Monday, January 28, 2008

SAG Awards Report

Hi everyone. Sorry We couldn't do this for the Golden Globes. Before I spill, I just want to remind Enty publicly that I was right about Hayden and Milo way back at the Emmy Awards even though he said I was wrong. Something PRADA is always nice.

There was a running discussion all night if Tom Cruise uses Mystic Tan or if he has some kind of self bronzer. Self bronzer was the clear favorite because he missed some spots.

I patted Ben Foster's ass. Rock hard ladies. Rock hard. Oh, and I'm also a few hundred bucks richer for doing it.

I kept walking behind John Travolta all night hoping one of his plugs would come out so I could give it to Enty for a present. The funny thing is, his hair doesn't move. When he walks, it stays in place. I think it must be sewn into that position.

Ruby Dee gave me a hug and said she loved my work. I feel like crying.

Mickey Rooney introduced himself to me about ten times. I'm not sure he knows where he is. I think people just wind him up and put him at a show. A little friendly with the hands also so it might just be an act.

Next time I think there should just be a live webcam in front of Brad and Angelina and put it on a big screen. There were so many people around them all of the time that I would have felt suffocated. Sometimes there were people three or four deep around them. She is just so beautiful in person. I have never seen anyone who wears and evening gown better than she does. Ever. I thought I saw her sipping some champagne which would kind of throw those pregnancy rumors into doubt. It was really hard to tell though. I wasn't really that close to them, and I just saw it really quickly.

Only person more drunk than me last night. Ryan Gosling. I slipped him some tongue when I said good night. Don't tell anyone. It was minty fresh.

Ashley Tisdale reminds of me a poodle. Maybe it is the hair or something, but I just think of a poodle when I see her.

Zac Efron wears more makeup than me.

Are you supposed to kiss Tom Cruise's ring when you meet him? What is the protocol on that exactly? He said hello to someone at my table and just flashed those veneers right at us.

I introduced myself to Ellen Page because Enty made me. I felt bad though because I don't think she had even 1 minute where someone wasn't talking to her or introducing themselves or kissing her ass.

I would still do Michael Keaton.

There is no one in the Sopranos I would do.

Woody Harrelson and Glenn Close aren't sleeping together anymore are they? I mean that was a really long time ago right? Right?

I know Enty hates Eva Longoria but she is always really sweet to me, and she always calls me on my birthday which is really nice. I thought her new look was really cute.

Debra Messing has crazy eyes. Don't ever look at her straight in the eye. Seriously. You will feel a chill.

Next time you get drunk at a table of actors, try this party game. Six degrees of separation with Kevin Bacon but with people you have slept with. I feel like a slut, but I wasn't as bad as someone else at the table.

Now if I could figure out a way to get Rebecca Gayheart out of the way, I would be set.

You think Ryan will call?

49 comments:

  1. Wow you're awesome. Are you
    A.) busy this week?
    b.) going to be in NYC?

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  2. Anonymous3:00 PM

    I think the opportunity to make out with Ryan Gosling and feel up Ben Foster makes up for Mickey Rooney getting handsy.

    Next time you come across ZEfron, I think you should have a hankie prepped with makeup remover and see how much comes off.

    Love your reports spy... and I'd love to figure out who you are because it didn't look like my previous thought (Rashida Jones) was at the SAG's.

    And I don't think we'll be getting an AP report (neither Ali Larter or Amanda Peet were there... why couldn't one of them have been there, darnit! :)

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  3. Excellent report!
    Thank you for the detailed report on Ryan's ass and minty fresh breath!!

    I'm still thinking that this is Jenna Fischer.

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  4. Wonder if the spy is Christina Applegate...since she's in the faux pic with Debra Messing.

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  5. Anonymous3:11 PM

    thanks for the report! and yes you were right about hayden and milo - ive been following their story closely and you werent the only one that saw them snuggling at the emmys.

    seriously, thanks again. i hope you always do these.

    PS michael keaton still looks great. i agree.

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  6. I'd pay big bucks to slip Gosling anything.

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  7. You are so lucky. Ryan Gosling is so hot. If I didn't have a husband...

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  8. i imagine Gosling to taste of stale smokes, cinnamon gum and Bollinger. close?

    of course he's canadian so it could be smoked salmon, maple gum and Labatt's.
    sign me up.

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  9. Anonymous3:33 PM

    Slipping tongue and patting ass! I'd say the night was a success. And I hope he calls you!

