Musings Of A Crew Member

This is the second in a series (hopefully) of crew members from different television shows and movies who are willing to share their thoughts or stories. This week brings us a guy in his 20's who does publicity for a television show which is in its first season.

I have only been in Los Angeles for a short time. I grew up in the Midwest and graduated from college there and made my way out here. I always wanted to work in Hollywood. I just didn't know how I was going to do it because I'm not good looking enough to be an actor. I came to that understanding a long time ago and have no sense of loss about being an actor. Directing was not an option because I don't have that kind of artistic vision. I am an artist though. My art just is in getting people to go see a movie or watch a show and make everyone and everything about the production look so good that you can't wait to see it. I'm on a show right now doing publicity. It's in its first year and the network is spending a ton of money to get people to watch so it has been really busy.

I wanted this job so bad. Not the working in Hollywood one, but this one. The one on this show. I wanted to meet the star of the show. I've had the biggest crush on her forever. Posters on the wall, day dreams, wet dreams, I've had them all for her. I remember that first day I saw her on set and go into her trailer. I died. I was f**king giddy. I know it will pass as I've been here longer, but that first time, I knew what it was like when all those girls scream at Bieber concerts. Can't describe the feeling. When I think about the feeling, I love it. I acted all cool about it but inside, I was busting out and this was just from across a parking lot.

When I actually met her, in person and shook her hand I almost froze. I had to talk to her about what we had planned for her and even though there were ten other people with her and doing things for her, she gave me her full attention. Her eyes just drilled right into mine and I could tell I had her to myself for those 45 seconds. Well, she made me feel like I did. And just like that it was gone. She concluded we had finished out business and she started making someone else feel like they were the only person. I wanted that feeling back. Hey, my turn. Over here. The tall blonde guy in the corner. Yo. Instead I was ushered out. It was kind of like a first kiss with someone. The first time is once in a lifetime but you never get that feeling back exactly again. I heard heroin is like that. That first time is euphoric and you spend the rest of your addiction always trying to get that same feeling but you don't, no matter how much you try.

I see my crush a few times each day and talk to her once or twice a day. She still makes me feel like I'm the only person in the world when she's talking to me, but I've seen her do it to so many people now and so many situations that I know it's a skill she has. A damn good one which is why she keeps going from one show to the next and a bunch of movies in between. I think all I've been hoping for is that she didn't disappoint my dream of her or fantasy and she hasn't. Can she be a pain? Oh yeah. But the good outweighs the bad. I just didn't want to have my dreams crushed with this one person. Others can disappoint me and have. But this one, my crush, I wanted to be just like I imagined. She has. She even got me a birthday card on my birthday and kissed me on the cheek. Framed the card. Don't tell anyone.