Friday, January 05, 2007

Four For Friday

Heard it through the grapevine that this absolutely lovely television actress who stars in one of those shows that seems to be on every night and every channel and who is married has a little secret. After the birth of her child, they were having a hard time in the romance department so she decided to spice things up. She discovered tantric massage. Not telling hubby, she enrolled in a class and started bringing those lessons home to hubby. He was ecstatic and could not get enough of her. Things were looking up and he encouraged her to keep attending class. Well, lo and behold she started going more frequently than before but it was not because of the renewed spark between she and her husband but instead the drop dead gorgeous (I know you are thinking clue) instructor who was and continues to give her private lessons.

What if you worked at Trashy Lingerie in LA and you had this Number One selling rock star come into the store? Someone who is solo now but was in the biggest band in the US very recently. You say, wow he must be here for his wife and isn’t that nice? Wow he is looking at some lingerie that is a little different, and a little larger. I thought his wife was smaller than that. Hmmm, well maybe he is getting it for a gag gift or something. Well usually they would only get one thing and now he has several. Is he going to a dressing room? Has he been here before? All the time, and it is all for himself, no matter how much he smiles and says it is for his tiny wife and no matter how many times the staff sees him in the dressing room trying it on.

This British actress and her current boyfriend are always photographed in public groping and making out. She tries hard to show that she is all woman and that she loves boys. The problem is that even when they are out and about, no one really believes it. He is hot for her, but she always looks as if it is the last thing on her mind no matter how much they mug for the cameras. In private he doesn’t even get a whiff of her perfume. When they started dating he thought it would be true love. Actually though it has been a nightmare because she will not let him break it off. She has an image to live up to. What it means for him though is that everyone thinks he is dating her so she turns the girls from him away, although she is watching them when they walk away.

This rockstar’s divorce was recently finalized so he could bring on the next wife. Everyone assumed she walked away with HMM money, but it was not to be. He has a long history of wives and girlfriends who think they are going to take him to the cleaners. What they don’t realize until it is too late is that he has all the ammunition. During their time together he records every incriminating moment whether it be drugs or drinking or another man. When the time comes for parting and they are looking for money, he invites them into his room and shows them why they will not be getting a penny above what he wants to give them.

This is going to be shorter than normal because it is going to be a busy day. However, no matter how busy I am, there is always time for Four For Friday. Yes, that tradition that spans the ages all the way back to about what? Friday after Thanksgiving, something like that. Anyway, look for it at the lunch hour Pacific Time as usual.

One thing I do not normally do is link to photos that are NSFW. Not to say that I do not look at them, but I think we all know where to find them if we want to look so it is not something I need to do. With that being said, I just had to link to this photo of Ashlee Simpson's nipple slip. As much as it looks like her friend is the one who made it all happen, that is for another time, another story, or perhaps a blind item. The reason I am linking is simply to ask the following question. Has Papa Joe looked at the pic, and if so how many times?

Has anyone ever seen a picture of David Letterman taken by the pap? I have never seen one until now which is why I just had to link to this recent one with his son. He does look a little pissed or a little hungover or both. I will always take Dave over Jay. It will be really interesting to see what Conan vs. Dave is like next year though.

Aaaaah, the wonderful time right after the holidays when all the love, romance and affection is thrown out the window for breakup after breakup after breakup. First we had Cameron and Justin, then today we had Marilyn Manson and Dita von Teese split. They had seven years together, but once they got married, it took less than a year to say bye bye. Now comes news that Billy Crudup who left his about to give birth girlfriend for Claire Danes has now given Claire the boot because she decided to utter the word marriage. Hmmmm. Dita wants to be married, Marilyn does not. Claire wants to be married and Billy does not. OK, so the way I have this figured out is that Billy and Marilyn need to move into together. Billy will probably not even notice that Marilyn is a guy. That leaves Claire and Dita. See, this is reality television in the making. The only thing that could make it better is the mystery couple. Who would the mystery couple be? Well I do not think it is accidental that Justin broke up with Cameron right after she confessed to a crush on Pamela Anderson. And at least until the next party or beach vacation, Pam is single. Therefore we throw them into the mix. Pam would do it for sure. The only hit movies Cameron is in lately are those involving animated characters so she might decide to give it a shot.

On a happier note, Chris Kattan got engaged over the weekend. (yes, to a woman. What is wrong with you people?) Of course they are not going to get married until 2008 and her name is Sunshine. But, I know it is going to last. Plus he has some new movies coming out so publicity is always good. In other engagement and wedding news that no one really cares about, Lisa Ling got engaged to a doctor, and Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Espositio got married. So, Bradley was good in Wedding Crashers and I do care that Jennifer Esposito got married. Cross Jennifer off, but put Kate back on.

