Friday, July 20, 2007

**Updated** Tyler Atkins Thinks Paris Is Amazing--See What He Calls Her When He Is Filling His First Valtrex Prescription

Yes, you know when someone is in it for the publicity when they start yammering away to anyone who will listen. In this case, Tyler couldn't find anyone who wanted to listen so he called up a gossip website in Australia and begged them to write about his relationship with Paris. They cared so much they wrote about 100 words.

I really don't care except this has got to be the slowest news day in a very long time and it is Friday and I don't want to write about Lindsay because there are literally 100 stories about her turning herself in and that she lost that movie. I actually think losing the movie was a good thing because if you are in a movie with Shirley MacLaine, then it is going to bomb. Lindsay bombs movies without any extra help. She needs to go suck up to Will Ferrell and beg to be in his next movie so at least she can say she has been in one hit in the last five years. With all that being said, I am beginning to get on the Lindsay bandwagon. I think she had a messed up childhood with terrible parents who are doing an even worse job with the younger kids. You and I know that if we had the same chances to do the things she has done we would probably do them.

Yes, Lindsay might still be drinking and partying but at least she is likable. One meeting is not enough to form a lifetime impression but at least I can see in her what a casting agent or director sees. I've met Paris more than once and have always disliked her and everyone who has known her for longer than a week also dislikes her. Her sister is the only person who hangs out with her longer than a month except for guys who want to f**k her.

So back to Tyler and Paris. You know the thing that amazes me about Paris is that she was at an event for BPM Magazine last night and the people from Ford Motors wanted her to pose with their latest hybrid. Companies are still paying her to promote their products so someone, somewhere is saying that she has an impact on what you and I buy. Ford wants a jail serving, herpes carrying, porn movie making, colored contacts wearing, Joe Francis (ex-convict) blowing, Suge Knight (ex-convict) grinding, lap dancing, fake smiling, pot smoking, no talent, Larry King lying, fake hair wearing, N-word slinging, taking it in the butt for coke-whoring, wonky eyed, fake bible reading, heir dating, Greasy bear friend having, Britney crotch baring, bad music creatin, Scott Storch doin, (shudder) name droppin, drunk drivin, small dog havin, in and out burger eatin, ho for a mother havin, size 12 wearin, Hybrid ridin, bad neighbor bein, fug sister havin, racial slangin, taco bell eatin, simple life havin, valtrex takin, leopard wearin, man hands person who was jailed for DRIVING on a suspended license schlepping their cars. I think Robert Blake is probably looking for work, why don't you call him next.

Why the hell would I want to buy something Paris Hilton promotes? Does Ford really believe that young women or men are going to rush out and buy the new Ford Escape Hybrid because Paris Hilton is posing with one? The only way that would happen is if she got in the back and demonstrated how she manages to have sex easily and comfortably in its roomy interior and how there are places for toys, cameras, and condoms in easily accessible locations. THEN, a guy might buy one. Might.

Ford's New Ad Campaign Featuring Paris Hilton

Courtesy of TwistedSister

A skank with every tank!

A 'ho that will make you go!

A fuck with every truck!

A bar in every car!

Step on the gas and she'll light up some grass!

Four For Friday

Quick and dirty like Paris in the back of a Ford Escape. Hey at least it has room for her surfboard. Hang on, I need to go back and add to my rant. Be right back. OK, back. Just had to add a few more descriptions of Paris. If you think of any that I missed and that won't get me sued, please pass them along and we can all make it the longest sentence in the world. Give R.E.M a run for their money. Then I will find all the photos of Paris posing with products and have one big jolly post. It will be the happ, happ, happiest f**king post of all time. Now, on with the show.

#1 - Ummmm. She's told everyone she's pregnant, BUT she hasn't been to a doctor (OB/GYN), AND has taken no pregnancy test. She has simply missed a period or two.

#2 - Comes from AP and like all good AP stories they come from the women's restroom. Seems this female B list television/ made for tv movie / maybe one good movie role actress who has done the whole "I'm not anorexic or bulimic anymore even if I ever was," type speeches has been seen in the bathroom twice in the last ten days or so by AP puking up all the appetizers and drinks she had cheerfully consumed 30 minutes earlier.

Oh, thinking of AP reminded me that the "spy" who goes to the events for me and does those reports you love wants me to go the Emmy Awards with her which means she won't be texting like crazy. So, I have to think of a way to get out of it gracefully because otherwise you will have to go with what I remember or maybe I could try live blogging. Anyway, sorry for the interruption.