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  10. my picks for the mole:
    Applegate
    Sophia Bush
    January Jones
    Brittany Snow

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  11. Wow, what fun you must have had. Thanks for the report - it's almost like we were there. Except for the ass grabbing part. That just wasn't realistic enough for us 'ho's.

    Jax - who IS that on your avatar???? She looks like a (not the) church lady.

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  12. Anonymous3:39 PM

    Awesome report - thank you!

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  13. Anonymous3:40 PM

    brittany snow is too much of a good girl, i think.

    did we decide it wasnt rashida?

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  14. twisted....i was wondering the same about jax's avatar....i think it is George Bush!!!!!

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  15. Are you supposed to kiss Tom Cruise's ring when you meet him? What is the protocol on that exactly? He said hello to someone at my table and just flashed those veneers right at us.

    Spy - The protocol is to give him a swift and direct kick to the ass. Awesome report, BTW. Loved it.

    jdixon - I was thinking January Jones, too.

    Spy - If you are JJ, girl, you looked fantastic, and how much fun is it to make out with Jon Hamm and get paid for it?

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  16. Deity2, slap on white hair and it could be his mama!

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  17. Yes it's Dubya all dressed up in his church best..matching earrings to boot.

    i have a whole folder on him and have to parade them out one last time before the division bell rings.

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  18. What about Viggo?!?!

    What about Daniel?!?!?

    Spill the beans!

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  19. I think it's Applegate...I remember her interviews on the Tonight show--she talks like that.

    Not much, I know...lol.

    Whomever...keep it up...and, if you get the chance, keep Ryan up. ; )

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  20. Oh dear Lord. That IS as scary as a church lady.

    I had no idea he got all gussied up like that. I suppose he has to do something with all his spare time.

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  21. The protocol when meeting TC is to NOT LOOK HIM IN THE EYES.

    If you do you will find your wallet 30% lighter, your credibility shot to hell, and will go around quoting nonesense that will make ET go "El-i-ott wtf?"

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  22. I'm so glad you mentioned how Craaaaaazeeee MESSing looks. She always scares me. You know she beats on the hubby.

    Did you see Michelle Pfeiffer? Is she as beautiful in person as she seems?

    I cannot believe for one second Angelina was sipping champers. She would never damage the chosen 1 (or 2)

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  23. watch John Travolta "secretly" check Viggo out. soooooo funny!

    http://defamer.com/349775/cant-john-travolta-admire-one-of-his-most-gifted-peers-without-everyone-scrutinizing-him

    Xenu is gonna bitchslap John so hard the rug will fly across the Celeb Ctr

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  24. That was a fun SAG report

    Besides talking about his fake tan, are the folks in Hollywood making fun of Tom Cruise's video as much as the rest of the world? You know not in front of his face or in his xenu area, but behind his back maybe?

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  25. The protocol with Cruise is to spit on his face unless you're John Travolta, in which case you get to fuck him up the ass.

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  26. I could read things like this all day long. I LOVE these reports...just wish they were longer. Whoever you are, you rock!

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  27. Anonymous6:07 PM

    I forgot to add: I hope Ryan calls you, because any of our guesses is far better looking than the date he brought. (First photo at this link.)

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  28. dnfrommn - that's Ryan's sister.

    Whoever this is, I can't believe you made out with Gosling! Better watch out though...he's got women all over the place. Have heard he's quite the manwhore since splitting with McAdams.

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  29. Anonymous7:04 PM

    Nothing wrong with an occasional glass of champagne or wine when pregnant. (I would never suggest grain alcohol, though.) Jesus turned water into wine, so if it's good enough for Him...

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  30. Dear Gosling-Kisser,

    I hate you. May he row you through a lake-full of ducks...or whatever.

    Seriously, if this is Jenna Fisher, I fucking love youl.

    Same if this is Applegate. You are hilarious.

    And girl, when you come to New York, you best look me up.

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  31. the pic is bush, painted, while posing as the queen of england

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  32. THAT was awesome. Very entertaining.

    I once stood right next to Angelina Jolie while on a production last year and yep she sure is beautiful....skinny but beautiful.

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  33. Sorry, Can someone please fill me in on why people dont like Debra Messing? I have been seeing a lot of snarky comments about her lately and have no idea where they come from lol :/

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  34. and as Marisa above stated:

    Look me up when your in the NYC too, LOL.

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  35. Why IS John Travolta looking at them like that?!! It's hilarious! Maybe Viggo cut the cheese?

