Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Father Disowns Son For Being Gay


This letter went viral. When you read it, you will see why. It is a letter from a father to a son who disowns his son because his son is gay. The letter was sent five years ago, and the son just now posted it to Redditt.Five years later, the father and son still don't speak.

118 comments:

CridChild said...

I hope the son is living a full and happy life now.

Good god, that was hard to read.

MISCH said...

What a stupid man his son is better off without him.

Roman Holiday said...

That is so sad..

Margaret said...

What kills me is that it's signed Dad...

Alexstrasza said...

That is one of the saddest things I've ever read.

strawberrygirl said...

The guy wrote that he never did drugs, got excellent grades, and didn't drink until 22, but his father treats him like a criminal. If you're willing to do that to your kid then you shouldn't have one.

libby said...

In a comment on this story on the Huffington Post, some older lady had the idea of 'foster parents' for adult children of assholes like this. To spend holidays with, etc.
I'm straight, but my parents are assholes and I know I would LOVE to have a happy family holiday at least once in my life. I thought her idea was lovely.

julie said...

I can't have children so to see cruelty like this blows my mind

Barton Fink said...

I keep recommending a book co-authored by John Ritter's first wife, COMING OUT WITHIN. The book recommends assessing the anti-gay level of the people and accepting that they despise gays and that there is little point in worrying about them. Mourn the loss, cry the tears, and move on. When I discover that someone doesn't like gay people, I just close the door on them -- but I am not a young person any more. This must be a painful thing for him. Sad stuff.

alliwholovessomuch said...

Have a good birthday? I hope this wasn't just before/on his birthday? Maybe the son is better off without him if that's his attitude to his flesh and blood.

faye said...

what a cold heartless man. no emotion, just very matter of fact. but you know what, hes better off without his dad.

i was treated very badly by some "family" growing up and once i was old enough to have my own voice, i was cut out of their lives. it comes up once in a while and my grandma will say "but theyre your family! you guys need to make peace because one day they will be all you have." when she says that, i think "we are not family. we are only related." i dont say it, cause i know it would make my grandma sad. its sad that she still sympathizes with them, but that is her reality of the situation.

discoflux said...

That was hard to read. I hope the son's life has been happy, healthy, and productive. I'm going to go cry in the ladies room now.

Snapdragon said...

Libby, what a marvelous idea.

I cannot imagine being so cruel and callous to not accept one's child just as they are; to reject them out of hand like this simply for whom they love. What a poisonous mindset.

Cornbread said...

"A new commandment I give you: LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Just as I have loved YOU, so you MUST love one another." - John 13:34 (the words of JC himself).

I cannot stand ignorance justified by religion. He gives us Christians a bad name.

I hope his son has a beautiful, loving, happy life. And I hope his father understands one day what a hateful and prejudiced asshole he is.

lalaland said...

so heartbreaking :( i hope the son realizes he doesnt need someone like that in his life anyway. hopefully he (the son) is now happy and proud of the person he is.

Snoopy said...

@ Libby - that just sounds so wonderful!! As a parent, I can't fathom my child doing anything and me not loving her....so sad :(

Jamie 2 said...

I hate to think what it was like for this young man when he was a teen and realized he was gay. I'm sure "Dad" made no secret of his homophobia.

dia papaya said...

Heartbreaking for both sides. The dad is so closed off and brainwashed by his religion that he can't love his own son. Then the son has to make that hard decision to be true to himself and follow his heart knowing that he does so without his family.

I believe in a benevolent all loving God. Wish more people did.

jax said...

When my brother came out to my redneck catholic Dad all he said was, "He's still my son and I still love him, what else can I do?"

He took a lot of stick from his brothers and family friends who made comments but never let it get to him.
my grampa said "hey, we don't know what we're missing!" when he found out.

Some people just don't know how to love.

califblondy said...

I love the foster parent idea.

I was disowned at one point but I stuck by my beliefs and now look back at it as the five best years of my life.

