Warren long to start exploiting his daughter. I'm sure that he will also throw her up on his website on a fairly regular basis but only as a pay-per-view basis. This is one girl who will be sold on a basis that will only rival a Larry Birkhead kid.
"Shake it baby. Shake it for daddy so he can earn some money."

"But she's just a newborn. "

"She'll learn, just like her mom did."

Good times in the Warren household. Apparently Cash has been asking around to see how much he can get for some photos of Jessica Alba and the baby. He wants to be in them too so he can prove to chicks he can get hot girls.
It's kind of funny that they didn't make a deal with a magazine prior to the baby being born. I'm guessing someone might have had some doubt about the identity of the father? Hmmm? Why would you wait until after the kid is born? Just in case she came out with a gold tooth and singing "In da Club," they decided to wait.

It does look like that Josh Alba was at least able to see his niece. Of course it was by cell phone photo because he is not actually allowed to go over to the house. Not famous enough and not a woman who will put out for Cash, so not a visitor. Josh, who is probably the antithesis of everything Jessica said the baby was gorgeous. For the record, Josh good. Jessica bad.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Guess What? What? Your Sister Hates You


US Weekly no doubt took perverse glory in letting Jessica Alba's brother know that Jessica had just gotten married. Apparently in Jessica's family, the nice guys like Josh Alba are routinely ignored and left out of all life decisions. Look, I know you wanted to keep the damn thing quiet and you didn't have to invite anyone except the two witnesses who probably were laughing so hard that tears were running down their faces, but don't you think you could at least call your brother and tell him you are married.

I realize that Josh is a nice guy and really genuine so that may be a foreign concept to you, but it is really an ass move to have a tabloid break the news to him instead of you. Oh, I'm sure you were too busy with things like counting your awards for acting and reading all your positive reviews, but next time, show that you are part human and give Josh a break. Yes, I know he actually looks like he might be Hispanic so you pretend you don't know him, but not calling to say you are married is just totally without class. On the other hand so is Cash, so it all works out in the end.

For Josh's part, he was, as always the nice guy. When asked by US, whether Cash would make a good husband, Josh replied, "Well, he's my brother in law now!" That's my Josh. Takes the high road because the d**k is now family.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Married On A Monday


According to Kneepads Magazine Jessica Alba and Cash Warren were married yesterday. When I think of love and romance, I often think of Monday's. It's the ultimate case of the Monday's, but I think I would rather wear 30 pieces of flair than be married to Cash Warren.

I guess no one even noticed they got married. Jessica's rep had to call Kneepads and tell them the two had got hitched and then probably offered the pictures for $5M or something. That is of course if they were really married.

I know they were probably trying to avoid the press by having it on a Monday, but I think that they could have done it on a Saturday if they were going to be this sneaky. I thought maybe May 19th was just really special to them for some reason. Maybe because 1 and 9 add up to ten so Cash can remember their anniversary without having to use his feet as well.

Maybe the day was just random, or maybe it was the only day 50 Cent was free. Who knows. Anyway, I wish the couple good luck.

Monday, April 14, 2008

If The Baby Looks Like 50 Cent, We Will Blame You


By now I'm sure you have heard about the Alba baby shower and how all the guests were given bracelets, sat in a corner and sang Kumbaya. They were then told that in no uncertain terms could they take off the bracelets they had just been given.

Doesn't matter if you are getting married or if you are a surgeon or in a film, you can't take them off. Why? This is what I can't quite figure out. Right now I'm torn between Cash Warren's latest get rich quick scheme where he plans to sell a million of the little bracelets and not have to worry about donating the money to any of those pesky charities that usually are associated with popular color bracelets. I would say I am actually really headed that way. Lets face it. We know Cash is a money grubbing ass who has basically Heather Milled himself into something. Unfortunately for him, Jessica doesn't make as much as a Beatle. Hell, she doesn't make as much as Britney, so Cash has to find new ways to keep himself rich without sharing. Oh, he makes her share, but he ain't sharing.

My other guess which is much more gruesome is that if somehow the baby is born with some type of problem, such as looks nothing like Cash, or has ADD or something, then Cash and Jessica can hunt down whoever took off their bracelet and blame them for their child's misery. Then that person of course will be considered a pariah. It is kind of like the old preacher trick where if someone can't get up, it is not the preacher's fault, it is the fact the injured person didn't have enough faith. In this instance it isn't because Cash is some kind of freak that the baby turned out the way it did, it is because someone took off their bracelet.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Nothing Like Not Being The Only Breadwinner


Cash Warren has a long way to go before he actually possesses a dollar that didn't come from Jessica Alba's purse, but at least she is trying to help her baby daddy do something that might possibly earn some money down the road.

