Friday, April 06, 2007

Four For Friday

Well today it's back to the accountant's office.

1. This married B list actor on one of those initial shows has a side business. Nothing unusual in that by itself. However this business only has one employee. A woman who is not his wife. In addition, the "office space" is actually a condo. Well if you are going to have an affair, I guess you might as well try and deduct it from your income.

2. This former A list television actor from the 90's has had lots of problems in the past and has been the guess on this blog lots and lots of times. Turns out he's pretty generous. He gave $350,000 to his church last year, and another $100,000 to other charities.

3. This divorced B list actress but A list celeb has her house mortgaged to the hilt. She doesn't have much money coming in from the ex, and not getting much high paying work. There is no more equity in the house and no more money to borrow anywhere. Look for her to be everywhere in the next few months and to do anything to get some money. It's either that or bankruptcy.

4. This A list movie actor who brings in over $10M a film gave exactly $500 to charity in 2006. Happy Easter Mr. Generous.

Easter Videos

The Easter Bunny hates you.

Eddie Izzard discusses Easter and Christmas

The Easter Bunny chocolate rabbit reviews for 2007.

Did you know the Easter Bunny is a chain smoking, alcoholic, porn-addicted shell of an icon who peddles products of cruelty for the egg industry? Well don't tell your kids.

If you are in San Francisco this Sunday go check out the Big Wheel Races on Lombard.

More Links--Joe Francis Calls A Federal Judge Crazy

"Hi. I'm Chris Klein. I can't believe I have to pretend I'm in a relationship with this woman. Yes, from the side and rear with her hair down she looks a great deal like Katie. Yes, she'll probably get pregnant by me and go run off with John Travolta, but I'm really tired of looking like I enjoy these types of relationships.

Thanks to popsugar for the photo, and they have more on their site.

Joe, Joe, Joe. I really hate you and don't use that word too often. One thing though is I didn't think you were stupid. However, calling a federal judge crazy is not a good move. This judge is going to be there until he dies and he can make your life miserable until that time. If I was an attorney in Florida and you ever did anything wrong, I would immediately file in that district again and again. Most of the time I would say don't bend over for the soap, but in this case, I think that someone will bend you over whether you like it or not.

Hey Chicago. The Ocean's Thirteen premiere is going to be in your city. Lock up the kids or else they might get mistaken for orphans and adopted.

ANS wanted to be buried next to Marilyn Monroe. It would make more sense for her to be buried there than Hugh Hefner.

Did you know that Dita Von Teese and Marilyn Manson weren't friends? Wow, I guess when you're married and your husband finds someone half their age to screw you stop being friends. Thanks People for pointing out the obvious.

Tom and the Scientologists invade NYC.

ZX Has A Nighttime Visitor--Or Not

***Update***If you want each ZX post to say something like. "I was doing lines of coke tonight and then got on the phone and called greasy bear so he could come over and f**k me then you are looking in the wrong place. This is her life. Most people don't do what you read about in the tabs. I think her first two posts have revealed a hell of a lot more then you will ever get from some PR crap in People. I explained to you yesterday that it's a process. I also don't want to edit anything because I want it to be her words so you can feel her and not have me try and make it pleasant and presentable. ZX is a real person with real feelings and emotions. She is not some stereotypical celebutante and won't be. If you want instant gratification then go read something else because this is a life being written about and not porn.

