Billy Bob Thornton wrote a book. Well he talked and Kinky Friedman did the writing. Pretty good ghost writer. Anyway, Angelina Jolie wrote the foreword and I have a copy.
"I have known Billy Bob Thornton for many years. From the first days on our set of filming, I knew I would end up taking Laura Dern from him and that as many times as John Cusack hit on me, I would keep ignoring him. Too vanilla. I like spicy. Nothing says spicy to me than a guy who is 5'5" and weighs 95 pounds. A man who hates Canada and chain smokes while we have sex. A man who calls Brad, Bradley and teases him about his hair. A man who is not afraid to be rough with me and call his ex-girlfriends while we have sex and invite them over.
I remember the day when we got some razor blades and were going to chop up some coke when the blade slipped and cut my wrist. Suddenly there was blood and I told him we should put some in vials and wear them around our necks. So, we dumped out the coke and put the blood in there and then smeared it all over our bodies and had sex while we watched "Friends" and I plotted getting my next man.
No, not Brad. But Max. This was the end of my relationship with Billy Bob. He was jealous over my son and we also knew that if we were to continue, one of us would die because the sex was too intense; neither of us ate for weeks on end in a competition to see who could look more anorexic; and his hair coloring was out of control. A box a day is just too much Billy Bob. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the book as much as I enjoy my time with Billy."
LOL hilarious Enty. I hope none of that is true!
ReplyDeleteHa!! I'm going to pretend this is 100% real.
ReplyDeleteHa! Too funny Enty!
ReplyDeleteI almost spit out my coffee when I read the first line!
ReplyDeleteThe vials of blood aren't nearly as fascinating as:
ReplyDeleteThe fact that he's been married 5 times and not one marriage lasted longer than 4 years.
He claims to have a phobia of... antique furniture??
He eschews email (sorry, but WTF??)
And, oddest of all, the soul patch. There's no earthly explanation for it.
I read her intro. I doubt the whole story is here. No good can come from this. And I totally believe he and AJ still hook up!
ReplyDelete@mango - i'm a germaphobe, so antique furniture weirds me out a little too. It's okay to have in museums or historical homes, but I wouldn't want to touch it.
ReplyDeletehahaha....on Enty you're on FIRE today
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming this is a joke!
ReplyDeleteI actually know someone afraid of antiques, too. I've always thought it was about ghosts.
I don't like Kinky Friedman, that is all.
ReplyDeleteAJ could never claim she doesn't like vanilla. BP is the epitome of vanilla and pretty boring.
ReplyDeletewhat jj said...
ReplyDeleteThat was hysterical.
ReplyDeleteBTW...my friend worked on a set of City Hall with John Cusack. John Cusack goes through all the extras who were cast and hits on them. He goes from extra to extra. He hit on my friend and she rejected him. He was so persistent. When she again refused, he had her kicked off the set. He apparently is a HUGE player on all his films and goes through women like water. Well...at least we know he's straight, which is rare in Hollywood.
Hey Mango,
ReplyDeleteDidn't he also get plastic surgery to look more like John Ritter after he died? What a strange tribute. I think he also has a crazy daughter who has been in trouble with the law.
Enty, you had me going for a minute.
ReplyDeleteI think I'll pretend it's real, too.
I was buying until the ....well, probably the end. LOL
ReplyDeleteIt's a sad commentary that I took this seriously until the end. For BBT and Angelina Jolie, it's believable. I wonder how many of the things Enty mentions are actually true?
ReplyDeleteEver since I heard that she wrote the foreward, I would bet anything that she wrote it in exchange for keeping some of their antics private. A favor for a favor. Doesn't anyone else find it odd for her to write the foreward for his book when she is way past him?
ReplyDeleteWhile we watched "Friends"! Ha, made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteEnty, you made my Friday! LOL
ReplyDelete@ Cheryl - I'd never heard that! Another one for the list...
ReplyDeleteOMG Enty, what are you on this morning? And can you keep taking it? HIGH-larious!
ReplyDeleteWhoa Enty is feeling snarky today. Loving it.
ReplyDeleteWhoa Enty is feeling snarky today. Loving it.
ReplyDeleteWhat if this is real and Enty didn't write it??
ReplyDeleteHappy day, everyone.
Love it!!
ReplyDeleteLOL HAHA TOO FUNNY!
ReplyDeleteOMG. Best post of the week. No, month. No, in forever.
ReplyDeleteHa ha. Thanks, Enty!!
man! i gotta become an extra on a John Cusack movie...
ReplyDeletemy friend used to work in hollywood and she did a bit of work w/billy bob. everytime he called he'd ask her if she was wearing underwear.
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ReplyDeleteBut Billy Bob and Angie would have been watching "King Of The hill." Apparently they both loved that show.
ReplyDeleteBilly Bob was best friends with the Amazing Warren Zevon. I might have to read this book.
I have a feeling Enty's foreward is far more accurate than anything Angelina wrote!!!
ReplyDeleteI know all the weird stuff about Billy Bob and how he is an ass, but I'd do him in a heartbeat. There's something really sexy about him. Kill me.
ReplyDeleteIma read his book, too.
hmmmm...well I would have agreed about doing him, but after he called Canadians boring as mashed potatoes without the gravy, as a hot blooded Canadian woman, I'm afraid I'd drown that skinny white boy in a vat of gravy sans the mashed potatoes. I love the foreword..I wish it was Jolie, it would answer a lot of speculation.
ReplyDeleteTo anyone confused, the proof this is not real is a mistake Enty has made before. Her son is Maddox, not Max. Another son is named Pax, and Enty gets their names confused and combined and remembers it as "Max." Obviusly, a mother would not make that mistake.
ReplyDeleteSeems like one giant blind reveal to me.
ReplyDeleteThis made my morning!
Am waiting for Gian to review this 'last ditch' book as 'boring as mashed potatoes w/ no gravy'
ReplyDeleteTotal douche.
ha, redronnie! Cheers!
ReplyDeleteI'm really disappointed that there was no mention of the Velcro wall they installed in their bedroom of horrors. Really slipping, Enty! ;)
ReplyDeleteGiggling at those that thought this was real. "C'mon!" (said in GOB voice).
ReplyDeleteBrilliant post, Enty!