Dear Richard
Dear Richard,
How are you dear boy? I feel like it has been an age since I last sat down to write you a letter. Alas, it has also been an age since the last time I was on your airline and for that I could not be more pleased. As you know it was a bank holiday weekend in the UK this past weekend so as is my custom I decided to take a quick jaunt down to the Continent. You know, just to check on the state of things. I settled on Germany because it has been awhile and I do so love a good wurst. Do you love wurst Richard? Fantastic. A little sauerkraut and some beer and all is good with the world. Nicht wahr?
Anyway, as I was departing I happened to bump into two women that were traveling like me from Liverpool to Germany. They had with them a man who was in a wheelchair. They told me he was 91. He had on the nicest pair of sunglasses and so I asked him where he had got them. No answer. The women told me he was sleeping. But they knew where he had purchased the sunglasses so all was right with the world. I attempted to keep chatting them up about things to do in Germany and places to eat but they didn't seem interested. They kept looking around nervously as if they were hiding something. My questions still didn't get anything from the man either. Well, the women finally got to the front of the check in line and the customer service people started to ask the man questions and he wouldn't answer them either.
Well, the customer service people said they needed to talk to him. As it turns out Richard, that was going to be very tough to do because the man was dead. That's right. He must have eaten some of your airline's cooking on the way to the UK because he was deader than a doornail. I had never seen anything like it. Well, that is not really honest of me now is it. I did see it in Weekend At Bernie's 2 which your airline said was a "new release." Lovely.
Ugh, how disturbing!
ReplyDeleteLOVE Dear Richard letters though!
Wow, I've personally had nothing but great service (and good food!) on Virgin Airlines. I was still vegetarian last time I flew Virgin and their dinner was really tasty (it was some Indian dish). I'd been offered an apple as a vegetarian "dinner" on other airlines back in the olden days when meals were served...
ReplyDeleteI wish they flew to Denver.
ReplyDeleteOh, I knew where this was going when I read the first "no answer". That's just not right.
ReplyDeleteEchoing the love for the "Dear Richard" letters, though....perhaps a repost of the original, just to catch the newbies up to speed (as well as give us old folks the chance to giggle again)...
Found it:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2009/01/greatest-complaint-letter-ever.html
I was just going to post "I really don't get these Dear Richard letters, could someone fill me in"?
ReplyDeleteHaHa.. Thanks @Majik.. You read my mind...
It reminds me of National Lampoon's Family Vacation!
ReplyDeleteI had a good friend in high school who was from an upper middle class family--One day I mentioned going to see my grandparents at the cemetary--she stated very matter of factly that her parents didn't feel it necessary to spend any money on dead people, & her grandparents were all given to up to Potter's Field for free burials in unmarked graves.
I don't know how people can live with themselves.
YEAH!! A Dear Richard letter!
ReplyDeleteI just remembered this...
ReplyDeleteThere's a rather famous family story about my grandmother and a dead woman...my grandma was in church and, during the sermon, the woman beside her died (I think she had a heart attack or a stroke, I'm not sure). My grandma, who was a nurse, propped her up and kept her from falling over until the service was over as she didn't want to interrupt the reverend...she always said that if one was going to die, that was the best place to do it...lol.
I laughed my ass off when I read lutefisk's comment! Then I felt bad for laughing.
ReplyDelete