I hope this young man finds strength and pride within himself for being what and who he needs to be. It's hard, but so worth it.

My parents eventually came to me and maybe this Father will someday too.

Yuffie said...

Reading that had me almost in tears.

PammieC said...

I can't even begin to imagine sending a note like this to either of my children. This person is a disgusting excuse for a parent.

I hope he has other family or friends who support and love him for who he is.

shag said...

Heck, if he needs a "foster family" for those moments in life when it would be good to have support-I would take him into mine.

MelTheLibrarian said...

Examples like these serve to show how selfish people are. How can people breed and then choose how far their love extends. No child chooses to be born unto this world, and as a parent it is your job to guide them and love them. I'm not a parent, and it breaks my heart to know that people can act like that towards something they created. It's sad religion is used an excuse for such selfish and hateful behavior. I hope that the son finds, if he has not already, unconditional love and acceptance from someone.

Patty said...

And there are parents who have to bury their young children and would do anything to have another moment with them and this turd does this. Makes me angry and sad at the same time.

old ;ady said...

@Libby, @Julia, @Faye, I don't have anyone for the Holidays. You are always welcome here. I have always done a lot of baking for the holidays and would love to have someone to do it for. I have 3 dogs and a cat. The dogs love everybody. If you need a place to go come here.

Amber said...

jax - that's awesome to read.

butch1314 said...

I wish i could give him a hug so very sad by the way he shouldnt have signed Dad he isnt a dad he is a monster

butch1314 said...

I wish i could give him a hug so very sad by the way he shouldnt have signed Dad he isnt a dad he is a monster

rhinovodka said...

what a selfish man that "father" is.

msgirl said...

jax, great for your dad.

I love what Libby wrote.

I "disowned" myself for several years and we had the "orphan Thanksgiving" where people like me and this brave guy could go.

No matter how you move past something like this, there's a hole in his heart from the hurt his asshole father has given him. So sad.

Comma Chaser said...

This hits way too close to home for me. My oldest sister is gay, and didn't come out until she was about 36. That was about 14 years ago. My parents and other sister pretty much judged her on this for about a decade, calling which I am convinced was a key reason why she didn't get married to her partner until last year.

Normally I am glib/highly sarcastic when I comment, but my hands are shaking right now, I am so angry.

That said: Yo, James, if you're out there? And listening? I don't care if he's your dad - Fuck. This. Guy. There are thousands of people out there who are straight and gay, who will not judge you for your lifestyle.

Additionally, if you need help with counseling, and happen to live in the Pacific Northwest, I can connect you to any number of therapists and/or communities which can help you deal with people in that area. This would include my older sister, who has a MA in Psychology and works exclusively with kids who are either (a) in an abusive situation, or (b) dealing with issues related to sexual identity and/or sexual preference issues as they relate to judgemental family members. As does her partner. They understand your situation.

I wish you the best of luck. In the bigger scheme, numbers are with you, boyo.

Pogue Mahone said...

So sad!

Rose said...

What a cruel, cruel, ignorant man. He obviously has a lot of hate in his heart, and I hope the son is able to have a fulfilling life without his sperm donor.

Also, I find when writing a hate filled goodbye letter, it's best to make it readable. That way they can completely understand your words.

dia papaya said...
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parissucksliterally said...

This is just so awful. How anyone could disown their child.....for being GAY.

*shakes head*

dia papaya said...

@old ;ady - Can I join in too! I owe you a great big hug. Love, love, love to you!!!

lyz said...

I think this is sad, but really...no different than what other kids go through. I'm not gay.I haven't been in any trouble. I have 2 awesome kids. But when I was 15 my parents divorced and my dad said to me that he had lived 25years for his family and now it was his turn. Exact words. I had to live with friends for a year, bumming between houses, b/c we lived w/ him and he didn't want to drive me to school. I'm almost 50 now and he still feels that way. No contact and he literally lives 7 minutes away. So, I'm sorry for this guy. And I'm sorry that his dad is so hard-hearted, but really...straight adult children have dealt with this too. Ain't family great??

dia papaya said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Molls said...

