Sunday, May 27, 2012

Blind Items Revealed - Twitter 10K Reveal

August 14, 2007

As you can probably tell from some of the other long blind items, much of my early legal career consisted of being a highly paid gofer or fix it person. It's not like I was the only one, there were several of us who when we were not wading through thousands upon thousands of discovery documents were assigned to make sure so and so got to court or to his deposition or went to homes to pick up legal documents and made sure they were signed. And when I mean signed, I mean signed by the actual party that was supposed to sign them and not someone's housekeeper because the actual party had been on a 72 hour coke binge and couldn't even hold a pen. This is the weirdest one of the getting someone sober incidents I have been involved in, but they happen everyday. Everyday. There is no difference between regular folks and celebrity folks except that when celebrity folks get trashed out of their minds they are often responsible for hundreds of jobs and there are millions of dollars involved.

Big film festivals were part of the daily grunt work. At a film festival, especially an international one, deals are done for new films and international distribution agreements are also hammered out. Usually these deals are done in a more intricate game of swapping then the guy who traded up from a paperclip to a house.

Whenever there are deals to be done there are attorneys, managers, agents, and the people to make sure all the copies are done. I suppose it would be less expensive for a minimum wage college kid to do it, but if I did it, then you could charge somebody $400 an hour. Remember film accounting.

So a few years ago, I along with my fellow brethren were sitting in Cannes. Ahh, movie stars, photo calls and big hotels. Well when you think of me at Cannes you have to imagine two guys, and sometimes three in a room designed for one very small individual. Added to the fact that I'm 400 pounds and sweat profusely when there is no a/c and you can see why my peers weren't too thrilled to be sharing a room with me. Did I mention I have IBS? OK, I don't, but that would have added to their fun no doubt.

So anyway, there is going to be huge movie debuting at Cannes with lots of stars and one hugely popular director. Not as popular in the States, but you know those French. They love this guy. The director has been away scouting locations in Poland for an upcoming film but was due into Cannes three days previously. No one knows exactly where in Poland he is, and the powers that be are getting anxious. Very anxious. As in anxious that millions of dollars could be pissed away because the whacked out hack of a director can't be found. (Earlier in the week he was the creative visionary who was eccentric)

One star of the film who has worked with CR before has been summoned to try and find the director but either she (former A list actress and hottie) doesn't know or isn't saying. At this point someone remembers that said star and I have known each other for awhile and that maybe she will tell me what she won't reveal to anyone else. Yes, I know her, but one forced six hour plane ride years previously is not the same as coming over for some 400 pound loving. She doesn't know.

Then one night, the director's long time assistant calls and says that the director is holed up in Krakow and has fallen in love. He doesn't want to leave and has decided to stay there. So, because of my two degree of separation which doesn't even exist I am sent to Krakow to meet up with the assistant and get the director to Cannes.

Well getting from Cannes isn't that easy. Of course I don't get a private jet. What I get is a 3 connection flight from Nice that gets me into Krakow at 3am. What was nice early summer weather in Cannes is actually some freezing late spring weather in Krakow and the assistant doesn't meet me at the dinky (sorry Krakow) airport and so I'm forced to find a place to crash.

When I call the assistant the next morning he apologizes for not coming to pick me up, but had been thrown in jail the night before for getting into a fight at a bar. When he picks me up in the early afternoon the swollen lip and missing tooth are a nice touch.

So, as we make our way to the new home of CR, the assistant filled me in on what happened. It seems that the director went to a bar in Krakow which was designed basically to remove as much money from a patron's pocket as possible while getting the patron drunk. Topless bartenders and waitresses sit down with the patron and get them to buy $25 drinks which allows the patron to spend time with the topless worker. Our director doesn't speak any Polish and his worker didn't speak any English, but somehow the director was convinced they were in love. The fact that that the director dropped several thousand dollars in one night probably didn't hurt in his quest for her love either. It certainly isn't his ravishing good looks.

