Saturday, July 07, 2018

Blind Item #18 - Help Needed

OK. This blind item was from May. I lost my notes from it, which is not uncommon. When that happens, I usually go back and look at the comments and it triggers my memory. The thing is though, with the exception of the foreign born permanent A list model, nobody got the right answer. All I remember is that I'm pretty sure the wedding took place in France. So, maybe together we can get this figured out. I also seem to recall the wedding he busted up was something we all follow on the site. I think.

So, here it is from May 15, 2018. Click on the date to read the original guesses.

What do you get when you cross a business trip with a personal trip with an upcoming marriage? You get a lot of lies, broken hearts and some really messed up situations. This A+ list power broker has been in the news a lot this past week. During that crazy week, not only did he cheat on the at the time A- list mostly movie actress he was supposed to marry, he also had sex with another soon to be bride and busted up a third relationship by hooking up with an ex who was dating an at the time A- list mostly movie actor.

Of course our power broker tried to hide all of this, but even he couldn't keep up with the web of lies and trail of used hotel suites he was maintaining all that weekend. The A- list mostly movie actor got back at his girlfriend by hooking up one night with this foreign born permanent A+ list model. The A- list mostly movie actress? She never recovered. It broke her heart forever.

Blind Item #17

As valuable as she is to their company, this PR agency has sent a letter to this A list singer about her significant other and things that have come out and things that are going to come out in the next few weeks which are far worse and have asked her to make a decision between him and them.

Blind Item #16

How did the poison get administered? That is the question the foreign born A list celebrity wants to know. It nearly killed him. His protectors also want to know who did it because, it could easily have been one of them that was poisoned instead. The near death experience has the A lister ready to reveal a bunch of things, regardless of who it helps or hurts. That will probably lead to new attempts to kill him.

Blind Item #15

This father son combination who are the latest in a line of this last name went to a bachelor party not that long ago. The married father and the soon to be married son had their eye on the same stripper, so flipped a coin to see who would get to have sex with her. 

Blind Item #14

A long time cartoon on this children's cable channel is switching from tween/teen voice over talent to adults because of the horrific casting couch process that was going on. It is a spin off of one of the channel's most successful shows. The publicly traded company is hiding the confidential settlements in all types of crazy line items that make no sense. We are talking big numbers with the least expensive settlement amounting to $2M. 

Blind Item #13

This foreign born former A- list model who is probably a B list actress is living with that much younger relative of hers and it is even more creepy than you can imagine. She doesn't care though.

Blind Item #12

This former commercial actress most of you know who is way more famous than she probably should be because of her thirst after the commercial does a lot of local yachting. She wants to do some international travel/yachting, but the word is out she has been known to make a wallet lighter while sleeping or a piece of jewelry to go missing, especially if she knows it belongs to the wife of the person she is with. She then trades it back for a ton of cash.

Blind Item #11

Is there anyone who is paying to go see this permanent A list singer in concert and thinking they are seeing her actually sing? I don't know why catching her lip syncing is such a big deal. I would rather it sound right than hear what she passes off as singing these days.

Blind Item #10

Apparently the cocaine budget was more than the music video budget for this foreign born A list rapper and this female A list singer. 

Blind Item #9 - Reader Blind Item

This still active female athlete who has had particular success in an event going on right now is the subject of a current article on a big sports site.  A large part of it focuses on the injuries she sustained about a year and half ago as a result of a violent attack and her journey back to the top.  As usual, details are omitted.  Yes she was stabbed in the hand and the arm but the motive wasn’t robbery.  Rather this was revenge by the older crime figure in her home country who financed her early career and forced her to be his mistress.  She was successful in breaking away from him once she got big but this is a message to anyone else thinking of the same thing.

Blind Item #8

One of the more important questions ever asked of hair and makeup people. Who has the best hair piece in the industry? Hands down, the winner is this former A list 80's television actor who was on that same hit show as the former A lister turned reality star patriarch. Apparently even today, when you see the hair piece of this actor, you can be two inches away and not realize it is fake. A gust of wind is your only hope for seeing that it is fake.

Blind Item #7

A certain celebrity CEO has really been upping his stimulant game the past few weeks. Not just coke for him, although that is certainly the drug he enjoys the most and is using the most.

Blind Item #6

That reality troll company that is for hire for put upon reality stars is at it again. This time they have been hired by the besieged reality star from the south to go after people who go after him in comments of tabloids and other online forums. One of these days, they will go too far and the people behind the company are going to end up in jail. 

Blind Item #5

This former A list teen movie actor thought he was going to be the next Joe Francis, including being a jerk to most women he meets, and loving the underage women too. He was all set to do a Girls Gone Wild franchise and filmed a party and lots of nudity and some sex scenes too. He had hired lighting people and camera people. He had sound guys running around miking people up and with booms. The thing is, the idiot forgot to get releases, forgot to ask for i.d to see how old everyone was and didn't get permission from the place he was filming. His lawyers told him he had nothing without those and he had no way of contacting anyone. So, he blew a bunch of "his money," on the project and really wants to try again but no one really wants to work with him and he also wants to be in most of the sex scenes which is not going to make anyone want to make a purchase.

Blind Items Revealed #4

June 27, 2018

There is no way, this foreign born A+ list rapper was going out with this A- list mostly movie actress/comic. He only does the stripper and porn star thing where they let him do his crazy fetish thing which is the only way he is able to perform. Plus, the A- lister is a bit of a talker and would spill that fetish in a second.

Drake/Tiffany Haddish

Blind Items Revealed #3

June 28, 2018

Look for the least known of the final three actors up for a role in a huge reboot to be cast. Apparently he is the one most likely to drink the kool aid necessary to get the role and keep the boss happy. The other, two are more well known and don't have any desire to be associated with the cult.

Reboot: "Top Gun 2"
Role: Goose’s son
More well known actors: Nicholas Hoult and Miles Teller
Least known actor: Glen Powell
Boss: Tom Cruise (Scientology)

If you look at the quotes from Glen Powell after it was announced Miles got the role this week, you can tell Glen was shocked he didn't get it. The whole world thought he would get it and told him, and it was because of the reasons above. Interesting. 

Blind Items Revealed #2

June 28, 2018

As I told you, this former A+ list singer is probably going to be dropped by her label. Also, unless you want the hassle of a refund, I would rethink buying tickets for her upcoming tour. I foresee lots of cancellations or just a tour cancellation in general. No one likes playing places a quarter full.

Christina Aguilera

Blind Items Revealed #1

June 28, 2018

At this point, I'm pretty sure this foreign born former A list singer turned reality judge/lover of coke/lover of kinky sex would be willing to put herself up on stage with some holograms. She needs the money from a tour and is really getting impatient.

Mel B

Blind Item #4

I don't know if it makes him feel young or what, but this permanent A list mostly movie actor who is an Academy Award winner/nominee and stars in two of the biggest movie franchises of all time likes to go with when people buy drugs for him. Apparently he likes to know where they are coming from and who is doing the selling. This is most likely to happen when he is not in LA. So, if you sell drugs and the actor is coming to town, don't be shocked if you meet him up close and in person.

Blind Item #3

This tour will hit full on brake mode if the higher on the list one finds out her husband hit on the slightly lower on the list part of the tour who is also married. This is a really bad idea.

Blind Item #2

I have been writing for months that this A list rapper who thinks he is all that because he came up with a stupid name and does coke 24/7 specializes in getting his significant others addicted to coke and then making them do things they don't want to do before chewing them up and spitting them out and not caring at all what happens to the person. That one named singer is finding that out every day. Imagine how she feels thinking some guy loved her when he ruined her reputation and there are dozens of videos of him with other women and doing coke with them and them either having sex with him or a line of them orally servicing him. If our one named singer wants to compound her suffering than she should continue her rebound with the three named guy because he is almost as bad. 

Blind Item #1

When she gets to this point, there is no one who wants to be romantically involved with the former tweener actress/singer turned A- list adult singer. She becomes horrible to be involved with so, she ends up having one night stands, mostly with women, and often women she pays for an evening so she feels she can be mean to them. 

Friday, July 06, 2018

Blind Item #17 - Elegant Degradation – A Himmmm Blind Item Story – Part 10

I explained some details to the Albanians, such as how certain lawyers handle certain things.  The man I was going to contact was a very special lawyer like that, and he did not work in a courtroom.  The more I explained the more they understood what a "fixer" was – and why we…like they too I'm sure…need to speak in certain codes.  They understood this as well.  Finally, I informed them that if they wanted to see one dollar, they must do everything exactly as dictated by the lawyer.  If they wished to spend a dime of it, they likewise must never attempt to contact me, my family, or…my friends.  Ever.  Including Doc.  I said it loudly, for all to hear, and for a specific reason.  Everyone agreed.

"Yeah?", said the lawyer answering the phone.  I took a deep breath and spoke into the receiver: "Sorry K, it's me.  I need an…an abortion.  You see we -".  He cut me off instantly.  "Stop kid, stop.  All I need to know is this: Can you travel? What time? What's the amount for the abortion?"  The Albanian boss looked puzzled as we shared the receiver in the motel room.  "Yes, I can travel.  Yes, two hours…and yes, the abortion costs uh…$25,000 in cash."  The Albanian nodded.  "Fine kid, fine.  See you in my firm's driveway in two hours." Click.

I explained to everyone that we all must now travel to the parking lot of a Century City law firm.  In two hours a limousine will pull up and drop the cash to me and I will pay everyone.  As Doc (obviously) knew the Albanians' residence, there's no profit motive in them hurting the kidnap victim.  Likewise, Mr. Mountain & Truck were known.  With two hours to get to Century City from Burbank – no fear of us going to the law.  Just to be sure, Duke agreed to ride with Albanians and Ben with the other two.  Jess and Doc with me in my car.  We traveled in line to be sure.


Arriving in the parking lot of the law firm, it was strangely quiet that evening.  The front lot adjacent to the parking garage was empty, and we all pulled in.  Almost on cue – so did a black limo.  I walked over to the window, and it was an elderly man who had been like an Uncle to me all my life.  He asked one question: "Friends of the family?".  I shook my head, "No – more consonants than vowels." He nodded, and handed me a folder.  He exited the ride – his back to the waiting cars the entire time.  He walked into the lobby of the firm and disappeared.

