Why do you think MTV invited Chris Brown and Rihanna? For exactly what you see above. MTV also decided they were willing to honor the abuser and have him confront his victim because MTV will give an award to anyone if they can bring in ratings.
Obviously Rihanna is still in love with Chris...idiot little crackheads. Sorry I'm not in good mood today..lost one of my favorite little patients this morning to a long battle with Leukemia. I'm ready to go home and hug my babies...
I watched the entire movie awards last night and turned it of after she won because it was boring! Look what i missed. Was it a full on kiss? or just a tap on the lips? I'm not happy about this but We all knew it was going on in secret, so whats the difference if the world knows?
Thanks, all...I love my job, but days like this are tough. Patients become like family, and it breaks my heart for the families. Okay, I'm off to find some chocolate since I can't exactly open up a bottle of wine at work :)
Actually, who cares? 1) People make mistakes in life 2) People change (thank God for growth) 3) We don't know them, their situation, or what goes on between the two of them. 4) Again, who cares if they still love each other? Instead of bashing someone over the past, hope and pray they have grown into a better person. *stepping off of soapbox* just tired of the same old ri-cb posts.
I understand where you're coming from, but I don't understand why Rihanna would willingly go back to someone who beat the shit out of her. Any woman that goes back is a fool. IDGAF what the situation is.
I guess what gets me about Enty is his willingness to BI people who do horrible horrible things, but he bashes Ri-CB. If we are going to get after one person who was abusive, why not expose all of these jerks?
I have a legitmate question... It is the sociologist in me.
Do abusers ever get better? Does anyone out there in CDaN land have a story of an abuser getting therapy, going to rehab, whatever and actually being a genuinely remorseful person afterward?
I don't know of any and want to say horrible things about Chris. But maybe there is hope. I DO know that some couples bring out the worst traits in each other and I think this is one of those cases.
So anyone, anyone? Those are the stories I would rather hear today.
Yes, I know someone who was genuinely remorseful, changed, and have a happy and beautiful family now. I've thankfully never been abused, but know people who have. I think, as with most things, the abuser has to have the desire to change for it to work.
@dia I, too, have a story where the abuser changed after much remorse, hard work, and time. Chris B. hasn't changed, however, as is evidenced by his Today show violent reaction to questions last year and other rants and fits of rage. What is sad is that Ri is trying to give CB a free pass, particularly since some people who genuinely change are still ostracized by society for past abuse due to those abusers who don't change and/or commit more heinous acts.
As she proudly states, she ain't no role model. It says more about our society that such low examples of womanhood thrive. She sucks but she's still fairly young and therefore growing. As long as she makes money, why change.
@sweetstar... it was a peck. You can see it on TMZ.
OT ALERT: I just read the whole "meth" thread. Don't be offended because I'm trying to tell you what to do ('you' = CDAN commenters), but please - let's just leave the meanies alone. If someone wants to make a horrible comment... who cares? I love that someone stood up for the "addicts are a waste of air" comment, because it IS a horrible thing to say, but it's not worth fighting over, IMO. People are going to say rude things. We don't have to engage them! We don't have to argue with them or ask them what they're talking about. We can ignore them. There are so many nice people here, and those are the ones I choose to pay attention to. This is a fun site, some of you truly feel like friends (and some have become friends IRL). I look forward to chatting with you guys every morning. So, please? Let's ignore the meanies. No need to respond to hateful comments.
dia papaya, I would like to hear those stories too. I just know from my own experience, after my mom and sperm donor divorced, he went on to abuse his new wife who is still married to him. I guess karma did kind of get him, he has lost his short term memory, so maybe he is kinder to her now.
Em - Well said & ITA. There are people who wake up each day wondering who they can piss off - it's pointless to give them what they want. Also, I don't think the person that said "addicts are a waste of air" was trying to start a fight. I think it was just an ignorant comment that happens to be super offensive to people who have battled addiction or had someone close to them battling addiction. The person that responded didn't handle themselves the best way, either. Responding with names/threats/foul language really only hurts your own argument/point.
The one thing I take from this is breaking the cycle of abuse--be you victim or abuser--is not easy.
While I understand the confusion as to why Rihanna would open herself up to being around Chris again, I hope that we realize that it often takes more than one time for a victim to walk away. I wish that wasn't true, especially for someone in Rihanna's position, with money and lots of people supporting her. But it illustrates that fame and money have nothing to do with domestic violence.
My biggest worry--other than Rihanna being hurt again--is how many will laugh at her and say she deserved/wanted it for going back should it happen. Blaming the victim is NOT the answer. I'm not saying we have to sympathize. But there seems to be no empathy for these situations, and that's different than feeling sorry for someone.