Well, we get to the tiny apartment and the first thing that assaults me is the smell of sweat and stale urine. I also see the new girlfriend tapping a vein in her arm in preparation for her visit to H land. Turns out she had used some of the CR windfall to go on a major H bender. I want to make it clear that I didn't see CR using H or have any reason to suspect he did or does. I will say that he was a mess though. He was always a frenetic, frantic person but was at this point in some type of lets say drunken haze.

I told him basically that people were worried about him and then in my legalese told him that he had certain obligations and responsibilities which he needed to fulfill in order to avoid any possible consequences in the future..blah blah blah. It was a bunch of crap, but thought I would give it a shot. He started blathering and I do mean blathering which was babbling and drooling and spitting as he spoke about his new vision for a Polish cinema and how he was inspired and a whole bunch of other crap which made no sense. He mentioned that his H shooting friend and he were going to get married and become a great team. His future wife didn't look like she was going to make it through the week, let alone be a part of this great film making team.

He said that no one he had spoken to was familiar with his work and that he wanted to start a film festival there to show his works and those of other similar directors. I don't know where he got all this from because sitting in that very tiny apartment was a medium size television with a DVD player and about 30 DVD's at least one of which was a film by him. This guy was in seriously bad shape and because I didn't know him and didn't know if this was normal behavior when he got wasted I didn't know if he was going to die on me or be perfectly sober in a few hours. His assistant said he hadn't seen CR like this before but thought it was because they had been drinking homemade vodka and not store bought. Whatever. I could already see that there were no drugs involved, and that it was going to be some bad vodka he ingested while scouting for his latest film. Well that's what the story would be if something got out.

The problem I faced was how to get him out. He wasn't going to go if I said we needed to go to Cannes and there was no way I could carry him and I still didn't know if he was too sick to travel or what. What I suggested was that we go out for food and let his girlfriend have some time for herself as I looked at her sitting in a chair with these absolutely vacant eyes.

CR looked at the girl and I guess decided he was hungry and so we helped him up and out of the apartment with all of us ignoring the lovely urine stain on CR's pants. When we got outside, I swear there has never been a breath I have enjoyed taking more. I can still remember it vividly.

CR was basically compliant and we walked down the street for a good ways until we came to the central square and found a place with some heat lamps and ate outside. At first CR wouldn't eat anything but as we stayed there for several hours, CR began to eat and to regain some of his regular traits. Basically the three of us sat there people watching for the entire time although the assistant and I would make comments about some of the people and eventually even CR joined in. He still blathered, but it was more babbling, then blather and I knew that if I could keep him away from his "girlfriend's" place that I could get him to Cannes.

We started talking about his film that was going to be at Cannes at I got him to talk about it and try and remember what he loved about it and how people loved him in France and just became a bigger kiss ass than Larry King could ever dream to be.

At some point, I went to find a phone. (Yes, no cell) I made a call to Cannes and it turns out they already had a jet ready and waiting for CR at Krakow airport to bring him to Cannes. I explained the situation and they said they would handle it once I got him on the plane. When I got back to the pair, I suggested a taxi ride to see the city and CR agreed and the next thing you know, we are at the dinky airport and he basically just let his assistant guide him to the plane. I actually freaked out at one point about CR's passport, but the assistant had it in the backpack he had been carrying and had never let go of even when he had been arrested the night before. He said the police never bothered to search it or take it from him.

So the two got on the plane, and I got to go back to LA with not even a thank you and not even in Business Class, the cheap bastards. The film went on to be one of the highest grossing films of the year.


Quentin Tarantino

87 comments:

seaward said...

Aahhhhh I knew it! Good ole crazy QT.

Thank you, Enty!!!

auntliddy said...

Now THAT is a great great story!!!! Kudos Enty!!!!!!

Clara Ross said...

Wow...

Kamikaze Butterfly said...

I guessed Quentin at the time, but what movie?

canadachick said...

SHUT UP !! That is awesome

Anonymous said...

Love it, thanks Enty!

strawberrygirl said...