the supernatural. or a real live person, (even scarier) so i'm lying in bed last night reading Invisible Monsters and i've locked up- (but i've had real humans successfully break and enter, friends whom I would have shot if i owned a firearm)- and i hear this eery sliding sound coming from upstairs. so i pop out of bed and lock my bedroom door which is really this out of place oaken front door trimmed to fit by my nutty landlord when i kicked through the last one- the knob is at my breasts which is surely not right- and i hop back into bed. i try to read but there are occasional footsteps on the stairs and the clumsy bump into pieces of furniture i think i recognize the sound of bumping into. someone grips the bedroom door and then retreats. i am still in bed contemplating jumping out the window and i silently dial 911 on my cellphone- but i don't press call because i don't want the cops to think i'm a ninny for reporting a ghost. and none of the sounds are really loud and believe me i'm totally paranoid and my senses are completely out of control. i try to shake my dog but she just spoons me in bliss- dirty bitch. i grab my bat and stand in front of the door daring somebody to come in. but nothing happens. so finally i go to sleep only to wake in a blind panic from a dream of my X-boyfriend coming down the stairs wearing only a pink scarf and one of those paperboy hats from the 50's. he honestly looked like an oversized salmon penis but i was terrified. then i woke up feeling better but when i was cleaning my office, the effing sliding glass door was open. i don't think my dog did it although when she gets mad at me, she writes in sharpie on my bed. now, they installed a stoplight in front of my house because a little girl was run over in the 70's. it's only to slow people down, so if you're ever driving by, it's optional. but i've had crazy things happen before- a grandfather clock that has only been broken since 1952 STARTED TICKING but that's nothing to the fact that an armchair from upstairs mysteriously ended up in the middle of my spare bedroom when it DOESN'T REALLY FIT THROUGH THE DOOR. and i was lying abed pooping my diaper the whole time this was going on. so... ghost or creepy crawler like the manson family?

Entourage Premiere

Hilary just looks smoking hot in this photo. No way should Stavros even be allowed near her. Haylie's there too.

Ginnifer Goodwin looks umm, interesting.

"Now, the thing is that the thing really isn't a thing unless the thing is forewarned that it's a thing. Otherwise a thing is just a thing and not really a thing."

Love Garcelle's eyes.

Emmanuelle Chriqui wants to show the world she is innocent and has breasts. Works for me.

Carla Gugino just wants the world to know she has breasts. They look new and improved.

Allesandra Ambrosio. Even her name is pretty.
I like Adrian which is why I'm not showing everyone the tennis shoes he's wearing.

Mary J is the queen.

Mark Wahlberg and Rhea Durham. She really doesn't look thrilled to be there.

That's a bunch of testosterone.

Laura P is everywhere these days. I always love her, but it looks like she went straight from riding her horses to the premiere.

Jeremy "jackass" Piven sporting the ever popular index finger ring.

Jenna Dewan's dress looks like it could use an iron.

I love Jamie Lynn so I won't even say how this is not her best photo ever. I'm just glad that boyfriend is not in the photo. Maybe there's hope after all.

Year Of The Dog Premiere

Drew Barrymore. I guess everyone knew that one though huh?
"God I love Marcia. I mean Christine Taylor. If we were married it would be one Brady thing after another. Ben Stiller kind of has that Zoolander at 50 look kind of going on.

When did Laura Dern turn into Mary Hart?

Tia, Tia, Tia. Looking so good. She really does look great and you can tell she is so happy to be there and be seen. I was going to thank her for being in Playboy a few years ago, but that may be inappropriate considering it is Good Friday. Are there any rules about mentioning Playboy on Good Friday?

Lea Thompson. I just always feel like posting photos of her when she shows up somewhere because of the whole 80's thing and how she was everywhere and when I see her I feel nostalgic.

You know I think I'm going to post these two on my site everyday. I just feel healthier and better looking when I see this couple. They are fresh and exciting and have smiles on their faces. I know in a few years they will look like Lindsay and Greasy Bear, but for now this is what Hollywood couples should look like. So Jayma Mays and Adam Campbell don't let us down.

I hope their children look like mom.

Ted C Blind Item

Trust, doll-pusses, just because Star Jones-Reynolds left network TV doesn't mean the once impeccably peopled, more polished outlets are without chest-stabbing, chutzpah-powered pricks who need to trim their nose hairs. I mean, these places have gotten downright pedestrian, cable-esque 'n' catty!

