Thursday, July 17, 2008

Welcome To Studio City Heather Mills

I was reading some report today about Heather Mills looking for a place to buy in LA, and was going to ignore it, but then all of you kept sending me links to stories about it, so hey, it has been awhile since I said anything about Heather. I will say that I got an e-mail from someone named Heather Mills and it freaked me the hell out, but it's a common name. I guess if there is ever any confusion you can just look at the leg.

Anyway, reports are percolating which is my word of the day, that Heather is looking for a place to buy in LA. Now, all the articles make it clear that Heather has $1M to spend and no more. She has already dropped two agents who kept showing her houses for $1.1M and $1.2M, etc. She only has $1M to spend so I thought I would take the whole CDAN family on a little tour of what's available to Ms. Mills.

First of all, I think she has made it clear she wants a house. So, no condos which means no Hollywood or Beverly Hills. Now, she has a daughter, so assuming she doesn't want to sleep with her and that she needs a bedroom for her "guests," we'll go with three bedrooms and two bathrooms.

The houses in the photos are all under $1M, but at least $800K.

The home below is in Studio City and is about $800K. She can be close to George Clooney if she lives in this place. Close as in the same city, not the same block or street or neighborhood. She will get to know her neighbors well though as I'm sure Heather will be the first one making cookies to share and helping out with the block party. Uh huh.



Now, this one is 5 bedrooms, and is just $825,000. It has lots of natural light. Unfortunately you really don't get to take advantage of it because in this neighborhood it is important to keep the shades drawn and your security bars tightly fastened. Notice the window air conditioning. Perfect for when you don't want that air running cold through your entire home. The cement driveway should be a great place to set up Beatrice's playset, and I can just see Paul McCartney coming to visit and setting up a grill in the front yard.





So, for our final choice, Heather can choose this 4 bedroom house with a pool. It is large and has excellent views and would probably make the best choice. Of course, she would probably need to buy a really fuel efficient car because it is about 40 miles outside of Los Angeles. Now, there isn't anything wrong with that, except for the fact that if she has a 9am meeting in Studio City she is going to need to leave the house at about 5, 530am. But hey, she has that pool to look forward to after that afternoon rush hour. Of course she will be so tired she will just fall asleep and drown after falling into the pool from her raft.

21 comments:

Mooshki said...

LOL!!! But aren't people willing to drastically lower their prices just so they can be lucky enough to brag that Heather Mills is living in their old house?

captivagrl said...

she's so full of shit. why is she still crying poor? she'll spend much more or rent.(period) please no whoring reality shows. maybe some idiot will marry her and she'll go away.

adrian said...

What happened to the rest of her divorce loot? How many millions does she think she needs that she can't spare $100,000?

Amy said...

LOL Enty - it's like House Hunters - CDAN edition!

Reese said...

I'm glad she's only spending $1 million; that means she can't afford anything in Santa Barbara; we certainly don't want her here. Maybe someplace like Barstow would fit into her budget, but those people don't deserve to be punished with her presence, or to have their property values sink with her in the neighborhood.

Harriet Hellfire said...

I have harboured a secret dream of one day moving to California since I was about 7 years old. I found my dream home too. It's in Pacific Palisades. I don't think Heather Mills can move there with that budget. But I will be able to. I have this idea for a documentary which will make me rich beyond my wildest dreams. I just have to get someone to give me the money to make it. How do you do that? And then, I'll move to Pacific Palisades and live happily ever after.

Yup, pretty sure that is going to happen.

Harriet Hellfire said...

I'm not sure why I posted that.

Mooshki said...

Harriet - because it was cute and funny? :)

adrian said...

post away Harriet--you are funny!

Grace said...

Harriet, you just never know what's going to be thrown your way in life. Make it happen -- Heather sure did!

notachance said...

I'm sorry, didn't she get $40mil or something like that? Why is she shopping in the low-rent district?

I smell a PR ploy.

Ayesha said...

notachance, me too. Firing real estate agents ensures that gums will be flapping.

She's delusional if she thinks people are going to feel sorry for her, though.

nunaurbiz said...

Uh, and she said Sir Paul was a miser???? Yeah, lady, he forced you to buy a PT Cruiser.

jlb said...

LOL Ent. I think she'd get pushed off the raft by one of her staff.

Majik said...

"I will say that I got an e-mail from someone named Heather Mills and it freaked me the hell out, but it's a common name. I guess if there is ever any confusion you can just look at the leg."

WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*tear

brendalove@gmail.com said...

I could totally make a very happy little life for myself in that last house. Is there a basement for ENT?

trashtalker said...

It's pretty messed up that a big house in a bad neighborhood could actually cost $825,000. Does that mean L.A.'s "lower class" is richer than most Americans?

newsgrrl said...

I almost freaked when I signed the paperwork to buy a $99,000 house in Chicago years ago. I so cannot comprehend what houses cost now.

Judi said...

No, she may not move to Studio City!!! Go the F home, Heather Mills!!!!

Mooshki said...

"I could totally make a very happy little life for myself in that last house."

Amen, Brenda!

"Is there a basement for ENT?"

After his Verne Troyer horror story, I think I'd be scared to have Enty in my basement!

bionic bunny! said...

heh,heh...
i happen to have a perfectly lovely little fixer-upper (single story!) for sale in a very nice part of san gabriel that i'll be HAPPY to sell her for 7 - 800K. immediate occupancy!
right next door to the nosy neighbor from mars. they'd be BFFs!!!!