Friday, November 09, 2007

Kindness Plug

By all accounts the benefit for Derrick Brown went really well on Monday night. He raised some money to help offset his medical bills, but he is still far short of his goal. When I wrote him this week asking what else you or I could do, he said the best thing was to keep buying his books or his brand new t-shirts which he has for sale on his website and which is linked at the very bottom of this post. Although he feels uncomfortable about accepting money for nothing in return, he also understands that maybe people only have $1 or $2 to contribute and feels blessed that you would even help a stranger with that amount. In case you are not familiar with his story or his work, I encourage you to check out his websites, or read one of his books. You better get used to this kindness plug every week, because it will be here until the bills are gone. These are the words of Derrick.

Here is a short summary of what happened to me for those concerned, and I must say I was overwhelmed and honored by everyone's emails and support. It was the best thing about that rough and boring and painful hospital stay.

So out in California, The drums inside your chest show was so damn fun. Sold out. 5 cameras. 15 minute slots by some of my favorite authors.Brilliant photos by mr. matt wignall at

The next day was to be a show in my beloved Long Beach at the broadlind with myself, aimee bender and chris davidson put on by the lascivious david price.

My friend Amber and I visited my folks on the way to the show and had some food beforehand down in cypress at my Moms.

Minutes later after the meal my breathing got a little heavy. i thought i was just jetlagged. We drove off.

In the car as Amber drove, I said "Hey, something is happening to my heart.... My moms phone is under MA cell in my phone...and"

Then my face froze up. Locked up in the jaw. Then a tingling down my body from my face to my toes and within a minute my body had locked up and shut down in paralysis.

Amber saved my life by absolutely hauling ass back to my folks, skipping an ambulance and racing to the ER in los alamitos. My breathing had slowed to almost nothing. I could not see.

I could hear. My breathing was about done. I wasn't in pain or sad but I was crying out of one of my eyes.

Some fellas carried me in. I They pumped me with 3 types of drugs intravenously and I remember it burning in my chest and I thought they were accidentally giving me acid due to the burn. Stung like a gas flame moving up my lungs. Soon I was glad they did it. I then gained feeling in my jaw and then arms, then the right side of my leg and about an hour later my toes. My boss snuck into the ER when my folks left and made me laugh. I saw someone who had been stabbed in the back being police escorted in handcuffs and things seemed less bad in numbville. I waited a few hours for a hospital bed, took some sleep drugs and was woken up every 2 hours for testing.

I had to stay there for 4 days. I got weak off the drugs and fat off the steroids they pumped me full of. 12 pounds. My heart felt like it was exploding all day long on the methylprednisone. I wanted to see an allergist, but they wanted to do all the expensive tests first, to rule out brain troubles. They found a small heart murmur (unrelated) and a small cyst in my nose that might be effecting my voice. Yes effecting. But out of the 12 tests, they found nothing. I also heard Supreme court justice John Roberts had a similar thing that week. They said if he has one more, he has a version of epilepsy. They wont be able to diagnose what i have out here in Tennessee until the middle of September. Allergy maybe. Blood sugar problem maybe.

As you can imagine, Derrick's medical bills are huge. On Monday November 5th from 8pm-midnight at The Gypsy Lounge in Lake Forest, CA there will be a benefit for Derrick. Scheduled to perform are Derrick himself, Amber Tamblyn, Mindy Netifee, and many others.

If you are in the area, I encourage you to come by and enjoy some great readings, some great music and a great cause. If you are not in the LA area, then I will let Derrick tell you what you can do.

My bill was huge. I am trying to put out a new book for Valentines day. Many have called asking if there is anything they can do and the answer is yes. I need money. Even a buck or 2 would help me a ton. I don't want anything for free. I'll email everyone 3 poems from the new book for any donation amount. you can click on BUY BOOKS THROUGH PAYPAL and enter any amount . It will go directly to my medical bills.You can send checks or whatever. Or if you can't do the money thing, there is a support link on You could put a banner on your myspace or blog and maybe I can print up someones book for them. Or even an email saying howdy would be much appreciated. Cheers. I love you. D

This is one of my favorite Derrick Brown videos. Take a look.

Four For Friday--With Some Help From AP

#1 What Presidential candidate is sleeping with an aide?

#2-4 From AP

#2 This early twenties B list television heartthrob is already taking Viagra when he has sex with women. The reason? He's gay and it is the only way to get it up.

