Cynthia Nixon Says She Is Gay By Choice
Cynthia Nixon has always said that she is gay by choice rather than by compulsion but she has never said it in the New York Times before so is giving fuel to the fire by many conservatives that homosexuality can be "cured." Cynthia says that the LGBT powers that be have tried to get her to say that homosexuality is not a choice but she says that it is and that she has been gay and straight and likes being gay better.
She also went on to say that anyone who disagrees with her is a bigot and that if she thinks it is a choice it does not make her any less gay.
"Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate. I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive. I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I’ve been out with."
"Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate. I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive. I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I’ve been out with."
50 comments:
Isn't that just the definition of bisexual, defining oneself as both gay and straight? Seems bigoted of her to assume that just because she is attracted to both genders, that every gay person has that "choice."
Seems to me she’s bisexual and there’s nothing wrong with that. But being bisexual doesn’t mean you’re straight when you’re with someone of the opposite sex and gay with some of the same sex.
Being straight or gay is not a choice, it’s what you are. People can however choose to ignore what they are and pretend to be something else.
Who the fuck cares who she sleeps with and why? They're consenting adults. Plenty of people are bisexual, and it sounds if that's how she swings. She fell in love with a woman -- hopefully for good -- and I think it's awesome how she refuses to discredit the men she loved prior to Rojo Caliente.
I'm so sick of this nosy, bullying, Puritanical culture. If she were straight, reporters wouldn't badger her with questions relating to her sexuality. It's sad how gay people are expected to fulfill the public's curiosity.
I cosign with everything Ida said - mostly because I feel that way as well but couldn't be nearly as clear about it. Bravo
I understand her point "why is this any less legitimate" but I'm so pissed off at her saying these things, it's just not going to help. She's obviously not gay, she's bi! For her, the choice is to have a relationship with a man or a woman. For gays, there is no choice except whether or not to come out of the closet.
Enty, why don't you write something about the Washington State senator who decided to back the gay marriage bill? Her reasoning was that as a Christian, she should be tolerant of others and their beliefs, even though she doesn't believe in it. I'm afraid her statement is going to be overshadowed by the Cynthia Nixon crap.
I have to laugh at how much her wording sounds exactly like something Miranda Hobbs would have said :-P
I recently had a conversation with a lesbian couple about this issue. Their take on it was that they knew a lot of women who said they "chose" to be lesbian, especially in their later years, and they think it's much more common among women than among men. For what it's worth.
Well we don't yet live in a perfect world yet, where being gay is accepted by all. Until we do, it's going to come up and while it might be unfair to expect more of gay celebrities, it's just how it is.
But I don't know how gossip hounds can say that no one would care who she was sleeping with if she was straight. There's a whole lot of emphasis placed on the relationships of straight celebs too.
And Nixon sounds like she has never heard of the term bisexual here. Which is a shame, because there are so few bisexual celebs and most people still seem to think it's a myth that people can even be bisexual.
I agree with her. In fact, when I was in college, I had a psychology professor who taught us about studies showing that people were less likely to be bigoted toward gays if it WASN'T a choice, but were still unlikely to ACCEPT gays. People who believed it was a choice, or who thought it didn't matter had the most acceptance.
And no, I don't think she is bi-sexual. She doesn't want to have a sexual/romantic relationships with men and women. She only wants women. She has chosen to want women.
I get it. I went to college. I've been with both. I like guys though.
Frankly, EmEyeKay, the fact that she says she chose to be gay doesn't mean that she's bi. It means that she probably didn't have a good idea about her sexuality, tried out men and women, and then came to the realization that she is gay. So Cynthia is not "obviously" anything other than what she thinks she is. And it's not your right, nor mine, to question it. Period.
What Cynthia said won't sway those who oppose gay marriage one way or another. They are opposed to gay civil marriage, either because of their religious views (a legitimate view, even if you and I disagree) or because they are anti-gay bigots (which isn't a legitimate view at all). The former have a religious worldview that won't allow for it; the latter just irrationally hate gays anyway. And ultimately, the question of whether homosexuality is or isn't a choice doesn't matter to them. The same way homosexuality as a choice doesn't matter to folks like me who think and know that the U.S. Constitution grants everyone the same rights, regardless of their sexuality, and that includes the ability to marry.
The reality is that for a lot of folks, sexual preference is not going to be a constant. Some folks are going to want to swing a lot of different ways, and others will eventually settle into the sexual preference that fits who they are. And that's okay. That doesn't make homosexuality illegitimate, and it doesn't make their choices illegitimate. We need to move beyond the "homosexuality is or isn't choice" discussion.
My biggest issue with this is where she says that anyone who disagrees with her is a bigot. She's asking for acceptance by name calling? Yes, she's an asshole just like her character on that show.
Wow, well put @Sevenmack!
Fuck, who cares if she chose or had no choice. Who cares if she's gay, straight or bisexual. Is she happy? As long as she's happy, that's all that matters.
Sometimes I think the gay movement shoots themselves in the foot by insisting that everyone fit into a narrow definition.
I have a friend who I guess is bi, but she prefers woman because they threat her better...