Take Teri-Fairy Terrible, for ince. T.F.T., of majorly questionable sexuality, has been around. In so many ways. And, at first, Teri-sweetie was, indeed, working for a cable outfit. That was before the only medium good-looking (at best) personality figured out how to sleep with powerful playahs to get ahead—despite having a long-suffering spouse at home. And isn't it interesting that as the higher Teri-Fairy's media star seemed to rise, so, too, did Terrible's really terrible state of affairs at home?

Teri's social graces, too, seem to have gone the way of the teleprompter-reader's once happy picket-fence scene.

"You're so talented," Teri most insincerely oozed to a fellow (and also successful) boob-tube performer at a recent gathering of Terrible's media colleagues. The coworker knew some sort of dig was coming, and, sure enough, it predictably did, just as he was excusing himself from the Fairy-schmuck's vicinity.

"It's a shame to see your competition eating you for lunch," T.F.T. got in, just in the knick of socially unacceptable time.

Ah, any wonder why Teri has no friends—not to mention, any fam—left? Will that cushy gig be next? Karma's a bitch!

Morning Links and ZX Post Later Today

Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber are going to get married before their baby is born. They say they can't have a big wedding because four months isn't enough time to plan something. Huh? If you've got the money someone else has the time to do it. Why did I just think of Fatherhood right now?

I know. I know. Anyway, LC says there isn't a sex tape. Looks like that Cuban queen messed up big.

"Hi. I'm Paris Hilton. I've slept with every guy in Hollywood and use Valtrex daily. The whole world has seen me naked and watched me get f**ked. I've told the world how much it costs for me to take it up the butt. So, when I meet a fan who actually likes me, I love to call them a whore. It's even nicer when caught on video."

Jennifer Lopez could never be a size zero. No, but her husband is so we wouldn't want to skeletons.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Afternoon Links--Don't Go Home Yet

George Clooney paid $20 for some lemonade. Last time I paid $20 for some lemonade it came with tequila and a roll of quarters for the video poker at the bar.

Hilary and Stavros? Well if you're desperate for the herp maybe you should just go to the source. That would be a much more interesting story than you being with a guy who seems to spend all of his time f**king.

Natasha Bedingfield is going to get $500,000 for a 30 minute performance this weekend at Spotlight in New York. There are so many comments running through my head, but I do like Natasha so I will leave her alone. I was going to comment about Heather Mills or some hookers, but I won't. I guess I'm just feeling nice today. Damn.

Johnny Borrell is a man whore.

The Simpleton Life

The Simple Life poster before photoshop. Courtesy of gallery of the absurd.

Today's Blind Items--A Little 80's Love

These both happened very recently, but you need to put on your I love the 80's hats to solve them.

This '80s nighttime TV star has not aged well, but it's her personality that could use more augmentation. A hardworking small-screen actress early in her career, she became famous as a sweet and unassuming wife in a hotbed of scandal, but in recent years has found work harder to come by (and the lure of excessive plastic surgery irresistible). These days many would view getting cast with her about as fun as landing themselves in a leg-hold trap. At the end of one shoot, in addition to the usual logo-embellished crew jackets given out by the production team, a second set of "ordeal-by-fire" souvenirs were secretly handed around: t-shirts that read "I survived [production name] with [actress' name]!"

Despite oft-denied rumors of substance abuse and difficult behaviour, this onetime TV A-lister has continued to have a career as unlikely as the "plots" of her top-rated '70s series. Guest star roles and movies-of-the-week are a far cry from the pin-ups, dolls and lunchboxes that used to feature the faces of her and her costars, but in recent years her attitude and behavior are always somewhere between diva and demon. So hated was she on one particular set, seconds after her final scene wrapped and spies confirmed she'd left the lot, the director wheeled in a case of champagne he'd had chilling to thank his long-suffering crew

Well Sure, Pete Doherty Would Be A Fine Candidate For A Penis Piercing and Joe Francis Is Going To Jail!! (maybe)

You know when a guy even types penis and piercing it makes you shudder. To actually want to go through with it means you must be taking drugs. Oh, it's Pete Doherty, well he must take drugs then right?