#3 This B list singer/actress loved by teens was all smiles and giggles when taking photos with a bigger singer/actress, but stabbed her in the back repeatedly when talking to anyone who would listen. Our backstabber used the words fake, not talented, ugly as hell, and whore to describe the other singer/actress.

#4 This A list film actor with A+ name recognition brought another woman home to the house he is currently sharing with his girlfriend. When the girlfriend balked at doing a 3some, the actor took his pickup upstairs and had sex with her all night. The girlfriend took the hint that she was no longer welcome, and has not been seen since with the actor despite the fact he always mentions her in interviews as his girlfriend.

Random Photos Part One

I don't know how this one ended up on top. Especially because you know Clay Aiken has never been on top. Well, maybe he has. Bottom/Top, Bottom/Top. Hell I'll flip a coin. Do you really think Sasha Cohen wants to catch him?
You know what the sad thing about this is? No, not that Brittany Murphy is on the site two days in a row, although it is kind of pathetic. But it is worth it just to see the comment that someone will write about her and her idiot husband. The truly sad thing is that is an Associated Press microphone in her face. That means they actually care what she has to say.
A little mini 90210 reunion and some receding hairlines.
This really should have been on top. You know I am a sucker for those in love photos. Jennifer Finnigan must really love those Weekend At Bernies residual checks Jonathon Silverman gets to be that much in love.
I don't even know what to say except that I'm sure Larry King had some really sore knees.
The new cover of W.
Dave Annable makes his first CDAN appearance. Let's see if Tracee will do him.
If you are Jennifer Lopez, wouldn't you rather have Cris Judd's baby?
Hell, Jennifer probably doesn't even know Scott Speedman but anything is better than a Skeletor baby.
I was hoping this was some kind of Korean program where they bury people alive, but it turns out they are actually letting Paris Hilton out of the box, which of course ruins the potential of a joke like "It's a damn shame throwing away a perfectly good white girl that way."
Way to go all out dressing up. Patrick Fugit is well on his way to becoming a master of the Kevin Smith school of dress.
When it is so cold that you have to wear a jacket and scarf and keep your hands in your pocket, then perhaps Owen Wilson would be better served by actually wearing shoes.
Kevin Farley doesn't look a bit like his brother does he? Damn.

Paoula Abou-Jaoude Brazil

Over the next several weeks I am going to try and dig up some information on each one of the members of the HFPA and share that information with you, the readers who are spread across this vast globe. I am beginning with Paoula Abou-Japude from Brazil who was given the prestigious International Media Award by IATSE last year, and is the Executive Producer of the film Olhar Estrangeiro which describes fantasies and clichés about Brazil and Brazilians as reinforced by international films, even those actually shot in Brazil. This documentary features interviews with non-Brazilian directors, writers and stars who have been involved in some of those films including Michael Caine, Jon Voight and Hope Davis. I encourage you to view the film and to pass along to Paoula at the HFPA just how much you loved the film. He can be e-mailed at While you are writing you may want to tell them about the site and that giving this site access to the red carpet and media room at the Golden Globes is brilliant.

For those of you reading this in Brazil, or from Brazil please send any e-mails to Paoula in Portuguese. Of course those of you in Portugal could probably get away with some mischief also. Don't be shy.

I Want Some Of What David Copperfield's People Are Smoking

In a statement to TMZ today, David Copperfield's attorney said, "David Copperfield canceled his overseas tour because promoters did not honor their contractual commitments, including failing to make a contractual payment of more than $1 million and canceling a segment of the tour without Mr. Copperfield's consent.

"The cancellations had nothing to do with the investigation into allegations by an unidentified woman".

Maybe he is right and so he won't mind if we do a little timeline check.

Pays $72M for four islands in the Bahamas and claims they are the location of the Fountain Of Youth - August 2006

FBI Raid - October 17th
Canceled Shows In SE Asia - October 21st
SE Asian Promoters File Suit Against David Copperfield - October 24
Another accuser comes forward - November 1st

See, I would tend to believe the attorney if David had canceled the shows prior to the FBI raid. But alas he didn't cancel them until after the raid and if the promoters did back out on payments, maybe it is because they thought David might be in jail and unable to make his appearances. According to the lawsuit that was filed against Copperfield, the promoters of at least some of the SE Asia show are demanding that Copperfield return several million dollars that was paid into an escrow account to ensure Copperfield would perform in SE Asia.

If they still need a magician, I think Pamela Anderson is available and for several million dollars would probably throw in a happy ending for all paying customers.

