Our superfamous naughty couple today is by no means as interesting as Hard-Nipple Nick and his megastar wife. Quite the opposite, in fact. Sorry! But get this:
It's high time everybody met Jerry Rock-Butt and Chutney Jones—an insanely gorgeous duo. The stars (one A-List, one B-List, sorta) have been dating for a couple of years now and they're the epitome of dull, dull, dull. Bland expressions when they're out together, same routine dinners, blah blah and more blah. Yech, already.
But it wasn't always that way, we assure you:
JR-B has always been a ladies' man, and has quite the track record of bedded A-List hotties. Not that he always made it to a mattress, but you get the general idea, I'm sure. Oh, and these exes of Jare's never let him lose his hard-partying ways. They were supersmart about that—quite unlike how stupidass (tightass) Chutney's being with Jerry now.
See, Rock-Butt is no druggy—don't get us wrong. But when he's out with the boys or in a crazy mood, he doesn't mind dabbling in the occasional Hollywood party favor: coke. J will do a couple of lines here and there, just to help him get his dance and flirt on.
But Chutney isn't having any of that. Not that we condone drugs here at the A.T., but C.J. is just as pissed that Jerry does blow as she is that Jerry has fun! She's such a stick in the overly coiffed spa mud, and she sure as hell isn't any fun to take out—and that, of course, means Mr. Rock-Butt shouldn't be out and about either, so Chutney thinks.
Well...let's just say Jerry's been sneaking off to Vegas a bit more than usual, as a result. Sin City is where Jare gets all his sins outta his system, fer sure.
And we think Jerry has had it with his leecher girlfriend. They've been on rocky ground for a while, and studly J is starting to miss the nightlife and bevy of hot female fans. And trust, this sexalicious guy could have practically anyone. Guys or girls. But he chooses the latter, despite his metro-esque appeal.
Here's hoping JR-B ditches the douche ball and chain and goes back to the single life. Preferably for his first love. Now they were a fit like no other.
And It Ain't: Sean "Diddy" Combs, Ryan Phillippe, Emile Hirsch
Timberlake & Biel
ReplyDeleteYep, my first thought was Timberlake and Biel.
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone @ Ted's site and here (so far) that it's Pippy and Biel.
ReplyDeleteNot understanding why he's with her in the first place.
i wouldn't consider either of them "insanely gorgeous" and i definitely don't think JT could have "practically anyone".
ReplyDeletei don't think it's them. that being said, i don't have a guess right now either, lol.
What about Jim Carrey?
ReplyDelete"Douche ball and chain" just has to be Jessica Biel. And Justin certainly has "metro-esque appeal".
ReplyDeleteBeckham and Posh
ReplyDeleteYES...YES...JUSTIN AND THE MAN...
ReplyDeleteI dunno..."overly-coiffed spa mud" doesn't quite sound like Jessica Biel to me...
ReplyDeleteShe seems more down-to-Earth, being photographed so often out dog walking w/o makeup, and overall having what appears to be a more natural beauty.
That being said, I of course have no guesses of my own at this point...
Ted is a big fan of the Dick in a Box, so I would expect him to say JT is gorgeous. And wouldn't he just LOVE a JT-Brit reunion. Lots to talk about!
ReplyDeleteDidn't we think the BI about a star getting a hummer in the coat closet was JT a while back?
ReplyDeleteAnd she's gotta be at least bisexual--remember the pix of that big chick groping her butt at a sports event?
If this is JT, LOL at Ted wanting him back with Britney. Biel's an idiot. He's the best beard she'll ever find. She needs to take off his leash and be grateful he's still letting her tag along at all.
ReplyDeleteI want o agree with Edward.. I initially thought of Posh and Becks especially when Ted mentioned the spa trips…..the problem is they are married. So it must be Boring Beil and JT.
ReplyDeletemaybe it's Brangelina!
ReplyDeletelol
When I think insanely gorgeous I think of Halle and Gabriel or Angelina or Brad.
ReplyDeleteThat said I agree that it's J.T. and Biel only Ted would think those 2 are insanely gorgeous... bleh
Maybe Ted means J.T. and Cameron Diaz. That would make more sense.
ReplyDeleteAm I getting crazy or was that a Ted C blind item that was actually easy to read and made sense without a translator? Wonders will never cease.
ReplyDeleteI personally don't think it's JT and JB, but I don't really have a better suggestion.
As for whether or not, J Biel is "insanely gorgeous" or not, I'm not sure Ted C would be my go-to guy on judging the female form, if you know what I mean ;)
Definitely Justin T and Jessica B! Thought that all along, but the last line about Britney sealed the deal:)
ReplyDeleteoooh...am liking the gabriel aubrey/halle berry guess...
ReplyDeletewhomever it is tho, applause to the female for not being into the drug scene. that's awesome in my book, considering how accessible any and every drug is w/in the ent. industry. go her.
i guess i'm waaaaaaaaaay off, but i was thinking jake and reese or miranda and orlando.
ReplyDeleteI had thought originally it was Hugh Dancy and Claire Danes (overly coiffed, stick in the mud, looking glumy, etc.)