Why do we even have labels "bi", "gay", "straight"? I believe everyone is on a spectrum, i.e. the Kinsey spectrum.
excellent points, Sevenmack & nolachickee.
and EmEyeKay, you're so right that the WA senator is going to fly under the radar...this makes me sad b/c i think it's a wonderful example of how those of us that profess to be christians are called to love, period. not 'love as long as you're straight and believe exactly as me'. i wish there were more people in positions of power that fully understood that. the generalization that if you're a person who professes any denominational view of protestant faith is automatically some backwater, homophobic ass is just so old...i automatically zone out when people start on that track. (which is a shame really, b/c i can assume said people make good and worthwhile points in other areas, but i've already tuned out...that ragey anger--from both sides--doesn't get anyone very far, imho). anyhoo...sorry for the ramble...thx for mentioning her.
well said sevenmack! :)
To her it was a choice and no one knows, but her. Her calling people who disagree with her a bigot would just be as ignorant on her part, as anyone who disagrees that it was her choice to be a homosexual. Everyone has an opinion and is entitled to it. I notice that when you disagree with someone's opinion, they get bashed for it. In other words, "believe what I believe (not me personally) and you'll be fine and I won't bash you for disagreeing". It's not easy being green.
The problem is, there is no right answer... People continually use the phrase "sexuality is a spectrum" yet then continue to try and label everyone. I'm a firm believer in that you love the person, not the "part".
PS - Audrey i missed your comment before posting!! Right there with ya ;)
I don't think it matters who Cynthia is sleeping with, or how she got there.
All the "Pray the Gay Away" assholes can just eff off, regardless.
One size shoe will not fit the whole community perfectly.
Think you are right Bits of Moxy. Human Sexuality is a confusing topic to say the least. I read her statement with an open mind, but I can only speak for myself and personally I feel "wired" to be attracted to men. Thinking about it doesn't play into it for me. I think we are just scratching the surface on human sexual preference. It will be interesting to see what future research will bring forth now that we are much freer as a society to explore those topics.
I can't wait for time to pass. Because every generation that comes is much more open minded about how to live your life than the previous one. Eventually, gay marriage will be legal everywhere and these debates about sexuality will seem quaint. That can't come soon enough.
My belief is that you can't help how you feel, just what you do about it.
I really liked your post, Pookie.
I see what you are saying Seachica. If you look back on the last 50 - 60 years, the gains we have made are revolutionary to say the least. Times they are a changin'. But hold on to your hat, because I don't think these thing stop at homosexuality. As we march forward I wouldn't be surprised to see things like polygamy being looked as a legit lifestyle, and cross gender issues will likely become more and more accepted as well. My thoughts on it are rather cliche...two consenting adults and all, doesn't bother me. Or the cliche may have to change to "two or more consenting adults" LOL
I am a Christian. A lot of the time, I am too scared to post on some of these more controversial posts because of the hatred towards Christians. It's blatant. And I know a lot of hypocritical, judgemental Christians are the reason for that, but it saddens me to see all of us generalized and lumped into the same category. Intolerance goes both ways.
I don't care who you are, what you believe, or your sexual preference. As a Christian who follows the teachings of Jesus, all I know is that he preaches LOVE. Love everyone, all the time, no matter what. It doesn't matter if you're gay or straight, you deserve love and respect. Always. I agree, that's not the message that some Christians are putting out there, but it's the message that Jesus lived by.
I fully agree with the senator in Washington. Love and tolerance and respect for everyone.
^That was a very nice post .debbie.
I'm so glad to see tolerant Christians, as I live in the deep south, and it is hard to come by sometimes!
Her partner must have a great personality or be really good in bed because she is not an attractive woman.
I think that the reason that conservatives keep saying that homosexuality is a choice is because so many are "choosing" to be straight. There's a huge difference between being gay, and living as an openly gay person. I think that's what conservatives are really talking about when they think that being gay is a choice.
I came to this realization after talking to a male friend, who is clearly gay (as he likes to have sex with men), but he will never self-identify as gay, and plans to get married to a woman and have kids one day. He's also from a religious family in the South. So although he's gay, he's not "choosing" to live openly gay, like most closeted Republicans. That's why conservatives continue to perpetuate the myth that being gay is a choice; many of them are "choosing" not to live openly gay.
Also, I think it's not uncommon for women who have horrendous experiences with men (rape, incest, abuse, etc) to consciously choose to be done with them altogether and turn to women.
^I agree Reno- I live in the deep south as well and am a Christian, but because I don't agree with alot of the intolerance I witness I have been told I am not a "good Christian". In the end, it is not our place to judge. Just love eachother and hope for the best.
I can't tell her how to express her sexuality. Sometimes a group will try to "mandate" how to be a member. You have You have Stephen Beatty telling Chaz how to correctly be transgender and before that you had Chaz complaining about the way Ellen Degeneris came out. There are old school feminists who fought for women to have choices who criticize women who have made choices that they disagree with.
There are prominent Blacks who are quick to label other Blacks as Uncle Tom's if they don't get with the program and follow their agenda.
I've never understood it and therefore often end up as the one who defies stereotypes or fails to fit in.