The waiting limo sat and idled, waiting to transport my friend home for me.  I walked to the waiting cars, as my friends emerged.  The drug dealers in each car got paid.  We exchanged assurances again, and I shook hands with the men to whom I gave the money.  Heading different directions through the city, they drove off as fast as we wished them to disappear.  Ben asked:"You sure they'll let her go?", as I shrugged.  Duke said it happened sometimes in the music business – dealers wanna get paid.  It's not like a hostage/torture thing, but more of the "victim" being inconveniently detained.  They watch a movie or something, til the payment then they go free.

He said:"But if no money comes? That's when it could get ugly. Otherwise, everybody goes home without much fuss. Only in L.A."  I told him it was still a total dick move to put somebody through.  Not only for his family – but for the price I'd hoped it wouldn't cost me with Gillian later.  Then again, those of us without sin should just shut the hell up I guess.  I told Duke he can drive; and for Jess and Ben to hop in my car.  I wanted to talk to Doc before I had the car take him home.

Jess gave Doc a pitiful hug; and even big Duke shook hands with the guy who only the night before he was ready to beat up himself.  Ben said it would all make for a hell of a movie one day – but nobody would probably ever believe it really happened.  Doc told him that indeed, he predicted that Ben would make a movie out of it someday and win all the awards, ever.  (Funny enough, I've seen parts of that prophecy come to fruition).  I told my friends to wait in the car for me.

Sitting there on the curb alone, staring into a purple sunset sky, was my friend Doc.

"Helluva birthday, huh?", he asked awkwardly.  We both just stared into the sky in a brief silence.  "Yeah…helluva birthday", I said.  "Guess you'll never speak to me again, huh?", he asked.  "Of course I will. You owe me money", I replied.

We both began to laugh.  That kind of gallows laughter that only comes at the end of a nightmare.  "I really am sorry", he said – and he meant it.  In all the years we'd known each other I saw for the first time that he was reaching out to me for help.  Not just to save his life, but those around him who loved him.

The limo driver opened the car door for him.  Doc smiled at me: "You know, it's still early.  We could hit a few bars, a few clubs…I know this sexy crazy actress we can meet at the Formosa…"

"GO HOME!", I said with a laugh.  I hugged him, and told him goodbye – his laugh echoing in my head.  I wrote a drop off address on paper and handed it to the driver.  "Straight here, no matter what he says.  Period."  The driver nodded at me, and my friend rolled down the window: "Hey listen! It's that Jakob Dylan song you guys were all talking about from last night!", as he began to mimic the words:

"Come on try a little,

nothing is forever;

There's got to be something better than,

In the middle…"

As my friend waved goodbye with those eerily haunting words ringing in my head.  I knew it would not be the last time I'd ever see him.  This one I knew.  For a fact.

We made a promise in that parking lot, sitting together there on that curb.  We promised that no matter what ever happened in this lifetime, that we'd be there for the other.  That we'd save each other and that there would never be any judgment or back-turning from the other.  It has been the most painful, difficult, and often-impossible promise any two friends could ever make to the other.  Because doing what is best for someone is not the same as letting them do what they wish.  It's a lesson I've learned over and over again when I wish I'd been able to save brothers who just "want to be left alone".  Fortunately, I never left Doc alone.

He never left me alone either.  He saved my life as many – or more – times than I saved his.  Sometimes we do get to live long enough to see that ending turn out happy.  All it takes is the will to change; the right friend; the right love; and the strength to see the sun rise just one more day.  It took many more nightmares, fights, debts, and near-deaths before he realized I was not going to give up.  That I was not going to turn my back on him.  That I was not going to "leave him alone", or let him down.  He could hate himself and lie to himself all he wished – but I loved my friend, my brother.  When it finally…many, many years later began to occur to him that I wasn't ever going to abandon him?  He asked me about "that birthday night".

"What about it?", I replied.

"When you sent me home…afterward. The limo driver? Did you do it on purpose or was it an accident?", he asked.  Just as he's asked many times since.  Each time - I just smile.  It may be the only question he's ever asked me which I've never answered. I always change the subject. Sometimes we can call it fate, God, the universe…or a friend who knows the difference between bull-shitting yourself…and bull-shitting him.  All that is really important is that friends will do anything for each other, even when it is painful.

Just like that night when the car reached it's destination:

At 8PM that Tuesday, 16 of July 1996. MALIBU, CA.


Blind Item #16 - Elegant Degradation – A Himmmm Blind Item Story – Part 9

One name DID pop into my head as a good shot – if he's in town.  I told the Albanian about a Director pal of mine.  I paged him and his wife both.  In minutes, the phone rang.  It was TS, an A+list action director, with his wife present on the call too.  Since I'd introduced them years ago, I knew them both well enough not to be shy.  TS said "no problem, mate.  Just tell me how you want it and pay me back later."  What a God-send!  Unfortunately, they were both out of town.  His new action movie was slated to open that week (and judging from the result he may need the money worse than I did).  I thanked them, and fast ran out of options.

If we called any managers or agents it would be all over town by midnight.  No way in hell was I asking my Mother; and I never kept cash like that in my own house.  We discussed Western Union but that would mean transfers, records, and family back in New York.  We were still coming up about $20,000 short when Jess (the smart, lone female in the room) said the magic word:


I got it.  Ben and Duke got it too.  She was referring to the diamond Cartier necklace I'd gotten earlier for my birthday gift – which I'd asked Lemmy to hold for me at the Rainbow.  When Doc and I went outside.  I had simply forgotten to get it back from him.  If we could get hold of Lemmy now and get that necklace back? I was sure the Albanians would be happy to take it as a trade.  After all, Sara (a CPA) put the value in the five-figure range anyway.  I recall the note on the gift, and thinking then that I'd keep it forever.  Considering that these no-neck guys were not ASKING for the money, but demanding? Forever was short time.

"Wait – you know Lemmy? THE Lemmy? Lemmy from Motorhead?", like a stuttering parrot the Albanian boss chirped on and on.  "Yes, very well – he was just at my birthday party earlier".  The Albanians were shocked.  "We fuc%in LOVE Motorhead!" they all said.  "Wanna meet him?", I smiled.  "Hell yeah!", they all said.  "Call him up and tell him to bring a few sluts with him when he comes over!", they laughed.  I then explained to the guys that we'd have to go see Lem.  They shot that idea down fast. Cash only, Lemmy or no Lemmy….and there was less shot of Lemmy having 25K cash than of Doc having it.

We tried about 50 different ways to make this work, including signing over my car to the big guys.  Sadly, they were not looking to play "Showcase Showdown" and would accept only cash.  Period.  Our first two arrivals – Mr. Mountain and Mr. Truck, had long since exhausted their patience.  They must've sensed this not ending well because like buzzards circling? They stuck around to get theirs too.  In exasperation, I said we could go rob a store together.  Then Jess said: "With your luck? Your lawyers would be on vacation".



I explained to our thick-headed negotiators that I had a "special family attorney" I can call in "emergencies", even if it wasn't (yet) technically my emergency.  It was then that I explained to them why we needed a lawyer on call for family emergencies.  After explaining it the third time…slowly, the way you might to a drooling vegetable…the Albanian boss began to understand.  They also began to agree with us that this was how they'd get their cash tonight.  "I like this friend, Doc", said the nice Mr. drug dealer who turned to his two comrades.  "Maybe we kidnapped the wrong one?", and they laughed.

I turned to Duke and said, "Okay, if Jess drives to the ATM at the studio credit union and you drive Ben here to the ATM over at…"

Wait – what?

What did I just hear?

I turned to the three un-wise men.  They were not laughing.

"Excuse me, gentlemen", I said.  "I'm sorry but what did you mean by 'kidnap' exactly?", looking at the boss.  They never replied, nor explained, nor budged.  They stood there, stone faced.  I asked again, and did it with more urgency.  Still nothing.  Then, from out of the blue, Mr. Mountain says: "Relax…not yours.  Doc's."  I whipped around, and Doc was staring – silently – at a spot on the wall.

Like an embarrassed little child.  Scolded, ashamed to be exposed.  Gallon-sized tears in his eyes, and a quiet stream down both his cheeks…but not crying.

Mr. Mountain continued, "It's how things are done over a certain dollar amount. That was your pager, right?", he asked of the Albanians.  They shrugged.

Still, Doc said nothing.

My friend just hung his head, and said nothing.  At that moment I could see my friend's naked soul and hurt.  The nightmare he was caught in.  Powerless to do anything about it.  He had sold his soul; and the life of a loved one for a punched-ticket ride he was unable to stop.  Not just tonight.  Not just this time.  This obviously was not his first go through hell like this, even if it was ours.  Doc was dying of a disease of addiction, and his self-immolation was engulfing those he loved most.

It is something only an addict caught under the wheels of that bus can know.  And only those who love an addict caught inside the grinder can know the helplessness that pulls in two different directions.  Even with all the crap and trouble and money he was costing me – I still wanted to help my friend.  Maybe more than ever.  Just then he looked over at me with a look that said: "don't give up on me yet".  I just nodded up and down.  Friends don't give up on each other.  Especially when they're in the midst of the battle for their own lives.

Jess suggested we get down to business. 

Blind Item #15 - Elegant Degradation – A Himmmm Blind Item Story – Part 8

Turns out my buddy Doc had been having a very, very busy day indeed.  Specifically – ripping off drug dealers.  First? He pocketed several thousand dollars worth of drugs from the first two guys.  The same two gentlemen to whom he'd already owed several thousand dollars before this day.  Next? He'd apparently taken that stash (and after doing some for himself which he'd tried to hide by diluting the powder); went to trade it for another type of drug to the European gentlemen now joining us.  Technically, they were Albanian.  So now here we were in a Burbank motel with not one, but TWO sets of very pissed-off drug dealers.  None of which had anything to do with me.  So much for the glamour of Hollywood. 

