Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Avril Lavigne & Chad Kroeger Are Engaged


Back in February when Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger got together to make shi**y music together because they figured if they combined forces they could make crap music at twice the output, I bet neither of them knew that six months later they would be agreeing to make a lifetime of shi**y music together and agreeing to co-host the Juneau Awards for the next 40 years where they would take turns singing the same songs they always sing just with different names.


Somehow Avril Lavigne traded in Brody Jenner and her foot long tattoo of his name for a 14 carat ring and a guy who will f**k anything that walks, other than Avril because she does not really do that. I present to you the new Canadian Royal family and the couple that will make denim tuxedos cool again.

101 comments:

rejectedcarebear said...

I'm sure they will make beautiful music for the whole year or two they'll be married for

rhinovodka said...

they look smelly. On the other hand, his hair looks better than it did previously.

warmislandsun said...

They look like brother and sister.

Rick Wrinklebottom said...

I have no idea who he is. I'm guessing he's also Canadian LOL.

Cathy said...

I figured the naked prince harry pics would be the first story of the day.

seaward said...

I just read this elsewhere and thought it was a hoax. So strange.

OT: an update on my friend in the coma. She is now moving her arms and legs. When I told her I was there yesterday, she squeezed me hand super tight and didn't let go. When I told her I had to leave, she got a look on her face like she was about to cry. It broke my heart, but at the same time made me happy.
A few days ago, she tore out her breathing tube. But her hands are restrained, so she moved her head to her hand to pull it out. Drs say that is a good sign haha. It's just like her. But they have to keep her sedated so she can't do it again.
Thanks to everyone for the thoughts/prayers/everything. If you can keep it up, I would really appreciate it.

Amber said...

Denim tuxedos! Maybe they can borrow these from Britney and Justin!

goheels83 said...

Wonderful news seaward - I was just thinking of you this morning. Your friend will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Amber said...

seaward - I missed what happened to your friend, but I'm glad to see there's improvement. I'm sorry :( Thinking happy thoughts and pixie dust for you guys.

Agent**It said...

@seaward, very good news!She is in my heart.

libby said...

Sounds like good news seaward!


OT--Anyone see the Prince Hot Ginge photos NEKID?
I went straight to Dlisted when I found out, MK's post is of course hysterical.

shauniebear said...

They were talking about this on my way to work on the radio..I guess Chad was very recently talking about a girl here in Columbus that he was dating...oops!! And I'd rather get kicked in the face than have to listen to Nickelback or Avril's music..

goheels83 said...

LOL Libby I saw that this morning at the gym and almost fell off the treadmill.

libby said...

goheels, my day was MADE. Love a ginger, love a fit young man wearing nothing but his palms. WOWWY!!!

DianaofThemyscira said...

Well, talent-wise they're just about made for each other. Now if they could just stay in Canada and take that little brat that looks like a 13 year old girl with them, there would finally be peace in the world.

Amy in MI said...

Between the naked PHG photos and Andy Coopers boyfriend cheating on him, Michael K has had a field day for his nono

libby said...

No kidding, Amy!

On topic: Why do Avril's teeth look so yellow at her age? Does she smoke a lot or what? I don't bleach my teeth, I'm 41, and mine are MUCH whiter than hers. It's weird.

Amber said...

Haha Diana. I'm thinking we should say screw building a fence across the US southern border - the REAL problem is the northern border. KEEP THESE CANADIANS IN CANADA! ;P

surfer said...

New Canadian Royal Family? Hardly. Neither are well thought of.

And, for what it's worth, it's the Juno Awards, not Juneau (that would be Alaska)!

surfer said...

Thanks Amber! Maybe Canadian Customs & Immigration won't let them re-enter the country. One can always hope, right, lol?

Amber said...

Also, Diana, I thought you'd like to know I have a Wonder Woman box set. :)

Vicki Cupper said...

Her dress will be a black and pink Fauxlita number from Ed Hardy and in lieu of flowers she'll walk down the aisle with a fingerstache. At the reception John Mayer and Scott Stapp will sing "I Got You Babe."

Amber said...

surfer - maybe we can get them to honeymoon on Anthrax Island, and get the Biebs to buy a timeshare there! I like you, and I don't want to subject you to them.

zombiecrush said...

*Junos

FML. For the good of mankind and our country (I'm Canadian), I hope this is a joke.

pinkspatzi said...

Denim tuxedos are called "Canadian tuxedos" where I live.

DontRainOnMyPrada said...

