As you can probably tell from some of the other long blind items, much of my early legal career consisted of being a highly paid gofer or fix it person. It's not like I was the only one, there were several of us who when we were not wading through thousands upon thousands of discovery documents were assigned to make sure so and so got to court or to his deposition or went to homes to pick up legal documents and made sure they were signed. And when I mean signed, I mean signed by the actual party that was supposed to sign them and not someone's housekeeper because the actual party had been on a 72 hour coke binge and couldn't even hold a pen. This is the weirdest one of the getting someone sober incidents I have been involved in, but they happen everyday. Everyday. There is no difference between regular folks and celebrity folks except that when celebrity folks get trashed out of their minds they are often responsible for hundreds of jobs and there are millions of dollars involved.
Big film festivals were part of the daily grunt work. At a film festival, especially an international one, deals are done for new films and international distribution agreements are also hammered out. Usually these deals are done in a more intricate game of swapping then the guy who traded up from a paperclip to a house.
Whenever there are deals to be done there are attorneys, managers, agents, and the people to make sure all the copies are done. I suppose it would be less expensive for a minimum wage college kid to do it, but if I did it, then you could charge somebody $400 an hour. Remember film accounting.
So a few years ago, I along with my fellow brethren were sitting in Cannes. Ahh, movie stars, photo calls and big hotels. Well when you think of me at Cannes you have to imagine two guys, and sometimes three in a room designed for one very small individual. Added to the fact that I'm 400 pounds and sweat profusely when there is no a/c and you can see why my peers weren't too thrilled to be sharing a room with me. Did I mention I have IBS? OK, I don't, but that would have added to their fun no doubt.
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So anyway, there is going to be huge movie debuting at Cannes with lots of stars and one hugely popular director. Not as popular in the States, but you know those French. They love this guy. The director has been away scouting locations in Poland for an upcoming film but was due into Cannes three days previously. No one knows exactly where in Poland he is, and the powers that be are getting anxious. Very anxious. As in anxious that millions of dollars could be pissed away because the whacked out hack of a director can't be found. (Earlier in the week he was the creative visionary who was eccentric)
One star of the film who has worked with CR before has been summoned to try and find the director but either she (former A list actress and hottie) doesn't know or isn't saying. At this point someone remembers that said star and I have known each other for awhile and that maybe she will tell me what she won't reveal to anyone else. Yes, I know her, but one forced six hour plane ride years previously is not the same as coming over for some 400 pound loving. She doesn't know.
Then one night, the director's long time assistant calls and says that the director is holed up in Krakow and has fallen in love. He doesn't want to leave and has decided to stay there. So, because of my two degree of separation which doesn't even exist I am sent to Krakow to meet up with the assistant and get the director to Cannes.
Well getting from Cannes isn't that easy. Of course I don't get a private jet. What I get is a 3 connection flight from Nice that gets me into Krakow at 3am. What was nice early summer weather in Cannes is actually some freezing late spring weather in Krakow and the assistant doesn't meet me at the dinky (sorry Krakow) airport and so I'm forced to find a place to crash.
When I call the assistant the next morning he apologizes for not coming to pick me up, but had been thrown in jail the night before for getting into a fight at a bar. When he picks me up in the early afternoon the swollen lip and missing tooth are a nice touch.
So, as we make our way to the new home of CR, the assistant filled me in on what happened. It seems that the director went to a bar in Krakow which was designed basically to remove as much money from a patron's pocket as possible while getting the patron drunk. Topless bartenders and waitresses sit down with the patron and get them to buy $25 drinks which allows the patron to spend time with the topless worker. Our director doesn't speak any Polish and his worker didn't speak any English, but somehow the director was convinced they were in love. The fact that that the director dropped several thousand dollars in one night probably didn't hurt in his quest for her love either. It certainly isn't his ravishing good looks.
Well, we get to the tiny apartment and the first thing that assaults me is the smell of sweat and stale urine. I also see the new girlfriend tapping a vein in her arm in preparation for her visit to H land. Turns out she had used some of the CR windfall to go on a major H bender. I want to make it clear that I didn't see CR using H or have any reason to suspect he did or does. I will say that he was a mess though. He was always a frenetic, frantic person but was at this point in some type of lets say drunken haze.