It's a vicious circle that has to be broken. I can only Rihanna and others in her position can break that circle.
I also hope Chris gets himself in order. I remember when he had such a bright future and the hurt he talked about seeing his own mother being abused. What happened to that guy? Now, he comes across like a druggie, all ugly tattoos and getting into nightclub fights, acting crazy. Whatever demons he has, maybe he'll find the fortitude to fight them instead of other people.
I wld never laugh at someone who got physically abused!!! Idk what the answer is; they both need help. He prob copying what he grew up with, and she prob likes the high of the danger. I wish they cld be helped.
@Magness - ITA. I love Janelle, but I must admit I know very little about her other than her music.
Shaunie - hugs and wine when you get home. DD just finished her rotation at a children's specialized hospital and cried many tears for her patients. You are one of the special people and I can't thank you enough for all you do.
People may grow and mature but their core will never change. A narcissist will always be a narcissist. Evil is evil. Chris is in this category. No remorse. And still abusive. To people and dressing rooms.
I'm so sorry Shaunie, you're awesome for caring so much.
I'm all for giving peace a chance, forgiveness, etc., but from my own personal experience...the first time hit was one shocking slap followed by lots of begging for forgiveness promises of never happening again. The second time ended up much, much worse. Somebody went to jail that night and it wasn't me.
I think it's either in you or it's not and it's very hard to change what's inside a person.
The Mum always said... fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me...
Carebear! Is that the new little one! OMG too cute. I want to snuggle her. Babies!!!
Thanks Em! I usually stay out of it, but I just got unusually mad about that one. I get tired of the drama and want to just hang out and have a chat with the ladies in a safe space. I also think it was very courageous of you to share your story, and thought you deserved better!
We all have the right and privledge to air our comments. So you are also right on that point. If people want to be angry I guess I should let them...
Enough of this, I want to know more about that cute CB baby!!!
My dad had a medical condition - no idea what exactly because he refused to talk about it - and he would get violent when he got pissed off which was often. He shoplifted from a store, not even aware he shoplifted and he went to the doctor and went on some pills. He had to go to court and he got off because of this medical condition. He seemed to calm down a lot and was less abusive and argumentative at home but he assaulted a teenager who was vandalizing a street sign one day, the cops came to the house about a week afterwards and didn't charge him with anything. My Dad had a pretty shitty childhood, his father was the village outcast and his mother took off when the kids were very young. The father ended up shooting himself which messed the kids up even more and back then people didn't go for therapy or get treated for depression so I guess it just built up. I don't know if Chris Brown has a medical reason to be abusive but I personally would take a long time to want to forgive and forget the beating she got for him.
@dia papaya : There's someone in my extended family who was a drunk and an abuser for years. The turning point was a period where he got fired from his job, tried to commit suicide, and then entered rehab. Within a couple of years, he was (and still is) a totally changed man. It took him nearly losing everything - job, home, family, friends, and his life - for him to get help. And not just any help - the right help for him. I know he went through several different programs and therapies to find something that "stuck".
So, yeah, it happens but I don't think it's the norm for most.
@dia - make no mistake, I appreciated what y'all said. I've heard it before... People say things like that about addicts, and yes, it hurts a little. I'm not a waste of air tho, and I know that.
"...want to just hang out and have a chat with the ladies in a safe space" - me, too! Let's take what we want and leave the rest.
I can understand victims returning to their abusers if they don't have anywhere to go (economics, children needing support, etc.). Rhianna on the other hand has loads of money, lots of support to leave Chris, and no children. The only thing I can surmise is that they are drug buddies and THAT is a very strong bond.
I find it reprehensible that Hollywood seems to have forgiven and forgotten re: Chris Brown. I guess other abusive actors have gotten passes as well--but I don't remember other photos of abused wives or girlfriends like we saw with Rhianna. So sad.
Fine! I'll ignore the asshole! Jeez! I don't like people telling me what to do, though, especially when I am trying to educate and support. I don't know why that isn't allowed according to some of you. *sigh*
I work with DV survivors. The number of abusers -- who are 97% male -- who "get better" is very, very, very low. I don't have actual stats in front of me at the moment, but trust me...it's practically unheard of. Ironically, though, for those who are ordered into batterer intervention programs, the success rates are higher that for those who enter BIPs voluntarily. I found that interesting when I learned it.
I'm still annoyed by the trolls and the people telling me not to feed them, so I don't give a shit if people are going to like this or not, but...STOP. BLAMING. THE. VICTIMS. Educate yourselves. Nothing makes me more angry than those who judge without having a goddamn CLUE what they're talking about.
@Em, well said, and definitely something we all can agree on.