Winona Ryder Going To Get Pointy Ears

Winona Ryder has agreed to join the cast of Star Trek as the mother of Spock. The film which is set to begin shooting this month and will be released next Christmas has Lost creator JJ Abrams at the helm. He has already cast Simon Pegg as Scotty and Eric Bana as the bad guy.

The move which seems to about the 400th different one will be a prequel of sorts as it takes place at the Starfleet Academy and how the Enterprise crew members all met. The original Spock will be in the new film, but the original Captain Kirk, William Shatner will not. Shatner has been quoted as saying he feels slighted and upset that he hasn't been asked, but promises to hook everyone up with free rental cars from Priceline if they let him have at least a cameo.

Latin Grammy Awards

At first glance I thought Borat had invaded the show and the woman was wearing Kazakh money on her head, but it turns out it is the group Aterciopelados. Yeah, I don't know how you pronounce it either. But hopefully the fine people over at the Hollywood Foreign Press Association and the Michael Russell Group will pay careful attention over the next several weeks as I attempt to get press credentials for our movie reviewer and therefore suck up to every nation in the HFPA. Sucking up though, does not mean no snark, as you will see shortly.
Mario Lopez is why snark was invented, but hey at least he irons his jeans.
This is Miguelito. Let's just hope he doesn't turn into Miguelito Jackson.
That must have been one big animal.
As far as I know Jaslene Gonzalez doesn't sing or really do anything which would make her have to appear at the show. That being said, I am so glad she did. Latin Grammys sponsored by a Dutch beer. Theo Kingma is the HFPA member from The Netherlands. Hope you enjoy Jaslene sir and the plug for the fine alcohol that comes from your country. My only suggestion would be to keep the bars slightly further from the red light area. Won't get into details here. But bye bye wife number 3.
I'm going to take wild stab in the dark here that Ivy Queen doesn't text much.
Where the hell have you been Benjamin Bratt? Nice to see you and your lovely wife Talisa Sota. She looks like a happy sort.
This is the group Strings For Kids. They are not to be confused with the group Ropes For Kids or Chinese Toys for Kids.
Ricky Martin says hi to all his Hawaii gays.
Did Ruben Blades ever become the President of Panama? I know he kept trying.
This is Orishas. I have no idea who they are, but I do know that the women in my office love them.

Ellen Screws Writers For Money

I don't know if Portia is costing a little extra to keep happy in light of all the break up speculation, or if Ellen is just really, really money hungry. Ellen crossed the picket line to do her show yesterday and today, and is doing so despite the fact that she is the only talk show host doing so.

It is all about money. The money she will get for being the only talk show host doing a show, and therefore showing advertisers that her show is the most popular which of course it will be since she is basing her numbers against repeats. Here is what Ellen said to her audience today.

"It's sweeps. Which is a very important time in television because that's when you do your best shows, your funniest material. You pull it out and do everything you can because you want everybody watching. And now we're in the middle of a strike – a writer's strike."

What she didn't tell her audience is that sweeps is what shows use to charge advertisers and make all their money. Ellen as Executive Producer stands to make the most of anyone by staying on the air.

After realizing her true reason for staying on the air appeared callous and heartless to all the strikers, Ellen said she wanted to do the show for all the people who came out to LA on vacation to see her show. That seems like a noble idea. Fine. Here is what you do. You bring them all in to your show and give them an hour of standup. Not filmed. That is a special treat for them and you don't come off looking like a money grubbing jackass.

DNfromMN --Movie Review-- The Kite Runner


For those of you who read the book, I'm jealous. It's a great story of
friendship and the limits we place on friendship. Other people at the
screening were telling me it was a pretty faithful adaptation. I really
don't want to give anything away because I WANT YOU TO SEE THIS MOVIE.

It takes place in Kabul, Afghanistan and it follows the life story of
two kids, one of whom was wealthy and the other his servant and best
friend. The privileged kid (Amir) is a bit of a snot, he doesn't have
any other friends, and doesn't really grasp how to make and keep them.
Hassan, the servant boy, is already an outcast by being a different
race and being Shi'a Muslim, but would do anything for his friend.
These boys are inseparable. There is an event after the big kite
fighting contest that changes the friendship. One of the kids makes a
choice that significantly affects the other one. You'll be angry with
one of these kids, just livid. And he has to live with the choice he
made for the rest of his life.