Ben caught my look of shock and said: "That's what I was trying to tell you ever since we got back."  Gee, thanks.  So noted.  Now the man who was obviously the chief of the Albanian delegation looked to me for answers…that is, once Mr. Mountain had (to my chagrin) explained I had offered to cover Doc's debt to them.  This man wanted answers, and the pistol he made sure we could all see in his waistband seemed to make me want to give them to them.  I explained who I was; about my birthday; and about my "friend" (now a very loose term) named Doc who was trying to throw me a birthday party, complete with party supplies.

"You don't look like a coke head, or a junkie", correctly surmised the big Albanian.  "Excuse me?", chimed in Doc. "It's called Substance Abuse Disorder and it's not nice to besmirch your own customers".  I shot Doc a look that reminded him I was inches from ripping his pancreas out and beating him with it.  I did not blink.  He just mumbled something beneath his breath; and slinked into a very small shell.  I apologized to the men, then I explained that I wasn't the addict in the room.  I explained that I was more of a Rum drinker, but Doc's intentions were at least good in trying to give me a gift.  "We will take $15,000 to cover the product, debt, expenses, and…trouble", the Albanian said.  To which Mr. Mountain added, "after we get our $10,000 first."  So apparently, in order for all of us to go home – intact and soon – I now had to come up with $25,000 cash.

One of the Albanians began to beep, and he pulled out a pager from his pocket.  He showed the display to his two partners.  They all smiled big and said what I hoped meant "good news" in Albanian.  I didn't care so long as they stayed in good spirits.

"Sorry guys – forgive me since I don't normally handle these things, but I'm guessing you want that money in cash right?", I asked.  They did a double-take almost as if they weren't sure I asked that question. "Uh…yeah", said Mr. Albania.  "In one lump sum, no checks or credit cards", he smiled.

I thanked them.  Doc tried one last shot at making himself known again, by reminding all of the drug dealers there that for many years they were happy to take his money; to take his bonuses; and to overcharge him.  They'd made fortunes from his friends and connections too and he didn't think it was too much to ask for them to show a little respect to him and his earning potential.

It was then one of the Albanians smiled at Doc, put his arm gently on his shoulder and said: "Agreed.  Which is why you and your friends are all alive; your family is alive; and you are not bleeding to death right now.  We give you credit, you steal from us, and you lie to us."

"Shut up Doc", I said.

We had a little pow-wow with my friends sitting there on the bed.  We had a few serious obstacles: A) It is just after Fourth of July in Hollywood – everyone's out of town.  And, B) It is Summer/July in Hollywood – so everyone's out of town.  Then, C) Even those who are stuck shooting in town? It's Summer, July, and after the Fourth so…you guessed it.  They're on vacation out of town.  The bank offices are closed, as would be all business offices right now.  Even so, cashing a $25,000 check would never pass IRS muster.  Between myself, Ben, Jess, and Duke we could pull down MAYBE about $5,000 in cash from ATMs at this time of evening.  In these days before smartphones and PayPal there was little else we could access.  There were lots of people who'd spot us the money, but good luck with a passable story once they saw Mr. Olympia in tow. 

Blind Item #14 - Elegant Degradation – A Himmmm Blind Item Story – Part 7


Gillian and I were considering trying convenient places to put ice cubes when we'd run out of ice for drinks.  Duke and Jess were digging through music choices; and the other crazy kids were next door, so Gillian volunteered for the "ice machine run".  As she left, two guys walked in that I'd never seen in my life.  I'm sure I would remember if I had; as one was the size of a house and the other the size of a truck.  In fact, let's call them Mr. House and Mr. Truck.  They were not there to jump out of any birthday cakes either.  They were looking for Doc, and by the anger on their faces – it was not to discuss a new movie.

I introduced myself, and suggested we talk in private – with Duke at my side.  The two big guys explained to me that they were "associates" of Doc's (and we all knew what that meant).  Doc had stopped by their apartment earlier, and left without saying goodbye.  Or paying.  Apparently Doc already owed them several thousand dollars and he'd departed with a quantity of white powder…and no permission to take it.  I sobered up rapidly, and understood totally.  I told the men I was willing to cover what I was sure was an "oversight" on my idiot friend's behalf.  They said that would be fine; but they were still going to be waiting for Doc's return…just to clear this up in person. They weren't asking.

Around that time Gillian returned with the ice, and I told her that she needed to leave.  She could see by my face, and the two giant men, that I was serious.  Duke nodded.  Jess and Sara and the others partying by the pool needed to go too.  The party was over.  Gillian declared she was staying.  I told her I would call her later, and please leave now.  I was rude about it.  Truth was? I had no idea what this would turn into, if anything.  I hoped nothing.  But in a situation like this – it is always best to cut down on the number of people around who may either get hurt or arrested.  Judging by the looks of these twin towers – they were not looking to arrest Doc.

Jess was staying put, but Sara drove Gillian home.  She wasn't too happy about leaving – but I hoped for the chance to explain it all and make it up to her later.  Soon thereafter, Duke and I saw Ben and Doc return to the parking lot.  Without anyone else.  When the door to the room opened, Doc walked in and saw the five of us in there waiting.  He was pretty close to wasted, but Ben was stone-cold sober and white as a sheet.  Ben said he had to talk to me, but we were all a bit busy.  Now that we were all on the same page, I told Doc I would pay what he owed.  A tense discussion began, and Ben kept trying to get my attention.  I was more concerned with keeping everyone cool and calm, which was hard when Doc was yapping a mile a minute.

I shouldn't have bothered even worrying.

As the "discussion" grew more heated, I finally asked everyone to stop.  I looked at Jess, and she and I both agreed that we'd go with Mr. Mountain to get them the money.  Mr. Truck could stay in the room with Duke, Doc, and Ben.  Everyone seemed in agreement, and we opened up the door to leave.  Out on the walkway deck, we saw three more large men walking.  Our way.  I didn't know them or what they wanted but they too did not look happy to be there.  This was not what I had in mind for a party.

Blocking the way between the walkway and the steps, one of the three no-neck men asked if we were with "Doc's party".  (A question I was getting sick of answering).  Jess and I looked at each other – then at Mr. Mountain, who shrugged.  I nervously told them "yes", half expecting to see cuffs or hear shots.  The three men smiled, and – oddly – introduced themselves.  All three had Eastern European names and accents.  They invited us to return to the room we'd just left.

When the door opened, and we walked in with our new guests…the shock and confusion on Duke's face said it all.  One of the new arrivals closed the door behind us.  Almost on cue, Doc smiled and began counting heads: "One, two, three…ten. Sorry guys, I think we're only allowed five per room so some of you are going to need to leave."  He laughed like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard.  Since he was higher than a giraffe's ass by then, it probably was.

One of the Europeans said, "If we throw you off this balcony a few times – will numbers be okay then?".  Doc abruptly stopped laughing.  I introduced myself to the United Nations Delegates, and said: "Let me guess…", nodding to Doc. "More friends of his?".

They nodded their heads up and down, silently.

Doc shrugged like "Who me?".  Jess rolled her eyes so hard I thought she had a seizure;  Duke said "shit"…and poor Ben wilted.  Duke – no longer the largest man in my presence, sat down softly beside of Jess on the bed.  The five BIG men – aka the Rams Offensive Line – stood closest to the door.

Blind Item #13 - Elegant Degradation – A Himmmm Blind Item Story – Part 6

So the night and early morning hours continued.  I personally drank all the rum.  Ever.  In the world.  Thankfully, not alone in doing so.  Gillian and I woke up a twisted pile of our own bodies in the bed.  I focused my very blurry eyes to see Ben and a young lady who was not his girlfriend in the next bed.  Wrapping the sheet around me, I zombied over to the door and saw Duke, Jessica, and several others outside by the pool.  I opened the door and was hit with a blast furnace of a million degree heat.  I rapidly closed it back, and vaulted in the bed.  I nudged Gillian awake and asked her if she wanted me to get her any breakfast?

Without even opening an eye, she groggily replied: "It's afternoon, babe".

Damn.  Really?  Yes, really.  Apparently I had already had breakfast and lunch both.  Washed down with Bloody Mary's.  Gillian commended me on my nutrition, but acted startled when I swore to her I could not recall us taking a shower together in the bathroom there after breakfast.  "You're an Alcoholic…Second step is admitting you have a problem baby", she said deadpan.

"I'm not an alcoholic. I only do this once a year", I replied.  She cocked open a stunning eye at me: "See? Denial? It's first sign of an alcoholic.  I graduated from an Ivy League school, okay sweetie?"  I raised up on my elbow, rubbing my eyes: "Wait – so if I deny it? I'm a lush. But if I admit it – I'm still a lush?"

She propped her chin on my chest.  "Better stop drinking altogether then", she said.  And with a delayed reaction, I burst out laughing at her.  A loud knock at the door, and it was Jessica.  Carrying grocery bags and trailed by Duke.  They plopped the food and booze on the table, and in the fridge.  "Annnddd…what was that about alcoholism?", teased Gillian.  "What? Are you saying he's an alcoholic because he lives his birthday like Senior Beach Week…and he's almost THIRTY??", asked Jess with a laugh.

I yelled: "She said both of you are alcoholics!"  Gillian slapped me.  Duke and Jess looked at each other and just shrugged.  Ben jumps up out of bed: "Holly balls! Is it almost supper time??".

"No", I said.  "It's just after lunch."  With his flawless timing, Doc comes rolling in the room like a tornado: "Wake up sleepy-heads, it's almost supper time!", and body-flops on top of me and Gillian.  We ALL laughed, except Ben who had flopped back in his bed.  Doc whispers to Gillian: "You know – I'd be into the whole threesome thing right now, but just with you two. Or maybe you and Jess, and we send him out for ice?", he teased her.

"THUD", was the sound of Doc hitting the floor when I kicked him out of the bed.  Gillian laughed, and disappeared into the bathroom with Jess.  I asked Doc about his exploits, and he says he stayed there with us until breakfast.  He said he had to visit his manager, and just got dropped back off now to keep the party rolling.