@seaward, this is so wonderful and inspiring to read...I'm so happy that she's progressing!

crila16 said...

Wait...isn't she dating Brody Jenner? Whatever. She's pretty insignificant anyway.

rejectedcarebear said...

Great news seaward!

surfer said...

Thanks Amber!

Sounds like a plan, although honestly, while not a fan, I really don't mind Bieber. He's just a kid, and does a lot of good work (charity) for someone his age. A lot that doesn't get reported. So I'd cut him a break. Unless you just want him out of the U.S.

Sarah said...

Ears everywhere are recoiling in horror!

Amber, can he still wear a tuxedo shirt under the denim tuxedo? And you know Avril has to wear a Hello Kitty tee and some striped leggings.
Dear God: please, please let Avril have her "fashion line" Abbey Dawn design the wedding apparel. Amen.

ReesesPeace said...

Hahahaha! Amber, those gahdawful denim thingies Britney & Justin were wearing!! Wtf. lololol

Boy, Enty sure has a hate-on for Avril. Anyone know why?

And, wtf is up with her teeth?! Doesn't she have $ to get them fixed? I have a horrible toothache, no dental and if I had that kind of money, hell! any kind of money, my teeth sure wouldn't look like Avril's.

This site really needs a *like* button. Seriously.

Danielle said...

I can't get over how much work he had done.. I mean yea he cut his hair but he practically had a head translant! He used to look like this..

http://www.last.fm/music/Chad+Kroeger/+images/42251803

Amber said...

Sarah - I would be disappointed if he didn't wear a tuxedo tee & a cummerbund!

Reeses - She probably is worried it'll affect her "singing" if she gets her teeth fixed a la Jewel LOL

libby said...

The Canadian Tuxedo remark reminds me of the first time in my life I looked at a man and said....you aren't wearing THAT, are you?

He was wearing a blue denim shirt with black denim jeans! He was flashing his straight man card that day, for sure.

DianaofThemyscira said...

@Amber And yet you reveal my alter ego to the world? Tsk tsk. Someone won't be riding in my invisible plane to Themyscira formerly know as Paradise Island. Run away now before I whip out my Lasso of Truth.

anita_mark said...

The denim tuxedo is an Eastern European or German thing, it's not a Canadian thing.

This has to be a joke, it really does. Nickelback and Avril Lavigne? Good Lord, that can't be real. It just can't. If it is true, I love how it went unnoticed for so long. Shows how little anyone actually cares.

I know Beiber does a lot of charity work but I chalk that up to his handlers. I honestly don't think he's smart or caring enough to think of others. It's all PR.

Lola said...

So, Enty...tell us how you really feel.

I've read Chad is a nice guy. If true, wtf is he doing with a bitch like her? And ugh...the music....

Vicki Cupper said...

Lola, that's the first time I've ever read that about him.

Amber said...

Lola & Vicki - Him being a nice, decent guy would be news to me. I shared a story about him in the BI about the pious lead singer.

NB had an afterparty at my ex's bar like 5 years ago. They had girls come up on stage to be drunk vageterias and hang all over them. He was inserting digits into places that are unfit for public consumption on stage. So grody.

Lola said...

The radio station I listen to in the morning has musicians on all of the time (Kidd Kraddick) and they hate Avril. They said she was entitled and bitchy to everyone.

They hate Nickleback but said Chad was gracious, friendly and took a lot of time out for fans and such.

They also said this was the start of the Mayan apocalypse.

Linnea said...

A match made in musical hell, that's for sure.

Lola said...

Ew, Amber...gross. I don't know personally; maybe in fan settings and publicity settings he's completely different. It wouldn't be the first time that was the case.

strongerthancoffee said...

Just when you thought she couldn't find someone uglier than her last husband.

Vicki Cupper said...

Meh, it's Kidd Kraddick.

goes in circles said...

Ugh. This guy. Loathe him and his "music." He's like the Jen A. and Nicholas Sparks of the music industry...everything they do is exactly the same as what they've already done.
Anyway, no, Canada does not want him back and no, he is not a nice guy. At least not what I have heard first hand.

Love how people steal their comments from other sights. I won't call you out, but you know who you are.

libby said...

Ah, Amber---the vageteria! Glad to see you mainstreaming your new word!

libby said...

goes in circles---maybe they have different names on different sites, and are just repeating their OWN comments?
I dunno, this is the only site I use my name on.

Land Manatee said...