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I told him basically that people were worried about him and then in my legalese told him that he had certain obligations and responsibilities which he needed to fulfill in order to avoid any possible consequences in the future..blah blah blah. It was a bunch of crap, but thought I would give it a shot. He started blathering and I do mean blathering which was babbling and drooling and spitting as he spoke about his new vision for a Polish cinema and how he was inspired and a whole bunch of other crap which made no sense. He mentioned that his H shooting friend and he were going to get married and become a great team. His future wife didn't look like she was going to make it through the week, let alone be a part of this great film making team.
He said that no one he had spoken to was familiar with his work and that he wanted to start a film festival there to show his works and those of other similar directors. I don't know where he got all this from because sitting in that very tiny apartment was a medium size television with a DVD player and about 30 DVD's at least one of which was a film by him. This guy was in seriously bad shape and because I didn't know him and didn't know if this was normal behavior when he got wasted I didn't know if he was going to die on me or be perfectly sober in a few hours. His assistant said he hadn't seen CR like this before but thought it was because they had been drinking homemade vodka and not store bought. Whatever. I could already see that there were no drugs involved, and that it was going to be some bad vodka he ingested while scouting for his latest film. Well that's what the story would be if something got out.
The problem I faced was how to get him out. He wasn't going to go if I said we needed to go to Cannes and there was no way I could carry him and I still didn't know if he was too sick to travel or what. What I suggested was that we go out for food and let his girlfriend have some time for herself as I looked at her sitting in a chair with these absolutely vacant eyes.
CR looked at the girl and I guess decided he was hungry and so we helped him up and out of the apartment with all of us ignoring the lovely urine stain on CR's pants. When we got outside, I swear there has never been a breath I have enjoyed taking more. I can still remember it vividly.
CR was basically compliant and we walked down the street for a good ways until we came to the central square and found a place with some heat lamps and ate outside. At first CR wouldn't eat anything but as we stayed there for several hours, CR began to eat and to regain some of his regular traits. Basically the three of us sat there people watching for the entire time although the assistant and I would make comments about some of the people and eventually even CR joined in. He still blathered, but it was more babbling, then blather and I knew that if I could keep him away from his "girlfriend's" place that I could get him to Cannes.
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We started talking about his film that was going to be at Cannes at I got him to talk about it and try and remember what he loved about it and how people loved him in France and just became a bigger kiss ass than Larry King could ever dream to be.
At some point, I went to find a phone. (Yes, no cell) I made a call to Cannes and it turns out they already had a jet ready and waiting for CR at Krakow airport to bring him to Cannes. I explained the situation and they said they would handle it once I got him on the plane. When I got back to the pair, I suggested a taxi ride to see the city and CR agreed and the next thing you know, we are at the dinky airport and he basically just let his assistant guide him to the plane. I actually freaked out at one point about CR's passport, but the assistant had it in the backpack he had been carrying and had never let go of even when he had been arrested the night before. He said the police never bothered to search it or take it from him.
So the two got on the plane, and I got to go back to LA with not even a thank you and not even in Business Class, the cheap bastards. The film went on to be one of the highest grossing films of the year.
75 comments:
Quentin Tarantino?
:) Very cool story Ent.
Scorsese 2002 - Gangs of New York?
I loved reading this story, Ent. Thank you! I am sure you have a lot of great stories like this one.
I have no clue as to whom this is about, though. Since you didn't have a cellphone, I suspect that this was quite a few years ago. Hm.. Must go back and read it again.
What a great story! Thank you for killing my boredom.
Using Enty's approximate age of 36 I went back 14 years to 1993 and looked at the top grossing films. Indecent Proposal was on the list and when I checked the director's record, most of his films also had a french title, one of them being...ready?...Lolita. He also helmed Fatal Attraction, Nine 1/2 Weeks, Jacob's Ladder, and Unfaithful.