#3 - Have you noticed this A+ list couple hasn't been photographed together lately even though he has been. Do you think she is enjoying her long "vacation" because he slept with their maid's daughter or because he hit on and got rejected by the son of a family friend. Both happened but who knows which caused the "vacation."

#4 - There is this network, should be a hit, dramedy show, and it seems that a married actress on the show is having a little thing with the currently unmarried, main star power, but not really the lead actor on the show.

Bonus - This jackass B+ actor, on a hit network drama was in a restaurant for lunch on Wednesday and was dissatisfied with his food. He called the waiter over to complain. When he didn't feel the waiter was being attentive enough to his needs our actor took the ketchup covered cheeseburger and threw it at the waiter. Well threw is an overstatement since the waiter was about 1 foot away. Our married actor then got up with his ho of the day and walked out.

That Didn't Take Long

Its 5am in Sydney and I already got an e-mail from one of my favorite readers there who says she and Tyler Atkins are really good friends. She's going to call him. Let's see if he talks to her and what he has to say. Maybe he wants to rethink that "amazing" comment. Sleeping with Paris is a 30 second fling (30 seconds is average right?) Herpes is forever.

Random Photos

Didn't Delishis just get married? Well she needs to make a living just like anyone else I guess.
Some party in Australia. Just thought you ladies and certain gentlemen would like a little something to make you smile.
"Now come on. I didn't say 17 milk shakes a day made me put on this weight. I said 7."
Courtney and the Bean.
Michelle Scott Lee had a little too much to drink at her birthday party.
Be careful Sean. Don't want to have to bail another person out.

Naomi Watts is like the frikking Energizer Bunny. This pregnancy just keeps going and going and going.
Yesterday it was Posh's legs, and today it is Madonna's arms.
Sure I can see what Petra saw in James Blunt. A one hit wondered homeless guy with no future.
Speaking of no future. Well I wonder if I dress up one of my blow up dolls to look like Jessica if it will be the same.

Emmy Flashback--Worst Dressed

Paula Abdul is always a fashion disaster but she holds out for that something extra at the Emmy Awards. There could have been much more, but I feel bad for her having to be a sugarmama and her show tanking.

54th Emmy Awards
589th Emmy Awards (notice Warren in the background trying to suck in the gut and get that corset back in place)
Vannessa Sexillo - 58th Emmy Awards
Jennifer Love Hewitt - 57th Emmy Awards
Kim Cattrall - 55th Emmy Awards
Mary Hart - 55th Emmy Awards
Mary McCormack - 57th Emmy Awards
Tess Smith - 57th Emmy Awards
Angela Bassett - 54th Emmy Awards

Alicia Silverstone - 55th Emmy Awards
Edie Falco - 56th Emmy Awards
Heidi Klum - 57th Emmy Awards
Heather Locklear - 56th Emmy Awards

Emmy Flashback -- Style Evolution 2

Matthew Perry

49th Emmy Awards

51st Emmy Awards
55th Emmy Awards
58th Emmy Awards

Rob Lowe

52nd Emmy Awards

53rd Emmy Awards
54th Emmy Awards
55th Emmy Awards

Britney Spears Music Video

Britney Spears is filming her first music video in over two years and this is one of the outfits she is wearing in the video. It will be interesting to see how the finished product looks when all is said and done, but the raw version in the harsh sunlight is not really the best look for this outfit or Britney. I'm not exactly sure if she's going for the Elvira thing, a Dominatrix look, or just a hooker funeral, but since she's acting as her own manager now, it should be spectacular.

Music News And Photos

The first two photos are from a Billy Bob listening party to celebrate his new CD.

Billy Bob Thornton & Lisa Loeb - The Village Recorders - Los Angeles
Billy Bob Thornton, Lara Shriftman, Dwight Yoakam, Gail Zappa, Fred Durst
Bryan Adams - Aintree - Liverpool, UK
Air Supply - Assey Levy Park - New York
Neil Young - The Cutting Room - New York

John Mayer and Eric Clapton - Good Morning America - New York
The cast of "Hairspray" - Today Show - New York
DJ D-Life and Ja Rule - 33 Patterns Street, NE - Washington DC
Billy Ocean - Assey Levy Park - New York

Sum 41 - fuse Studios - New York
Sugababes - Oaka Olympic Stadium - Athens
Rick Ross - 33 Patterns Street, NE - Washington DC
Pegi Young - The Cutting Room - New York
Playa - 33 Patterns Street, NE - Washington, DC


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