Today's Blind Items - Daddy
From Reddit
I'm one of those 'famous for being famous' people. How famous I am is debatable but it's enough that what I say/do will impact people I care about.
I wasn't born knowing what I was. I found out in my teens. Not everyone in my circle knows but the ones that do are ashamed. I'm assigned male at birth but don't have testes, I have an inner fem reproductive system that wasn't active at the time because of a lack of hormones/sexual organ to expell uterine lining from. I didn't know at the time but everyone considered me infertile and was glad for it. I also was born with some mental issues and was figuring my identity out at the time and I liked not having the pressure of having to conform to the manly role gender biases direct us to. (NOTE: I'm stupid. This will be a constant here.)
Being a parent has always been my goal. Being a parent in an unconventional way wasn't going to stop me! So I started to 'become' fertile. 'Activating' my reproductive system was a minor operation (An incision in my "testicles", plus hormones. Yes people who give birth can have dicks. Human bodies are weird) and hormone injections. (To give birth you need a c-section since the unvagina can't dilatate but it's possible)
I got a boyfriend during all of this shit. Shit was good even if I was a mess (for the mental issues) because I was doing therapy and I was chill and it wasn't going to be just me it was the two of us. If I wasn't going to be 100% there all the time he was going to be.
Anyway he left me for no reason and to this day I haven't found much closure about it. A lot of shit about my body got said. I got hit with a bike (I was a pedestrian) Shit didn't end up so well. (Rereading this makes it sound like I was far along but I wasn't it took most of the time to get myself fertile, pregnancy is like. Easy. People do it by accident all day) I had to take meds for some fainting-post-accident/not-that-serious anemia I got after the miscarriage that didn't react well with my mental issues treatment so I stopped (I know. Moron)
Fame started to enter the picture. Mandated relationships too. I sucked at the few I had. I'd treat them as friendships/something more and I shouldn't have (Not blaming the women I got paired with here, don't do this) I reacted badly to most of it. It's not something I wanted but going against it was going to hurt people I care/cared about. Anyway I had a mental breakdown eventually. I told those same people about my miscarriage. And they dismissed it. They laughed. They said it was something that wasn't meant for me anyway. They said they were glad. That I wouldn't have handled it. That I was going to bring shame to them and bad publicity to other people like me because I'm useless. I don't know why I didn't hate them right when this happened but I didn't. It's starting to change now that I'm less depressed though.
And I deeprolled into depression ever since. Every once in a while they remember I have periods and I get made fun of it plus a lot of other things related to what I said that one time.
I guess I wasn't going to look like any pregnancy ad I'd ever seen. Because of muscle stuff my baby bump would've been awkward as f**k. I'm f**king hairy in some parts too (Sadly not as much in my head but you know) But pregnancy is more than that shit! l wanted to experience it! I still do. And for once I told someone and they got it. And they're fine with me! And they're helping me get mental health (...Severely neglected. It shows) And I'm starting to not care about my "circle" opinions for once But I'm also terrified. I couldn't have a kid without making them a punching bag for the media. Hell I couldn't become a father without becoming a punching bag for the media. But I also am getting better with my psychological issues. I truly see myself becoming stable in the future. And I want to. For now I'm just getting my head in order but these thoughts are with me a lot. I feel a lot for the pregnancy I lost.
I gues I'm just scared confused and whiney and I wanted to let it go.