Regardless of what you think of Avril on a personal level, there is no denying her incredible vocal talent. She can sing! Maybe her songs aren't all that great to some, but she has some pipes IMO.

Lola said...

Aw, Vicki, I love KK in the morning (esp. jc). However, I bow to those with more personal knowledge about Chad than I ever hope to have and am quite willing to believe he is a douche.

Linnea said...

@landmanatee- whaaat? I have seen her in concert (dont ask why) and her singing was horrible. She also looked like she hated every second of it.

Linnea said...

@landmanatee- whaaat? I have seen her in concert (dont ask why) and her singing was horrible. She also looked like she hated every second of it.

Amber said...

libby - Haha I saw a few others using it last week, and loved it! I really dislike saying "whore" and "slut". I will say "whorebag" on occasion, because the modification makes it feel less terrible, but those words are just used so carelessly nowadays and it bugs.

SusanB said...

@seaward - best wishes to your friend. Her responses yesterday sound very promising!

Agree with rhinovodka - they do look smelly.

libby said...

Amber, 'vageteria' is the perfect term for certain 'ladies' who serve it up like it's on a buffet. It doesn't feel as slut-shaming as the others, it's a precise lifestyle description.

twunty mcslore said...

You are supposed to shamefully shtupp douchebags, not marry them!

I'm talking about Avril, of course.

dia papaya said...

@seaward - Thanks for the update! So happy your friend is getting better. She sounds feisty! And you are an awesome friend to be there for her!!!

Keep us updated! We'll keep the prayers flowing. Take care of yourself too :)

goes in circles said...

I meant straight from the other blog posts, not the comments. Course maybe this person writes that blog. Ah well.

Amber said...

libby - I'm now thinking about submitting it to Urban Dictionary using your definition because it was perfect. What do you think?

Laura said...

I think that part about Advril not liking sex is a clue to a blind.

libby said...

DO IT, Amber! It's too perfect a word to be forgotten!

libby said...

Be sure to include YOUR part when you use it in a sentence...'vageterias lining up for some d-list rock star', or whatever.

Tuxedo Cat said...

I can't see this relationship lasting...they're from different generations.

I remember listening to a CBC interview years ago when Nickelback was an up-and-coming band. Chad Kroeger came across as a very hardworking Prairie boy, who was willing to sacrifice for success and he seemed really motivated. I believe he's from rural Alberta or Saskatchewan. The total opposite of whiny...On the OTHER hand...

Miss Thing is a changeling from Northern Ontario, and she is not the stereotypical *nice* Canadian.
Most people from that area are eas-going, quiet, pleasant, more Shania Twain types. From most accounts, she's an ill-tempered little baggage with entitlement issues (no one appreciates or understands her). Friggin eh.

Cryscee said...

I miss Kidd Kraddick. Don't get them here. :-(

Hazeldazel said...

@seaward - I was just thinking about how your friend was doing the other day, so glad to hear she's improving! Such great news, the brain can do so much to heal itself, just takes time. Good luck!

cc423 said...

Never heard of him. He is perfect for her as I wished I had never heard of her.

Vicki Cupper said...

Lola, I have to admit I've never heard him, but alliterative names make me stabby. lol

Frufra said...

@Vicki - what about an intentional misspelling in order to create an alliteration? Like, Kara's Kookies or something? Mr. Frufra and I refuse to patronize such businesses. They make us want to crash our cars through their storefronts.

Frufra said...

Wait - I should have said Krash our Kars. Would have been much funnier! Some idiot rang my doorbell and distracted me. I hate the doorbell!

Amber said...

Frufra - I have a "thing" where I HATE when people spell C-words with a "K" to be cute! And I will absolutely not shop there even if it's in spite of myself lol.

figgy said...

Is she playing in the Women's Football League? Or what's up with her under eye sun block stuff?

Oh wait, I forgot...it's cuz she's so edgy.

Selock said...

I am sorry, Canada. This too will pass.

Frufra said...

@Amber - you mean kute? Ha!

Catch you cats later - I have to work now - what a bummer.

Frufra said...

Katch you kats later. I'm leaving - I swear.

Selock said...

@Vicki @Frufra @Amber But the K thing (or any misspelling for cutesiness) is the WORST when applied to a place that is supposed to be child-rearing or educational...ie. around here I have seen a Kiddie Akademy Preschool and some others. Who would send their child to such a place?!

Amber said...

Oh my Selock. I don't think I'd send my kid there even if it was the only option! I couldn't! It violates my phobia :P

WeeRamekin said...

