Monday, July 14, 2008

"The Hills" Come To Washington DC - Reader Rant

In case you haven't heard, and I hadn't, a Hills type show is going to be based in Washington DC. This would then give The Hills, or their illegitimate cousins LA, NY, and Washington DC. It's kind of like CSI, but except for acting, like to say words such as like and OMG! a lot. A whole lot. Anyway, a reader who is from the DC area, but now makes her home in Los Angeles has serious issues with this new Washington DC group and wanted to rant. This makes sense because this is the home of the rant. Oh, and the strongly worded letter.

When one thinks of Washington DC , glitz and glamour are generally not the first things to come to mind. But unfortunately for us, a non-Hills affiliated production company is ripping off MTV’s lame brained reality show to dumb down the city best known for it’s intellectual prowess. As if Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag’s presence at the White House Correspondents Dinner wasn’t insulting enough, now we have to watch a cast of Spencer Pratts, spoiled by their privileged upbringing in an intellectual environment that has them fooled into believing their opinions matter.

So, what kind of brainiacs has MTV cast to show America the sassy, sophisticated side of our nation’s capital?

Let’s start with “web consulting guru” Katherine Kennedy. Uh, earth to Katherine, pimping out your myspace page does not a guru make. Her blog is something my 14 year old cousin could design and has a bunch of postings about upcoming charity events and wine bar nights. And what am I going to watch this girl do every day? Copy and paste her emails from Daily Candy onto her blog? Riveting!

Next, we have Sophie Pyle. The token brunette which I guess is supposed to make her seem more serious and DC than her blonde counterparts. However, much like Audrina, she doesn’t really DO anything. She’s taking a semester off from UNC Chapel Hill. Read: she’ll admit she dropped out once this show takes off and she’s got her own Candies ad. I’m bored of her already. Next!

I’ve saved the best for last: sister duo Krista and Alexa Johnson, who have dubbed themselves the “Blonde Charity Mafia.” Yeah, try saying that with a straight face. I once again turned to my good friend Google for help but all I could find on her is that she is part owner of a boutique that sells, among other things, jewelry designed by Katherine Kennedy. What category of philanthropy does that fall under, girls?

Seems like we have a third and final show terrible enough to, when paired with “Living Lohan” and “It’s Complicated”, make up the trifecta of the worst night on television. I look forward to your review, Enty!


Ernestine said...

Dudes, I am ashamed to admit that I sort of hail from NoVa. I went to junior high and high school in Maine and Colorado, respectively, and I live in Appalachia, but I cannot shake my shameful D.C. past.

Anyway, here's my question/point: they want to base a show in the most BORING, MILQUETOAST, SNOTTY region IMAGINABLE? I don't even think the producers of The Real World have chosen D.C. as a base for one of their seasons. I mean...the D.C. area? The city itself is cool because of the museums and architecture and whatnot, but none of those trollops from The Hills give a shit about culture and art, and we all know that.

What. The. Fuck.

Of course, there's also some show called I Love My Talented American Dog or some shit, so this really shouldn't surprise me.

If I see Heidi Montag walking around my dad's neighborhood, I'm totally going to scream obscenities at her.

Mooshki said...
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Mooshki said...

"...the city best known for its intellectual prowess."

Really? I would've gone with "corruption." ;)

Kristen S. said...


Agre, agree, agree, agree.

After 18 years here (10 in DC, 8 in Alexandria) I can't fucking BELIEVE they think DC has anything entertaining to offer. What the hell, man? DC? Really?

I still have a hard time figuring out why people would want to vacation here, much less LIVE here (yep, I'm stupid. I'm still here. Trying to get out, but there you go. Dumb me)

Sexecution said...

Well if you grab Jessica Culter, of the sorely missed blog the Washingtonienne, some high class hookers and a few madams that beat the asses of the people in power - what you have is television gold. This chick? Not so much.

Heidi Ho is doing a spin dry right now, perhaps she could relocate to give the show a soupcon of meth and whiney west side drama.

I should do programming.

Ernestine said...

Kristen -- I know. Are they going to have endless footage of those materialistic whores walking around Tyson's Corner in an endless loop? Will we be treated to shots of bitches sitting in traffic on Route 66, chatting on their Blackberries and applying more lipbalm? I'll bet you won't see a single frame without at least one Starbucks in it. There are FOUR of them within a FIVE-MILE RADIUS of where I grew up.

Sidenote: I grew up in Reston. We used to have a Farmer's Market and a petting zoo. There's now a bigass gas station covering that same exact area where llamas used to chill and my dad and I bought pumpkins and Christmas trees.

There's apparently nothing left to glamourize. They're trying to make that hellish suburban wasteland a commodity. We've sunk so fucking low.

I hate this country. At least I know none of us will be watching this shit. Right?


