Kim, so I would get the maximum publicity and become famous as a wannabe friend of someone who is famous for being famous. Then I'd sell her out, get my own reality show and get really rich! Good plan, huh?
I'd dress in really fugly clothes, and make my hair look like shit. I would then go to Khloe or Kourtney (they seem the "nicest"), and give a sob story as to why I was so ugly. They would ask me to sign forms for my permission to appear on their show.
They would then buy me a shit load of new clothes, a nice hair cut/color from a high end salon. Finally, I would get makeup applied by a makeup artist, and I would get to keep the non drugstore makeup.
They would look like saints on the show, for giving this poor sap so much. I would get a new wardrobe, and other free shit.
We go from Kardassian free months to this? C'mon! They're a bunch of tramps led by Momma Tramp. Bruce is the only smart one - and that's debatable -- as he's breaking free.
Kris. At the end of the surely mind-numbing day we would take a nice stroll along the riverbank all the way to the harbor, and then I would just shove her into some cargo ship about to leave for the Arctic Sea.
Because I can knit socks better than his "luxury line" has to offer. I'll hear his pitches while I casually knit gorgeous celtic cable socks in front of him. He'll try to get me to knit custom socks for his famous clients (read: 0) and I'll say I don't work for peanuts. Or for the Kardashians.
I guess that takes out Kimberly and Khloe because I'm a cracker.
The Jenners seem to fit, one of them is fucking with Will Smith's son. If she fucks every pigmentation, I'm less ugly than he is.
Anyway, if in the worst option I finish up boning the mother, who is not the most beautiful bird in the sky but she would totally accept (even wish) to be boned by me, and I bet she is up to every kinky way I imagine and something out of her mind.
whaaaaaat? nobody picked "i am a genius and i still don't understand why Fendi rejected my brilliant leather jogging pants" Kanye? OK i'd pick Kanye and get him to give me a turkey baster baby too! Yes I am a GoLdDiGgEr!!!
Robert Kardashian, Senior. He's the only one of them that wouldnt spill anything to the tabloids. :-P On that thought, Happy Halloween. I watched too many Vincent Price movies last nite.
Scott comes across like a huge douche bag on the show, but the one episode he went to Ohio or somewhere and spent time with a terminally ill woman and her family, was completely touching. I saw a whole different side of him. I would pick him or Leah, Brandon Jenner's wife. She is sooooo sweet and down to earth.
Douchelord Disick, duh :)
ReplyDeleteWhy wasn't suicide an option?
DeleteThe sharpest knife in the drawer. This is not an euphemism.
ReplyDeleteIs it wrong that i wanna pick their dad?
ReplyDeleteLady Bruce of the House of Jenner
ReplyDeleteScott. Everyone else is looney tunes.
ReplyDeleteCan I smoke crack with Lamar? I'd give up sobriety for that, if it saved me from the creaky voiced harlots.
ReplyDeleteKim, so I would get the maximum publicity and become famous as a wannabe friend of someone who is famous for being famous. Then I'd sell her out, get my own reality show and get really rich! Good plan, huh?
ReplyDeleteI'll take "24-hour-coma", which should really be a thing.
ReplyDeleteI still literally don't know why these people are famous.
ReplyDeleteRob - we'd go drinkin at a dive bar and I'd love to hear him dish!
ReplyDeleteBaby North.
ReplyDeleteAt least she's still innocent.
Kim.
ReplyDeleteI'd dress in really fugly clothes, and make my hair look like shit. I would then go to Khloe or Kourtney (they seem the "nicest"), and give a sob story as to why I was so ugly. They would ask me to sign forms for my permission to appear on their show.
ReplyDeleteThey would then buy me a shit load of new clothes, a nice hair cut/color from a high end salon. Finally, I would get makeup applied by a makeup artist, and I would get to keep the non drugstore makeup.
They would look like saints on the show, for giving this poor sap so much. I would get a new wardrobe, and other free shit.
Do they have a dog?
ReplyDeleteWho would I pick? Dexter as my plus one.
ReplyDeletePip, I wanna go with you!!
ReplyDeleteI could be the chubby version of the ugly duckling!
We go from Kardassian free months to this? C'mon! They're a bunch of tramps led by Momma Tramp. Bruce is the only smart one - and that's debatable -- as he's breaking free.
ReplyDeleteDo they have any pets? I'd hang with their pets...probably rescue 'em, too.
ReplyDelete@spiffypaws I hope not for the dog's sake.
ReplyDeleteKris. At the end of the surely mind-numbing day we would take a nice stroll along the riverbank all the way to the harbor, and then I would just shove her into some cargo ship about to leave for the Arctic Sea.
ReplyDeleteKhloe. At least she's funny.
ReplyDeleteThe dead one...
ReplyDeleteAll of them, with my discreetly-placed Molotov cocktail. :)
ReplyDeleteNo brainer, Kim. I'd stick a tap up her keg ass and pour myself beers all day long
ReplyDeletePMK for the business advice
ReplyDeletePenelope.
ReplyDeleteIf not, then Kylie- I'd straighten that stupid spoiled whore OUT. Knock her down about 14 pegs.