Joe Francis and jail just sounds good together. Kind of like Paris Hilton and jail.

FOX News trashes Jennifer Lopez. You know I don't think we need big networks to get involved in the gossip stuff. We do just fine on our own. If we want to trash Jennifer and her skeleton she calls a husband, that's our right. When big networks do it then you almost feel sorry for the celebrity being trashed.

Tobey Maguire says kissing Kirsten Dunst was really hard because he was hanging upside down. I think what he meant to say was it was hard because he didn't know how many people she had already kissed that day.

Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas are having marriage problems. Well we could say the same thing about Kelly Ripa because she wasn't wearing her wedding ring on the cover of a national magazine. We then could find times she wasn't with her husband and it just builds and builds until Regis asks her on air and Kelly cries. But in this case, Catherine got what she needed and wanted and Michael must be about 130 so maybe it really is over.

Isla Fisher Deserves More Than Just A Link Amongst Many

Read the interview Isla did with USA Today as she promotes her new film The Lookout. Watch the trailer and down below see Isla in 1998 when she was a host of an Australian television show. This particular segment takes place in New Orleans.

Magazine Covers, Jessica and John in Australia and Britney Looking Good

Gwen Stefani in the new Harper's Bazaar. I love seeing Gwen this way as opposed to her Kid's Choice Awards look which just screams asexual to me.

Rose and Rosario in Rolling Stone.

John and Jessica continue their world tour in an attempt to prove to every country in the world that their relationship is real. Maybe they sing Tiny Dancer together on the tour bus.

Britney celebrating Jamie Lynn's birthday.

Morning Links

Whitney & Bobby divorced. Judge gives sole custody to Whitney. Bobby already late on child support payments. OK, not yet. But I'm sure it's just a matter of time. For some reason the song Mr. Telephone Man just popped in my head. I really liked that song.

Heidi Montag's mom spills about The Hills. I promise no more stories about The Hills or Heidi's new breasts or the LC sex tape or if she's pregnant.

Jennifer Love Hewitt doesn't like people peeing on her lawn. Well I don't like people who stage fake photo ops so we're even.

Hey guess what? Owen and Kate are dating. Luke Wilson confirmed it. Well don't go out on a limb there Luke. Of course his brain could be rattled after having to spend 4 months with Jessica Simpson. I would even give Luke a big pass if he needed drink and drugs to make it through filming everyday.

A Christmas Story Director Killed

When I saw this story last night I almost posted it, but decided to wait. The reason was so I could really do it justice with some clips and other things that show a slice of Robert Clark's career. I also knew I would go off on the drunk driver and thought I might say something I would regret later. I just don't understand why people don't take cabs or get someone else to drive them. The two deaths to Clark and his son, and the injury to the drunk driver's passenger all could have been avoided if he had done the smart thing. Always encourage your friends to call you if they need a ride, no matter the time of night. OK, enough time on the soapbox.

As you may remember from Christmas, I'm a little tired of A Christmas Story and think it is overplayed. BUT, that doesn't mean I don't like the movie. I do like it and think it's a classic.
I enjoyed the Porky's movies to some extent, but I was just a little too young, and they were a little too dark. I actually loved Turk 182! and because of that can excuse his participation in Rhinestone.

Here are a few scenes from A Christmas Story and an interview with a man who bought the house and now sells leg lamps.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Kelly Ripa in May's Shape Magazine

I think women of all shapes and sizes can be sexy as evidenced by Valerie Bertinelli. Here is the new issue of Shape with Kelly Ripa on the cover. Now in the article she say she hadn't worked out for 10 years and was a smoker. These photos were taken after she started working out again after the ten year break. I don't ever recall her being overweight even if she didn't work out for ten years. She just has a different body style than Valerie. Both sexy in their own way. Her teeth are even whiter than Britney's. I just wish I had teeth. Gumming food is a pain.