So sad that a father would do that.

dia papaya said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
pilly said...

Parental units. Ya just can't Learn'em!!

Family is who/what you make

I'm closer to my best friend than I EVER have been to my sisters.

That sperm donor will be on his death bed - asking for his son and he won't be there.

cc423 said...

What is sad is this father is so self-absorbed, that he makes this all about himself and what he will tolerate. What is great about this is that somehow this father raised a well-rounded and great kid who will be an awesome human being.

Syko said...

This letter is so shocking and sad. I doubt that anyone would choose for their child to be gay, not because of loathing for gay people, but because it will make their lives a little more difficult. Always easier to be "normal", and we'd prefer for our kids not to have the extra roadblocks and obstructions. But if they are, they are, and what is there to do but love and support them? This "Dad" found another way to react, and it's reprehensible.

Emiwii said...

Here's a wonderful hypothetical letter a blogger wrote to his hypothetical son in response:

http://www.askyourdadblog.com/2012/08/hypothetical-gay-son.html

Liz in the City said...

I know the guy who submitted that to Reddit (we went to the same college). Sweetest guy ever. His dad is a loon. Fortunately, I believe that other members of his family are totally supportive of him (and not the dad). It took great courage for him to release this letter.

Kari said...

Even though he's probably better off without his "father", I can imagine it would still hurt deeply to read this blatant rejection from a parent. Parents are supposed to love you unconditionally and have your back. This is so sad. :(

Maja. With a J. said...

Sad. I hope this guy has a great life now!


I love the foster family idea!

SkittleKitty said...

These people drive me nuts.

I would love if one of these homophobes could explain to me exactly WHY anyone would ever CHOOSE to be gay in current society?

i.e. If it's a choice (HA!), why choose it (please discriminate against me?)? Hmmm?? Anyone?? Bueller??

Idiot father doesn't deserve his son.

Ashlea said...

My husbands family who are devout, southern baptists love and accept their gay and lesbian grandson and granddaughter (my brother and sister in law). They may not agree with their sexuality but still love them. His grandfather said Jesus preached that we should love all people, even our enemies, so hoe could he possibly not love his grandchildren?

Disowning them never crossed their minds. i cant imagine anything that would make me disown my daughter. This letter makes me ill.

theinternetbully said...

For all the snark, and smart assery in the comment world, the openess, and love that CDAN posters continue to show, never cease to amaze me. Family sucks. I grew up in a tight family, mom brother and self, with a huge support system in my moms parents. Fast fwd, my mom and brother are gay. Growing up how I did, tolerence was not a learned way, but it was thrust upon me without choice. I still have philosphical opposition to the lifestyle, and wrestled with the whole nature/nurture aspect of it. I'm married now, been through estrangement and re-engagement with my mom and sib. My wife grew up in a religious house hold, and while she tolerates certain things, she is clear about wanting to keep our child from many other parts of my family. Having witnessed the things I did, I can't say that I blame her entirely. I hope that my child doesn't turn out someday to be gay, but I will love him none the less. I don't think I good conscious I could encourage his endevours, but I will never take myself away from him. That is all.

mikey said...

It's terrible not being loved and wanted by family - I've been there. I have not seen my father's side of the family is 20 years and it's a blessing.

I love the foster parent idea! If you find yourself alone and in NJ my home is open to all. If you have a baby with you all the better (yes, I want to be a grandma).

Maja. With a J. said...

@Emiwii - that made me cry!

BigMama said...

As a Christian I would rather God question my choices later for loving unconditionally and accepting all, than have to answer for living a misogynistic hate filled life.

As a parent, my heart breaks for this kid and all who have delt with similar situations.

Also, I would like to volunteer for peeps without families to come get some family time with mine. I can not guarantee they won't leave with peanut butter in their hair and toy dinosaurs or legos in their shoes....but it's a good time to be had.

