Monday, August 06, 2007

I Guess The Adopted Kids Are Locked In The Basement

It's nice to know that while the kids are on summer vacation and desperately wanting to see their dad, Tom Cruise is instead orchestrating photo ops with his alien bride and child. I'm sure Connor and Isabella would love to spend some time in Germany or St. Tropez or just anytime with Dad, but he's too busy trying to resurrect his career to pay them any mind. I'm sure they are being well tended to much like a garden back home in LA. Of course they haven't been seen with their mother either because she doesn't ever get to see them anymore.
The Art Of The Photo-Op
#1 - Try and make Katie look sexy bu having her remove her top in front of the cameras like a strip tease. Unfortunately she doesn't look sexy so this didn't work.

#2 Suri being lowered to play with daddy in the water. Unfortunately Katie doesn't know how to hold the kid and Tom hasn't washed his hands properly so instead Suri just ends up choking herself on a life vest.

#3 Tom does the action hero thing. This is always a sure fire winner except that Katie is starting to shake off the coma and so fails to smile or even look amused that she's strapped on this and forced to touch Tom.

#4 Katie's insubordination is dealt with by bringing in a substitute in an Ally Sheedy Breakfast Club wig. While we the viewer are mesmerized by the powerful wattage of Tom's smile his sparkling wedding ring and just happen to be facing the camera, perfectly dressed and not a hair out of place, holding a baby bottle while I play with my daughter on a street corner in Berlin and my daughter also perfectly dressed just happens to also be facing the camera while my substitute alien wife is profiled from the side, is wearing huge sunglasses and a horrible wig and a full length coat disguising the body so all you notice is Tom and Suri.

18 comments:

__-__=__ said...

Is the sole of his shoe detached at the heel? What's up with that!

clueless said...

why don't you leave them alone? it is not like you work for him or anything. i happen to like tom cruise, and his private life has nothing to do with his professional life.

Unknown said...

That is sunlight.

What is the expiration date on his adopted children.

Anonymous said...

I love the baby bottle as phallic symbol (source of white liquid between thighs). You know he did that on purpose.

MnGddess said...

Hilarious, Ent. And I thought the same thing in that first photo - poor Suri is choking on the lifevest!

Cyn

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
judyfutterman said...

Tom and Nicole's kids are with Nicole in Australia. She is filming a movie there (I think with Hugh Jackman) and her son works with the horses on the set.

YahMoBThere said...

EL, LOVE your comments when it comes to the faux marriage and plastic smiles for the media.

love2gossip, why are you so upset? It's a gossip site, and everybody is fair game here - even celebs some of us like.

Hez said...

"Why don't you leave them alone?"

Huh??

Love2Gossip, given your screen name, you seem to be surprisingly unclear on the concept here. Snarking on Tom Cruise is good, clean fun, and for most of us, it's as much part of our day as brushing our teeth in the morning. I hate to tell you, but you're backing the wrong horse if you're hoping for a good showing here.

Tracee said...

LOL! Hee! Ent, love the National Geographic-like commentary. Next time, let us know what materials they used to make the wig, Bear fur or Revolta's donated back hair.

Anonymous said...

lov2gossip or love2Scientology?

Jen Ryan's Brain said...

that is one cute little girl, though...

YahMoBThere said...

She's a very cute little girl, Jen.

You have to wonder how his other two children feel since I don't recall this much exposure in their entire lives, let alone in their first 18 months (or however long it's been).

kimmypie1 said...

Are Tom's shorts shorter than Katie's on the jet ski? ewwww

YahMoBThere said...

No, Kim, you can tell they're longer than Kate's are. Even HE isn't THAT gay.

fo real said...

HOLLA,
remeber that old post about the horrible parents that adopt then do/did nothing as the kids were not longer needed by them... could it be Nicole and Tom?

Hey EL is there another way were are able to guess for past posts but have it on a differnt link for better refernce? Like just a past guess post?

letmeknow

Thanks Happy Civic Holiday!!!

YahMoBThere said...

fo real - was it this one??