His names is Adrian Lyne.
thank you ent, for that story .. you certainly have seen your share of the highs and lows of celebrity life ..
pinky, that is an awesome guess ...
This is pretty good Ent. Nice, juicy and ripe for the pick-in.
My guess is Steven Soderburg and the movie Traffic. It really catapulted his career and it's filled with stars. Was it a top grosser? I'm not sure, going to check it out.
And he made Sex Lies & Videotape which was loved by the French. Which also starred Andie McDowell who is gorgeous, but not so much A-list anymore. Just my inital thoughts.
Wait, why is he a 400lb 36 year old? And why 14 years?
I thought he said 'a few years ago' in the 4th paragraph...?
How about David Lynch? He had at least Mullholand Drive shown at Cannes - don't know about Twin Peaks - but he's definitely got a 'style'.
Melissa - He's always teasing us about what he looks like and how old he is, but early on - and you can check this on the message board, he told us he was in his mid-thirties. Also I doubt very seriously if Enty was doing grunt work 4 years ago, so I just did a little math. I could be wrong though. It's happened before. ;)
Valid point!
EL had to have at least graduated from Law School to work as an Attorney even if it was gophering. So that the guess of 14 years would be the furthest to go back.
The one word that stuck out for me was "Frantic" which is a Roman Polanski movie. But he's never had a box office success. Re: Soderbergh/Traffic - andie macdowell wasn't in traffic. Former A-list actress was in Cannes preview AND previous movie. Adrian Lyne doesn't fit either for the same reason (no actress has worked with him twice).
Assuming he's your average person and not a super-genius, he probably graduated college at 22 and spent 3 years in law school. His law career started at 25. Eleven years ago.
Of course, he probably isn't going to tell us his real age. So, I'd say look back 10-15 years.
Enty, loved the story!!
Dnfrommn,
I didn't say that Andie was in Traffic. I said she was in Sex Lies and Videotape. Don't think it's him though for Traffic. But Sex Lies and Videotape did open at Cannes. Gotta go see if it was a top grosser.
Right now the only match for top grosser and Canne opening is Matrix Reloaded, but doesn't make sense with Bi b/c they're brothers and I think one brother would've known where the other was holed up in.
Roman Polanski
Ent, where are the rest of the pics of DS/ZX's bday party that you promised?
it was polanski until he said the director didnt speak polish
tracee: a key clue (for me anyway) is a formerly a-list [though possibly at the time] actress who was in the movie under question, and a previous film w/ the director. Sex/Lies/Videotape was Soderbergh's first film.
Also, unspoken clue: if he was going to marry heroin hooker, he couldn't have been married at the time. Single male director.
I thought I had it w/ Brian DePalma/Mission:Impossible(1996) but couldn't find the actress.
Brenda, I think youre onto something
Roman Polanski's parents returned to Poland from France just two years...
Oh poo.
it can't be Polanski because he speaks polish and although he was born in Paris, he grew up in Poland and was educated there and began his career there.
Okay so this is the only match up I found where the movie was shown at Cannes and was a top ten grosser. I started at 1989 and stopped at 2003.
Basic Instinct (1992) dir. Paul Verhoeven
Cliffhanger (1993) dir. Renny Harlin
Pulp Fiction (1994) dir. Quentin Taratino
Godzilla (1998) Roland Emmerich
Matrix Reloaded (2003) Wachoski Brothers
Besides the Wachoski Brothers and Taratino, the other directors are from the Netherlands, Finland and Holland.
Wachoski is that a polish name? Just askin.
Verhoven works because Sharon Stone was in Basic Instinct (huge hit) and previously was in Total Recall.
Ooh good point Tom. He's from the Netherlands, so maybe he only knows how to speak dutch and english.
He also did Showgirls, Starship Troopers and RoboCop (yikes)...do we know if the French loved any of these?
I think he's 38 actually. But then my memory could be faulty.
I was going to say ou tof those films I only found Paul V to work because of Sharon Stone (who def fits that description if it is describing her AFTER THE CANNES incident)....I just get the feeling that this actress was pretty important at the time....but maybe I am wrong.