ReplyDeleteIf not for the fact that most people assume Toothy Tile is Jake Gyllenhaal, I'd swear this was him and Reese. They fit the time frame, are never seen doing anything very interesting, she's thought to be very serious and restrained...plus, one of the characters in Legally Blonde was named Chutney, had hair that turned out to be a plot point, and when Elle goes to interview her mother, she's at the spa. It just seems too perfect not to fit, but doesn't Ted stick to one name per person?
ReplyDeleteAlso, Ryan is Reese's ex and Jake and Emile are often compared to one another - if I could only figure out the Diddy connection...
The "And It Aint's" seal the deal for JT and JB. Diddy for obvious reasons. JT and Emile Hirsch were in "Alpha Dog" and I JT and Phillippe are sometimes mistaken for the other, lookwise.
ReplyDeleteHarrison Ford and Calista Flockhart
ReplyDeleteI like the JT/Jessica~ but is he "A-list"?
ReplyDeleteJake isn't either.....
Hmm. Back to the drawing board.
Gotta be JT and JB. She thinks it's hard to get work in HW because she is soooooooooooo attractive. (Gag.) And I think his first love would be Diaz.
ReplyDeleteAnyone think Mary Louise Parker would take Hugh Dancy back if he dumped Danes?
@nunaurbiz: Thanks for putting the "And it ain'ts" together for me! I'd been thinking people were insane for the Timberlake guess because I couldn't tie him in. My guess had been Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner (though her hair didn't fit the blind," and sure enough, the Puff Daddy "Ain't" fit, though I couldn't tie the other two in. but then you made it work!
ReplyDeleteStill have a hard time with Timberlake being A-list (though I grudgingly admit he's a damned fine actor; I've somehow managed to see all his movies), but perhaps Ted means he's A-list in music.
I read in an US article about JT having to leave the table at a dinner in VEGAS because she kept calling him incessantly. Nice.
ReplyDeleteI think Ted finds Biel attractive because she looks like a guy.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to fit them - especially the fighting/JT partying (and the resulting photo ops by her to prove everything's fine).
I think the word "leech" confirms it for Jessica Biel, who is often called one or something very similar on gossip sites.
ReplyDeleteteddy boy used to be an addict. surely he's not insinuating that recreational drug use is okay. hmm...
ReplyDeleteJT is A-list.
ReplyDeleteAt first I thought Charlize Theron and Liev Shreiber but then the last part about the first love made me switch to JT and Jessica Biel.
I LOVE JT and think he probably could have anyone. I also hope this is true so I can start to stalk a single JT ;) I do think this is about J&J, although the "overly coiffed" thing throws me a bit.
ReplyDeleteYep, I think it is JT and Beil with Britney Spears being the first girlfriend.
ReplyDeleteJB is insanely gorgeous from the neck down.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I don't get. If they are bearding for each other, as the rumors go, why would she give a crap if he was off getting his freak on? My only rules would be don't get caught and call before you get home so I can send my "friend" home.
JB is a fitness fanatic and has the body to show for it. So I can see her being a bit of a hard-ass about overindulging. But if they were just a beard relationship, would she care?
i.e., maybe she actually does care about him. Just a thought in between the Haterade.
Naomi Watts is with Schreiber. Stuart Townsend is with Theron.
ReplyDeleteIt was Billy Crudup who dumped MLParker for Danes; not HDancy.
Yeah, JT and JB.
Charlie Sheen
ReplyDeleteYes yes yes to Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel.
ReplyDeletedefinitely biel and timberlake. lots of people think they are attractive.
ReplyDeleteWow. EVERYTHING about that blind fits Timberlake/Biel. There's nothing vague about it.
ReplyDeleteIt was Billy Crudup that dumped MLP while she was pregnant for Danes.
ReplyDeleteThis blind makes me angry, because while he says he doesn't condone drugs, he follows by putting down the woman for wanting her man to stay clean.
I'll go with the JT/JB guess. And I wouldn't mind seeing JT back with his 1st love.
ReplyDeleteAnd, Ted really seems to be advocating recreational drug use. Stupid!!
Ted C has recently posted that he's smoking cigarettes again and not happy about it, so maybe he's trying to tone down his anti-drug stance because he's feeling like a hypocrite? I know it's tobacco, but he's preached against cigarettes the last few years.
ReplyDeletePlus, Ted isn't writing a lot of his stuff. This blind, for instance, sounds much clearer than his usual style. On his other posts, he gives credit for "additional reporting" to various combinations of Taryn Ryder, Becky Bain, Lindsay Miller and Martin Haro. Maybe one or some of them are responsible for putting together the blind, too.
I'm in agreement with the JT and JB guess. About the first love, it always seemed to me that Cameron was his first adult love rather than Brit. I always thought JT and Cameron were cute together with a good sense of humor.
ReplyDelete"They were a fit like no other"--because if they got back together all the gossip bloggers would probably stand on their heads and shoot firecrackers out of their asses.
ReplyDeleteHAS to be Justin & Brit Brit.