It must have been awkward when this married former A+ list celebrity turned B list reality star turned creepy dude was in line with his wife and his wife ran into a well known male porn star actor who then started talking about the two scenes they had shot together. Yeah, she kind of forgot to tell her husband she shot porn before.
Hedgehog
ReplyDeleteDavid Foster,Yolanda?
ReplyDeleteSnoop Dawg
ReplyDeleteOr
ReplyDeleteHoward Stern/ Beth
Bruce Jenner
ReplyDeleteoh dear lord I don't want to think about Kris having done porn.
ReplyDeleteDo people really bring that kind of thing up in front of someone's spouse? If they know or not is irrelevant, it's about respect. Gosh people. I need to move to Hollywood and give some damn manners classes.
ReplyDeleteOh heeeyyyyy you!! Remember that time you jammed it up my ass?? Honey say I to my former business partner! !
ReplyDeleteReminds me of "Best in Show" I believe it was where Cookie kept running into all her former one night stands and they would go on about it in front of her husband.
ReplyDeleteI'm not buying this one. Anyone, with any sort of celebrity, from A-Z list, it would have come out that they had done porn by now. Someone would have found something on the internet.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE BEST IN SHOW. Parker, I've got a squeak toy....
ReplyDeleteSherry that is a beautiful analogy! That movie is the tops!
ReplyDeleteYou OBVIOUSLY don't know my dog!!
Hulk hogan marry that chick yet?
ReplyDeleteBusey? Is he married?
ReplyDeleteBusey not married. But Bret Michaels is.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Best in Show is one of the best movies ever made.
Busey not married. But Bret Michaels is.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Best in Show is one of the best movies ever made.
Busey not married. But Bret Michaels is.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Best in Show is one of the best movies ever made.
Busey not married. But Bret Michaels is.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Best in Show is one of the best movies ever made.
Are you sure CoBe?
DeleteDavid Schwimmer, his wife, and Rocco Sifreddi
ReplyDeleteRocco's porns are hilarious
DeleteHugh Jackman, his wife, and Peter North
ReplyDeleteBen Affleck, his wife, and Dale DaBone
ReplyDeletePatrick Dempsey, his wife, and Brian Surewood
ReplyDeleteChristopher Noth, his wife, and Michael Stefano
ReplyDeleteTobey Maguire, his wife, and Jake Steed
ReplyDeleteVince Vaughn, his wife, and Billy Glide
ReplyDeleteAre you ok, Haywood?
ReplyDeleteBeats working right now.
ReplyDeleteAmen to that.
Delete@Haywood are those real porn names or did you make them up? They're funny either way.
ReplyDeleteBruce was first one I thought of. But the bl doesn't say the wife is a celeb.
ReplyDelete@Basil. It doesn't say wife is "known" that's why the public might not already have put this together. (If this is true)
It is weird that a porn dude would talk shop in front of hubby and on supermarket line where all could hear. But then Porn Dude might be trippin.
Prob happened in the SF Valley, the Porn Capitol, and where Kris would market. Lol
I like the Howard Stern guess
ReplyDeleteAfter looking at pictures of Hulk Hogan's wife. I'm sticking by my guess. The description fits him perfectly. In the event that you think he's creepy, of course. Marrying your daughter's look a like should qualify.
ReplyDeleteBulge: [interrupting Gerry and Cookie in the studio while they're recording] Cookie?
ReplyDeleteCookie Fleck: Yeah?
Bulge: Cookie Guggleman?
Cookie Fleck: Yeah. Do I know you?
Bulge: Does this ring a bell?
[singsongs]
Bulge: "I'm not wearing underwear".
Cookie Fleck: Bulge? Get outta town!
Oh those are real poems names alright. (Not that Ive ever seen a porn film or anything like that)
ReplyDelete*porn names*
ReplyDeleteHulk Hogan was an A+ celebrity in his world at one time and he was also a reality star and is very very creepy. He pervs on his daughter and dates look alikes. I like that guess also because he hangs out with other creepy people
ReplyDelete@FSP: Can't be Ron Jeremy. He wouldn't talk to anyone unless they were buying him something.
ReplyDeleteNames are real, I knew a few and found the rest through a search. Then I cleared out search history on my work computer. I own the computer, but not the network. Of course when the CEOs computer was
ReplyDeleteriddled with Russian porn and viruses, no one said anything..to his face.
I like the Hulk Hogan guess...plus he was in the photos yesterday, with his new wife.
ReplyDeleteHoward Stern of all people would know if his wife's been in porn.
ReplyDeleteSort of OT Billy Glide died! One must frequently check one's porn star deaths!
@Sherry
ReplyDelete"How many years ago did he poke me?"