So why do I want you to see this movie? Honestly, it's beautifully
made. Marc Forster did a wonderful job re-creating 1970s Kabul and the
acting is just top notch. Kid actors tend to bother me, and can ruin a
movie for me if they're too precious (the kid in Martian Child, Dakota
, etc.). The two kids they found are fantastic, they're just so
natural and real, I was entirely convinced they were best friends. The
adults are just stellar, as well.

The other reason I want you to see this movie, is because it is just
such a universal theme. The film is about our connection to other
people and the things that bring us closer and tear us apart.

The Kite Runner opens around Christmas, hopefully everywhere. See this
movie. It's worth a full price ticket ($10), it's a beautiful film, but
it's not for everyone. It is not light-hearted, and that's why it
doesn't get popcorn money.

The Office Talks About The Strike

Ted C Blind Item

Okay, enough of the hetero, scatological Vices, time for some good ol’-fashioned homo rump-rangin’ activities for an (old) change! After all, when we got that smelly heap o’ emails from folks complaining about the last few stinky-poo Vices—who knew straight people could have such daring fun with excrement?—did you all think we’d actually not return to our well-stacked library of running scared, extremely horny, closeted Hollywood actors? Please.

So, here we are with Seymour Plow-Me-More, multitalented star and performer, both in and out of the bedroom, where he assumes an amazing array of positions, possibilities and partners. But to be fair, when Sey-babe cheats on his hardly naive honey (whose quasi-attractive face seems to harden with each new trick SPMM picks up), it’s usually with good-lookin’ dudes. In fact, it always is.

Take this last time, for ince. Academy Award-nominated Seymour was visiting one of Hell-Ay’s myriad spas, which are to Los Angeles what Greek coffee shops are to Manhattan. This time, for Plow-Me-More’s man-hunting mission, he’d chosen one of Hell-Ay’s more outta the way steam-room joints, toward downtown, thinking nobody would recognize him. Are these celebs on crack? Do they really think incognito only kicks in south of Wilshire?

Seymour cornered his latest beefy selection, took off his own towel (still impressive equipment, must say, even though what’s holding it all together hardly is), and asked for what Seymour usually requests his partners to do to him—i.e., get his oversize bum diddled. The boy—he was almost a boy—declined Mr. Plow-Me-More’s gracious offer and suggested to fellate the movie star instead, a lovely idea that was accepted and received, by the by.

You see, said nooky provider tells us he thought it would be “a bit much” to be corn-holed by Seymour Plow-Me-More in a public steam room. As if a blow job is nothing more than a simple shaking of hands.

Well, in sex-for-everything Hell-Ay, s'pose it is.

It Ain't: The Rock, Chris Rock, or David Spade

Blake Steals $400,000 From Amy To Fix Trial

In one of the biggest scoops of the year, The Daily Mirror tipped off police to the fact that Blake Fiedler Civil and his friends were attempting to fix a trial in order to keep Blake and one of his friends out of jail. The plan was to pay $400,000 plus $20,000 in expenses to have the victim leave the country and not show up for the trial due to start on Monday. In a video secretly made by The Mirror, one of the accused is heard describing how all the decisions are up to Blake since he is the one providing the money. If Amy Winehouse is innocent as police have suggested, then the only way Blake could have come up with the money is by taking the money from Amy without her knowledge. I guess there is someway that Blake could have saved $400,000 while maintaining his drug habit, or maybe he sold his hot body to men, but otherwise it wasn't just fivers he has been taking from Amy's purse. Another tragic part to this is that although the trial was just for Blake and one friend, now a group of guys are all facing possible life in prison if the charges as alleged are proved in court.

The solidarity between the parents also has seemed to vanish as Amy's dad remarked he hope Blake gets a ton of jail time so Amy can go straight, while Blake's mom thinks Amy will pay for everything and make sure Blake has the best lawyers to keep him out of the slam. My guess is that if Blake gets bail, it is either skip the country, with or without Amy, or overdose time in one big giant party. Let's hope Amy sits that one out, or that Amy's dad sits on her anyway. Have you seen the size of that guy. Why he hasn't kicked Blake's junkie ass is beyond me.

To read the entire Mirror story, click here.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Amy Winehouse Drug Raid

Last night everything was the picture of perfection for Amy Winehouse. She actually looked hot at a dinner date with her dad, and then went home to her deathbed husband. However that all came crashing to a stop today as police stormed Amy's house shortly after her husband was seen speeding off in a Mercedes driven by an unknown person. Although police are not commenting, there are reports that Amy's husband is allegedly dealing in massive amounts of drugs and was the reason for the raid. Amy was not mentioned in the reports and appears to be in no danger of being arrested for any crime.