Randomly, Ben raises up in bed and tells Duke: "Oh, do what we did last night! Play 'Outshined"! You know this is where True Romance was shot outside right?".  Doc said: "Really?". With that, Duke played the CD.  Doc then he told me and Duke that he had some people who wanted to come to the party if we could pick them up.  This included an A+list actress that he knew Ben really wanted to see that night.  Ben had run into her just last week on the 20TH Century Fox studio lot where she was shooting a new film with Daniel-Day Lewis.  Ben said it would be his dream to work with them both on a film or just meet them.

Doc said he'd made all the arrangements for us to get "yummy" takeout from the Formosa for supper; and that the actress was going to meet him there in an hour.  He said she was "tired of being bored to death by some Beverly Hills 90210 cast member all afternoon".  He said there were tons of "party favors" – aka weed/drugs -  and we needed to re-stock for the grand finale Safari party tonight.  All we needed to do was to meet her and the supplier at the Formosa bar/restaurant off Sunset; and bring the actress and the rest of the fun back with us.

Much as I love the Formosa and tempting as it was? I didn't want to leave Gillian alone; nor to leave my own party.  No way Doc was using my car, either.  Then half-dead Ben said he'd drive Doc and they'd be right back.  After another swim and shower, Gillian and I decided to put that alcoholism thing to the test by inventing new drinks.  Duke, Sara, Jess, and everyone else were having a blast.  People coming and going in/out of our rooms, and music playing.  It looked like for ONCE my birthday was going to end with smiles, and not regrets from our "crawl".  In hindsight – I'd have chosen a hangover instead.

Blind Item #12 - Elegant Degradation – A Himmmm Blind Item Story – Part 5


Located in "beautiful downtown Burbank", is one of the true secrets of the Los Angeles area.  Built in the 1950s, it looks like any one of thousands of motor inns to dot the landscape of America.  Back before interstates and strip malls.  But what makes the Safari so unique is it's art-deco neon sign and motel design.  Still looking like a time capsule, it has been featured in films and television shows including Apollo 13; CSI; Coach Carter; and plays a prominent role in the film True Romance (as the motel where James Gandolfini's mobster hit man nearly beats Patricia Arquette to death).  Many non-L.A. people may assume the motel is in Hollywood proper, near the strip.  In truth, it is located over the hill in Burbank – next to Warner Bros. Studios. (Close to where "Bo Duke" once had a Lamborghini dealership back in the 1980s.  I swear.  Only in Burbank would a Dukes of Hazard actor own a Lamborghini dealership).

It isn't just The Safari's location that has given it the name "The Warner Annex" or "The Annex" over the decades.  It is because of a shared history.  One that includes many secret rendezvous; clandestine business meetings; or even just a home-away for actors, artists, and executives when working at the studio.  Unlike the posh Beverly Hills Hotel; or the Beverly Wilshire – anyone can drive right up to the Safari Inn and grab an affordable room for the night.  Or even (like many hot-sheet motels) for an hour or two.  An entire generation of us who "grew up" as "studio brats" have carried on the traditions of using the Safari as a place to party or to host poker games.  This includes all four of us original Himmmms.  That pool and deck have also been an inspiration for many screenwriters.

Our traveling party rolled up to the motel in the wee hours, but the party arrived early.  Being on a first-name basis with management was great (but the large tip/insurance bond was even better).  In fact, not a single tourist registered a complaint that night (because we'd paid to book the entire motel which in no way was as extravagant as it sounds.  In fact, it was Duke's gift to me to cover the motel cost.  Our bar tab was higher than that).

Looking like a leftover from the Sinatra era, we took the "Poker Suite" that Ben and I had used to host many all-night games.  Already rocking was some great DJ music, drinks, and skinny-dipping from the braver souls.  Ben was on the upper pool deck, explaining to Sara and Jessica about this incredible new film that just wrapped.  It was sort of a teen horror-comedy by Wes Craven and starring Neve Campbell and Courtney Cox from Friends.  It was called "Scary Movie", but Miramax was looking at other titles like "Afraid", and "Scream".  Craven was currently editing it in post that same night.

While Ben drank and geeked on the girls, my actress friend Gillian and I sat up on the pool deck, having a "smoke" and relaxing.  The more we drank, the more weed I smoked until I was perfectly in tune with the music playing.  Duke had brought this new CD by our friends' band "The Wallflowers".  I coaxed Gillian into a swim – it was technically my birthday – so we didn't worry with details like swimwear.  When Jakob Dylan began singing "One Headlight" – a perfect new L.A. anthem, every sense in my body began to warm up at once.  Gillian and I embraced and sort of drifted in the cool water together…letting in the music as the neon of the big motel sign washed over us.

"Happy Birthday, goofy" she whispered to me with a kiss.  "Thanks, goober" I replied.  I noticed her staring for a long time with a sort of silly perma-smile on her face.  When I asked, she said she was just thinking about when we met the first time.  Not even 10 years ago, but a lifetime prior.  Several lifetimes prior, or so it felt.  The miles, colleges, relationships, work, fame…all down stream now.  Somehow, we'd re-connected and still felt like kids.

"What did you think back then when you first met me? When we were teenagers, on set of the night shoots?", she asked.  I couldn't believe she asked me that question.  I smiled. "I thought you were the most gorgeous girl I'd ever seen. I thought every night I saw you felt like New Years' Eve just looking at you", I said.  Before I could say another word, she took her finger and put it over my lips to stop me.  She wrapped her legs around me under the water, and leaned close to kiss me.  After a lifetime of soft kisses, growing more passionate, we never separated for air.

There we began making love in the night-time pool as (the then-new CD) of Dave Matthews' Band's "Crash Into Me" began playing.  We kept time with the music, and each other, my back against the pool wall.  After what seemed like an entire extra year, I noticed most of the party had moved indoors.  "Good", she smiled back to me.  I asked her the same question she had earlier asked me…about her first impression of me all those many years ago on a film set.  She fixed her gaze very serious on me.  "I thought you were the most arrogant guy alive", she laughed.

I dunked her.

Blind Item #11 - Elegant Degradation – A Himmmm Blind Item Story – Part 4

We all huddled together, rounding the corner to the big main entrance.  The first person I see coming out of the main doors is an icon I instantly recognize.  Together with two other "actors" they are making their way through the crowd.  Past the throngs milling around the long rope line stretching down the walk.  There together standing on the sidewalk, they were a trio of acting/celebrity legends which truly made for strange bedfellows.

The trio included an aging, legendary male porn Actor JL; whose career was rivaled only by his handsome looks and actual acting talent.  Beside of him was the unmistakably gorgeous, still-breathtaking Platinum Princess of Porn, MM.  Seeing her that night? Her physical attributes had only thrived in the decades since making her mark as one of porn's first and most legendary beauties. Rounding out this...trio...was a truly odd-placed celebrity whom no human would EVER place in the same sentence with either of the two aforementioned celebs.

It was GG, an, A+list, comedy actress; (possibly known more in recent years as an A+list television host more than any of her prior habits anyway). Those two different-style actresses were roommates living together for many years in Hollywood, even after finding success.  On that night, their affable male escort seemed happy to just be along for the show.

Ben had availed himself of meeting MM while doing some writing research in the past; and was duly geeked-out seeing her outside the club.  As most guys were.  Having known her a long while myself, I stopped to exchange hugs, kisses, and handshakes there.  I got to meet the comedy actress who was a friend of Doc – and I got great birthday wishes as she led EV-ERY-ONE within blocks in another rendition of "Happy Birthday" to me.  I invited the trio to our motel party but they had plans elsewhere.  We hugged goodbye and thanks…until I realized we were being drowned out by the LOUD intoxicated cursings of an obnoxious idiot.

It was MO, an A+list Italian fashion mogul; his bodyguard; and two European wannabe-models (who looked barely old enough to drive).

That mogul was known as much for his offensive personal behavior as he was for the outsized wealth his labels brought him alongside his family member/business partner.  It was nothing for them to bribe, buy, or bully their way into or out of anything they desired. But if none of that worked? He would happily harass, abuse, threaten, or rape models and others. It was anyone's guess as to how many lives he ruined.

I noticed MM, the porn princess, recoil and turn her back – rolling her eyes as she stepped closer to Duke and myself.  Then the fashion mogul spoke:  "Well, you can take the girl out of the trash but never take the trash out of the girl right?"  Laughing at himself, he turned to the black actress: "Are you two dykes now, huh? Because that's a movie I WOULD pay to see!  You can do the golden showers on each other!"

He began to laugh at his own stupid, disgusting jokes. "Call it – Gold, Ebony, and Ivory".

As quick-witted as GG the comedy actress is known for being with her comebacks - even she didn't have time to get a word out.  Because before the smirk could melt from the Colgate-white smile of "Il Douche'"...several of his pearly chicklets were on the sidewalk, alongside a puddle of his blood and ego.

The Peroxide Princess had jumped from between me and Duke, and straight-shot-punched the fashion magnate in the face.  I mean punched HARD too.  He just stood there shocked, like the little bitch he was.  Just like his "bodyguard" had too.  The comedy actress – and our entire crowd - couldn't catch a  breath from either shock or laughing so hard.  All while the male porn actor shook his head in disbelief and pride.  He said, "See why I always ASK nicely before I share bodily fluids with her? Try asking nicely."

The fashion mogul spit blood on the sidewalk, holding his face but not his anger.  "You fu%&ing CU-…" Then Duke stepped forward, as did JL the porn actor and Sara…all three. Mr. Mogul just stopped, as did his associate.  They realized that was the end of it.  The porn actress had circled behind me, and had her arms wrapped around me, hugging my waist.

All six-foot-two inches of Duke said: "Best thing all of YOU can do? Just call it a night."

They did, tucked-tail, and walked away. The comedy actress and porn queen both howled and laughed.  "Thank you ALL so MUCH!", said MM.  "Several years ago he tried to rape me, forced me to…", and she stopped. GG just hugged her, and told her to forget it all.  After more hugs and much love, they melted back into the nearby mob all streaming inside.