@QueenAnne Guido
ReplyDelete"Who's that in the burgundy jacket? Mr. Hip!"
@Count Jerkula
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to tell me, Count, but...are you Ron Jeremy?
Yup - Hulk Hogan - he's a major perve
ReplyDelete@Zach: How would he know? Have you ever seen any of the extensive modeling work she did in Europe? Wouldn't be surprising if Beff has a Woodman screaming anal scene out there or a German Goo Girls scene. It is probably all nicer stuff than the Middle Eastern businessmen might have had her do.
ReplyDelete@Yoj: No, not Ron Jeremy. If I could suck my own cock, I wouldn't have any time for the internet.
ReplyDelete@Count Jerkula
ReplyDeleteTell the truth...how much time did you spend trying, before you gave up?
@Yoj: Not very much, I got a short stack of dimes.
ReplyDelete@Count Jerkula
ReplyDeleteI heard Justin Bieber has an 8 inch dick But it’s in his arse and belongs to Usher.
They say penis size is related to shoe size. Which makes my fear of being raped by a clown that much more rational.
Wanna dual with dirty jokes at ten paces?
@Yoj: Sexual, Racist or Misogynist?
ReplyDeleteI'm on a different hard drive, so I don't have all my celebs shoehorned into dirty jokes at hand, but I can do some of them too.
@Count Jerkula
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling I may have woken a sleeping giant.
Nothing racist, but anything else goes.
@Yoj: How come a bride wears white on her wedding day?
ReplyDeleteCause every guy wants his dishwasher to match the fridge and sink.
What is the worst thing about 2 Kardashians going over a cliff in an Escalade?
ReplyDeleteAn Escalade seats 8.
@Count Jerkula
ReplyDeleteWhat is the difference between anal sex and a microwave?
A microwave doesn't brown your meat!
@Count Jerkula
ReplyDeleteWhats the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Putting her back in the wheelchair when your done.
What's the difference between a woman and a toilet?
ReplyDeleteToilet don't wanna cuddle after you drop a load in it.
@Count Jerkula
ReplyDeleteThe biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.
Lindsay Lohan gets married to an Arabian Sheik. After a few months Dina is visiting LiLo's palace, walks into her room and finds her crying in bed.
ReplyDelete"What's the matter Linds?" Dina says.
"Ma, it's the Sheik. All he wants to do is fuck me in the ass. Fuck Me In The Ass! Twice a day he fucks my ass. When we got married my asshole was the size of a dime. Now it is as big as a silver dollar."
Dina takes her hand and looks into her eyes and responds, "So for ninety cents, your making a big deal?"
How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
ReplyDelete2, one to hold the lightbulb and one to drink until the room spins.
That's both hilarious and prophetic.
ReplyDeleteHow could the redneck mom tell that her daughter was on her period?
ReplyDeleteShe could taste the blood on her son’s dick.
The other day I was in an elevator w/ Tara Reid. I asked her if I could smell her pussy. She yelled "NO!", so I said it must be her feet then.
ReplyDeleteThat one! That's my favorite so far.
ReplyDeleteWhattaya say to a woman w/ no arms or legs?
ReplyDeleteNice tits.
What does a homeless woman use for a vibrator?
ReplyDeleteTwo flies in a bottle.
What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
ReplyDeleteSpit, swallow, and gargle.
The redneck one reminds me of this classic, I slightly reworked:
ReplyDeleteKhloe needs a new dress for the prom, so she asks Bruce for some money. "You know what you have to do." he says, and Khloe proceeds to get on her knees and start blowing him. "This tastes like shit." she shouts and Bruce replies, "Yeah, Rob needed a tux and limo."
What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?
ReplyDeleteIf we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts!
I like the Spit/Swallow/Gargle joke.
ReplyDeleteWhen they were married, Tom Cruise goes running into Katie's room and says, "Katie, at my last $cio get together, the guys were all teasing me that we don't have sex, so can you tell me what your pussy looks like so I can describe it next time they tease me?"
Katie tells him OK, then asks, "Before or after sex?"
"I guess before sex."
Well it looks like the petals of a flower.
"OK, thats seems pretty. How about after sex?"
Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?
AND WE HAVE A WINNER!
ReplyDeleteWhattaya get when you cross Whoopi Goldberg and a gorilla?
ReplyDeleteAn ugly gorilla.
What do you get when you cross Jessica Simpson and a stump?
A dumb stump.
Whats the difference between kinky and perverted?
ReplyDeleteKinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather. Perverted is when you use the whole chicken.
Who makes more money, Paris Hilton or her drug dealer?
ReplyDeleteParis Hilton, because she can always wash her crack and sell it again.