Now for the really important part of this morning's post. I FINALLY got some photos of the punisherz NYE gig in Australia. I have heard rumors that this is the beginning of the farewell tour for the group so do catch them before they are no more or at least all living in LA with another name. By the way, the guy in this group is the host of Australian Idol. In the photo on the right he seems to be channeling a little Freddie Mercury. I am just glad he is not channeling Ryan Seacrest. There is no way Seacrest could ever have that much fun. EVER.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

In what has to be one of the more bizarre blind items of recent memory this actress has really just started to concentrate on her career again. She has gone from everyone's fantasy to Academy Award winning movies to now being someone you go, "hey what happened to, or wow she is not the star she used to be." The reason for all of this was her marriage to a director wannabe. Everyone always thought the pairing was strange. It seems that our couple has a relationship which was more S&M then H&W. It seems that she lived to do his bidding and was completely submissive to his needs. She trained for two years and never left his side and always remained standing still when he was speaking to others. Then as the money began to run out, she took an endless series of roles which paid ok but did not enhance her career. She did this to support him because he told her that she belonged to him and was his slave. She always did his bidding no matter what. If it involved sleeping with other men or women she did it for him and never complained. She was perfectly happy to stay with him forever. She thought everything was great, but he left her and devastated her. He found someone else who he wanted to play with and did not want to share. Our actress even got the wrong end of the alimony and still supports him to some extent, although he does now have to work. She has spun this situation to friends by saying it was a one time thing and she will not make the same mistake again, but wasn't that her in Bar Sinister's S&M lair last week looking for a new Master?

Basically the way it works from yesterday is that you have no clue about some of them. I would hate for you to wait until Friday even though it is right next door.

I do not want to say that you heard it hear first, but you did. Did anyone else? Nope, nada zilch.Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson are no more. From what I have heard, I actually think that Kate Hudson and her husband are going to reconcile and that she loves the old hippie. I personally think she should come to downtown LA and say hi to yours truly, but I am just saying. Actually I think she and her husband make a pretty good couple so if they are happy, then I am happy. I will just watch Almost Famous for the 50th time.

You know I have a ban on all things man handish for two weeks. But there is this great story about what her 86 boyfriends probably told her or convinced her about orgasms and why she has never had one with a man, but I just cannot link to it. So tough to keep a resolution. Of course it also involves Britney Spears so maybe I could do it under that guise. Oh what the hell, I am pretty jazzed about the first story so here you go.

Mel B is going on Maury? This article says she is going on American television to reveal the DNA test after her baby is born. As much as this might be an Oprah or View moment we all know who the DNA king is in America. I am just wondering if she is going to have to go through five episodes of men to find out who the father is. My bet is Eddie is the father.

You know I have decided that the UK tabloids do not know what the hell they are talking about in regards to Celebrity Big Brother. In the Sun today they said they predicted all 8 people now living in the house. Sure they did. Because they guessed like 200 people. How many times have I linked to their stories when they said people were going in? They got me all excited and instead it is a worse cast than the Surreal Life. Speaking of which Verne Troyer, who checked into rehab earlier this week did so after filming Surreal Life Games. One can only hope he had another living room bathroom experience captured on tape.

The Police reuniting? I will be there.

You know, for as popular as The O.C. was, it sure went off the air quickly. It seems as if the stars of that show have been around for 10 years instead of the three it has actually been. Three years from now will they still be around?

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Except for JeeezeLouise today, anyone who has REPLIED to one of my e-mails in the last week will you please send it again because I did not get it.

I sent Jeeeze an update on Britney but since you all want one, here is what I have for you. I have left two messages with my "friend." One yesterday and one today. I do not want to seem like a stalker so I am waiting for a call back. If and when she calls back I will fill you on the scoop she wants filled. It is the best I can do.

So this starlet who has been mentioned everywhere had a little drink Sunday night or was it two or three? Seems she got rejected by an ex in a VERY public way and proceeded to drink the night away and came on to any guy who headed her way. Except for one.

One of my favorite actresses is finding that the road to seriousness is tough when you are not serious yourself. This actress who has been in A-List movies and has had an A list career without the payoff has begun to try her hand at producing. The only problem is that during her latest film she spent more time in the bathroom doing lines of coke then remembering the lines in her part. In the last few months she had assured everyone that she was clean and sober and an angel all over again. Two years ago her career almost came crashing to a halt because no one would hire her. She cleaned up and has been working and had more in the works. But just like her last few relationships, the projects are disappearing fast. She has always been gorgeous and talented, but because of the drugs and booze always one step away from becoming an acting footnote.