Saffron said...

This genetic father truly only donated his sperm. Even the animal world has examples of more loving fathers. I'm sure the son found loving members within the gay community that he can call his true family.

Basil said...

That was a hard read. Just the cool way he dumped his son like that. Yeah, his is better off without that "father" around.

surfer said...

old ;ady - what a beautiful offer. I have no idea where you live, but I can tell you, if I was in your neighborhood, I'd show up, if just to give you big hugs.

Both my parents are gone now, but they were both wonderful, loving people, and holidays are no longer the same without them. I'm straight as well, so I can't even imagine the hurt that this guy is feeling.

moondancekat said...

I too think that this is very sad, but you can’t pick your family and it is better to unplug from toxic people than try to deal with them – even if they are your father. In this case, sperm donor is more appropriate.

Libby – I love the foster parent idea and I would totally open my home up to those that don’t have a place to go for the holidays. It’s just me and my hubby and my cat – no kids. I have siblings, but they either don’t live close enough or aren’t physically able to come and celebrate. I have a hard time with Thanksgiving especially since both of my parents passed away during that time of year. We buried my dad the Sat after Thanksgiving in 2002 and my mom the day before TG in ’05. I would so rather not even deal with it, but that’s difficult when you live in the US.

I can think of nothing better than to cultivate a group of new friends, gay/not gay, to spend the holidays in a peaceful and hassle free environment filled with respect and good times. Where has basic human kindness gone?

Sarah said...

So sad. Parenthood is so wasted on people like this.

Agent**It said...

So very sad. When my cousin came out to my Mom (Mom was the "test") decades ago, my Mom said "Dear, we all know that, now would you and your friend like some pie?" My cousin told it as part of Mom's eulogy.

Coriander Shea said...

@libby That would be a WONDERFUL idea, I'd be the first to sign up. Unfortunately, the last time I tried to search for that, even awkwardly, I kept finding old perverts that gave me the heebie jeebies even reading thir emails. I hope to find an old hippie couple someday and erase my slate of wretched memories from my childhood.

I very rarely talk about my family, and this is one of the few times I will ever do so publicly, if only briefly. I understand what this man is going through and while reading this letter, all I could think about was my mother's crusade to turn one of my best friends "straight" again (who happened to be a lesbian, comfortable withher lifestyle, her own family knew). At the time after going through literal hell that I'm not even going to get into with men, I was STRONGLY considering floating my boat that way as well, thinking that if all men want to do is hurt me and manipulate me, maybe women will be different.

I remember asking my mom that if my friend was happy, why couldn't she just let her be? She was using my friends admiration of her and manipulating her with it. My mother just looked at me with the oddest look on her face, almost like she was saying "But why would you want to be gay if you can be in a relationship with men???"

*facepalm*

I'm coming to terms with my bi-sexuality. There are so many ppl out there in worse situations than me and I'm not going to sit here and blow smoke up anyone's ass trying to make them pity me. I don't care if my family knows and I sure as hell don't need their blessing. I hope that this young man can come to a similar place b/c it is just horrible to the 13th degree to put your heart through that.

This also reminded me of why I'm terrified to have children. I'm worried that when I get pregnant this wierd hormonal change will happen and brainwash all of the ideals I've spent my life creating and turn me into this shallow, vapid thing that completely disregards my children as anything but little mindless mini-me's that have no free will or dreams outside of the bigoted perspectives I place on them. Irrationality can hit you pretty deep sometimes.

OK, let's see if I can slink back into the lurker shadows after this incredibly emotional and awkward admission, lol.

IDoTheRobot said...

I have been through all kinds of hell with my family and was disowned by my father for dating a black man. He told me he never wanted to see me again, even if he was fucking dying. Those were his exact words. Hard to swallow, but the best thing that has ever happened to me. That relationship didn't work out, but when I started dating my now husband his family welcomed me with loving arms.