Today's Blind Items

#1 This singer/fighter didn't let a date stand in the way of him hitting on any woman he saw at last night's CMA show. Did it in front of her, without her, and it all did no good. His bored looking date still went home with him at the end of the night.

#2 At a CMA after party, this award winning group had a drinking contest. Kind of boring huh? Maybe this fact will change your mind. When they were playing quarters, if someone got the quarter in the glass, the other members of the group had to do a line of coke. Kind of surprising considering they aren't the slimmest bunch of people.

Producer Blind Item

On his last film, this A list producer found parts for his drug dealer, his two girlfriends, and about five guys he owed money to. He made sure that as many of the extras as possible found the five guys attractive as well. The monetary incentive to find them attractive probably didn't hurt either. With all the time and money being spent on parties, drugs and extras, it is no wonder the movie went way over budget and bombed huge at the box office despite all the hype.

Random Photos Part One

George Costanza would be a happy man. Andie MacDowell and velvet.
I need some time alone now. Christina Ricci, Rashida Jones, and Ali Larter. Which is the spy? The answer may surprise you.
Anytime Diane Keaton wears something approaching normal, it has to be news. It is almost as good as man bites dog.
8 years old. But I don't think any of you are going to complain about the age of the photo when it is David Boreanaz in a bathtub. I figured I owed you after all the Kim Kardashian nonsense.
The Davis family minus that really greasy one who leaves people stranded in Vegas with no money. See. The reveals aren't always publicized in advance anymore, so you need to read everything.
Brittany Murphy and her husband Voldemort made an appearance last night.
What is so important that Amy Winehouse needed to open the box before she even got home? Hmmmm.
Wow. Sacha Baron Cohen's beard disappeared quickly. Are those diapers or some tighty whiteys found laying in the street?
You remember all those nice things I said about Keri Russell. Well that is before this. I bet you think I am going to criticize the hair. Nope. Hell, I'm jealous she even has some. But chewing with your mouth open. That has got to go.
In my world, Jamie Pressley isn't wearing anything under that coat, and she is coming down the steps to the basement with a big box of In-N-Out burgers.
"I hope he's mine."
I'll stick with my Eva Mendes is pregnant item. Yes, Gwen Stefani too.

FOX Loves The Strike

Despite the fact that 24 is on hold indefinitely, and that Kiefer Sutherland agreed to all that jail time for nothing, Peter Chernin, president and COO of Fox's corporate parent, News Corp, said that "a strike is probably a positive for the company." He noted that Fox airs more non-scripted and primetime animated shows than its competitors -- shows that are unaffected by the strike. "We would expect if anything that it would lift our market share and have us win this season by an even greater margin than we expect to," Chernin said.

What he is also saying is that if they win the ratings by huge margins they will be able to charge advertisers more, and thus make more money than the other networks.

I'm sure the writers love hearing the fact that a network has the chance to make more money without the writers than with them. Makes that endless circle a little tougher to walk.

When Did Nick Carter Get So Smart?

I must have missed the memo where it said that Nick Carter got any type of degree beyond a G.E.D. Nick Carter said in an interview that he would never date Paris Hilton again because she couldn't put together enough words to form complete sentences and the only conversations she enjoyed were the ones where she was talking to herself.

Nick went on to say that he would be willing to date any celebrity and in fact would welcome dating anyone famous so people wouldn't forget about him or why he used to be a celebrity. His only requirement other than being famous is they must be intelligent. Now I have no idea how smart Nick Carter is, but I do know that he couldn't be that smart or he wouldn't have dated Paris Hilton.

Now the first question every girl should ask him is, "did you catch the herp?" So, not too smart. I do admire him for his blatant attempt at celebrity loving, and the press it will attract. Maybe he enjoyed when Kathy Griffin put him on her show and he got to be the more famous person in the couple. You know that doesn't happen much.

VH-1 will make a show about anything as they proved when they gave him one in the first place.
Why not give him a dating show where all the single women from all the episodes of the Surreal Life hit on him and further degrade themselves. Adrianne Curry can host the show, and Christopher Knight can be at her feet in his collar. It's hard to believe this post was about Paris and how she is box of rocks dumb. She could have a role though as the crazy next door neighbor who comes over and says "That's hot" whenever Nick has sex with one of the contestants or when Adrianne steps on Chris with her boot.


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