It was then we realized Doc had vanished. Totally. Sara said he'd mumbled about needing to call his wife, but Ben said he'd left to go get me a birthday present.  We all laughed, because Doc never – ever- ever had any money.  But it was nice to know that beneath his permanent bankruptcy were good intentions.  Since he knew where we were heading? He'd find us if he wished.  

Blind Item #10 - Elegant Degradation – A Himmmm Blind Item Story – Part 3

12AM on Tues., 16 of July 1996: THE WHISKY – HOLLYWOOD, CA

We had cell phones (and interwebs too!) back in those ancient days; neither of which worked very well or consistently.  Through the invention of the "land line" phone some 100+ years before, we still managed to keep in touch.  Luckily, Duke had called ahead and we had friends waiting for us up the street.  A quick knock on the load-in doors (and knowing the management) allowed us to avoid the main doors.  Inside the hallowed/stained walls of the nightclub, we ran into more friends, actors, actresses, and musicians.  There were also lots and lots of very attractive models.  All of whom Doc was sure to tell "it's my Birthday", while pointing to himself.  Amazingly enough, Doc had been married for a couple of years by now.  I'd never seen him cheat, ever – but he was the Michael Jordan of world class flirts.

There was a very aggressive young lady who was hanging all over Doc like a drunken prom date, much to Ben's hilariously-constant laughter.  She was very short, very young, and very talkative about Doc's celebrity career.  None of which interested my friend in the least.  I think it was Ben who said she looked like the mix of Steve Guttenberg and Wallace Shawn.  In hindsight, we were so messed up that the girl may actually have been Wallace Shawn.

Rock groups came on, played, and moved through their sets.  One after the other.  Meanwhile, Duke kept chatting up a very disinterested lady with lots and lots of hair.  I told Doc that Duke should definitely invite her to the motel.  Doc smiled.  "She looks like Doug Henning.  You know, the poodle that does magic tricks." I told him to behave.  He didn't.  "I once knew a trick that did magic poodles."  Just stop, Doc. Really.  Stop.

As the last band was blasting through a Ramones cover, we saw it was now almost 2AM.  I grabbed Duke and told he and Ben it was time to head to "the Annex to party".  Duke's eyes got huge: "You mean THE Annex?".  Yes.  Ben was trying to convince the magic poodle to join us.  Doc just yanked Duke away, very hyper, dragging him through the crowd.  Much to the crowd's dismay.

Duke yanked free, and stepping through the hallway he began to vent his spleen at me, Ben, Jess, Sara, and everyone around…except Doc (who had somehow slipped off through the mob).  "I'm sick of that shit man! I know it's your birthday and everything but he has to cool it.  Why's he gotta be such a dick every time we go anywhere? And he gets so fu%&d up? I was talking to that girl and he had to be a dick! Just 'cause he's the big hot-shot??".

I was trying to keep Duke cool, as our little crowd was easing to the exit doors.  The house lights were threatening to come up inside and that's a harsh light in which nobody In L.A. ever wants to be seen.  As we half-stepped out, Duke ranted: "It's like I swear, every single time we go out; people always point, and shout…"

With flawless timing, Doc walks up totally out of nowhere, deadpan - he sings:

"…there goes John-Jacob-Jingleheimer-Schmitt. Nah-Nah-Nah-nah-na-na!".

Jessica and Ben EXPLODE in cackling laughter, as does everybody around us.  Except poor Duke – who just seethes at Doc.  Trying to remain sincere, I fight back the chuckle. "It's okay buddy, he means well."  Hopeless, I too start laughing.  Thankfully, Duke also breaks down, and we're all enjoying it, heading back out to the Sunset Strip crowd on a beautiful July birthday night.

Blind Item #9 - Elegant Degradation – A Himmmm Blind Item Story – Part 2

With us at the Rainbow was another close friend of mine named Ben, aka Himmmm 3, or H3.  Ben was a writer-director-producer of movies and was just starting to rapidly gain acclaim.  In fact, several of his indie projects had landed him his coveted first studio film which he was slated to begin shooting very soon.  Growing up in Los Angeles with a father as an actor – Ben was a happy-go-lucky guy, with a touch of genius.  Rounding out our group of friends was a music producer/engineer named Duke, aka Himmmm 2, aka H2.  He too had grown up inside the industry, specifically the music industry as his father was a legendary record executive/producer/manager.  Duke originally hailed from the eastern U.S., and he also happened to be a cousin of mine and a life-long friend. He was about the size of a Miami Dolphins' Tight End, but a gentle giant.

It wasn't just my birthday that brought Lemmy and others over to our booth, but probably the beautiful females who had joined us to celebrate.  Among those was a former child actress named Gillian, whom you'd probably call B-list in her heyday.  Still acting at present, and still beautiful – she'd probably be considered C+ list now.  That night she was as gorgeous as she was brilliant and she and I had re-kindled a long-lost teen flirtation.

Another smart beauty in our party was Jessica, who worked at the William Morris Agency.  Jess was another cousin of mine, and she helped keep me in line.  (Or tried to anyway).  Jess had brought along a guest for the evening, Sara.  This lady was like a vault of walking Blind Items.  She was a beautiful young CPA at a top business-management firm.  She was secretly dating a man who was 30+ years her senior.  He was an A+list songwriter who'd written some of the 70s most iconic songs (alongside a Rock Hall of Fame group with which he was associated).  On the sly from him, Sara also dated a legendary A+list movie writer-director known for his odd proclivities and his weed habit which Sara revealed he was always trying to write off as a business expense.

At our gathering that night at the Rainbow, Jess and Sara seemed to be having the most fun of anyone, teasing and torturing poor Lemmy.  Contrary to published notions of most metal legends, Lemmy was a perfect gentleman there.  But even I had to warn the ladies with that biblical proverb: "You mess with the bull and you'll get the horns."  During Round #455 of drinks, Sara just so happened to remember that she'd brought my gift with her. "Oh, you didn't have to do that", I said.  "I didn't", she said.  "I was on my way over here from the office and ran into JN, (a former Playboy Playmate).  She dropped it off to give to you from her and her husband." Now that was truly sweet.  JN's hubby was a Cartier executive.  Sara said, "But I brought it to you so that much counts at least".  Uh, thanks?

I opened up the bag and found a nice Cartier pouch.  Jessica's first words: "Ooh! Me! Me, me, gimme!". I opened it up and inside was a stunning gold and diamond cross necklace.  A very LARGE necklace, with seven very perfect diamonds in it.  The note read: "May this forever bring you a lifetime of blessings. Love C-J".  Holding it up to the light was truly brilliant.  Doc then said, "Good God – do you think that's real?".  I just laughed and told him I didn't think a Cartier exec gifted too much cubic zirconium.  Which despite laughs, lead into Duke asking what it was worth, and Sara settling the matter by appraising it for five-digits.  All pointless because I'd never part with it for any reason, ever.  An overwhelming gift of generosity and beauty, from two extraordinary friends of mine.

The crowd in the Rainbow got thicker, and we all got more spirited.  Doc and I stepped outside a few moments.  I entrusted no one but Lemmy with that necklace since if anyone dared rip it off of him? They'd lose far more than dollar amounts – they'd lose limbs.  Outside in the car Doc and I did some stupid stuff.  Since it was a special occasion? We did it together.  And by "together", I mean that I smoked a joint while watching him smoke heroin.  We shared a rail of cocaine.  I appreciated his offering to share his drugs – especially since I'd paid for them with the loan I'd given him earlier.  "Happy Birthday, buddy", he said. "I'm going to get you like a giant brick of Mexican weed, any day now.  Just as soon as you spot me the money to cover it."  Really, that's fine.  I'm good.

As we floated back inside, we suddenly found ourselves the center of attention.  Everyone was having a great time dancing, eating, flirting, and singing.  In what had been a long-standing tradition among us friends for years, we always did a "Birthday Crawl" for my special day.  Not unlike a pub crawl, it is where we bounce from place to place drinking and partying over the period of around a day (or longer) until I've had enough and swear off birthday's forever.  Well, not birthdays but…the parties anyway.  A movable feast that usually results in famine.  This year we decided to do the Rainbow, followed by The Whisky, followed by the "real" day-long party – at a Los Angeles-area motel.  Since we had in mind just such a long-established "home away from home" over in Burbank? We spread the word.  Sadly, in was Summer in Hollywood – June exactly, which meant most people were on vacation.

As the drinking and cavorting continued up to midnight at the Rainbow, we were informed it was time to stagger down the street for "Round Two".  Our friends headed to The Whisky-A-Go-Go (aka The Whisky) first, for the first set of the rock show.  It was one of those alt-rock showcase nights with multiple bands playing.  Bidding our goodbyes and thanks, we stumbled down the Sunset Strip sidewalk's short distance from Rainbow to Whisky.  We wrangled everyone we knew to join in our little party led by the giant Duke.

Blind Items Revealed #5

June 28, 2018

This streaming service is getting heat over a child porn scene in a recent film.


Four For Friday - Elegant Degradation – A Himmmm Blind Item Story – Part 1

(NOTE: This is a very long blind item story.  Feel free to bookmark/save it, or skip it if you're not into TL/DR – you were warned.  This is Himmmm-4's story, but really an origin story for us.  The memory of this event comes from all four of us; blended into one narrative by "our scribe" Himmmm-1 for you.  This is the final installment of our series chronicling the lives of the friends who constitute Himmmm.  When reading this story: Himmmm-1 aka BOSS aka the scribe/main-Twit; while H2 aka the movie writer-director/co-Twit.  New to THIS series (but not to longtime friends/followers) is H3 aka record producer; and H4 an actor. Thank you for all of the love, laughs, warmth, and friendship you've shown to us. Thank you, Enty, for your endless hours of hard work and lifetimes of friendship. You're all welcome to feel free to be friends with us on Twitter.  Except for you there in the back with that unidentified lip fungus. That's just nasty.  Get that checked first, THEN we'll be friends.  Although today's story does have celebs in it, this is not a big mystery to unravel.  It's  about sharing a human story that is very special and crazy.  Real life usually is.  So, for you our friends here at Crazy Days and Nights – we share THE last collective memory of OUR crazy night/day/night).