I still remember that girl writing about his foot fetish! Ha!

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

NICE!

I remember this item from back in the day.

Now, if only ENTy would reveal that old long one we all believed was Al Pacino.

Sippin Sukka said...

I'm guessing Uma Thurmon was the actress.

BlueDahlia77 said...

I figured from the beginning that it must have been QT. I think it must have been Kill Bill 2 at Cannes and the movie he was scouting for was Inglorious Basterds.

EmEyeKay said...

Thanks for the reveal, Enty!

califblondy said...

Ooooh, good one.

Opie said...

I think most everyone did guess QT, but the not loved so much is the US throws me. This from IMDB and Enty talks about it being a LONG time ago and no cell phones so the timing is right:
"In January of 1992, Reservoir Dogs appeared at the Sundance Film Festival, by first-time writer-director Quentin Tarantino. The film garnered critical acclaim and the director became a legend immediately. Two years later, he followed up Dogs success with Pulp Fiction which premiered at the Cannes film festival"

Coriander Shea said...

Enty you are awesome! :)

Lux Luthor said...

Ah, delicious. Good one, Enty, thanks!

vladigora said...

Hmm ... It was quite predictable. Thanks for a great story.

Nellie said...

Whoa!! Thanks for the reveal!!!

djphob said...

Sounds manic to me *puffs pipe*

Yyisla said...

Wow...just wow! Thank you for the reveal Enty.

Basil said...

Thanks for the reveal. So I guess the actress was Uma Thurman, and the movie one of the Kill Bill flicks?

Show Don"t Tell said...

I nailed one, after wondering all of this time.

I am proud of you, Enty!. I didn't think you would go through with the reveal for this one.

Yay, Enty!!!!

Jason Blue Eyes said...
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pilly said...

THANK YOU ENTY!!!!!!!!!!! Love Love LOVE

Jason Blue Eyes said...

Damn, Enty. You were like one of those marines that was sent to retrieve Martin Sheen at the beginning of "Apocalypse Now."

BobNYC said...

Wonderful! You should go on more weekend drinking binges! Here's to holidays *Cheers*

timebob said...

God the 90's were fun sometimes.

trouble bubble said...

And no cell phone in Poland in 2004?? Are you serious? I had my first cell phone as I was a student in 2000. And I am from a country, which boders Poland

Beth said...

Thanks for the reveal, Enty!

Congrats on reaching 10K!

DontRainOnMyPrada said...

I guess it's ok as far as a blind reveal, but like someone else said....predictable....or you could say, "why is this even blind?" I guessed it immediately and I know hardly anything about QT or directors in general. I'm being my usual ungrateful self...sorry. ;)

G said...

Wow!!! I love the stories! This one is great!

G said...

Wow!!! I love the stories! This one is great!

GladysKravitz said...

Thank you Enty. I'm glad to follow you on Twitter, whether you reveal extras or not. But since you did---thank you.

MCV2989 said...

why is there still confusion with the timing? it was the pulp fiction era

allthesun said...

Maybe his handy didn't make international calls? I am so excited that this one got revealed!

RenoBlondee said...

Thanks much Enty! Love that story!

boomom22 said...

Wow. Just....wow. O.o

chrysalis said...

Great reveal-great story! Thanks Enty!

Sadie said...

Smoke & Mirrors - which blind was that? (al pacino?)

Bloggertobenamedlater said...

In all my years of law practice, I have never had anything remotely that entertaining to deal with. That is just awesome.

trouble bubble said...

The BI is from 2007 and it says: "several years ago", so this is not Pulp Fiction Era (1994), but Kill Bill 1 or 2 (2003/2004) times

janele said...

Lots of native English speakers I know never correctly use "several years ago" to mean a few years ago. It could mean many, many years ago. All depends on the person doing the narrating.

ForSure said...

Yeah, put me on the 'this could be almost any time' train. Enty wrote this in 2007 and he's always very vague about his time frames.