Those who shared their stories, thank you for sharing. You have my utmost respect and love. I love our little community here, and am so blessed to have so many wonderful people willing to share with and support each other. :)
I have a close friend who has violent snaps, sometimes physical towards her fiancee and sometimes just the plate-smashing kind. She was diagnosed bipolar and OCD; she's off her meds because they're trying to conceive (that's another trainwreck story), but really doing well considering. She has recognized what triggers her anger, and really tries very hard to keep it in check. So, I think if someone truly wants to change, and they've sought proper help and guidance, it's possible.
i have anger issues too and a few years ago i went to rehab for anorexia & during therapy they asked me why i was so angry & i said i don't know, they asked me if i was ever diagnosed as bipolar & i said no but sometimes i felt like i was. one time i got into a screamjng fight with my mom & she said why are you so angry all the time? i said i don't know maybe i'm bipolar! she just said no you're not. well the rehab never diagnosed me as bipolar they just said i was angry b/c my father molested me and i've never been able to deal with it but i think it's bullshit b/c 2 years ago i was put on medicine for severe migraines & it also treats bipolar disorder & borderline personality disorder...well since i've been on it for 2 years i haven't really had any violent outbursts. oh and i'm also OCD
AKM - FWIW I didn't see comments beyond yesterday afternoon. I was referring to the Vegan girl who lost it on the person who said something about being a "waste of air" and was all riled up like she wanted to meet at the playground at 4 o'clock for a fight :P
The whole thing with Rhianna and Chris is suspect. Maybe she WANTS to keep people talking and this is an easy way to do it. She seems to go out of her way to make sure people keep mentioning the incident by seeking out Chris and the related publicity from hanging out with him, insisting how much she loves/loved him. He did a truly horrific thing and seems to be a genuine asshole, but she seems so shady.
@Em, I totally agree.
@AKM, I had posted on the meth post that when two new trolls show up and start going off the rails, its a good chance its the same user with two different IDs trying to stir the regulars up. That comment mysteriously disappeared after the re-appearance of one of the trolls. Probably following the Scientology method of reporting a comment to get it moderated off.
Dia- yes that is my beautiful niece! She is one month old today and I love her to bits! I have her picture as the background on my phone so I get to see her all the time.
@Shaunie God Bless you for what you do. Sending virtual hugs.
@Em really? Thanks will for sure will avoid the meth thread. All you can do is share your personal experience, strength, and hope. And I thank you for doing that. Arrogant people need to get off their high horses. Smh.
On topic: I was going to share some personal information, but I don't think it's a good idea. I'll just say that I don't think as a rule abusers change and leave it at that.
Chris Brown is still angry and arrogant. Rihanna clearly has no self esteem. I see this ending badly.
Agent - I've always been envious of her short haircuts! A few years ago I photoshopped one of her cuts onto my head to see if it would be cute (it was!), but I still can't bring myself to do it. I'm always hit in the face with the harsh reality that I can't just put it back i.e. cutting bangs one night because I think it'll look cute with my outfit.
It took me 16 times & 2 years to leave my abusive husband. One morning I woke up, dressed, walked out the door, drove to the police station (for about the 4th time) & finally laid charges. I never returned home until the day that I had to move everything out, with police. He went to jail for a couple of years, I moved across the country, changed my last name & have not heard a beep out of him in over 11 years. I look back & am proud of what I was able to do on my own!
High-five to Diane. Kudos for taking your life back. Doesn't matter how many false starts you had or how long it took you to actually do it, the important thing is, you *did* do it. That's something to be proud of.
I know a very kind man that was abused by his wife for years. He stayed because he was afraid to leave his child with his crazy wife. He was si ashamed. Eventually he left her ans has full custody of the child. Just an fyi for men.
GO DIANE! And Coriander, and everyone else who's ever left an abusive relationship. Myself included.
Those of us who work with DV/IPV survivors are not supposed to sway them one way or the other regarding leaving, but in light of the research that reveals that most abusers don't change, it's pretty clear how we feel on the inside.
Pugster, I've witnessed the same with a previous co-worker.It took a lot of us (female co workers) to assist him through the ordeal. What we did to help was (beyond the emotional support, etc) was to DOCUMENT and RESEARCH everything for him to assist in guiding him to the correct network of legal assistance, etc. What an ordeal. It was exhausting just to witness it via pitching in. But, he won, got the kids and got to get the hell away from her.
I know a few dads that have full or primary custody of their kids and it truly was a blessing for the kids in each of these cases. I'm sure your coworker will be forever grateful to you.
@AKM, dia, Em, Amber, I think you all are great commenters, so on the meth thread I felt compelled to say a quick little something to the person who was stirring it up, when I might usually ignore it...
I do think swearing back at a post like that is counter-productive (none of you did that) but I think it's great that posters feel protective of our safe little space here. There's definitely a time where one has to disengage, but I for one think everyone handled themselves beautifully, as usual.