ANS Baby Daddy Drama Continued Until Next Week

So no ruling today or revealing the baby's daddy. (I still think it should be on a very special Maury with a lead in of Mel B. and Eddie Murphy) Howard K. and Larry B were no shows. I'll tell you who was there though. Virgie Arthur. This was her comment when she came out of court this morning.

"I know you want to know and I want to tell everybody," Smith's mother, Virgie Arthur, said as she walked to a taxi, clutching a small wooden cross. "But I can't. I can't talk about it."

Look at the first part of that quote. She wants to tell everybody. That's the only reason she even wants to be there. Can you imagine her raising the baby? She already screwed up at least one kid. She is there so she can sell her story. All three of the principal players have been getting money from tabloids, but Virgie seems like a News of the World type person. I see her story there right next to the police officer/flight attendant/hooker/boxer/hooker/chef/hooker who got it on with Ralph Fiennes.

Whoever wins between Howard K and Larry B gets People and Hello. The loser gets Star and The Enquirer. The rest of us get stuck with bad made-for-tv movies for the next fifty years each with its own conspiracy theory. I did say that I thought Virgie was a bat right? A selfish bat? A money hungry/fake grieving/only want to do the right thing/bat? Just checking. Wanted everyone to know how I feel.

Today's Blind Items

There seems to be some confusion today because of all the blind item references today. Hopefully this explanation will help.

1. The NY Post revealed a blind item of theirs. Not one of mine.
2. The blind item I was referring to in the Britney post from Tittle Tattle about her pre-rehab activities is one I read somewhere else. It's not one of mine. There is one blind item on this blog which refers to Britney, but I haven't revealed it.
3. The Anna Faris blind item exists. The only twist is that it may refer to her soon to be ex and not her. Or it could be them together, or just her.

So this publicity hungry singer has a pretty bad reputation already. Seems that at a show he did not so long ago he went completely out of control. (He would've given Joe Francis a run for his money) Before the show even started he presented a challenge to his crew. "First one who scores 20 Xanax for me gets a plasma television." Thirty minutes later a member of the crew was looking at new plasmas on the internet.

During this particular concert our singer was the opening act. Instead of retreating to the dressing room or his bus, the singer decided to hang around on the side of the stage. There were several attractive young women and he went up to each. While he was talking to them he would grab their butt and bring them closer to him. If they tried to get away he would grab them and make them struggle to get away.

After the concert, the tour bus was crowded. Primarily on board were girls/women of the late teenage variety. Some were openly making out with members of the backing band and crew. Other girls/women were passed out. Those that were passed out were being drawn on with a Sharpie by our singer. His favorite thing to draw were pictures of male genitalia around their mouths and obscene words on any exposed part of their body. If there was not enough skin exposed he would expose it.

If a girl was passed out and didn't have a friend with her to take her home, they would just leave the girl there passed out and drive to the next city. When the girl woke up, they would kick her off the bus, no matter the location and let her fend for herself. Of course they can choose a different option instead, but it involves every member of the band with the singer going first.

Valerie Bertinelli Thinks She Is Fat And A Blind Item Is Getting Divorced

I actually think Valerie Bertinelli looks good in this photo. It's really tough to see, but size 14 is not that big. She looks bunches better than Kirstie Alley did before and after her time with Jenny Craig.

Graffiti or publicity stunt?

I know you probably don't care about Peaches and Pixie Geldof but I am addicted to them. To me they are way more fun than Lindsay or Paris and just as big of a train wreck waiting to happen. Plus they like to talk smack which is something I obviously enjoy. Speaking of smack. For those of you here in the LA area who have been having trouble getting your heroin fix, this is the reason. So here are some photos of Pixie and Peaches and their dad Bob at Peaches' 18th birthday party. It was a circus theme but I think they would have dressed that way anyway.

Vanity Fair Retrospective Of Leonardo DiCaprio


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