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Celebrity Adoptions Gone Bad ( REALLY, REALLY BAD)

Lately it seems everyone wants to adopt a baby, buy a baby or whatever else celebs are doing to get a baby in 30 minutes or less..But if you recall this is kind of the 2nd wave of adoptions..The first happened a few years ago when Rosie and Jodie Foster and Camryn Mannheim and Calista Flockhart all adopted children or gave birth without identifying the father (Thanks anonymous). It was during that period of time that I had a celebrity couple (unmarried/ (she) actress (he) producer (both) A list to B list) come to me because they wanted some attention/help a disadvantaged child...Anyway, they actually did not want to adopt a child (18 months or so)..They had a brighter idea than that. Actress' sister was in jail at the time and would be for quite some time..Actress' sister did not know who the father was and Actress's mom was tired of taking care of the baby so our couple who we will call A&P decided they could become guardians of the child, get on the adoption bandwagon so to speak and help out mom and sister at the same time. I actually like to believe their initial intentions were good although misguided but had not realized what a child does to someone's life even if several nannies are on the payroll...

So the paperwork was filled out and they were given temporary guardianship until a court investigator could look at the living environment and home and report back to the court before a permanent guardianship could be granted..Well this is where the problems started..The investigator wanted to meet with A&P together at the house and just see how they interacted with the child but short of that would be willing to interview A&P separately if need be..The following quotes were said to me over the next few months while appointments were scheduled and canceled in vain..

"But we're celebrities, there must be an exception for us."
"We have to let him in our home?"
"Why do we have to be here?"
"Do we tip him?"
"I am having a little procedure that week so I can't."
"Fashion week comes first."
"Maybe we should just try and get her out of jail."
"Do we have to change diapers or is there going to be a test?"

Finally after 4 months of scheduling and rescheduling they connect with the investigator and actually to their credit everything goes fine and shortly thereafter they become guardians of the child..Now, there is really nothing left for them or for me to do for a year when they have an annual review to make sure everything is going well, etc..Now my name is on the court papers as the attorney of record so if something happens in regards to the matter, the court lets me know..well after about six months I get copies of all this paperwork done by 4 different families who all want to be guardians of this child..wtf? So, I call up A&P and ask what is going on..

"Well every party/opening/interview, etc..we kept telling everyone about how we now had this baby and everyone was so envious/proud/wish they had thought of it that they all wanted to try and do the same thing.."

"After a few months we stopped getting attention and the baby was causing headaches in our filming schedules/vacations/parties/yoga lessons and so when we saw someone who asked about "B" we said well actually we are thinking of sending her back to B's grandma."

Well it turns out that if the other couple showed interest, they would pawn off the child to the couple for a weekend or a week along with a complimentary nanny so they could decide if they wanted B. Well they were so successful at pawning B off on everyone and promising all these couples they could be guardians and one couple went and got an attorney and drew up papers and became the temporary guardian of B and when the other couples found out, they all went ballistic and filed all their papers through their attorneys saying they were promised B and they wanted B for themselves/and to get attention..

A&P loved the drama and since the other couples wanted A&P on their side for any testimony, they were wining and dining them/giving gifts/talking about greenlighting moives/new production deals/office space and A&P were LOVING it..this was much better than actually having to take care of B..after B's case was done they were "seriously thinking of helping another child."

Well one of the effects of all this paperwork is that B's mom got coipes of all the documents and saw what was going on and got her own attorney and talked to A's mom and once the judge in the case saw what was going on, managed to take care of it by making A's mom guardian until B's mom got out of jail which was about 9 months later...

Meanwhile, the other couples turned on A&P and although they are probably considered B listers because of their past work, their work will remain primarily in the past because these couples were not the ones you ever want to piss off..P has not done anything and A is "taking a break for the most part."

Now, if you think this one was bad I have one that is in some ways even worse, but do not know if I will share it tomorrow or wait for some other time..I like to give you loyal readers variety..

Thanks for the comments and e-mails and links and I really appreciate them all..I try to answer all the comments here on my blog and also on yours if you have one..I hope you will keep spreading the stories that make up my crazy days and crazy nights..

Posted by ent lawyer at 11:19 AM 6 comments

Labels: A and P, blind item, Calista Flockhart, Camryn Mannheim, celebrity adoption, Jodie Foster, long blind item, Rosie O'Donnell

Production Girl said...

I was also wondering what the hell happend to his other kids. When Katie was preggo they were with the kids ALL the time.


Katie *ahem* Kate, you are NOT Jackie O. I can't believe we are the same age and you look like an old lady.

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