@jennifer, have you ever been tested for diabetes? Seriously, you wouldn't believe how many undiagnosed diabetics there are and it can play havoc with your emotional status.
I'm pretty sick of people's attitude about this whole thing. It is her choice. You want to talk about women's choices... this is a choice. Is it a choice I like? No, but it's NOT MY CHOICE. It is hers. She's been getting shit over her choice in boyfriend since 2009. STFU and let it go.
I am sick of the way the word CHOICE gets bandied around without consideration for responsibility, accountability, or consequences. Sure Rhianna has the right to choose CB. But what if she is ignorant to the consequences of her choice such as statics showing the number of abusers (those who don't try to change, in particular) who not only continue abuse but also escalate their actions to include murder? And what about responsibility for choices - by giving CB a free pass, she is essentially saying she condones his behavior. And she, in turn, is enabling the abuser. She is young. She might be thinking with her emotions rather than her intellect. She might be naive to potential risks, etc. Instead of a "live and let others live" regardless attitude is harmful. I am not saying to intervene but, at least, allow for discourse to allow Rhianna and others to think about the consequences of those choices. I will step off the soapbox. It's just in my profession teaching young adults, I have seen how the lack of consequences for choice have led to some lazy, entitled, self-harming, and harm-to-others behaviors.
Michelle, in social work, we DO have discourse about ALL options that might be out there for abused clients. That's kind of the point of the work, and no one of conscience would disagree with that.
We still have to remember that our clients are adults and that ultimately -- you're going to hate this -- their choices are THEIR choices. Think about it...if we tell clients what they should do, are we not exactly the same as the controlling, abusive partners who already tell them what to do?!
AKM, I am also a social worker, so maybe that's why we're of one mind here. It doesn't do any good to tell people what to do. People don't make perfect choices because there usually AREN'T perfect choices, and pressuring people into what we believe is the right choice doesn't work long term. Rihanna apparently broke up wtih Chris due to public pressure. THAT worked well, huh?
And also, we don't own celebrities. She can do whatever the fuck she wants. I know fans think that she owes them something, but she's doesn't owe them anything but gratitude for their support.
How she could even be within ten feet of him again is beyond me.
ReplyDeleteAlso: I like the pixie cut (hers, not his).
I can't with these two. It is like watching a car wreck over and over.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I didn't watch the trainwreck last night.
ReplyDeleteObviously Rihanna is still in love with Chris...idiot little crackheads. Sorry I'm not in good mood today..lost one of my favorite little patients this morning to a long battle with Leukemia. I'm ready to go home and hug my babies...
ReplyDeleteThat stinks and is so unfair. Hugs
DeleteSo sad to hear. Hugs to you.
Deleteshaunie - I'm so sorry :( Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteStoopid Fivehead.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry shaunie - you're in my thoughts today as is their family.
ReplyDeleteShauniebear - I'm so sorry :( Big triple hug to you!!!!
ReplyDeleteThe zinger I had planned seems inappropriate now.
ReplyDelete@dia, zing away. We (including Shauniebear) need the laffs.
ReplyDeleteAgreed!!
DeleteFor every single post about riri, the internet should automatically generate 3 posts giving us the awesome Janelle Monae.
ReplyDeleteNot surprised. Everything they've done the past few months is to set them up to get back together.
ReplyDeleteI watched the entire movie awards last night and turned it of after she won because it was boring! Look what i missed. Was it a full on kiss? or just a tap on the lips?
ReplyDeleteI'm not happy about this but We all knew it was going on in secret, so whats the difference if the world knows?
Thanks, all...I love my job, but days like this are tough. Patients become like family, and it breaks my heart for the families. Okay, I'm off to find some chocolate since I can't exactly open up a bottle of wine at work :)
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteStill a better love story than Twilight.
aw Shaunie. Hugs and love and prayers to you and the family of your patient.
ReplyDeleteRihanna and Chris Brown - I'm over it. They both seem extremely immature to me. They deserve each other.
@shauniebear hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteActually, who cares? 1) People make mistakes in life 2) People change (thank God for growth) 3) We don't know them, their situation, or what goes on between the two of them. 4) Again, who cares if they still love each other? Instead of bashing someone over the past, hope and pray they have grown into a better person.
ReplyDelete*stepping off of soapbox* just tired of the same old ri-cb posts.
I understand where you're coming from, but I don't understand why Rihanna would willingly go back to someone who beat the shit out of her. Any woman that goes back is a fool. IDGAF what the situation is.
DeletePerhaps it is a kink for her and maybe him a well. When they kill each other life will go on for the rest of us, sad but true.
