Star Magazine is reporting that Jennifer Hudson and David Otunga have split and their three year engagement is off. I think it is kind of a boring story, but my reason for writing is this. If you have been engaged for three years and have not got married yet, then chances are you are not going to get married. I understand dating for three years before getting married, but if you dated and then have been engaged that long, then someone or both people do not really want to get married. I also think that after five years of dating if things have not progressed to at least an engagement, nothing is going to happen. Sure, there might be what I call the extender which is an engagement and that will extend the relationship another two or three years until finally one person realizes they have spent a decade with the person and have somehow managed to avoid any commitment. Star says the pair are splitting because Jennifer does not want more kids and is focused on her career and that David is focused on being big in WWE. So, basically they are too busy being important to be busy with each other. Hopefully they are not so busy that they forget their child.
Saw this coming a mile away.
ReplyDeleteIA Enty. I've been there, done that too, minus baby.
ReplyDeleteWe were together for 7 years and over half that "engaged". Yeah, I finally realized he was never going to marry me (and myriad other reasons)so I left him.
spent a decade with the person and have somehow managed to avoid any commitment
ReplyDeleteThere's my life right there.
Personally, I don't see anything wrong with being engaged for long periods of time. Some folks just don't need to get married and there's nothing wrong with that. Besides, I liked saying fiancee much better than boyfriend anyway.
Good for her. A baby doesn't equal a happy marriage and I hope that with all the work she has done on herself she is in a happy place. Her career is definitely in a good spot. Hope that Dad doesn't run off just because he isn't entitled to 50% JHud's marital income.
ReplyDeleteRenoBloondee, did you keep the ring?
ReplyDeleteNo surprise here.
ReplyDeleteI read this weeks and weeks ago, good for her.
ReplyDeleteThis is like a re-enactment of "He's just not that into you." (Referring to the dating, married, engaged timelines).
ReplyDeleteOT: Where's the Real Housewives of BH recap?
ReplyDeleteI was engaged for 3 years before I married, but the circumstances were different for me than J-Hud. Depends on the situation, honestly.
ReplyDeleteI still say this is better than going through with a marriage and then divorce!
be careful Amy Adams!!
ReplyDelete@califblondy
ReplyDeleteYes I did. He told me to. Who am I to tell him no? ;)
At first I didn't like him and thought he was a user but after the horror with her family and the baby I changed my mind and believed he really loved her.
ReplyDeleteBUT, as she lost weight (she looks good but she's getting a little carried away) it didn't seem like she wanted to be bothered with the relationshipr thing, so... o.well.
BTW, this was a MILLION years ago, lol. We were super young (teens and early 20's)and I just turned 40, so we were prob both idiots at the time, lol. Thank God we *didn't* get married is all I can say!
ReplyDeleteI feel like this post was pretty negative towards Jennifer. I saw her on Wendy and she was clearly in love with her little boy. She talked about raising him to be a gentleman (like teaching him to kiss women's hands etc.) .There were also rumors that he had refused to sign a prenup and if that were the case I wouldn't blame her for having second thoughts. Honestly I always thought she could do way better.
ReplyDeleteShe looks happy. And, if he wouldn't sign a pre-nup then this is a good thing.
ReplyDeleteWould the blog over at Love Fraud help any of you folks? Did me some good.
Meh. Better a broken engagement than a crappy marriage.
ReplyDeleteI was with my b/f for over 10 years, just as committed as married. Yeah we finally got married, for tax purposes (before that taxes were better for individuals) and probably would have made it legal when I finally got pregnant. However, I'm a 60s girl so kind of anti-establishment and making it legal wasn't important. I do understand that times are different now BUT I do get annoyed when people don't place such importance on couples who aren't legal.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I would rather hear "This is my wife" rather than "This is my girlfriend". Just me.
ReplyDeleteAnd every time I see JHud's fiance - I tell you he is the African American version of my ex brother-in-law, who is a South Philly Italian. Dopplegangers..
I know someone who just announced she is marrying her boyfriend of 10 years. She's in her 50s, he's slightly younger. She said it was to "shore up" her "struggling relationship." Yeah. Good luck with that. (!!!!)