I really like Steven Soderbergh guess esp because of sex, lies....too bad Ocean's 11 wasn't at Cannes because that would have fit (Julia Roberts).
I'm trying to find box office hits that were shown in Cannes (in or out of competition) especially by directors praised in France. Actually, this story can't be more than seven or eight years old, just because you wouldn't find lots of Polish junkie apartments with 30 DVDs before that time!
I'm using this site:
http://www.festival-cannes.fr/index.php/en/archives/festivals
1999: Ghost Dog (Jarmusch is big in France but there was no famous actress inside it), All About My Mother (with a straight Almodovar????)
2000: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (who am I kidding?), Mission To Mars (was a flop)
2001: Moulin Rouge, Mulholland Dr., Shrek
2002: Bowling For Columbine, Punch Drunk Love (arthouse movie), The Pianist (Polanski speaks Polish. He's a Pole), Femme Fatale (another flop), Star Wars Episode 2
2003: Elephant (Van Sant is out of the closet), Mystic River, The Matrix Reloaded
2004: Shrek 2, Bad Santa, Dawn Of The Dead, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Troy, Farenheit 911
2005: Sin City, Star Wars Episode 3
The guy who matches the description the most would be Tarantino, even if I don't think that there was much pressure on his shoulders for Kill Bill Vol. 2 after Kill Bill Vol. 1 or that it was one of the highest grossing movies of the year.
If I could go back to when there was no DVD but Poland had access to US movies (so, after 1989), a good suspect would be Paul Verhoeven, who was in Cannes for Basic Instinct and had previously directed Robocop and Total Recall, also with Sharon Stone (but she wasn't A-list at the time and her relationship with Verhoeven was quite rocky at the time)
Damn the not speaking Polish part, I was certain that this was Polanski. Verhoeven is an interesting guess as is Taratino. I don't think Steven Soderbergh would ever sink that low (at least I hope he wouldn't).
Make this a reveal, and soon, please please please Enty?
also i don't think basic instinct really fits the description: there is going to be a huge movie debuting at Cannes with LOTS OF STARS....I remember seeing it in the theater and only michael douglas stood out as someone who I knew.
Enty says "a few years ago" So, more than 2 years ago.
Enty is in his mid 30s
So, let's narrow it down to
1992---2004
Another clue re: the director--- "not popular in the States, but you know the French, they love this guy"
I'm going to say: DAVID LYNCH, Mulholland Drive, 2001 (Best Director @ Cannes, Best Director Oscar nomination, 4 Golden Globe nominations)
BTW, David Lynch's latest movie, "Inland Empire" was partly shot in Poland with Polish actors. However, I can't picture Lynch in such a situation. The guy might be creepy but he tries lots of transcendental meditation every day. "Mulholland Dr." had never belonged to the highest grossing movies of the year and Lynch hadn't worked before with Watts or Harring.
Angela! Good point. Definitely not too many years ago if there were 30 DVDs lying around.
Verhoven is married as well. Tarantino would be good (single, uma in Pulp & Bill), but Kill Bill not a top grosser (per IMDb)
"Highest grossing film" thing...DAG! You guys are right...
I wonder is Ent could give us a clue to whether the film was a top ten grosser or top twenty.
I thought Taratino since Pulp was really his "big break" in Hollywood. But his movie prior to Pulp was Reservoir Dogs and I can't think of an A-List woman that was in that film.
Hmm...gonna research that Renny guy.
-sigh- Twisted Sister was really good at sorting through all these. Wonder what's she doing right about now.
George Lucas - single, unattractive, male. Unappreciated as a director in the states, but popular. Star Wars Ep II: attack of clones was at Cannes and top 10 gross in 2002. Natalie Portman in previous movie. reservations: no one in poland knew who he was? I doubt it. Renny Harlin isn't respected by anyone.
I totally agree with the David Lynch guesses.
if it's david lynch then who is the former a-list actress?
oooh i wish we could get a better clue on at least the actress.
Steven Spielberg filmed "Schindler's List" in Poland.
I can't see it being Tarantino because of this comment - "...one hugely popular director. Not as popular in the States, but you know those French. They love this guy." doesn't strike me as something someone would say about QT.