DeleteI guess what gets me about Enty is his willingness to BI people who do horrible horrible things, but he bashes Ri-CB. If we are going to get after one person who was abusive, why not expose all of these jerks?
DeleteYou are doing amazing work Shaunie! That's a hard job and those families really need you! Wish I could sneek you some wine!
ReplyDelete@sweetstart - The kiss didn't air on MTV. It was only shown to people watching the live stream. So you didn't miss anything.
ReplyDeletePaul McCartney said it all in 1974:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLDVcpnmkdI
I have a legitmate question... It is the sociologist in me.
ReplyDeleteDo abusers ever get better? Does anyone out there in CDaN land have a story of an abuser getting therapy, going to rehab, whatever and actually being a genuinely remorseful person afterward?
I don't know of any and want to say horrible things about Chris. But maybe there is hope. I DO know that some couples bring out the worst traits in each other and I think this is one of those cases.
So anyone, anyone? Those are the stories I would rather hear today.
Yes, I know someone who was genuinely remorseful, changed, and have a happy and beautiful family now. I've thankfully never been abused, but know people who have. I think, as with most things, the abuser has to have the desire to change for it to work.
Delete@dia I, too, have a story where the abuser changed after much remorse, hard work, and time. Chris B. hasn't changed, however, as is evidenced by his Today show violent reaction to questions last year and other rants and fits of rage. What is sad is that Ri is trying to give CB a free pass, particularly since some people who genuinely change are still ostracized by society for past abuse due to those abusers who don't change and/or commit more heinous acts.
DeleteAs she proudly states, she ain't no role model. It says more about our society that such low examples of womanhood thrive. She sucks but she's still fairly young and therefore growing. As long as she makes money, why change.
ReplyDeleteShauniebear you need some of those liqueur chocolates.
ReplyDelete@sweetstar... it was a peck. You can see it on TMZ.
ReplyDeleteOT ALERT: I just read the whole "meth" thread. Don't be offended because I'm trying to tell you what to do ('you' = CDAN commenters), but please - let's just leave the meanies alone. If someone wants to make a horrible comment... who cares? I love that someone stood up for the "addicts are a waste of air" comment, because it IS a horrible thing to say, but it's not worth fighting over, IMO. People are going to say rude things. We don't have to engage them! We don't have to argue with them or ask them what they're talking about. We can ignore them. There are so many nice people here, and those are the ones I choose to pay attention to. This is a fun site, some of you truly feel like friends (and some have become friends IRL). I look forward to chatting with you guys every morning. So, please? Let's ignore the meanies. No need to respond to hateful comments.
Thank you for listening.
dia papaya, I would like to hear those stories too. I just know from my own experience, after my mom and sperm donor divorced, he went on to abuse his new wife who is still married to him. I guess karma did kind of get him, he has lost his short term memory, so maybe he is kinder to her now.
ReplyDeleteAre you f-ing kidding me? This actually happened?? What a crock of shit!
ReplyDeleteI still don't understand why MTV still has the VMAs. They haven't played videos in about a decade.
ReplyDeleteAnd she is an idiot.
Em - Well said & ITA. There are people who wake up each day wondering who they can piss off - it's pointless to give them what they want. Also, I don't think the person that said "addicts are a waste of air" was trying to start a fight. I think it was just an ignorant comment that happens to be super offensive to people who have battled addiction or had someone close to them battling addiction. The person that responded didn't handle themselves the best way, either. Responding with names/threats/foul language really only hurts your own argument/point.
ReplyDeleteEm. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteShaunie- hugs my darling I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeletewhat is there to say? they are both idiots, but by being together, are saving 2 other people.
ReplyDeleteOk, now, what about ..... her hair? I think her face looks beautiful with that cut. On the other hand...
ReplyDeleteThe one thing I take from this is breaking the cycle of abuse--be you victim or abuser--is not easy.
ReplyDeleteWhile I understand the confusion as to why Rihanna would open herself up to being around Chris again, I hope that we realize that it often takes more than one time for a victim to walk away. I wish that wasn't true, especially for someone in Rihanna's position, with money and lots of people supporting her. But it illustrates that fame and money have nothing to do with domestic violence.
My biggest worry--other than Rihanna being hurt again--is how many will laugh at her and say she deserved/wanted it for going back should it happen. Blaming the victim is NOT the answer. I'm not saying we have to sympathize. But there seems to be no empathy for these situations, and that's different than feeling sorry for someone.
It's a vicious circle that has to be broken. I can only Rihanna and others in her position can break that circle.
I also hope Chris gets himself in order. I remember when he had such a bright future and the hurt he talked about seeing his own mother being abused. What happened to that guy? Now, he comes across like a druggie, all ugly tattoos and getting into nightclub fights, acting crazy. Whatever demons he has, maybe he'll find the fortitude to fight them instead of other people.