ReplyDeleteLegally there's a lot you can't do if your partner passes and you're not married. The deceaseds family inherits everything and can do all the burial planning and if you need SS you aren't entitled to it.
ReplyDeleteWe're not talking greed, it's hard not having any say and just being a "friend."
Guess none of that applies here.
After all she has been through, she can do whatever the hell she wants in my book.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand the desire not to get married -- that is a huge commitment, and with only a 50% likelihood of success, it is a big risk in life. The fastest way to mess up your life is to marry the wrong person.
ReplyDeleteI also understand the desire to get married. Traditional, and the laws suck if you are not married. It is also alot better if you choose to have children, for them to see mommy and daddy married.
What I don't understand is why get engaged if you don't want to be married? Engaged gives you no additional rights, and you are sending mixed signals (I plan to marry you - but wait, I don't want to get married). Get engaged, and you'd better start planning that wedding. Otherwise, why bother?
Not everyone wants to get married.
ReplyDeleteThat assumption drives me batty (especially the assumption that all women want to be married).
My significant other and I have a fantastic relationship -- and no desire to get married.
I still find it odd that a Harvard Law educated man that used to work at sidley is now a professional wrestler...
ReplyDelete@Pinky...agreed. Nothing wrong with not wanting to be married, just need to CYA with advanced directives, wills, etc etc for all of the legal stuff that usually comes with marriage
@pinky - totally agree also. I hate how society assumes that women all want to get married, and men don't want to commit. The surveys show that men are happier when married, and women less so. I think too many Women buy into social pressure when they should just stay single for longer
ReplyDeleteA couple questions to the people that say its a sort of 'commitment phobia' situation:
ReplyDeleteWhy do you think people under forty do not 'commit' in relationships?
What is the difference between a marriage vs a long-term relationship, besides of course the court papers that declare Mr. and Mrs. John Doe legally married?
I dated my husband for eight years before we got married. We have been married nine years now, so together for 17. I think it depends on the person.
ReplyDeleteWe need to have both domestic partnerships and marriage available to gay and straight people. That way comitted couples can have some of the protections that married couples do, but without the fuss of marriage and divorce.
ReplyDeleteSince I live a very traditional life. Got married when I was 21, first kid when I was 24, second on the way at 26. If you love someone and want to be with that person and commit to them, why wouldn't you marry them? The marriage could just be a ceremony at a courthouse if the fuss of planning one is the issue. Just trying to understand something I don't see in my life very much.
ReplyDelete^^ no offense, but if you are committed to someone and they are committed to you; why do you need to be married? i'm recently divorced, after nearly 2 years of trying to get free (and $120k in legal fees) so i am down on marriage.
ReplyDelete@iheart - there are a number of reasons. A good friend of mine swears he won't get married until marriage is legal for all. Some people love their partner but find it hard or restrictive to be tied "for life" (what you feel at 25 may be very different than at 55). In my case, I am slow to want to get married for financial reasons. At 40, I have savings and some family assets that I dont want to risk losing if it doesn't work out. When you are getting married in your early 20s, it is easy to build all that together from scratch. In your 40s, you have much more at risk. Also, by the time you get to your mid 30s, you see what divorce has done to your friends and just don't want to go through that yourself. Marriage that seems solid in your 20s can change to something awful as two people mature in different directions. Staying committed but not married makes things cleaner -- no lawyers involved if you decide to move on. Also the older you get, the more you realize that you don't need marriage to be committed, that marriage is often for the sake of others rather than for the two of you. Some people feel constrained by marriage. So many people cheat in their marriage for this reason. Marriage creates many false or unrealistic expectations. It can work well for some folks, but is not right for everyone. And some people just want more independence and freedom than marriage typically allows for.
ReplyDeleteWhat me said. Divorce is very expensive, both financially and emotionally. Why risk damage your life so much when a commitment can be just as solid without the piece of paper as it is with it?
ReplyDeleteI heard rumors he was gay, and they were fighting over the pre-nup.
ReplyDelete