They said to close my eyes, and not to open them no matter how bad it got.  I agreed.  And it got very bad. One voice in particular though was instantly recognizable – a gruff, hoarse voice.  It was usually heard at bowel-shaking levels, blowing the roof off of coliseums and clubs:

"…Happy Birthday you gigantic spoiled baby…HAP-PY BIRTH-DAY TO YOU!!!".  The applause and cheers and whistles erupted.  With that voice.  It was the unmistakable voice of the one and only Lemmy.  As I was granted permission to open my eyes – I was stunned.  There was the man himself, hovering right over our dinner booth.  Hat and all, the unflinching Mr. Kilmeister.

"LEMMY!" I yelled.

He just beamed with pride.  "Of course 'ya had to open your eyes or else you'd have fuc%in' guessed Sinatra right?", and the entire room roared.  I looked seated next to me in the semi-circular booth at my good friend Doc and just knew it was the happiest birthday celebration I'd known in many years.  What I didn't know was that it was nearly the last for both of us.

8PM on Mon., 15 of July 1996: RAINBOW BAR & GRILL – HOLLYWOOD, CA

There are few better places on Sunset Blvd. to celebrate a birthday than the legendary Rainbow Bar & Grill.  The place has been ground zero for Rock and Roll, and rockers, for decades.  Best of all, it was "home office" for Lemmy – the legendary front man for Motorhead.  On any given night when not on tour, Lemmy was a fixture at the end of the bar, playing video poker machines or holding court with new and old friends.  The booths in the Rainbow had brass plaques above each, to advise newbies of standing reservations for legendary rockers or music industry titans.  On this night – the night of my 27th birthday party, we were seated in a booth affixed with the name of someone I knew well: Ahmet Ertegun of Atlantic Records.

I am Himmmm 1, aka H1, aka "scribe", and I had spent most of my life/career behind the scenes in the entertainment industry.  I'd been happily dragged there this night by Himmmm 4, aka H4, also known as Doc.  Although older than myself, he and I had been friends for most of our grown up lives (and grown up is a very flexible term).  Doc is an A+list actor, had grown up in the movie business; and found success as easily as making friends, partying, or shuffling through girls all of his life.  Both of our families had been in the entertainment industry in Hollywood and New York.

Even by that point, both Doc and I had seen most sides of the industry: the good, the bad, the nasty…and the incomprehensibly tragic. We'd also cultivated certain "vices" that were common in the industry over those years too. Specifically, alcohol and drugs. Non-specific were the types.  It all usually depended on what was around – marijuana, X, cocaine, heroin, or whatever.   I was more of a pot-smoking, alcohol-drinking, blow of coke type who could take it or leave it at that point.  But too many nights running with Doc and I began to find myself "taking it" far more often than "leaving it".  When it began to be a salve to soothe my emotional scars is when I began to cut myself back.

Poor Doc though – he honestly had a steady diet of "everything" anywhere in sight.  His sense of moderation was based on his money resources.  He was inching very close into Hunter S. Thompson levels of abuse.  Somehow between his talents and charisma he always kept it cool out front.  At that time and era we were all too concerned with our own individual chemicals than to care for friends, or anyone else.  Because…Hollywood.

Your Turn

You visit your friends or family at heir place for several days. On your last night in town, do you eat in or take them out?

Blind Items Revealed #4

June 27, 2018

Don't believe the words coming out of this foreign born former A+ list singer's mouth. He did, in fact, hook up with this foreign born permanent A+++ lister back in the day. The thing is though, she found him wanting and not a nice person, so dumped him. To make it seem like he was amazing, the singer has changed history to suit his needs.

Bryan Adams/Princess Diana

Blind Items Revealed #3

June 27, 2018

Don't believe the hype. The former A list tweener actress turned B+ list adult actress/future porn star despises her probable soon to be ex boss and their feud is one of the reasons the show is going down. There are too many alternatives out there for a channel to have to put up with the feud. The whole thing was a gamble and the gamble failed.

Bella Thorne/I. Marlene King/Famous In Love

Blind Items Revealed #2

June 27, 2018

Despite at least one publicist begging her A+ list client to pull out of a movie, that A+ lister and another still support their abusive director and his casting of an abusive co-star. Old boys club in fill swing. I hope this movie bombs. I hope every reporter has the balls to ask tough questions in every interview. They won't because they like saying, "I talked to so and so the other day," so they can get some good table at an overpriced crap restaurant in town to make them feel like their d**k is bigger than reality. cc: Ariana Grande

Brad Pitt/Leonardo DiCaprio/Once Upon A Time In Hollywood/Quentin Tarantino/Emile Hirsch

Blind Item #8

This foreign born A/A- list director all of you know, or at least all of you know his work has been accused as of late of some very bad behavior towards women, up to and including sexual assault. Apparently when one of my friends who has been in one of his movies confronted him about the way he made her land a part in one of his movies, but not in a pseudo sequel to it he told her it was because he could tell she wasn't trying in bed and that maybe she should fight more. He then tried to sexually assault her. I mean this is after the allegations against him so I guess he doesn't care.

Blind Item #7

In the how diva can you be award category, this A list talk show host who is probably permanently A at this point and as an entertainer too wins for today. Our talk show host had their assistant ship the talk show host's mattress to a city where the talk show host was going to be performing for almost a week. One night or less, the talk show host can manage. Otherwise, the mattress is getting shipped.

Blind Items Revealed #1

June 27, 2018

With all that is going on in his life, this former A+ list rapper has always had his design line to keep him motivated. Well, he lost one part a couple years back and is now about to lose the other. Despite the noise and buzz, it is a money loser and his deal is set to expire soon and will not be renewed.

Kanye West

Blind Item #6

An owner of a decor store is probably wishing he never opened the door to this A list writer who used to be an A+ list mostly television actress. She has worked on multiple hit network shows and also done hit movies/horrible movies and theatre. Apparently she is not the nicest person to work with on home decor and the owner of the store says that if she had been his first customer, she would have been his last and he would have given up in the business. She would yell at him and his employees and reminded everyone all of the time that she is a star and they were working for her. Just awful.

Blind Item #5

It is not just the calling out by this A list producer of this foreign born A list rapper and her continued drug use after being given many opportunities to stop, it looks like she is going to be barred from working with a bunch of people unless she kicks the habit. It is really easy to lose your traction and be swallowed up by someone new coming on to the scene. She should take this seriously. 

Blind Item #4

Dear tabloids,

Just because a closeted A- list mostly movie actor with multiple movie franchises is holding hands with a woman, does not confirm a romance. It confirms that someone called to make sure it looked like a romance and that ONE pap got an excellent photo. Remarkable how that ONE pap knew when and where to be and that little handshake after with the actor sliding him a cash tip.

Love & Bacon,


Blind Item #3

This foreign born internet famous YouTube family who are really popular in their home country are about to be awash in reports of inappropriate behavior not just with what has been reported, but also from two neighbor underage teens and from within their own house too.

Blind Item #2

This permanent A list mostly movie actor who is an Academy Award winner/nominee and a permanent chain smoker didn't even make an effort when it came to hooking up with women this past week. They had to come to him while he was at a pool and had to make all the moves. He then would take them in his cabana and let them do all the work again. Interesting side note is that he actually asked them if they were doing any yachting this summer. The term has made it into the lexicon.

Blind Item #1

For the first time ever, the momager of all momagers got one of the suckers to actually appear on camera. This way, there can actually be a story line for the upcoming season of this reality show that features the perpetually single reality star with someone she can call her boyfriend. Interesting how all of this is playing out in front of the cameras and the breakup will also happen this upcoming season too. Apparently there is some bar in Hoboken which is going to be the setting of the breakup. That seems kind of ridiculous. 

Thursday, July 05, 2018

Cocktail Hour

I need a drink or ten. Another 10 hours in the books. Thanks for sticking with me. Almost 100 reveals. Well, actually more if you count the combo blinds. If I missed one you wanted, chances are good I will get to it soon. As Uncle Bob once said to the Oneders, "And your patience possess ye your souls." Yes, I may have already started drinking.

Blind Items Revealed #39

June 26, 2018

Long story short, this back in the day A- list mostly television actor from a show all of you know and this back in the day B+ list mostly television actor from a hit network show who no longer really acts have been landlords of multiple units; The actress wife of the former A- lister was recently added as an owner of the unit. Currently the landlords are trying to sell a unit and are trying to constructively evict at least one tenant by not fixing things that are broken, including the air conditioning in a hot LA summer. They refused to fix the only toilet available for close to a week.

Saddest part: the tenant LOVED the former B+ list actor from his hit show, and loved (lower case) the former A- lister from his former show. If anyone had told younger me that someday I'd move to Hollywood and live in their apartment, and they'd attempt to drive me out of my home prematurely (and drive me insane) through constructive eviction, I might've been a little excited (I was a real fan, lol), but I also just wouldn't have believed it.

Adam Brody/Leighton Meester/Brett Harrison

Blind Items Revealed #38 - Old Hollywood

June 4, 2018

How does someone who wins an Academy Award for acting not get any film work at all for several years after winning? Well, if you are this actress it is all because she refused to sleep with the star of the movie for which she won the award. At the time he was A++ list and is still a permanent A++ list mostly movie actor. Everyone around the world knows who he is. They also probably know about his sexual appetite and love of food too.

On the set of this movie, our actor forced every actress to sleep with him. They knew if they didn't that he would get them fired from the movie and also make sure they didn't work any longer. He knew they knew and depending on what drugs or how much he had to drink that day, he would force the women to completely degrade themselves in order to keep their job.

He didn't even always find all the women attractive. He just wanted them to know who was the boss and he took great pleasure in humiliation.

Well, this one actress turned him down cold. She said no. So, he tried to have her fired. 99% of the time he would have succeeded, but this was a very unique role and there was no one who could be found at short notice to play the role. The studio looked everywhere to keep the actor happy, but it was impossible.

The actor told the actress she would never work in the town again unless she agree to sleep with him. For over four years, she kept saying no, but there were zero acting jobs and her entertainment side gigs were not paying her enough, so she finally broke down and had sex with him. Two days later she got an acting gig in a movie.