I wld never laugh at someone who got physically abused!!! Idk what the answer is; they both need help. He prob copying what he grew up with, and she prob likes the high of the danger. I wish they cld be helped.
Delete@EmEyeKay I can not co-sign more!! IGNORE the trolls/assholes everyone! The internet is full of them and they aren't worth our time!!
ReplyDeleteNow onto the train-wreck of a topic...
I cant stand these 2... they both need massive amounts of therapy... especially RiRi
So sorry shaunie! Big hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteAnd Em- totally agreed! Love this place and the friends I made here (way better than my real life friends)
As for Fivehead and CB? Over them.
@Magness - ITA. I love Janelle, but I must admit I know very little about her other than her music.
ReplyDeleteShaunie - hugs and wine when you get home. DD just finished her rotation at a children's specialized hospital and cried many tears for her patients. You are one of the special people and I can't thank you enough for all you do.
If you think Chris Brown has changed than I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.
ReplyDeletePeople may grow and mature but their core will never change. A narcissist will always be a narcissist. Evil is evil. Chris is in this category. No remorse. And still abusive. To people and dressing rooms.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Shaunie, you're awesome for caring so much.
ReplyDeleteI'm all for giving peace a chance, forgiveness, etc., but from my own personal experience...the first time hit was one shocking slap followed by lots of begging for forgiveness promises of never happening again. The second time ended up much, much worse. Somebody went to jail that night and it wasn't me.
I think it's either in you or it's not and it's very hard to change what's inside a person.
The Mum always said... fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me...
Carebear! Is that the new little one! OMG too cute. I want to snuggle her. Babies!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Em! I usually stay out of it, but I just got unusually mad about that one. I get tired of the drama and want to just hang out and have a chat with the ladies in a safe space. I also think it was very courageous of you to share your story, and thought you deserved better!
We all have the right and privledge to air our comments. So you are also right on that point. If people want to be angry I guess I should let them...
Enough of this, I want to know more about that cute CB baby!!!
I think Rihanna is sending a message of Forgiveness: You can remain friendly and affectionate with the one who beats your ass
ReplyDeleteMadonna accused Sean of whipping her ass while they were married but they've kissed and made up in public a couple of times over the years.
Josh Brolin jumped on Diane Lane ,both are still together.
My dad had a medical condition - no idea what exactly because he refused to talk about it - and he would get violent when he got pissed off which was often. He shoplifted from a store, not even aware he shoplifted and he went to the doctor and went on some pills. He had to go to court and he got off because of this medical condition. He seemed to calm down a lot and was less abusive and argumentative at home but he assaulted a teenager who was vandalizing a street sign one day, the cops came to the house about a week afterwards and didn't charge him with anything. My Dad had a pretty shitty childhood, his father was the village outcast and his mother took off when the kids were very young. The father ended up shooting himself which messed the kids up even more and back then people didn't go for therapy or get treated for depression so I guess it just built up.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if Chris Brown has a medical reason to be abusive but I personally would take a long time to want to forgive and forget the beating she got for him.
@dia papaya : There's someone in my extended family who was a drunk and an abuser for years. The turning point was a period where he got fired from his job, tried to commit suicide, and then entered rehab. Within a couple of years, he was (and still is) a totally changed man. It took him nearly losing everything - job, home, family, friends, and his life - for him to get help. And not just any help - the right help for him. I know he went through several different programs and therapies to find something that "stuck".
ReplyDeleteSo, yeah, it happens but I don't think it's the norm for most.
You know Rihanna let Chris beat that pu**y up later that night.Probably had to established some grounds such as turning his phone off,etc.
ReplyDelete@dia - make no mistake, I appreciated what y'all said. I've heard it before... People say things like that about addicts, and yes, it hurts a little. I'm not a waste of air tho, and I know that.
ReplyDelete"...want to just hang out and have a chat with the ladies in a safe space" - me, too! Let's take what we want and leave the rest.
I can understand victims returning to their abusers if they don't have anywhere to go (economics, children needing support, etc.). Rhianna on the other hand has loads of money, lots of support to leave Chris, and no children. The only thing I can surmise is that they are drug buddies and THAT is a very strong bond.
ReplyDeleteI find it reprehensible that Hollywood seems to have forgiven and forgotten re: Chris Brown. I guess other abusive actors have gotten passes as well--but I don't remember other photos of abused wives or girlfriends like we saw with Rhianna. So sad.
