Three female members of this church have been on a "spiritual mission," to make sure that this A+ list mostly movie actor can be "spiritually cleansed," as often as he needs to be while on a press tour for his new movie. I wonder if he will tell that new girlfriend of his.
Chris Pratt
ReplyDeleteAlso ew
DeleteChris pratt
ReplyDeleteCHris Pratt and Jurassic World?
ReplyDeleteThe Church is Hillsong.
ReplyDeleteA "cleansing"...is that what they're calling it now? Ha!
ReplyDeleteNew girlfriend/ Arnold and Maria daughter???
ReplyDeleteI’m dying of laughter.... WHAT?!?
ReplyDeleteHillsong Rape Cult (no uglies permitted)
ReplyDeleteMen aged 30 or older ideally shouldn’t ejaculate more than twice a week. Sounds like they’re sucking the life right of out of him. His hairline already receding badly.
ReplyDeletedon't you wonder what a day in the life of one of these cleansers is like? I mean what do they do till summoned into action. wake up, have a bowl of cereal..take a shower..check messages. I mean really . where do they sleep? does he call them? does he have people who do. is it 'a calling' they just know? are the girls housed together? is there rivalry? doesnt this all have to be scheduled around their studies? haw haw gotchya
ReplyDeleteno really I want detail. they need to befriend elon's girl. two stones
My guess is that he never has to call or request them to service him. He isn't their master, the church is. They're just supposed to anticipate his needs so that he doesn't feel like the douche he's being.
Deleteew
ReplyDeleteI remember when girls like this were called secretaries... Hiyo!
ReplyDeleteHow did I know you'd be going after him today?? Since we're supposed to take some of the stuff on this site with a grain of salt and it's up to our discretion, for my personal I'm not gonna buy what your selling about this person is gonna be Chris Pratt. I will say that the date pics were a little too public though.
ReplyDeleteMy first thought when I saw the photos. I know what candid shots look like and I know what “candid” shots look like. They probably set this whole thing up or one of them tipped paparazzi off
DeleteHillsong sounds like a stupid sex cult. Like the most vanilla sex cult ever. So boring.
ReplyDeleteWhy would one of today's hunkiest movie stars need a cult to assign women to clean his pipes? Can't he just drop his pants and wait for them to line up? I don't get these people.
ReplyDeleteBecause he sucked a dick and took steroids to get there.
DeleteIt's nice they take constipation so seriously but he could probably administer the ex-lax himself.
ReplyDeleteSpiritual cleansing with sexy ladies must be the new "baptism"
ReplyDeleteHailey Baldwin better break it off with biebs real quick. Selena is the best example on why you shouldnt even try
ReplyDeleteBecause it's better to have partners who don't want to potentially use you for financial gain or a rape charge
ReplyDeleteTook a page from Jim Jones!
DeleteWhenever I hear Hillsong, I can't help but think of Windsong (stays on my mind). That perfume by Prince Matchabelli that my grandmother used to wear.
ReplyDeleteBut, I digress...
Sounds like a good church.
ReplyDelete@Phillip Prince
ReplyDeleteYeah, so much better to pay the "church" as pimp rather than the hard working girls.
"Windsong says on your miiiiiind...."
The shit stuck in my head, I swear!
Hold up, @Normal why shouldn't men over 30 ejaculate more than twice a week? Is there some weird science behind that theory? I've literally never heard that before.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, men of any age should ejaculate once a day at the very least. Keep your stomach full and your balls empty.
It's a little early for me to be hearing this.
Delete@orange
ReplyDeleteGeneral Jack Ripper -
"I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women uh... women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh... I do not avoid women, Mandrake....But I... I do deny them my essence."
Something along those lines, conceivably.
Chris Pratt is not hunky. Hes an insecure little chubby kid inside and will always be searching for acceptance. And free blowjobs. But mostly acceptance
ReplyDeleteWonder if the "cleansing" includes kiddies?
ReplyDeleteCail Corishev said...
ReplyDeleteWhy would one of today's hunkiest movie stars need a cult to assign women to clean his pipes? Can't he just drop his pants and wait for them to line up? I don't get these people.
As the joke about hookers goes, he's not paying them for sex, he's paying them to leave. If they're assigned by the cult, there's none of that awkwardness getting them to go. You just snap your fingers and point at the door after she make your postcoital sandwich.
Never heard butt f*cking called spiritual cleansing before, but every religion is different.
ReplyDeleteSuddenly, I feel like I could be a believer. I just want know, is there a spiritual cleanser catalouge or are they just randomly assigned?
ReplyDelete@Orange, I'm over 30, married 15 years and at best ejaculate once a week. Healthy, thick, full head of hair! Yippeee!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@ccryder. hahahahah! Yes! Stays on mah miiiyannnnddddddddd.
ReplyDeleteI'm 41 and have been ejaculating pretty much every day since I was 14, and I still have all my hair. What a ridiculous theory :D
ReplyDeleteHugo please type with both hands...
ReplyDelete