Also, just because he had a cell phone, doesn't mean he had one with international access. I worked for a business man in 2003 who went on a trip to Germany and we had to rent a cell phone for him to use there, his US phone wasn't compatible at that time.

But then again, we all know Enty's a complete fake so this whole story was just made up anyway. ;)

Dizzel said...

Assumed this was Polanski.
Thanks for the reveal Enty!

Not A Ninny said...

This is the kind of Original Enty BI that convinced me that he was legit, back in the day. There's, like, half a dozen tells in it that ring authentic for an actual, practicing entertainment law attorney.

angie said...

Great reveal, thanks Enty!

Tru Leigh said...

I actually gasped when I read the reveal. How long ago was this? Is he clean now? This would explain his lousy movies which I've never liked. As someone once said, "I'd like to slam the door on Tarentino's hand to show him violence is not funny."

__-__=__ said...

Great reveal Enty! Thanks!!

Robert said...

Well, I guess this means it should be easy enough to figure out who the "real Enty" is...or "original" Enty, or whatever you want to call him. (Or himmmm...)

ozzyinch said...

To all those who say it is Uma - unless she is a topless waitress who doesn't speak any English, then, no...no it isn't

Agent**It said...

Thanks, Enty , what a great read and ride !!!!

Jennifer H. said...

Ozzy, the actress speculation is about the actress mentioned at the beginning of the blind, not the H shooting waitress.

whocaresnow12 said...

Too bad it's not true.

A) studios have a head of legal and internally process the contracts and negotiations. Outside legal firms ate not involved, so there are no $400 ph charging for anything.

B) unless you're related to me, which I'm pretty sure you're not, you had no involvement in Inglorious Bastards, Nor were you in Cannes in 2007 while QT was Debuting Death Proof.

C) QT cleaned up from the coke years ago. His dealer was sad to see his cash cow go, but he was replaced by a "starlet" so no income really lost.

Jennifer H. said...

If QT was not loved in America yet, then this would be the post-Reservoir Dog/pre-Pulp Fiction success, meaning PF was the film at Cannes. There is no *fudging* about that. After Pulp's wide release in USA, QT was a darling, a regular golden boy. This was definitely not the Kill Bill era.

Agent**It said...

..... and the very first response to Enty in 2007 apparently got it right:

TUESDAY, AUGUST 14, 2007
POSTED BY ENT LAWYER AT 11:28 AM

Khemenu said...
Quentin Tarantino?

12:47 PM

Princess said...

Why are idiots thinking this *happened* in 2007? It was the early '90s FFS.

whocaresnow12 said...

If it was in the early 90's then it's even more unlikely. QT didn't scout anywhere in Europe for a film until he was going to film IG. All his films were shot domestically. Granted back in 1995, QT obsessively called an A List director, whilst high on coke, in an attempt to get the director to collaborate on a film with him. Needless to say, A List director's response to being told QT wouldn't stop calling and wanted a meeting: Who?

MikeAdamson said...

The blind was written in 2007 and the episode happened a few years before that so it didn't happen in 2007.

tara17 said...

Trying to make this fit QT. Pulp Fiction won at Cannes in 1994, one of the biggest hits of the year.

Not A Ninny said...

@whocaresnow12--You might be right about points B and C, but you're wrong about A. Studios handle the legal work in different ways, and some hire external counsel for various reasons. Besides, Enty could have been counsel for QT's agent, an independent producer, a distributor, etc. The BI doesn't even say that he was in Cannes in support of QT's film debut. He could have been there working on another film project entirely.

The BI doesn't say that QT was on coke, just that he was drunk and otherwise strung out. And QT could well have gone scouting in Poland but then never shot a film there.

Plus I doubt that QT would even care about such a story being made public. By celebrity terms this was just a mild bender.

SnowCherries said...

Thanks, Enty!

SnowCherries said...

Thanks, Enty!

sifichick said...

That waitress must have had some awesome feet.

Not A Ninny said...

She may have needed to shoot up after a long night of accommodating QT's foot worship thing.

whocaresnow12 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Not A Ninny said...