    Does Jena Malone fit for out spy? I can't find any pics of Rashida being there. Still say she's in The Ent inner circle though.

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  36. I check out the Travolta video on Defamer and they seem to think that JT was actually checking out Cate Blanchett. Whatev, the important is that they also have a picture of Angelina drinking WATER.

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  37. Hmmm, my post from earlier didn't stick.....

    Ok, so the spy has to be someone recognizable enough that older Hollywood folks like Ruby Dee and Mickey Rooney would know who they are... so that rules out most starlets.

    That makes me think it's either Jenna Fischer (highly doubt, tho... love her, but she seems like a newbie to me), Christina Applegate (might work, as she;s been on Broadway too, so Ruby Dee might know her from there), or Kyra Sedgwick (I love her, and would hope that there's a little minx in her blood). Ooh, or maybe Vanessa Williams... she seems like she'd have the chutzpah to pat Ben on the ass, and french Ryan, hahaha.

    Either way, dearest spy, me loves you long time. This post surely made my day.

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  38. I couldn't be more jeolous than I am at this moment!!! Ryan AND Ben!!! Truly Impressive in my book!!! Yum!

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  39. Gotta be Brenda Strong. She's cozy with Ryan in this pic. And it would make sense that Eva calls her on her bday.

    http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20168762_20174210_8,00.html

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  40. Spy- thank you for sharing! What a great breakdown of the night. I do feel for Rooney. Nothing worse than watching a legend slip away.
    LOVE the TC & JT bit, hilarious! You made my mundane day :)

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  41. Go through the comments one by one. Can you find any that couldn't be said just by watching the SAG awards, seeing photos of the stars, or making it up (kissing an actor, patting a butt, saying someone is nice or is swarmed by people or is hot or gave you a compliment)? Are we this hard-up for gossip to ooh and ahh over some "actress" who supposedly writes like a fan secretly for a lawyer (and sounds suspiciously like every other female character that writes for this site? And as usual, everyone thinks it's so funny that she acted drunk and obnoxious. Oh, yeah, I bet Ryan Gosling will be so charmed that he will call her, and the next twenty-something actress he is pictured with will be (gasp) her! This blog writer must be laughing his/her ass off.

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  42. Easy kids. Gosling was polite and mellow all night. Many industry folk looking to chat him up and introduced his sister to everyone. I served them three times. Are ya crushed no drama. Sis lives in the Big Apple I learned

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  43. So, Skeeter, Mystic Tan or self-bronzer, care to weigh in? ;P

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  44. Anonymous10:01 AM

    Hmm our spy doesnt sound like Jenna Fisher to me, anymore. She doesnt strike me as that much of a drunk slut...

    However, to our spy, if you're reading this:

    some of the only stories we hear about you, have to do with you being drunk. Do you have a problem...?

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  45. Reading back through the archives, Ent said he used to go to the Oscars/awards shows. I think we should all pressure Ent to go to the Oscars this time and report personally on this gossip. He hasn't gone to one of these personally for a long time - and he'd be no more exposed than this actress (after all, any attendee who saw our actress pat Ben on the butt and tongue Ryan Gosling would know who she is, right? Especially is she was drunkenly disclosing all of her conquests with celebrities around one the tables! Pressure Ent to go, everyone! He could go as the date to this actress, since she is always weirdly alone and dateless at these functions!

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  46. Trix, I thought getting drunk was the main reason to go to an awards show.

    Thanks, Spy, your stories are a hoot!

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  47. naysayers--
    i've been to several disney animation cast and crew parties. damn things are so crowded nobody sees anything unless they are specifically looking for something. and you have to have the right ID to get in.

    so i can't even imagine how crowded a big event like this is, or how hard it would be for ent to get in without specific invite.

    that being said, DEAR GOD! what a great party! i think the best ones DO involve too much alcohol, a bit of friendly ass-grabbing and enthusiastic smooching, don't they (um, not the parties i get to go to)? boy, i hope you write a tell-all book one day!!

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  48. missbliss, I recall gossip about debra messing being a diva b*tch egomaniac back in the Will & Grace days, no opinion on how believable they were/are. I think she did a masters in drama at a prestigious school so whatever...

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  49. OK, I'm going to go there and say that I think the spy is Miss Applegate.

    Just saw that she was at Eva Longoria's movie premiere, and Lord help her, she needs all the positivity she can get. Oof, that movie looks awful....

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