Ron Howard?
Here's the clues we need to find:
- highest grossing films of the year.
- occured in the era when DVD technology became available. Even over in Poland! What time frame would that be year-wise? 2000-2003?
- director is loved by the French but not so much the US?
David Lynch has never had one of the highest grossing films of ANY year. Not him.
Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill? Maybe. But Quentin is liked in America so I don't know about the not so loved in America part. I'm thinking it's a foreign born director.
So what directors had:
1. Films premiere at Cannes in the early part of this decade?
2. Which Cannes premiering film went on to be one of the biggest grossing movies of the year?
3. Which director's work is more appreciated in Europe than the US?
Seriously, let's do some thinking or imdb'ing and not just make some random guessing based on director personalities.
femconnsult, Ron Howard? The guy is LOVED in this nation. Enty's given us plenty of hints but none of those would point to Ron (not to mention I've worked with Ron in the past and he is one of the most all-around quality human beings I've ever met). Gotta go by the clues. EL's given us enough to potentially crack this one.
Oliver Stone? James Cameron?
Gore Verbinski?
Ent, I love ya. Fantastic story. And BTW, you throw a very nice shadow..
Pinky, great guess! I Googled his name and France and it turns out he does use French actors, adapt French stories, etc.
Cyn
This could be Tarantino because to begin with he wasn't that popular-only after Reservoir Dogs went to Video did he get so much credit. He always speaks about liking French Film/Makers. He is Very popular at Cannes-one of their favs. I'm thinking Pulp Fiction-Uma Thurman.
Ent describes the director as "always a frenetic, frantic person" in his normal state (ie not in a drunken haze from homemade vodka). This makes me lean towards Tarantino...if you've ever seen any interviews with him you know what I mean!
Ent describes the director as "always a frenetic, frantic person" in his normal state (ie not in a drunken haze from homemade vodka). This makes me lean towards Tarantino...if you've ever seen any interviews with him you know what I mean!
Kill Bill Vol 1 aka AWOL absent without leave!!!!!!!
AKA AWOL in the UK!
Quentin was also Chester Rush in Four Rooms
It's more than likely to be Tarantino. He's a festival sweetheart and I've worked in film festivals this guy visits. He loves the local women of the countries he's invited to and loves to party. And the man loves himself and his cinema enough as well to speak about it as a third person even when he's out of it. The thing people tend to take away from meeting him is that he does not act like a celebrity per se, he's pretty much an ordinary guy who makes full use of his clout and opportunities to be the person he is, which at times is just manic.
Also the clues fit him perfectly. I know everyone's hung up about the not popular Stateside remark, but you have to see that the regular film community, while they respect him don't necessarily see him as being as talented. If you go by internet fanboys, you could probably be fooled. And in Europe they eat up his homage to cinema-gone-by (grindhouse, martial arts etc.) nonsense. He's been getting a lot of flack in America for his movies that are all about recidivism more than about anything original.
Tracee: Robocop is revered as one of the genre's exemplars of action films. Just thought I'd mention that.
In Cannes from 98-2003, that could impact the US Market. NO comment on the grossing or cracowia clue.
Gus van Sant (Elephant)
Michael Moore (Farenheit)
Roberto Benigni (La vita e bella)
Coen Brothers (Brother where art thou)
This would be nice to check with the Cracowian airports. Then we will find the identity of our lawyer...
i'm gonna back up justind on this one - tarantino is NOT loved by the hollywood crowd. he's entertaining and does some interesting stuff... but LA doesn't relaly take him all that seriously. more like the guy who likes to play with all the really fun, new toys available in filmmaking - but isnt necessarily propogating the art of filmmaking.
So you guys saying this is Tarantino and the film was Kill Bill Vol I, and the actress is Uma Thurman who worked with him previously in Pulp Fiction?
That works, except that would make the story take place in 2002 or 2003 - woould enty be doing grunt work only 3 or 4 years ago? Maybe, if he's not a very senior lawyer right now...
What do you all think about that?