Another quick one to end the day. It is amazing what happens over NYE that everyone sees but no one wants to say anything. Just like the first item, this one happened over the weekend. This brand new actress who got her start in the adult magazine business and a little television has been making the rounds doing publicity for her first solo movie role. She had been advertised as the next big thing. The next big thing however was scary. She shocked everyone at her dinner table Sunday night by talking while eating, making loud comments about the food and the way it taste, looked and felt, that were making people ill. In addition she kept telling everyone how much her new breasts cost and who she had slept with to get her role and comparing it to what she has previously had to do and who. What was supposed to be a coming out party with all the right people is forcing her manager to send her back and hope she gets some finishing touches.

So, a pimp's job is to make sure his girls are out there earning. Making Daddy enough money so he can have everything he wants. Cars, houses, vacations, and of course the bling. As an added bonus he gets a little somethin somethin whenever he feels like it. As far as I can tell, the only real difference between Joe "I used to be a preacher" Simpson and a pimp is that the sumthin sumthin is probably done vicariously and a pimp dresses better. I guess Joe had a few Christmas bills to pay because he was pissed that he is not getting his money from his girls (well at least in this case Jessica) Do you notice that Ashlee really does not seem to take much crap from Daddy. Maybe she fought back and that is what happened to her nose. Anyway, it looks kind of Culkinish for Joe to be making his little girl work so hard.

The Hypothetical conversation going on in Justin Timberlake's mind----

When you stop looking like Britney by coloring your hair black, and then tell me your idea of a great girl fling is Pam Anderson instead of someone I might actually think is hot I get upset. But really the last straw was saying you needed to have sex every night when you know I only give it to you once a week. So, now that Britney and I need some positive publicity we can make this world rock by getting back together or maybe I will just take my shot at the person who cannot be named for two weeks or that Lindsay Lohan. Hey even Lance looks cuter than you now. So it is over Cameron. Over.

There are two things wrong with the following story. First I think Ryan Phillippe is just having a fine time being away from Reese Witherspoon and has no plans to get back together with her anytime soon. Second. Can you honestly see Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese together? The only way that is possible if it were as a beard and bearder. Come on. At least say she was having a fling with a gaffer or the craft service guy. Something that would make more sense. This Liza Minelli David Gest thing they are suggesting is just so not right.

Evangeline Lilly wants to go back to doing sex line commercials. She wants to be an actress but is very private and does not want to be recognized by the public. Well would you rather be recognized for being on a hit television show or "hey aren't you that girl from 976-DATE? Do you think you and a couple of your friends could come over now? I got like $50. I would have more but Jess has not been working lately."

You too can have Whitney Houston's used panties. Before now only the rich and famous and those on Celebrity Big Brother UK could have the chance to own some of her used clothes. (No one wanted them after Marilyn and Gavin wore them) No word on whether they were the pair being worn when Bobby had to help her. Well you know. No, I know you remember if you watched the show and really cannot tell you if you did not.

I think we should bet on which Madden relationship will last longer. Nicole Richie and Joel Madden or Sophie Monk and Benji Madden. To me Joel has already shown he can handle adversity and the snickers from his fans so we know he is tough and tested. Plus as long as he can keep Nicole above 85 pounds or so, she should be there for him. As for Sophie and Benji. Maybe she is getting back at her parents? I just have not seen the track record from Benji and so I am going to say Sophie and Benji will break up first.

P.S. For those of you in the UK. I know Celeb Big Brother starts in a few hours so let me know who the celebs are please.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Sorry this is a little late, but it has been a hectic morning.

This former A list actor primarily known for his television roles had a vice paid for by his employers without them even knowing it. Our intrepid actor would haunt various seedy massage parlors until he found a special lady or two who gave excellent happy endings. He would make a deal to the owner of the parlors to buy the girl or two and then convince the studio to hire them as his masseuses. This allowed our actor to indulge in his fantasies while at the same time always seeking out new parlors and new ladies to replace his current ones. Everything was great until his last show tanked. Paradise was no more for our actor who soon found out that in many of his visits to massage parlors he was videotaped. With no more money coming to the parlor owners from the studios they wanted it from the actor and were threatening to make the tapes public. With no work coming in, the actor sold everything he had and even made some questionable legal decisions all to keep these not so nice people from coming after him. Meanwhile he could never say goodbye to the parlors and they were ruining his life. He finally has given up the parlors and paid off his debt and new work is finally starting to come his way. No word on who his new masseuse is.