PMama Kris, on a very steep staircase. Whoops!
ReplyDeleteOkay, JoElla, you're invited too. You need to make your own sob story though. And you can't say you were raised by raccoons, because that's my story.
ReplyDeleteRob.
ReplyDeleteBecause I can knit socks better than his "luxury line" has to offer. I'll hear his pitches while I casually knit gorgeous celtic cable socks in front of him. He'll try to get me to knit custom socks for his famous clients (read: 0) and I'll say I don't work for peanuts. Or for the Kardashians.
Kylie and Kendall. I'd get 'em drunk.
ReplyDeleteFucking none of the fucking piece of shit assholes!
ReplyDeleteBruce? Is he still in the fold? Or I'd ask PMK who she made a deal with to get all this non deserved fame.
ReplyDeleteWHAT?! Pip I didn't know that being raised by raccoons was an option!!
ReplyDeleteCrap!
Maybe i'll start my story like "My sister was lucky enough to be raised by raccoons, I however was not..."
^^ Kendall & Kylie laying out by the pool in bikinis
ReplyDeleteRob. I want to know what he REALLY thinks of his sisters.
ReplyDeleteKoko
ReplyDeleteWhichever one is most likely to leave their gun collection unlocked so I can blow my brains out.
ReplyDeleteKoko and the Lord of course.
ReplyDeleteI'd quite happily hang out of Kendall for 24 hours.
ReplyDeleteI would rather hang with a Lohan (Nana would be good company) or a Hilton in all honesty...
ReplyDeleteWhich even one besides pimp mom who would agree to a ball gag and buttsecks.
ReplyDeleteWith the one who is more prone to bang with me:
ReplyDeleteI guess that takes out Kimberly and Khloe because I'm a cracker.
The Jenners seem to fit, one of them is fucking with Will Smith's son. If she fucks every pigmentation, I'm less ugly than he is.
Anyway, if in the worst option I finish up boning the mother, who is not the most beautiful bird in the sky but she would totally accept (even wish) to be boned by me, and I bet she is up to every kinky way I imagine and something out of her mind.
Damn, I don't even understand that post, but I have no time to edit.
ReplyDeletewhaaaaaat? nobody picked "i am a genius and i still don't understand why Fendi rejected my brilliant leather jogging pants" Kanye?
ReplyDeleteOK i'd pick Kanye and get him to give me a turkey baster baby too!
Yes I am a GoLdDiGgEr!!!
@Kristin, you made me choke on my green tea!!!
ReplyDelete"Lady Bruce of the House of Jenner"
I would have to go with him too.
oh and by the way, I wonder if he forgot he wrote that song... i mean, it's kind of ironic he now says that prenups are tacky!!
ReplyDeleteugh, brutal choice. I may go with Kourtney, just because I could distract myself playing with the children the whole time.
ReplyDeleteI would choose to end my life first.
ReplyDeleteProbably Kim, that way I don't have to leave the room to use the bathroom.
ReplyDeleteBruce because he seems like the only decent one out of the entire bunch.
ReplyDeleteOn second thought, Brody Jenner. I would sit on his face for 24 hours ;)
ReplyDeleteYou take Brody, I want that hot piece of ass that is his older brother!!!!! Dayuuuuum...they both HOT.
DeleteWow I'm gonna catch some flack for this but I kind of like Kourtney (sp?). I'd hang out with her lol..
ReplyDeleteI'm confused.. Enty bitches and moans about this family yet we can count on at least one K-post every single day.
ReplyDeleteRobert Kardashian, Senior.
ReplyDeleteHe's the only one of them that wouldnt spill anything to the tabloids.
:-P
On that thought, Happy Halloween. I watched too many Vincent Price movies last nite.
Do they have a dog?
ReplyDeleteThe dead lawyer one, Robert Kardashian. Graveyards are generally peaceful -- something you won't get with any of those others.
ReplyDeleteKhloe. I don't watch the show or keep up with them (see what I did there?) but she seems like someone I'd get alone with IRL.
ReplyDeleteBruce's never seen or heard from daughter, Casey Jenner (that's right Casey with a C) I bet she has some dirt.
ReplyDeleteScott comes across like a huge douche bag on the show, but the one episode he went to Ohio or somewhere and spent time with a terminally ill woman and her family, was completely touching. I saw a whole different side of him. I would pick him or Leah, Brandon Jenner's wife. She is sooooo sweet and down to earth.
ReplyDeleteIsn't there a potty trained mute dog available to "chat up" for the day?
ReplyDeleteI would hang out with Khloe for the day. She's the only one close enough to having a personality (from all of those years of being the "fat" sister).
ReplyDeleteKris Jenner. I'd take her on a hike and push her off a cliff. No jail time because I'd be ridding the world of evil. Consider it self-defense.
ReplyDeleteKhloe, so I could csi her glass or swipe a hair and prove paternity by Lou Ferrigno.
ReplyDeleteRob cuz I like food and I'm pretty sure we'd spend our day in a restaurant or a kitchen. hahaha
ReplyDelete