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. 'Do you want a bag?', the cashier asks 'No', the guy says, 'she's not that ugly'.
ReplyDeleteWhy should you only roofie chicks after taking them to Indian restaurants?
ReplyDeleteBecause when they wake up with a sore ass the next day, they will think it was the curry.
LOL @ the bag joke.
ReplyDeleteHow do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
ReplyDeletePick him up and suck on his cock!
How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck?
ReplyDeleteWhen you pull her pants down her ass is still in them.
What do you call a chick w/ no clit?
ReplyDeleteDoesn't matter she won't come.
What is green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
ReplyDeleteKermit's dick.
What does it mean when your husband is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
ReplyDeleteYou didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What is the difference between a chef's knife and an arguing woman?
ReplyDeleteThe knife has a point.
Why do married men like blow jobs so much?
ReplyDelete10 minutes of peace and quiet.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?Kick his sister in the jaw.
ReplyDeleteA redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...."
ReplyDeleteThe blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
Why does Beyonce say to the left to the left to the left and not to the right to the right to the right?
ReplyDeleteShe knows women shouldn't have rights.
When is the only time it is polite to spit in an Italian girl's face?
ReplyDeleteWhen her mustache is on fire.
How come God invented gold chains?
So Italian guys know where to stop shaving.
What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers?
ReplyDeleteA virgin.
Whats the difference between a wife and a job?
ReplyDeleteAfter a few years, the job still sucks.
Oh, snap.
ReplyDeleteWhat's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
ReplyDeleteSlow down.
And possibly use a lubricant.
What is the smartest thing to ever come out of a woman's mouth?
ReplyDeleteEinstein's cock.
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
ReplyDeleteA man will actually search for a golf ball.
Why do women have 2 sets of lips?
ReplyDeleteSo they can piss and moan at the same time.
Why did Helen Keller's teacher wear tight pants?
So she could read her lips.
Why did God create orgasms?
ReplyDeleteSo women can moan even when they’re happy.
What do you call a skinny woman with a yeast infection?
ReplyDeleteA Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
How many Kate Bosworths can you fit in a bathtub?
ReplyDeleteI don't know, they keep slipping down the drain.
What's a porn star's favorite drink?
ReplyDelete7 Up in cider.
What do you throw a drowning $cio?
ReplyDeleteHis wife and kids.
LOL. In cider.
ReplyDeleteWhat does Michelle Obama do after she shaves her pussy?
Put a tie on him and send him to work.
What's the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde?
ReplyDeleteYou can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!
What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesn't?
ReplyDeleteHer navel.
What is the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a hooker with diarrhea?
ReplyDeleteOne of em shucks between fits.
One last joke and then I gotta do some stuff before bed.
ReplyDeleteI move into a new house and as I was unpacking my stuff I hear a knock on the door. I open it to see John Travolta standing there. He says "Hi neighbor, just wanted to invite you to a party later. Gonna be lots of eating and drinking and fighting and fucking."
I get a big smile on my face and say, "Sounds like my kinda party, what should I wear?"
Travolta looks me dead in the eyes and says, "Doesn't matter. It's only going to be you and me."
Thank you, Count. I was having a bad night and you really cheered me up.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the rest of your evening.
*applauds*
ReplyDeleteIt was a tie, but Count won with the last one...
i laughed so hard my little chihuahua jumped off my chest from a deep slumber and is now mad cause i couldn't stop laughing and waking her up
ReplyDeleteI should have known better than to challenge The Count.
ReplyDelete"Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!"
@sugarbread maker
ReplyDeleteI hope you won't take offence, sugarbread, but that must be *ahem* quite the chest you've got there, if you can carry a chihuahua around.
yoj.. that's how i got the nickname "sugartits'!!!
ReplyDeletei'm also laying down on my sofa lol!!!
ReplyDeleteOh my...lol. You two owe me a new keyboard thanks very much.
ReplyDelete@sugarbread maker
ReplyDeletePlease give your little stroller-walking dog(s) a kiss from me.
I really do love dogs. Most of what I write on CDaN is tongue-in-cheek.
you got it yoj.. good night luv
ReplyDelete@StuffandNonsense
ReplyDeleteI haven't yet taken the opportunity to say that yours is my favourite profile photo/avatar on CDaN. I *love* 'Twin Peaks'. IMO the best TV series ever.
Aww..thanks Yoj..lol. I changed it from my own face to someone with a much better eyebrow and cherry twisting game than I myself possess ;-)
ReplyDeleteI still wanna know if Audrey is dead or not. Didn't she handcuff herself in a bank and there was a bomb about to go off?
ReplyDelete