Cash is involved in a social networking site similar to Facebook and YouTube. Besides hitting up Jessica for money he also has been hitting up NBA players which is why he was seen with Steve Nash last week. I guess the way it works is that the NBA player gets to go on a date with Cash and Jessica. She bends over a lot and the NBA player writes a check. Show enough cleavage and you start a company called ibeatyou.com I know, I know, but I don't think it is about people actually beating other people, although that would be cool. Kind of like bumfights goes to college, but with people actually showering.

So, in order to help this project as much as she can, Jessica Alba actually cracked a smile and looks way less crankier than normal in this video she participated in for Cash. Not like he paid her cash. Just that his name is Cash. Somehow I don't think he could afford Jessica's rates without using Jessica's card to pay for it. If he did that though then she basically would be paying for herself, and for that you don't really need a guy, just a toy.

Anyway, take a look at the video.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Jessica Alba Is An Idiot


Has Jessica Alba learned nothing from the Britney Spears/Kevin Federline debacle? Yes, I have no doubts that Jessica Alba will be a better parent than Britney Spears or Kevin Federline combined, but to get pregnant by Cash Warren is one of the most idiotic things she could have possibly done.

"Hi, I'm Jessica Alba. Yes, I let Cash get me pregnant because I think what our relationship needs to succeed is a child. I know we have our ups and downs and that we are broken up as much as we are together, but I know that a baby will solve all of that. It will bring us closer together and all of our problems and all of his cheating will just go away once that baby is born. I know it will make him grow up. Sure, I know that I will be the one waking up in the middle of the night to take care of the baby because he is out with his friends. I know I will be the one sacrificing my career since he doesn't really work anyway. Yes, I know it will be one more mouth for me to support and of course I will have to pay for the nannies, and extra help and also the larger place we will need to live in and the furniture that goes with it. But, I know it will bring us closer together.

It's true that at some point down the road we may break up, or even get married and divorced, but I will happily give him one half of everything I have and pay him support for when he has the child. I just hope it is a boy so he can use women and sponge off them and I'll even call him Cash Jr. so that way I will have cash with me forever. I hope he is just like his dad."

Friday, October 19, 2007

Random Photos Part One

Now what the hell do they put in Suri's bottle? I think I read something about barley. Is there hops also because then I want some.
I want you all to remember that Jessica Biel was named the sexiest woman in the world just three years ago. Now she looks like one of the Hanson brothers.
This is a really good look for Heather Graham.
"Hey Jess. I borrowed your credit card to get this outfit for myself and while I was at it, ordered a hooker for tonight, so I'm going to need you to not come back home for awhile."
OK. So Zac Efron is now 20 and I want him to do something. Anything other than going to buy coffee. I don't care if he starts chain smoking or doing Micky Mouse up the butt, I can't just take another 20 years of him like he is now.

It's not often one can feel sorry for Victoria Beckham, but there are not enough drugs on the planet to make it bearable to sit on a plane next to Mel B all the way from LA to London.
Rumer Willis reverts back to fug. I really thought she was making a break for it, but she is now back to square one.
Peaches Geldof learns about the new reading program sweeping the world. Hooked on Dicknics. A more advanced version of Hooked On Phonics.
Orlando Bloom decides that whole car driving thing might not be the way to get around LA.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Cash Warren Is Even More Of A Jackass Than I Thought



Remember those lovey dovey reunion photos of Cash and Jessica back together? Well just two days after the photos above were taken, Cash was in New York and allegedly cheated on Jessica with model Vera Mishina who Cash met at a baseball game she was working. Yes, working as a model at a baseball game. Obviously she's thisclose to being a superstar.
After the game, Cash and his friends joined Vera and her friends at a bar and then Cash invited the whole party to his hotel room that Jessica was paying for.
At this point we have to rely on a friend of Vera's who was also in the hotel room and she said, "They started making out as soon as we got into the room. He couldn't take his hands off her! The rest of us left, but Vera told me that she and Cash made love that night, and again the next morning. "Afterwards he kept texting her, then we read that he and Jessica were back together. It really upset her. She felt so used." (I'm sure Jessica feels really good about the whole situation as well.)