This A list actress has a squeaky clean reputation and for the most part is well deserved. EXCEPT for the little scam she loves to play when fulfilling her shoe fetish. One thing about having children is they make a great cover story. Our actress had no fear when she had the children in tow. Pair after pair of shoes would be tried on and discarded. Too small, too big, just not right, until the salesperson would have twenty or thirty boxes of shoes out amongst our actress and her offspring. At that point she would be pleasant and ask the salesperson to just try one more pair. When the salesperson was in back, our actress would make an even bigger mess while taking three or four pairs of shoes and hiding them amongst strollers, backpacks and other baby necessities. When the salesperson would come back, our star makes an excuse about a toddler needing to eat or needing a bathroom and quickly leaving. Our star does not need the money, she just loves the thrill. Word has made the rounds among stores but no one wants to lose her business so they just keep quiet and let her play her game.

New Year's Resolutions

Two weeks and no Paris. What is a blogger to do? I will keep my promise and not link to any story involving her and this will be the last mention of her until January 15th but I just had to tell you about the fake LV bikini she was wearing in her infamous Bondi Beach camera shoot.

Two weeks of no Pete Doherty either. This is it until January 15th for him also. I am telling you Pete has nine hundred lives. This guy walks away from every crime known to man and this weekend escaped the bombing in Bangkok and somehow finds the time to marry a supermodel. Everywhere he goes bad news follows, except for him. Who thinks he did drugs this weekend? So then after the party mentioned in the previous article, Kate Moss who was either drunk, has the biggest mother complex of all time or just wants to find a way to give up half her money decides to marry the guy. The only possible good news out of this whole situation is that it is not going to be legal in the UK. Therefore when Pete inevitably gets thrown back into rehab or arrested Kate can just run and run and run.

I actually like the new Shannen Doherty show and it seems the rest of the world is starting to like it as well. Shannen's show Breaking Up with Shannen Doherty is going to start airing in Australia this year. If you have never seen it, it really is good although it does get repetitive after awhile because it is always the same format. She should do it in front of a live audience so there could be the chance for some Jerry Springer type fights.

Staying in Australia for now. Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban had a pap stalker and Nicole even uttered the f word. I could see her doing that. Also, Keith's "affair" did not really happen. Someone did not know how to Photoshop and so the story was discredited. Until I read the previous article I did not even know Keith Urban had dated Niki Taylor and now she has got married. Speaking of Nikki's although I guess this one has an extra K, Nikki Cox and Jay Mohr got married over the weekend. The article gives her age as 28 but that would have made her about 6 during that Married With Children knockoff. In addition she was once engaged to Bobcat Goldwhait, so she could be trying to bury those years or do them over or something.

I honestly do not really like Big Brother. I know I keep saying that and then linking to stories about it. BUT, the thing is, the celebrities are not announced ahead of time and so everyone keeps saying this person will be there and this one, etc. It is so confusing and then I read this article which lists three people that have never been mentioned in any other article about it. I get discouraged that perhaps I will not get to see a Tara Reid K-Fed love affair with Whitney Houston, Marilyn and Gavin Rossdale all trying on each other's clothes in the background. But then, if you look at the bottom of the article, it says there will be 2 houses at the same time. Think of the switching. Think of the possibilities.

So Jessica Simposon was finally "full on making out" with John Mayer in public. Either the phone sex thing got old or Luke Wilson did not want to play in public. Of course everyone denies everything until they actually do something like this in public which will force them to confess they also got secretly married in Thailand over the weekend as well. The little reported story coming out of the Joe "I am a greedy man" Simpson familia was that to get some free football tickets to a Dallas Cowboys game he told the Dallas quarterback it was ok to say he was dating Jessica Simpson. In fact, the two have never met. If that is not pimping your daughter out, then please tell me what is. Tony Romo is allegedly dating American Idol winner Carrie Underwood. Obviously she must like free football tickets also.

Monday, January 01, 2007

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Britney UPDATE - My story

Well I hope everyone had a very fun and safe NYE. I went to Vegas, and yes was at PURE, but did NOT see what happened with Britney. I was already long gone from the club when it happened and actually did not even hear it happened until I got back to LA. The last time I saw Britney was actually right before the countdown to midnight and when we spoke she seemed fine. It was really loud and so modds and inflections were hard to read, but I did not sense an impending collapse. I tried to call who I normally call when I need some info about Britney, but the phone goes straight to voicemail. So, for now I am in the dark with the rest of you. My first guess is that it was a combination of a very long day and the heat. It was really hot inside the club and Britney's day was really long. Earlier that evening I did have a conversation with the person mentioned above that made it clear Britney had not had much rest if any for almost two days or longer and had been too busy to really eat much either. In case you have not read what happened, here is the story. I will keep you updated if I hear more.


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