Gayla said...

Hell, I'm still reeling from the fact that Baldwin Hills got a second season. The fuck? I read that those kids don't even know each other that well in real life. BET needs to shut itself down anyway.

And now I'm trying to wrap my brain around the idea of this DC show trying to film these people while walking through a downtown park or down the street on their way to the metro. Will there be a Very Special Episode about the plight of the homeless? I don't think there's enough CGI technology in the world to 'erase' all the homeless people they're bound to catch in their frames.

They're cheating if they do a show about DC and then only stick to Tyson's corner/the VA area. They'll probably resort to a whole bunch of close-up shots before they actually acknowledge the issue.

getalife said...

good god. can't you find anything better to protest?? and YOU are trying to portray THESE four as shallow-minded? you people are sick.

Ernestine said...

getalife -- what the fuck are YOU talking about, then? Are you the Mayor of McLean or some shit? Go away.

I suggest you don't fuck with CDAN readers. We're smarter than most and will tear you a new one. Have a nice day.

rishells07 said...

Sophie Pyle might liven things up a bit. Her freshman year at UNC (my sophomore year) she was depledged from her sorority a couple of weeks after getting a bid. The reason? She got busted in the men's bathroom at a cocktail blowing another girl's date.

SFG said...

AWESOME info about Sophie rishells07, hilarious!

Judi said...

Groan! Another show I won't watch. Now if they made it an all-black cast in DC, I'd consider it.
Rishells, I think you should anonymously send that little tidbit to the producers. Seriously. They thrive on this kind of stuff.

trashtalker said...

Not even George Fucking Clooney could make a quasi-reality show about D.C. even remotely popular. ("K Street," anybody?) The only people who think D.C. is riveting is D.C.ers, and probably only about 10% of them.

Regardless of the location, these types of shows are an assault on the senses. Even if you don't watch them, you're subjected to increasingly more idiotic photos of and stories on the likes of Heidi and Spencer. ... I really wish I didn't know who they were.

Ernestine said...

Judi, you bring up an excellent point. I guarantee you that NONE of the bitches portrayed on this show will be minorities. NONE.

And a Chinese-American chick who graduated from Madeira whose daddy owns some restaurant and has a wardrobe full of Armani Exchange or some shit DOES NOT COUNT as a minority!!!

Her said...

Judging from what they've done with this show so far, there is no way that it's going to be more realistic than The Hills...same staged storylines, same vapid characters. The idea about bringing it to DC is that they would be a part of the elite circle of the movers and the shakers of the country, but transplants from Southern California who work retail do not fit that profile.

Laura said...
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jbing101 said...

wrong pledge... the bigwinded co-ed in question was a member of Sophie Pyle's pledge class, and her last name also starts with a P, but nope -- most def twasn't Sophie. Hope this website's libel insurance premiums are paid up. as easy as this one would be to prove, i'm sure that the next D.C. lawyer Miss Pyle meets at some soiree will be quick to suggest a nice big CyberSLAPP...

E said...

FYI, you can't sue someone for their opinion. I think we should have all learned this from Dominick Dunne and Perez Hilton lawsuits by now.

Sham said...

As a friend of Sophie's, I'd say your comparison to Audrina is pretty far off. The girl is very smart, is spending the summer working at a lobbying firm, and is ahead in credits for this semester and had the time to take off and still finish her senior year with her class next spring. The other two girls are completely worthless, but Sophie is a sweet, down to earth girl who did this because it sounded like fun.

KerricA said...

I will concur with Sham that Sophie is a very sweet and intellegent girl who is not even comparible to the fake swollen breasted Audrina who seems to me to be the most mentally handicapped of all the reality television girls MTV has thrown are way.
As far as this show goes I think it will appeal to some who love to hate the unbearable Johnson sisters who prance around Gtown like its Melrose and live off mommy & daddy and there slim earnings from the overpriced boutique.
Kathryn's blonde Jessica Simpson esque looks will get her far in todays world and high society stay at home moms and liberals will appreciate her efforts to make this a better world through her mere attendance to benefit after to benefit and soiree after soiree.

As lame as DC may seem it actually has alot to offer when it comes to the night scene and the young singles crowd. And possibly this route of opening the eyes of America's youth to the political scene may be the only route left that will work.

Laura said...

"stay at home moms and liberals will appreciate her efforts to make this a better world through her mere attendance to benefit after to benefit and soiree after soiree."

Seriously? Kerrica, leave the generalizations out of this--particularly since those two demographic groups don't even make a modicum of sense to support your point! Let's talk specifics. Here's an example: a college scholarship fund for blond girls. And no, it is not based on merit or economics. It's based on HAIR COLOR. Now thank god we have someone looking out for the well-being of these poor, under-privileged, blond victims of discrimination and disadvantage. Applause all around.