The point she is that she is autonomous and self-determining, a point which threatens the bigots and cultural classifiers on BOTH sides. Go Cynthia.
^Exactly.
YES. Love how she's slamming the hardliners on both sides of the issue. I have a lot of gay friends who refer to it as a choice, others who don't, and I don't think either way it takes away their legitimacy in defining who they are. There's a lot of unfairness on both sides. But let's get something straight: it's not conservatives who are against gay rights. It's overwhelmingly religious conservatives. I'm in College Republicans at a fairly religious school, and the great majority is all for gay rights; the times are a' changin', and with people like Nixon speaking so openly and frankly it can only get better.
Well said, Sevenmack. And thank you, .debbie!
That was only about half of the quote. If you read what she said before that, she acknowledges that for some people it is not a choice, but for her it was. Rest of the quote:
"I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not."
I'm late to the party, but there are some great statements here--very well said--one reason I love this board so much! If everyone could just get along like we usually do!
Thanks for posting the whole quote Mels. I think it is a really interesting point that Cynthia is making. I totally accept other people's sexuality, doesn't bother me if you are gay, straight, bi, asexual etc. I like having discussions about it because I find it interesting. I am unusual in my group of friends because I have always known I am straight. When I was pre-pubescent I had posters up on my bedroom wall of grown men, not boys my age. I have a couple of female friends who have been with both men and women. One man I know was married to a woman, even though he identifies as gay, because he loved her. I can't wait for Australia to allow gay marriage. We have a female atheist Prime Minister who is against it. Why be against love?
It's the early 1970s Second Wave radical feminist approach -- that women can deliberately choose women (or deliberately choose not to have men) and the conventional (ha!) gay movement has always opposed that approach and insisted there is no choice, that sexuality is completely by compulsion. Both are utterly political approaches for political reasons.
There is truth to both. Obviously sexuality is NOT strictly something compulsory (compulsory heterosexuality or homosexuality), because all the time a person chooses which individual person he or she will have sex with. There are aspects of choice everywhere in a person's sexuality.
And especially if you are bisexual, as she is, then it would seem from a personal perspective that choosing which gender to have sex with is as much of a choice. I'd argue it's not entirely. But I do have an issue with flat-out ignoring that so many women definitely did politically choose lesbianism and have lived decades that choice.
I tend to roll on the conservative side, so I don't post here often- especially on these topics. But, I will say that I really don't think it matters if it is a choice or you're born that way as long as you are a good person.period. Also, I have a few gay friends and for some being gay is just another part of who they are and for others it is what defines them. Everything they talk about all comes back to being gay. I get it, you are proud, but there should be more to you then who your sleeping with. That is my only issue with the whole gay movement, is making your whole identity be tied into your sexuality. I probably wasn't as eloquent as some on here, but as a conservative, this is is not a topic that influences my political leaning.
I read this story yesterday and felt empowered (in a sense) by what Cynthia Nixon said.
I don't believe that being attracted to one sex or the other is necessarily a choice you can make but if you are attracted to both, that is where the choice comes in - for me at least.
For Cynthia to say and feel that nobody else can 'define' her gayness was great. I'm not the biggest fan of her call people that are less open-minded bigots, but for the most part I agreed with and feel similar to everything she said.
@Sevenmack - Very well put. I'm with you as well as the "who cares?" posts.
@.debbie. - That was a very nice post. I grew up in a severely southern baptist home & I assure you NOBODY around me would have ever excepted anyone gay. So happy to read your comment. And please don't be too shy to post, all us readers seem to be quite open-minded to others opinions.
I think that she has the choice whether she's gay or straight, but it's not a choice for most people. You are what you are. And if you're flexible, then bully for you.
She may be Gay by choice but she is Bi, by design.
MAC: well said. There's a lot of talk in here about the intolerance of the "deep south" (like it's Mordor or something) and Christians (like no other religion has issues with homosexuality). The truth is that there is rigid and tyrannical intolerance on BOTH sides of this issue. Both sides reek of sanctimony and bad faith. People choose not to "come out" in order to stay out of the vortex of this raging cultural debate and live their lives freely and gay. Which in America is not that difficult at best and most definitely better than any other country in the world. Yes, including European nations. And look what happens; they get named and shamed as "closeted" and uptight and fucked up somehow. And then if you are "out," they want to tell you how to be gay. Who's doing that? It's not the religious nuts. It's the other intolerant bigots, the ones who never get called out, but who most definitely think they're in charge of everyone in their flock. So good for Cynthia Nixon for saying no to that.
After reading her whole quote, i have to agree with her.
And as a general rule, i think we might want to stop putting such rigid rules on who we are. There is always an exception to each rule.
Each individual's sexuality should be their own business, and shouldn't matter to anyone but their sexual partners, as long as their activities involve consenting adults. I think sexuality is a combination of genetics and rational choice. If someone is forced by societal pressure to sublimate their feelings for people of the same sex, that is not a real "choice" at all.
Cynthia is not calling all the people who don't accept/understand her bigots, she is saying that people shouldn't give in to the bigots, who are the ones that say homosexuality is unnatural or unacceptable.
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