Fine! I'll ignore the asshole! Jeez! I don't like people telling me what to do, though, especially when I am trying to educate and support. I don't know why that isn't allowed according to some of you. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteI work with DV survivors. The number of abusers -- who are 97% male -- who "get better" is very, very, very low. I don't have actual stats in front of me at the moment, but trust me...it's practically unheard of. Ironically, though, for those who are ordered into batterer intervention programs, the success rates are higher that for those who enter BIPs voluntarily. I found that interesting when I learned it.
I'm still annoyed by the trolls and the people telling me not to feed them, so I don't give a shit if people are going to like this or not, but...STOP. BLAMING. THE. VICTIMS. Educate yourselves. Nothing makes me more angry than those who judge without having a goddamn CLUE what they're talking about.
@Shaunie, hugs to you today.
ReplyDelete@Em, well said, and definitely something we all can agree on.
Those who shared their stories, thank you for sharing. You have my utmost respect and love. I love our little community here, and am so blessed to have so many wonderful people willing to share with and support each other. :)
I have a close friend who has violent snaps, sometimes physical towards her fiancee and sometimes just the plate-smashing kind. She was diagnosed bipolar and OCD; she's off her meds because they're trying to conceive (that's another trainwreck story), but really doing well considering. She has recognized what triggers her anger, and really tries very hard to keep it in check. So, I think if someone truly wants to change, and they've sought proper help and guidance, it's possible.
i have anger issues too and a few years ago i went to rehab for anorexia & during therapy they asked me why i was so angry & i said i don't know, they asked me if i was ever diagnosed as bipolar & i said no but sometimes i felt like i was. one time i got into a screamjng fight with my mom & she said why are you so angry all the time? i said i don't know maybe i'm bipolar! she just said no you're not. well the rehab never diagnosed me as bipolar they just said i was angry b/c my father molested me and i've never been able to deal with it but i think it's bullshit b/c 2 years ago i was put on medicine for severe migraines & it also treats bipolar disorder & borderline personality disorder...well since i've been on it for 2 years i haven't really had any violent outbursts. oh and i'm also OCD
DeleteSo sorry for the loss of your patient shaunie, big hugs to you and the family. Please keep on, we need people like you.
ReplyDeleteAs for these other two, I like her hair.
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ReplyDeleteAKM - FWIW I didn't see comments beyond yesterday afternoon. I was referring to the Vegan girl who lost it on the person who said something about being a "waste of air" and was all riled up like she wanted to meet at the playground at 4 o'clock for a fight :P
ReplyDeleteFine, but if he hits her again, he won't bounce back so well next time. Hopefully he's grown up some.
ReplyDeleteThe whole thing with Rhianna and Chris is suspect. Maybe she WANTS to keep people talking and this is an easy way to do it. She seems to go out of her way to make sure people keep mentioning the incident by seeking out Chris and the related publicity from hanging out with him, insisting how much she loves/loved him. He did a truly horrific thing and seems to be a genuine asshole, but she seems so shady.
ReplyDelete@Em, I totally agree.
@AKM, I had posted on the meth post that when two new trolls show up and start going off the rails, its a good chance its the same user with two different IDs trying to stir the regulars up. That comment mysteriously disappeared after the re-appearance of one of the trolls. Probably following the Scientology method of reporting a comment to get it moderated off.
@shauniebear, Hug those babies!!!
Well if this don't beat all.
ReplyDeleteDia- yes that is my beautiful niece! She is one month old today and I love her to bits! I have her picture as the background on my phone so I get to see her all the time.
ReplyDeleteToo cute!!
DeleteI am still waiting impatiently for the answer to my question: ABOUT HER NEW HAIR CUT .
ReplyDeleteI like it:)
Agent - It looks great on her. I like it, too.
ReplyDelete@Shaunie God Bless you for what you do. Sending virtual hugs.
ReplyDelete@Em really? Thanks will for sure will avoid the meth thread. All you can do is share your personal experience, strength, and hope. And I thank you for doing that. Arrogant people need to get off their high horses. Smh.
On topic: I was going to share some personal information, but I don't think it's a good idea. I'll just say that I don't think as a rule abusers change and leave it at that.
Chris Brown is still angry and arrogant. Rihanna clearly has no self esteem. I see this ending badly.
Agent - I've always been envious of her short haircuts! A few years ago I photoshopped one of her cuts onto my head to see if it would be cute (it was!), but I still can't bring myself to do it. I'm always hit in the face with the harsh reality that I can't just put it back i.e. cutting bangs one night because I think it'll look cute with my outfit.
ReplyDeleteIt took me 16 times & 2 years to leave my abusive husband. One morning I woke up, dressed, walked out the door, drove to the police station (for about the 4th time) & finally laid charges. I never returned home until the day that I had to move everything out, with police. He went to jail for a couple of years, I moved across the country, changed my last name & have not heard a beep out of him in over 11 years. I look back & am proud of what I was able to do on my own!
