Monday, August 24, 2009

Oh What The Hell. It's Been Awhile Since I Posted A Jennifer Aniston Dating Story


Over the weekend at some point Gerard Butler held Jennifer Aniston's hand. It could have been because she had a splinter. It could have been because everyone at the table stood in a circle and sang Kumbaya, or it could have been he was checking to make sure she washed her hands before dinner. Whatever the reason and whatever the length of time this happened, the fact is the two actually held hands which of course means they are having sex and already planning the wedding and the babies and Brad will be devastated and the weeks of headlines which are sure to follow the hand holding which occurred this weekend.

Although I don't doubt for a second that Gerard Butler would have sex with Jennifer Aniston I do hope that she realizes like the rest of the world realizes that Gerard Butler is probably not the guy who is going to give you a rock solid, long lasting monogamous relationship. If you need some sex on a Tuesday night, Gerard is the guy you want to call, but if you are looking for a commitment longer than a porno than he is probably not your guy.

Of course the fact he is not that kind of guy works out great for the tabloids because then they can have the inevitable month of headlines talking about Jen's broken heart and how she ran to Brad's arms for comfort. Ohhhh, or John Mayer. Because he finally grew up because he realized Jen was the one for him forever and he didn't want her to disappear from his life again until of course Jessica Simpson took him back at which point he dumped Jennifer again and then she can hook up with whatever co-star she is working with at that moment.


27 comments:

  1. it's good to see jen poo have normal weight on her body.

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  2. Not to mention any woman crazy enough to sleep with GB would need a years supply of antibiotics lol

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  3. I'm sorry, I'm just not catching onto why he's supposed to be sexy.

    Is it supposed to be his face? His manner? What?

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  4. you know what? I like her. I know, I know. Maybe it's because she is my age and I wish to Heaven I looked half that good, or maybe it's just that she has made me laugh with Friends for so many years, but I like the lady. I wish her well. She seems pretty nice. Hell, even Ted C. said she doesn't even have her own blind cause she is "boring" in his terms. Which I frankly take to mean....normal.

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  5. @ Hotchacha - I don't get what is so sexy about him either, but hey, I didn't think Brad was all that hot either. His skin is terrible.

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  7. Gerard is about as sexy as a fresh case of herpes...and as predictable.

    stay away from the rogue peen.

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  8. JAX!!!!!!!

    When he's in shape, he is H-O-T.

    As to actually sleeping with him, he'd have to give me a clean bill of health.

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  9. It took a looong time for me to understand the Brad Pitt appeal. Fight Club helped me understand. Even though he's gone the way of Colonel Sanders crossed with a soap opera actor, I can still see why people are into him.

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  10. My husband says that he likes her because she is entertaining enough and pretty enough but not so pretty that women would hate her. Not quite girl next door but bland and harmless.

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  11. Maybe he was reading her palm?

    I don't understand the fascination with her dating life, or why she is assumed to be looking for a long-lasting relationship. If I'd been married and my divorce was so widely publicized, I don't think I'd be too eager to remarry.

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  12. I think alot of his sexiness comes from the role he played in the movie 300. The hot muscle bounded GrecoRoman soldier Leonides.

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  13. @MontanaMarriott:

    Thank you for explaining it. I didn't see that movie, but I just looked up the stills. He doesn't do it for me personally, but at least the photos help the phenomenon make some sense now.

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  14. I just think he is fun to watch. And he was hot in 300.

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  15. I've said it before, I'm not into the muscle bound hulking figure he was in 300, but he got me grooving in a pitiful movie, Timeline and also in Lara Croft. Yum.

    But yeah, I'm with mngddess, I'd want a certified checkup.

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  16. NOW I'M NO PR GENIUS BUT...BEING UPPER BY RENEE....REAL OR NOT...MUST HURT...SOOO THIS MAKES PERFECT SENSE TO ME....
    HOW MUCH LONGER DO THEY SHOOT THIS FILM ?
    BUT I LIVE IN NEW YORK...AND HAVEN'T HEARD OF ANY JEN/GERRY SIGHTINGS...AND NO ONE CAN KEEP THAT QUIET FOR VERY LONG...

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  17. Anonymous11:49 AM

    I wish they would stop pairing people when they come out in movies together.

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  18. Maybe Jen Aniston is the female equivalent of John Mayer and is a serial dater herself? She just doesn't strike me as the nutty, clingy GF. I say have your fun!

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  19. Oh she TOTALLY strikes me as clingy and insecure. Nice enough girlfriend to other girls, I'm sure, but a lot of work for a man.

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  20. I don't know. Has anyone else noticed that right before she gets "dumped" she goes on a long weekend with the guy and is seen holding hands etc. Next thing you know, they broke up. Happened with that guys she dated before Brad, Brad, the guy after Brad, John Mayer....I think she is one of those women who talks the guy into breaking up and later, when he realizes what happened, it is too late. She is playing the "he is a good guy but we didn't work, he dumped me" card....just saying. There isnt a woman in the world who hasn't convinced so guy to break up and that it was his idea.

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  21. i'm tired on Aniston "love stories"!
    i'm tired on Brangelina!

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  22. hey he's hot..i totally agree,but knowing what a whore he truly is has worn the shine off for me..lol.

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  23. i like the kumbaya theory. i'm gonna go w/ that as the reason for the hand-holding.

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  24. I can't help it, I love JA, too. It's funny before the whole Brangie thing, my husband used to say that she was about the only chick in Hollywood that he found attractive and I always thought that was strange. He never thought AJ was attractive, which always struck me as odd, too. However, looking at them now, I can see why. AJ looks like a skinny stick of a woman (where is that Tomb Raider body?) and JA glows with good health.
    I like her. If only she would stop choosing losers....

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  25. I like Jennifer Aniston, too. I agree with the other posters that maybe she doesn't want to get married again or have kids. I don't want kids and I am 44. You can't control what people say about you, so she probably said, fuck it, and just lives her life, playing the field.

    And Gerard Butler is awful.

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  26. I liked him in 300 but liked him before in Timeline. Do I think he's the be all end of hot male sexiness? Nope. I think it's the accent for some women. He would definitely need a check-up before I'd go near him . I'd rather be gifted with a box of chocolates then the need for a script for Valtrex.

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  27. I wish Jen would just marry some lawyer or businessman and stop all this nonsense.

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