You know what else almost works here, is Salma Hayek for the actress, she worked with him in Four Rooms, and then the Cannes movie would be Jackie Brown. Then the year would be 1997.
salma hayek was in jackie brown?
here's what i've dug up in the past half hour:
-gus van sant is gay (so likely, did not "fall in love" in krakow with a women as the BI says) (wiki)
-tarantino, lynch, van sant, lynde have never filmed anything in poland (imdb)
1. The year can't be early-mid 90's because of the DVD factor. We are all assuming the following:
- A. ENT went to law school directly after college (many people don't) which, if he WAS 36 would have made his graduation 1996.
- B. That ENT got his current job RIGHT AWAY. I am a lawyer as well. I worked at a smaller firm doing what I am doing now for the first few years after law school. Once I moved on to a bigger firm I was STILL AT THE BOTTOM (just making more money)....so being that I am currently a little over 5 years out of law school and could see myself doing what ENT did if I was at a BIG entertainment law firm, I think we shouldn't discount the fact that the year might be a little later.
So Considering that we DON'T know FOR SURE Ent's age, I would say that we are looking at a time frame 1998-2005.
2. While Steven Soderbergh and Quentin Tarantino definitely "fit the bill".....what movies were top grossers and at cannes? I can't find Kill Bill in anything other than the top 40?
3. The movie was "going to be huge with lots of stars" and includes one female actress who is one of the stars is now (or was then) a former A-List hottie who has worked with CR before. It doesn't say he was the director of this previous film though (so could he have been a producer, writer, actor, etc?)
Where are the film buffs???
Enty said the guy was scouting in Poland, it doesn't say they settled on a location in Poland. Right?
And since this guy is a darling of the French, I figured they probably awarded either him or his film an award at Cannes, but I can't find a website with Cannes winners.
Just because the director was scouting for locations to film in Poland doesn't mean he actually filmed in Poland, right?
Wow, Kim - are you my long lost twin?
D'oh - IMDB has the Cannes winners. I'm thinking you guys got it with Tarantino.
re: salma hayek
I meant she was in From Dusk Til Dawn, but now I realize that Tarantino didn't direct that one, he wrote (or co-wrote) the script.
Plus, based on subsequent posts, those movies were too early for DVDs.
Well here you go, it has all archives you may wish:
www.festival-cannes.fr
just, i never saw a cannes movie wich top grossed. not even sooner than 1998. Wich should be considered because a lot of energy goes into hiding the real profile of the ent.
I also considered the fact that the years "top grossings" cannot be compared to other year blockbusters. so i refferred to the yearly blockbuster lists. still nothing coming up.
Several people have posted ABOVE movies that were shown at Cannes and were top grossers in their years. It's small group of driectors.
So tell me ENT, Did I get the CR and AWOL right(or was I reaching)?
I'm guessing Woody Allen. Woody Allen is huge in France, he's "eccentric," and he has rather odd proclivities concerning young women. Only a nebbish like him would be totally sold on some horsed-out topless bar hostess.
In 1998 Woody Allen was in a top-grossing movie- Antz - just as an actor, though, not a director. That movie was filthy with big names- Sharon Stone, Jennifer Lopez, Sylvester Stallone, Dan Aykroyd, Anne Bancroft, Gene Hackman, Christopher Walken, and Danny Glover.
I'm guessing the former A-list hottie actress is Sharon Stone, who was also in that movie and in Woody Allen's Stardust Memories way back in the day.
Anyway, I think the thing to keep in mind is that Cannes also hosts the Marche du Film which screens and markets hundreds of movies. The Cannes Film Festival is just the artsy fartsy part.
The only other guess I'd have is Brian de Palma doing Mission Impossible.
Quit guessing David Lynch. He doesn't do "top grossing films". I like Tarantino and Pulp Fiction for this one.
But... if this happened so long ago, how could there be a stack of 30 dvds laying around?
david lynch. inland empire filmed in poland. mulholland drive the high grossing film. laura dern the actress. and the french love him...
http://www.connexionfrance.com/david-lynch-interview-france-paris-film-director-10832-news-article.html
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