Movie: "Sayonara"
Actress: Miyoshi Umeki (Best Actress in a Supporting Role "Sayonara")
Actor: Marlon Brando
Unique role: Japanese
Movie 4 years later: "Flower Drum Song"

Blind Items Revealed #37 - Mr. Hedge

April 16, 2018

This serial pedophile was a Hollywood photographer for decades.  He has not been discussed in any previous blinds.  He hails from a state in the Midwest, so let’s call him M.  M’s father was a locally famous media personality.  His father always defended M’s innocence publicly, and used his connections to help get M out of trouble on a number of occasions.

Almost 4 decades ago, M was charged with soliciting a minor for sex, and got off with a warning.  About 3 decades ago, M was arrested for abusing a young teen boy he photographed, as well as child porn.  Through a plea deal, M only spent a couple months in jail.

Despite M’s conviction and order to stay away from children, he went straight to Hollywood.  M became friends with another serial pedophile who has been discussed here before, NS.  For many years, through NS, and eventually others, M would make frequent trips to Hollywood to both photograph and physically molest young boys.  NS was one of many pedophile managers of child actors who provided introductions on M’s behalf.

M would then sell photographs on the internet.  He even had his own website, by his own name.  He used the typical style - shirtless / barefoot young boys at a downward angle, over which pedophiles are known to fetishize.  M would sometimes do close-up shots, featuring the bare armpits of pre-pubescent boys, which is another common pedophile fetish.

M would also sell the child porn he produced through his Hollywood connections.

About a decade ago, M was finally busted for child porn once again.  A raid of his Midwest home turned up many, many images and videos.  As a repeat offender, it looked like M was headed to jail for a long time.

Incredibly, M managed a plea deal, with the help of his prominent father’s local connections. Over 20 child porn charges were dropped, in exchange for a guilty plea to 1 single count.

This plea deal put M in jail for only a couple years.  During this relatively brief jail stint, it was discovered that his web site was still in operation, selling the same barely-legal young boy photographs as always.  A friend stepped in to run the website while M was in jail, and he claimed it was due to demand by fans.

Believe it or not, there was yet another pedophile with the same first and last name, who was convicted of molesting a young boy for years in CA – as his piano teacher.

M’s Father / job:
M’s friend who ran website while in jail:
Other pedophile with different middle name:

M: Robert C. Lamb
M’s Father/job: Bill Lamb (once the most popular radio disc jockey in Flint, Michigan)
NS: Marty Weiss
M’s friend who ran website while in jail: Brad Miller
Other pedophile with different middle name: Robert Bruce Lamb

Blind Items Revealed #36

March 21, 2018

This one named A- list rapper is doing his best to convince the world he wasn't cheating on his wife. Even his wife believes him. Uh huh. Good luck with that. This will all work out until the woman you are seeing and were seeing gets dumped by you and then starts telling everyone the timeline of your dating. A timeline which she is already telling her friends. So, when you do show up in public with her and tell everyone you just met and didn't start dating until after your split, you better hope she signs an NDA or your wife will be even more heartbroken.

Logic/Jessica Andrea

Blind Items Revealed #35 - A Himmmm Blind Item - The Reveal From Parts 1-8

Band: INXS (Live at Wembley Stadium)
H3: Jon Farriss
Musical brain and major songwriter: Andrew Farriss
KG/band's guitarists and a multi-instrumentalist: Tim Farriss
HT/singer/front man: Michael Hutchence
Permanent foreign born A list model: Helena Christensen
Former A list singer who had several big hits in late 70's early 80's: Blondie
Foreign born permanent A++ list singer: David Bowie
MS (foreign born woman who was known as a two-hit wonder in the U.S., from a musical family): Kim Wilde
Foreign born A list singer who all of you know but never reached anything close to A list here: Kylie Minogue
LD: Diana, Princess of Wales
Military-looking red-haired man: James Hewitt

Blind Items Revealed #35 - A Himmmm Blind Item - Part Eight Of 8 Parts Which I Will Space Every Five Minutes - Reveal 5 Minutes After The Final Part

March 26, 2018

Damn.  Then, the rear door of that car opened and we all clearly saw who it was getting out, alone.  Our driver had been correct – it was government, maybe even MI5 alright, but not for us.  It was for (foreign born permanent A+++ list celebrity), who we call L.D. - who was exiting that car, alone.  She looked nervously around, making eye contact with us in our car, and tripped slightly on the curb.  As she recovered herself, she raced up the steps to a townhouse-looking place that had all the lights off.  At 3am.  By herself.  None of us uttered a peep or even a breath.

I'd seen something when the lady stumbled, a little glint of light, but in my drunken mind knew I saw something fall.  I slowly exited our car, as my mates told me to get back in.  I walked over to the sidewalk, looking down…looking…and saw it.  Yep, it was an earring.  L.D., in her hurry, had lost it when she stumbled.  Now H3 was out of the car, and I showed him too.  I was bent down, picking it up when a man opens the rear car door and exits from where she'd been.  He gets out and tells us to piss off.  Very military in his demeanor, but obviously surprised.  He had no clue who we were, nor did we of him.  At that time anyway.  I told him that his friend had dropped – "I told you to piss off! Go! Now!", he barked.  So I pocketed the fallen pearl earring, and thought about offering it to the man.  But how do you do so to a guy so rude?  H3 tugged my arm, and we went back to the car.  The entire time being stared down by that driver, that military-looking red-haired man, whom I'd only see again in tabloids years later.

Back in our car, we all kind of sat there quietly, as our driver eased onto the street.  I looked at H3, and MS looked at me.  "What? Was that who I think - " she asked.  H3 and I both realized we'd seen something we likely should not have, even though we could not say for certain what was going on.  We just both knew – even drunk – that it wasn't something we wanted to discuss ever.  But there was no question who the lady was, which likely meant either press or cops would be in the area (if not already hiding somewhere).  We didn't need a scandal or drama.  I told our driver to go – forget about the side trips.  MS said, "And I'm all dressed up for nothing?" and laughed.  We all made a pledge then and there not to repeat anything we'd seen – or anything we'd thought we'd seen.  We all held to that promise until a tragic accident many years later nullified our pact for us.

We took H3 back to the hotel, and as it was past 4am, figured it was all quiet.  Nope, nada.  I let him out and thanked my pal for a great time.  He says he went in and went to sleep, but I have my doubts.  MS had decided to ride with me to the airport in the car.  Our company's private jet was there, waiting for me to depart.  Actually it was waiting to fly all the film canisters and recordings back to the US, but was nice enough to wait on me.  The entire ride out to the airport, MS and I became very close friends.  The seat divider raised all the way up.  She was and is still truly a remarkable woman.  I didn't want to leave, and in my then-nineteen year-old brain felt love and passion unlike any I'd known before.  It was very passionate, and probably as ecstatic as could be without total abandonment into full consummation.  She didn't have to fear a walk of shame, and even intoxicated we both knew it was real.  Still I tried everything to talk her into flying to the states with me, and she tried to talk me into staying there.  Literally driving onto the runway at the general aviation terminal, the jet was ready to take off.

Almost like a scene out of one of those old movies where the couple kisses before one boards the train for war – she and I shared a lovely, tender kiss right there on the runway.  Jet engines whirring, breeze blowing around us, as the summer sun began to peep over the horizon.  The co-pilot yelled from the top of the steps, and broke us up.  I thanked MS for everything, and sorry if her good time was ruined.

"You're joking, right?", she said.  "It was a MAGICAL night.  One of my bests…ever."

Glad I wasn't the only one to feel that way.  I loaded my guitar case and bags, and waved goodbye as our driver returned Cinderella back home by sunrise.  As we departed and made it airborne, I realized I'd lost the t-shirt I'd grabbed for my sister's gift.  Then realized that MS was still wearing it.  I couldn't stop smiling.  As there, in my hands, was that amazing dress of hers – ripped and all.  I had to laugh, and fell into a deep, deep sleep.

Over the next few years I got busier, and that band had ups and downs.  Especially the singer HT.  Personal issues and problems had me worried about my friend.  It wasn't til several years later that I got word from him that he would be in Los Angeles and wanted to catch up.  Of course I would.  He came in time for my birthday, and we went out to dinner to celebrate.  He told me he wanted to try more acting, and if I could help him in that area of the biz.  Sure I could, and would.  We wound up talking all night outside at my house on the balcony.  A few bottles of wine later, like vampires fleeing the sun, we decided to reconvene around the holidays.  He was proud to be a new father, and wanted to get on with the next phase of his life.  He knew I'd be there when he returned.

When we parted that early morning, before he got in the car to leave, he said to me: "I think I'm going to like growing old if I can do it in style.  Never wanted to get old.  Maybe this is where I need to do it – seems to work for you". I told him he was a long way from old, and this was his home if he wished.  He called me "little brotha" and gave a hug.

It would be the last time I ever saw him.

A month later, they found his body in his room.  All kinds of horrible conspiracies, gossip, and garbage about his death.  I know it was suicide, because nobody could kill my friend but himself.  Nobody could take his force of life from him, but him.  It hurt and stung badly, especially knowing we were going to soon be closer than before.  It wasn't to be, and like so many friends after him I replay his memories and crush myself wondering if I could've only reached out...if I'd only known.  Why didn't he call me?  But it's all for naught.  He left a young child that he was proud of and loved dearly; a band that misses him still; and a stunned world who will forever recall his bright light.  I still look at that final parting shot of the video that night from the concert.  It is a haunting look from the singer, almost prophetic as he holds my guitar in a frozen frame.  I think he would've liked it.  Even in death my friend is magnetic.
 Very recently, the guitarist KG decided to auction off some of his guitars for charity.  It went very well, but there was one guitar noticeably absent from the offerings.  Probably because it is sitting – as I type this – in my living room right now.  And to this day? No one has played it, or even changed the strings since that night HT strummed and banged it live at the close of that show. A moment captured for eternity.  Draped along the side curve of the guitar, is a swath of glittering black cloth that used to be a dress.  What's left of it, anyway.  The last time it covered a human body was MS, that night, when she changed outside the pub.  Atop that black shining dress is a small, clear box with a single pearl earring inside.  The one dropped by that now-gone lady in her hurry into a friend's home that night, driven there by her ginger-haired military lover on a secret leave.  It too has never been in another ear or worn by anyone else.  Together they all make a little shrine, dedicated to this night.  A night that can never be repeated for all of eternal history.  Even that original stadium has been torn down and never will be played again by anyone.  Some epic nights remain those brief beautiful moments.