ReplyDeleteSo glad for you!
DeleteHigh-five to Diane. Kudos for taking your life back. Doesn't matter how many false starts you had or how long it took you to actually do it, the important thing is, you *did* do it. That's something to be proud of.
ReplyDelete@Diane, my faith in women is once again restored - Bless You!
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ReplyDeleteI know a very kind man that was abused by his wife for years. He stayed because he was afraid to leave his child with his crazy wife. He was si ashamed. Eventually he left her ans has full custody of the child. Just an fyi for men.
ReplyDeleteGO DIANE! And Coriander, and everyone else who's ever left an abusive relationship. Myself included.
ReplyDeleteThose of us who work with DV/IPV survivors are not supposed to sway them one way or the other regarding leaving, but in light of the research that reveals that most abusers don't change, it's pretty clear how we feel on the inside.
Pugster, I've witnessed the same with a previous co-worker.It took a lot of us (female co workers) to assist him through the ordeal. What we did to help was (beyond the emotional support, etc) was to DOCUMENT and RESEARCH everything for him to assist in guiding him to the correct network of legal assistance, etc. What an ordeal. It was exhausting just to witness it via pitching in. But, he won, got the kids and got to get the hell away from her.
ReplyDeleteI know a few dads that have full or primary custody of their kids and it truly was a blessing for the kids in each of these cases. I'm sure your coworker will be forever grateful to you.
DeleteIt's just a classic Leslie Caron hairstyle.
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ReplyDelete@AKM, dia, Em, Amber, I think you all are great commenters, so on the meth thread I felt compelled to say a quick little something to the person who was stirring it up, when I might usually ignore it...
ReplyDeleteI do think swearing back at a post like that is counter-productive (none of you did that) but I think it's great that posters feel protective of our safe little space here. There's definitely a time where one has to disengage, but I for one think everyone handled themselves beautifully, as usual.
@jennifer, have you ever been tested for diabetes? Seriously, you wouldn't believe how many undiagnosed diabetics there are and it can play havoc with your emotional status.
ReplyDelete@shauniebear
ReplyDeleteso sorry to hear about your loss. sending hugs, bunnies, kittens, puppies, sunshine & flowers.
This is like an Ike and Tina thing but without the nam myoho renge kyo happy ending!
ReplyDelete@Em - That was so sweet. Thanks!
ReplyDelete@AKM - High five to you for helping out other survivors! That's a really hard job. Big hub!!!
@Diane - Kudos for you for making that hard step! What an inspiration for us all!
Thanks to everyone else for sharing their stories! OMG! so many strong ladies!!!
And to all the lurkers who were wondering if their abusive man would change, it sounds like the consensus is NO.
I'm pretty sick of people's attitude about this whole thing. It is her choice. You want to talk about women's choices... this is a choice. Is it a choice I like? No, but it's NOT MY CHOICE. It is hers. She's been getting shit over her choice in boyfriend since 2009. STFU and let it go.
ReplyDeleteI am sick of the way the word CHOICE gets bandied around without consideration for responsibility, accountability, or consequences. Sure Rhianna has the right to choose CB. But what if she is ignorant to the consequences of her choice such as statics showing the number of abusers (those who don't try to change, in particular) who not only continue abuse but also escalate their actions to include murder? And what about responsibility for choices - by giving CB a free pass, she is essentially saying she condones his behavior. And she, in turn, is enabling the abuser. She is young. She might be thinking with her emotions rather than her intellect. She might be naive to potential risks, etc. Instead of a "live and let others live" regardless attitude is harmful. I am not saying to intervene but, at least, allow for discourse to allow Rhianna and others to think about the consequences of those choices. I will step off the soapbox. It's just in my profession teaching young adults, I have seen how the lack of consequences for choice have led to some lazy, entitled, self-harming, and harm-to-others behaviors.
DeleteMichelle, in social work, we DO have discourse about ALL options that might be out there for abused clients. That's kind of the point of the work, and no one of conscience would disagree with that.
ReplyDeleteWe still have to remember that our clients are adults and that ultimately -- you're going to hate this -- their choices are THEIR choices. Think about it...if we tell clients what they should do, are we not exactly the same as the controlling, abusive partners who already tell them what to do?!
AKM, I am also a social worker, so maybe that's why we're of one mind here. It doesn't do any good to tell people what to do. People don't make perfect choices because there usually AREN'T perfect choices, and pressuring people into what we believe is the right choice doesn't work long term. Rihanna apparently broke up wtih Chris due to public pressure. THAT worked well, huh?
ReplyDeleteAnd also, we don't own celebrities. She can do whatever the fuck she wants. I know fans think that she owes them something, but she's doesn't owe them anything but gratitude for their support.