Canadian rock royalty getting married...barf.

Miz said...

I just told my boyfriend and his first reaction was to say, 'isn't he her dad? Like actually her father?'

Ha!

I love him.

anita_mark said...

What's really irritating is CBC News is calling this "a marriage of rock royalty." Of course the commercials are all for products to improve your circulation, trick out your bath tub and staircase for your safety and the Bose soundsystem (so you can play all your CDs!!!!) so you can guess their demographic. But rock royalty????

To be fair, each story is accompanied by them reading tweets (lazy journalism) of people mocking this.

smashbash said...

He is totally the douche lead singer of nickleback!!!! Gaaaaa
My brain literally Exploded.

smashbash said...

Doooooooo iiiiiiittttt. :)

smashbash said...

Grody is so the perfect description of him!

smashbash said...

So glad to hear! I got chills reading that. I am so happy your friend is doing better. She will be in my thoughts for sure.

Vicki Cupper said...

What Selock said.

I could never do Taibo because I couldn't get passed the guy's name. Maybe it's a little OCD of me or something but alliteration or especially certain sounds repeating drives me apeshit.

Sherry said...

@Selock @Vicki @Frufra @Amber
Then ya'll would just love dining at the Kozy Kabin in good ole Westpoint CA where Blanc Debris (our weekend get away) is located.

Seaward-So wonderful to hear your friend is feeling better. That's a very good sign for a full recovery and I wish them all the best.

My ex was supposed to go on the road with NB and their mgr tried to get him to do something he doesn't normally do (he's an accountant) so he told them to get lost. Dodged a bullet: Touring with Nickelback.

MissMatador said...

FYI..Canada disowned these two loonnnggg ago! It's you Americans that kept buying there music and seeing their concerts. They're yours now! Ohhh and you can keep Pamela Anderson too.

MissMatador said...

*their music not there

Mango said...

Her dress will be a black and pink Fauxlita number from Ed Hardy and in lieu of flowers she'll walk down the aisle with a fingerstache. At the reception John Mayer and Scott Stapp will sing "I Got You Babe."

@ Vicki - and post reception they'll drive away in a limo (rattling beer cans attached to the back fender) as Avril flips off the guests. Classy!

@selock - I once drove by a day care place that had its name painted in crooked, faux-childish handwriting, with some of the letters backwards! What brainiac there thought that wouldn't confuse a toddler leaning to read and write?

CanadianMiss said...

If these two jerks are considered Canadian rock "rotalty", god help us. I can imagine tv reporters wanting to rip out their own tongues for being forced to say those words.

Tuxedo Cat said...

@Seaward...More prayers coming from here....

Tuxedo Cat said...

I feel so bad when jerks turn out to be Canadian. Star here move to the states in the first place because they can make about 25X what they can here. Plus, if Avril Lavigne came back here, she's so wealthy now her tax rate would be about 99 percent.

Tuxedo Cat said...

Canadian Rock Royalty!...I hope Jian Ghomeshi (the CBC cultural /entertainment announcer for the Q show) didn't have to say that on his show...he'd probably quit first.

Canadians are generally too polite to stick up for themselves...they'll stick up for others, though.

I've been in the states maybe five times, and in person, have been treated like gold.

feraltart said...

I thought I heard the Horsemen of the Apocolypse this morning.

Seaward, great news about your friend. Thinking of you both.

KPeony said...

brb grabbing some disinfectant to clean the vom off my keyboard. I'm going to forget this post exists and go drown my sorrows in the nude pics of Prince Harry.

astrogirl said...

@seaward. Hugs for you and your dear friend

Ingrid Superstar said...

2012 END OF DAYS!

Claire Tea said...

@Laura - I agree that the sex comment is in reference to a blind. Wasn't there one quite a while back that many commenters believed was referring to Avril, regarding a celebrity who was sexually abused growing up and refused to be naked even if she was having sex?

__-__=__ said...

Seaward - great news! Hope this continues!!

Agent**It said...

Enty, will you be sending a gift on behalf of your readers?

YourNameHere said...

This is so random and funny because last night I was trying to think of the other group that people always talk shit about besides Creed (Nickleback)and then this flashed before my eyes today! HA!

nova said...

@Tuxedo Cat -- uhhh, the highest income tax bracket in Canada is less than 50% :)

Mooshki said...

Ha! Reveal for the really old blind about the singer who doesn't have sex, but bathes with her pets, or something like that?