OK, it's spelled "alluding." Right there you've blown a good chunk of your credibility. Lawyers are worse at spelling and grammar than most people realize--that's what paralegals are for--but not as bad as you.

Enty doesn't claim to be low-level counsel. If you bill at $400/hr, you ain't a junior attorney. Deals do get finalized at Cannes, especially foreign distribution deals. The only detail that sounds off is the idea of an established attorney sharing a hotel room with two other guys, although Enty might have been talking about a temporary office instead.

Now, QT has only debuted a couple of films at Cannes that became big hits. If you want to claim that your relative was at Cannes as counsel to the studio at those times and QT was not rescued from a bender as described, fine, that's your claim. The rest of the details that you're trying to shoot down, I'm calling bull on that.

lollydarling said...

"A part'. 'Alluding'. Your family's not on the writing side of things, is it? (Which doesn't mean that I disbelieve your info on 'how studios run'. Just that, goodness, it'd be nice if film people could write properly for a change.)

whocaresnow12 said...

Actually, no it doesn't. Typing on a smart phone sucks, and iPhones will auto correct every damn thing, and often incorrectly. Also, I never stated I was a lawyer, nor did I claim to be.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

DisembodiedThumb said...

Thanks for the reveal, Enty; can't believe it's been almost 5 years since this one was posted! It took all my might not to immediately scrollscrollscroll for the name, but it was worth reading your story once again, it's inglorious. :)

Audrey said...

THIS is the Enty we fell in love with! Thank you (although we all guessed correctly when you first published this). Well done, Sir, well done...

Tallulah said...

Thank you, Enty! I, too, can't believe it's been five friggin' years since I first read this.

Monica said...

I do not remember when I started reading this blog, but I do remember reading this blind when it was originally posted Awesome.

Thanks, Enty!

KellyLynn said...

This was an excellent story, and a great reveal to mark 10,000 followers. I can't wait for the Fourth of July reveals.

lutefisk said...

Thanks for the reveal Enty. Hope you are enjoying the long weekend.

Anonymous said...

epic reveal. perhaps best of all. thanks, enty.

Pink_Palace said...

I am so totally w/you on this! This kind of writing drew me to the site. I miss this style of writing. I still enjoy the site and the commenters, but I miss the real life stories, narrative and the legal terminology that drew me here way back when.

Beta said...

AWESOME
thanks Enty!! :D

KittensRUs said...

If you haven't worked in law in Los Angeles, you just don't know. Even if you're not specifically working in entertainment law, you're going to spend a lot of time getting drunk, high and/or just batshit crazy people to sign what they're supposed to sign and generally participate in their own life like a responsible adult. Law here isn't law, it's adult babysitting.

califblondy said...

Kitten, years ago I worked for an attorney who smoked pot in the office when we worked late. Talk about having to correct spelling and grammar after that! Jeez.

Agent**It said...

@whocaresnow -
you don't have a shred of proof to offer 'how studios run'.Enty did a great job, just accept if.

Anna said...

The lack of availability of a cell phone indicates that this BV occurred many years before 2007. Quentin has a production company, and may have been scouting as a producer of one of production partner Eli Roth's sick creepy bloodbath films, like "Hostel".

Anna said...

Or, this may have occurred the year QT was a judge at Cannes (2004)? That would explain the complete panic to get him to the festival, to hire a private plane to get him there, and the calls to everyone who had any connection to QT to help find him.

Coriander Shea said...
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Audrey said...

Are you Lithuanian?

Coriander Shea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Coriander Shea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babo said...

QT wrote "Killing Zoe", which was released in 1993.
The movie happens in Paris but, before starting production, QT could have scouted other locations in Europe (to keep costs down).
"Reservoir Dogs" was presented at Cannes in 1992 and got a lot of buzz before the projection ... just at the time where QT could have been scouting places, at an age where there were not many mobile phones (or at least no international roaming services through carriers).

Lelaina Pierce said...

Thanks for the reveal, Enty! What a fun read.

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