My 45 Minutes Of Oscar

I have been really busy the past few weeks and have been working crazy hours. So, the plan yesterday was to camp down in front of the 12 inch black and white and watch E! for six hours and then the Oscars. That plan lasted about 15 minutes.

I turned on the television and saw three of the hosts talking about how to apply makeup. It wasn't even one of those hosts I was interested in seeing. The day before at my favorite In-N-Out I saw Ashlan Gale, or at least I think that was her name and as she ate 2 double doubles animal style, I said to myself this is a woman I could watch on television. The fact that she is fairly hot played no part in my decision. It was the appetite and the fact that I am fairly certain she didn't go puking it up on the two block drive back to the Kodak Theater. I turned it off. Not unexpected. Six hours is a great deal of coverage and so they will cover lots and lots of topics. So, went back to the Dirty Jobs marathon and promised myself I would click back.

I guess it was about 45 minutes later, and I turned it back on. I literally had it on for about 30 seconds before I turned it off. Come back from commercial and lets go talk about Fashion from two people who know all about it. Nick from Project Runway. OK, he is knowledgeable and funny and I am okay with his comments. Their other fashion expert? Kim Kardashian. No shit. Seriously. Honest to God, the first shot of her was a closeup of only her ass. At that point, I said screw it and turned it off. One of the unique things about LA unlike the rest of the West Coast is they actually show the Academy Awards live at 5pm. If you are anywhere else on the West Coast you have to wait until 8pm which means you may as well just go on Yahoo and see who won.

So, having enough of E!, I decided to head over to the Beverly Center because I thought it would be cricket like. Ummm. It wasn't Christmas there, but it was really packed for a Sunday in February. I guess the rest of LA was also fed up with the Kardashians and had retreated to the mall. I have already told you how much I abhor exercise, but my doctor told me I needed to do something, so I started mall walking. It really isn't bad, and unlike the Grove, the Beverly Center is all inside and has places to site with plasma televisions, and has a really nice bar where people can stare down at you from three levels while you get drunk.

So, I finished my mall walking and am in the bar replacing all the calories I just burned with many alcoholic drinks. I want to be clear that there was no sound, but here is what I saw. Amy Adams looked like she was going to have a heart attack when Ryan grabbed her purse from her. By the look on her face I'm guessing it was solid gold spun from the hair of virgins or something and probably signed her life away when she borrowed it. She was seriously freaked out, and will probably never talk to Ryan again.

Jennifer Garner earned my big b*tch of the night. She was presenting. That's it. I thought she looked awful and then she did something that I had only previously seen Scarlett Johannson do and that is steal the spotlight. Laura Linney was about to be interviewed. Jennifer Garner comes over to her and gives her a hug, then Jennifer moves to Ryan and does an interview and leaves the Best Actress Nominee sitting there looking like a deer in the headlights. Remember. I had no sound, but in my heart, I am hoping Gary Busey saw this injustice and that is why he harassed Jen. I hope he did it on purpose, because honestly I have not seen something that low in a very long time. I know she was in Juno, but still, she is stealing time from a Best Actress nominee which is something Jennifer Garner isn't going to ever get. I was disgusted. Almost as disgusted as John Travolta's hair. Did you see that he and The Rock had the exact same hairstyle? You remember when that Ronco guy was selling the spray paint hair? That is what it reminded me of.

Oh, the one other thing that I really liked was the way James McAvoy and his wife interacted. I really thought it was sweet. Went home, and watched more Dirty Jobs. Love that show.