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Good Morning Australia

While you were sleeping, Jessica Alba decided to let Cash Warren back into her pants and pocketbook. He must be really persuasive. Maybe he should start a cult.





While you were sleeping you missed out on Foxy Brown being sentenced to at least two weeks in jail for violating the terms of her probation. Seems Foxy has a bit of a temper problem when it comes to electronics and a wee bit of a problem being truthful to cops and registering her vehicles. It hasn't kept her from getting knocked up by some unknown guy and she even says she's getting married. That is one brave guy. Not brave, like a guy playing in the AFL and getting kicked in the nuts and continuing to play. Well, actually he probably is that brave because you have to know he's going to get kicked in the balls almost everyday and being married to Foxy is almost like a permanent kick in the balls.


Jenna Jameson, who is trying to become the first disappearing porn-star talked about her retirement from porn and also her breast reduction surgery. She claims she got the breasts removed because it was being true to herself. I think she got them removed because she realized there aren't too many 50 pound people with D cup breasts and they were so heavy in relation to the rest of her body they threatened to always topple her. She may have also had them removed because she had become more plastic than human. Kind of like a real life Barbie doll, but with some kind of weight loss problem and she hasn't been recalled for lead paint.


Beyonce decided to show the world that she's proud of her breasts by exposing them for all the world to see. To actually see her breasts, you are going to need some time and some very good eyesight, but if you concentrate, you can see them flopping around like a dying fish in a boat. If you could see anything I guess it would be NSFW but your boss would have to have absolutely incredible eyesight to even get a hint of nipple.







Kate Moss and Pete Doherty got back together again. Don't be surprised. Most super models do have a thing for former male prostitutes who are, needle tracked, broke, homeless, cheating on you all the time, incoherent, living off your money, hated by all your friends and family and may cause you to lose your child. I'm sure they will be one big, happy, substance abusing family. Oh yes I said family. Seems Kate wants to have Pete's children. I'm sure there won't be any complications with his kids and they should all be healthy drug users when they get older.


Scarlet Johannson wants to adopt. Well she needs to fill that new house she just bought with something. That's a big place for one person and her 400 pound stalker/lawyer/website author. Hopefully she didn't ask Woody Allen for any adoption advice or then she might just adopt some 18 year old boy who likes to call her mama and paints her toe nails.

Is 24 popular in Australia? I have no idea, but anyway, Janeane Garofalo, not to be confused with James Gandolfini even though they have similar looks is set to be in the new season of 24. I actually like Jeneane Garofalo and it's not just because she's getting it on with Henry Rollins or that she made a movie with Denis Leary which I actually thought was funny. I love her because of Larry. Larry Sanders that is. Anyone on that show is gold baby. Gold.





Did you hear that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes sleep in separate bedrooms? Well, it's true, at least according to Star Magazine. I know that probably doesn't come as too big of a shock if you really stop and think about it. What comes as a shock to me though is that Katie decorated her room in pastels with lots of stuffed animals and a miniature horse carousel which she rides when she's sad. I wonder how many engines have been burned out on that thing. You can read the whole story if you scroll down to earlier today.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

This Is Why You Never Get Back Together After A Breakup




So Jessica Alba broke up with Cash Warren but you knew it was bound to happen. It always happens like that. He broke up with her a few months ago and she was devastated. She was depressed and lost a bunch of weight and was just miserable. This is the guy she had always planned on being with forever. So, Cash had Jessica Alba begging him and pleading with him to take her back...and he did.

The mistake was breaking up with her in the first place and I'm sure looking back he will be pissed that he did, but he compounded the mistake by taking her back. See, what he had done was shift everything. Now she was scared he would do it again and so she didn't let herself get as close to him or as deeply involved because she was afraid of getting hurt. She put up a wall and he couldn't get through it. That mental and emotional separation just can't be recovered.

Then she starts the worldwide promotion tour for Fantastic Four and so they only got to spend a few days in Paris together around the 4th of July. The rest of the time she's been alone and free of that emotional bond she had before, just realized she could kick Cash to the curb and be okay with herself, and Cash is just kicking himself and realizing he's alone and that HE blew it.

At this time I would also like to volunteer to be the rebound relationship for Jessica. I know they never work out, but I'm okay with that.