I'm so happy to see that MS recently announced a kicking new pop album, and an upcoming tour.  Still an amazing woman, beautiful, and a rocking pop genius.  She's now married happily with a family and works her garden when not spotting aliens.  Part of me will carry our moment together too, forever – in my heart.  She's worthy of the best and I'm honored to have been worthy of her best, even for that moment that crazy night.

I look back on those days and hear the laughter, see the extravaganza, and feel the electricity from those moments that make life worth living.  To have lived through a moment where the peak of perfection is captured live for all future generations to witness.  A moment of fun, power, and excitement.  I was honored to be a friend of those guys, and treasure it among my best moments.  Yes, I smile at it when I think of my departed friend, and that moment…that goes on forever.  That one mad, sad moment that was part of our friendship. As is my ongoing friendship with H3 and the connection we still share.  So that's the story.

With so many friends dying of causes, natural or unnatural – I have found that life is never as certain as it should be.  It takes work and fortitude to live and keep going, no matter our hurts and struggles.  Sometimes we have to just make ourselves keep going to see the sun rise one more day.  No matter the pains, conditions, tragedies, and losses we all suffer as humans; we can still look back at time when all was right with our worlds.  When that light shined, and we remember our reasons for living.  In the faces of our children or even in the memory of a magical moment 27 years ago.  We must all choose not to fade away, and not to burn out.  Find the strength in those memories that live forever.  As our friend said, there's nothing better we can do, than live forever.

We must choose to live.  Just live, baby…live.

Blind Items Revealed #35 - A Himmmm Blind Item - Part Seven Of 8 Parts Which I Will Space Every Five Minutes - Reveal 5 Minutes After The Final Part

March 26, 2018

About then MS jumps out of the car.  She says she's got a cramp and laughs while hopping around on one foot.  It was then that everything froze silent.  Standing by the car, she noticed we were all looking at her with a dazed look in our eyes.  She turned to me and said, "What? What is it? Is my makeup smeared?".

Uh…no.  In a slow, zombie-like manner, I just nodded my head side to side.  My mouth open.  She looked down, catching her reflection in the car's window.  That's when she noticed it too – that around the cleavage of her dress was a rip that ran about six inches straight down her stomach, to the top of her undies.  How did she not feel the draft? Needless to say, she was very, very, VERY exposed.  But being herself, with that natural charisma – she adjusted herself and began laughing.  "Oh, well.  So much for THAT I guess."

Right in front of all of us, time seemed to stand still.  I stood there holding the door open, and she reached in and grabbed my small backpack.  She said she'd had it, been tired of fighting to try and stay proper in this Marilyn Monroe-looking dress.  Would I please unzip her in the back?

"Uhhh…WHAT?", I said.

Yep.  Unzip it please, she was peeling off.  And at her drunken request, I did just that.  And she did just that.  And then I…oh, my.  My goodness.  Okay, stay calm.  No big deal.  I was more concerned with someone seeing this, or thinking it was something besides what it was.  I started looking around for paparazzi or Japanese tourists with Nikons.  Thank heavens smart phones didn't exist back then or it would be front page on TMZ.

My God in heaven she really was beautiful.  Like a statue of Venus or something.  Very blonde, and very tan.  She reached over for my bag and pulled out a concert t-shirt I'd snagged to take back for my sister.  This gorgeous naked woman shimmied, arms up, and put it on.  Thank goodness it was a large because it barely covered her…uh…her shoulders.  She grabbed a new pair of boxers from my bag, and my oversize button-down shirt and leather jacket.  Then voila!  After she nicked a pair of sandals, she looked like a fashionable surfer girl refugee from a punk camping trip.  Very chic, even if it looked like she had no pants on.  A very crafty and adaptable woman.  She handed me the dress, and told me to keep it (!) as a souvenir.  Adding, "and you can tell all your mates that after you ripped off my dress and ravaged me I was so enthralled I gave you the dress to remember me by!".  She erupted laughing.  H3 and I looked at each other, eyes wide.

A fluff of the hair, an adjustment here and there – and we were ready to roll again, off to the next stop.  "Okay boys, you already got me out of my clothes – so what's next?".  I was about to slur an answer when we saw a very nice car pass very slowly by us.  Our driver says: "Oh hell! That's a government car!".  Confused, we asked him what he meant.  He said that's like an unmarked police car back in the states.  A government car for cops and important people.  We thought the bodyguard back at the hotel got pissed and called out MI-5 for us.  Not good.  Images of James Bond or Sherlock Holmes out hunting for an abducted drunken rock drummer.  We all hustled into our backseat, and watched the car slow to a crawl – then stop ahead of us.

Blind Items Revealed #35 - A Himmmm Blind Item - Part Six Of 8 Parts Which I Will Space Every Five Minutes - Reveal 5 Minutes After The Final Part

March 26, 2018

Back at the hotel was a madhouse.  I bribed our driver to help us escape and keep the motor running.  Getting out of the car, I grabbed to move my guitar case the same moment MS decided to exit the car.  She began to tumble – in that beautiful dress – and I caught her mid-fall.  Unfortunately, her dress caught on the door and…rippppp! The cleavage seam on her dress split about 6 inches lower, and it really didn't need to do that.  Gracefully composed, she pinched the top closed, laughing as I apologized.  All she needed was a safety pin, which we found thanks to the concierge.

The bellman grabbed my bags from my room, and shuffled them all out to the car.  MS was looking fit as ever, and we met with H3 in the lobby.  The bodyguard was already in a panic due to the bass player's pregnant wife nearly giving birth during the show.  A simple request distracted him enough for us to ditch the party, with a bottle or two smuggled out.

Running into the singer HT – he begged to join us.  No problem.  He and his girlfriend would be a blast.  Before we could leave, his manager cornered him and reminded him of the glad-hands and media he was obligated to meet and greet.  I saw then what it meant to be trapped by your fame.  A sad moment where the look on his face was like a kid who had to stay in detention while the others went to recess to play.  He shrugged, and I told him the pub name if he could escape.  He looked so lonely in a room full of adoring people – and winked: 'You two don't behave, have one for me".

In the car MS and I sat, talking and drinking waiting on H3 who finally made it out a side door.  Like a bank heist getaway he jumped in, and the driver sped off to the pub we'd wanted to visit.  Poor H3 was exhausted but got his second wind.  MS was becoming a very funny drunk with a sense of humor to rival a sailor.  Arriving to a pub that looked more like a dive bar than disco, we told the driver we'd be about 10 minutes.

The second MS came through that door to the pub, every head turned.  Not at the drummer who just played for an army of them, but at the gorgeous blonde in that black dress.  I wondered how long until they recognized who she was.  I was invisible, happily so.  After finally finding our table and drinking ourselves to comfort, we plotted our night's course.  People whispered and feeling our cover blown, we decided to finish our drinks and go before the tabloids showed.  By then more than one man had made comments, gestures, and sneers at us.  A large chap who looked like a poster-child for football hooligans staggered over towards us, asking if we're television stars.  We laughed and apologized that "Sorry, just regular folks".  To which he replied that he didn't care for us hogging all the bartender service.  I also noticed his 20 rough pals in the corner arguing with themselves.

This drunken jerk kept saying nasty things, and as we're wanting to avoid a fight I said we should leave.  I didn't want to brawl with a gang of guys who looked like a brown shart stain on the fresh tighty-whiteys of humanity.  This drunk leaned over our table, resting his large weight on an empty chair, leering at MS.  He made a very crude remark involving a word than began with "C".  The drunk then reached his arm out towards MS and to grab at her cleavage.

Then H3 swiftly KICKS the chair legs out with his foot, and the drunk goes –

…SLAP his face hard on the table, then crashing down to the floor in a heap at MS's feet.  Out cold.

Never test the leg reflexes of a drummer or a football mid-fielder.  Everyone sat there, mouths open, staring at the out-cold drunk.  Now sleeping peacefully on the barroom floor, a broken tooth just beside his mouth.  Maybe the tooth fairy would visit him now.  MS looked in horror and H3 says: "Time to go".  Uh, yep.  As we pass the bar, I gave the bartender a big bill to cover the tab, damages, and tip.  Which was the moment the drunk's pals started to realize his condition and yelling at us.

We began to run out the door, with MS taking half-steps in that tight dress.  Outside the door I see our driver and I shout: "We gotta go!" and he jumps in the car.  I hear grumbling behind us, and I grab MS' hand as she begins to run.  I hear another RIPPPPP of fabric, and hear her say: "Aww, F#@K IT!" as she hikes up her skirt and goes full sprint, ass-in-the-breeze, across the street.  H3 passes us both and dives for the car doors.  We all three jump in the back like fools, landing on each other as we make a getaway laughing.  I look back to see about 15 people all flying out of the bar towards us, and would've likely caught us in ten seconds.

I look over at MS who is laughing hysterically, and H3 worried the drunk may have been dead.  I assured him it wasn't that hard a fall – just resting nicely.  Or pining for the fjords.  We decide – in my drunken logic – to head to a residential area where I had a friend who would love to meet H3 and always is partying.  Being drunk and in a foreign place, I wasn't sure about the exact location and our driver tried his best.  Somehow we wound up in what looked like a row under construction near the Belgravia section of town.  "Where the hell ARE we??", MS asked as we served as our own bartenders.

Both H3 and I shrugged, and the driver wisely decided to pull over as we figured it out.  MS said she really "needed the loo" so I got out to look around for someplace she could go.  The driver studied his map, and H3 reminded us that the bodyguard – when he and HT ran away in Rio – called the cops to find them.  We hoped that wouldn't happen, nor a run in with tabloids, but kept a lookout just in case.


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