Blood is not thicker than water. Family is what you make it. Your family is supposed to be the ones that love you unconditionally but are the ones that can and do hurt you the worst.

That being said, if anyone out there in the AR/OK area is alone- my family will welcome you with loving arms.

Love to you all.

IDoTheRobot said...

@old ;ady you are always welcome here!

Agent**It said...

@ Coriander Shea , welcome to my family (FL)! You are a wonderful artist. Hope it is bringing you success and adventure:)

Dishtlk said...

I have numerous gay friends who have all gone through their own coming out processes with their families... most went fairly well. The one that saddened/stunned me the most was a one of my besties to this day is very obviously gay. You meet him, you know... even in high school when we first met. He didn't come out until grade 12 though and when he did his EXTREMELY devout mother said, "its just a phase and I don't want to hear anymore about it." Within a week he had been kicked out of his house and told to come back when he had a wife. Sick. And, he still hasn't been back. He lived at my house for a few months while we finished school and was a reglar at family functions until he moved to a different city a few years ago. My fam still asks about him all the time and its these sorts of moments that make me realize how lucky I am.
I hope this guy has found a way to exist and be happy knowing he is better off with out his ignorant hateful father, I know D did.

crila16 said...

What a horrible horrible father this poor guy has. It's complete conditional love, and this father doesn't know what unconditional, real love is. This is so very sad, and unfortunately it's the father who will never live a full and rich life. The son will mourn and eventually get past it and will hopefully lead a wonderful, happy and fulfilled life.

mspring said...

My father would give his right arm and 10 years of his life to have his gay son back! My youngest brother passed away years ago and there's not a day that goes by that my father doesn't miss him or mention him! Was it a lifestyle that he would have chosen for his son? No. But it was was it was (his words to my brother exactly). God Bless this son and keep him!

Coriander Shea said...

@Agent**It Awesome. :) I used to live in FL (Ocala, though with the stories popping up on here the last few months I'm almost ashamed to admit it!)

Thank you! It's definetly an interesting path, and a lot weirder than I thought it'd be (says the girl who loves all things paranormal lol)

Mango said...

How sad. and how ironic that he signed this "Dad" and not, "Your Father".

It makes me think about that funeral scene in the movie, "Heathers", when the grieving dad says,

"My son's a homosexual, and I love him! I love my dead gay son!"

And JD (Christian Slater) mutters, "I wonder how he'd react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse."

auntliddy said...

his father is a sad jackass.

auntliddy said...

his father says, "God didnt intend this lifestyle for you" I 'd like to get in on that pipeline to Jesus thats giving the father the info. so anti anything jesus would ever say or do.

Sandy said...

Right. This a-hole deserves to die alone. Love him invoking God all the time, as if his sorry prejudiced ass has a direct conduit to the divine.

When my nephew came out to his rather conservative parents, neither disowned him, but his very macho dad was the far more accepting of the two. He didn't make a big deal about it at all, and just shrugged and said "You're my son and I love you." His mom had a much harder time accepting it. I think she still thinks on some deep level that it was "her fault" and she "could have prevented it." Some people just cannot let go of misguided, erroneous ideas.

Robin the Mad Photographer said...

I don't think I could ever stop loving a child of mine--if they turned out to be a horrible person who did terrible things to other people, it would totally break my heart, and I might not be able to deal with them, but I don't think I could ever stop loving them.

I'm very close with my own family, but I usually end up spending Thanksgiving & Christmas in Boston, since it's hard taking the bus north, getting picked up & driven another 50 miles, etc. Anyone in greater Boston who wants to get together for the holidays, let me know, OK? I've been wanting to be the mama hen for a long time now...hey, I might even clean up my wreck of an apartment for you! ;-)

Lioness70 said...

This hits home for me too, because I have a gay stepson (hasn't officially come out), and a father who he doesn't get along with.

They haven't gotten along for years. Kid was the product of a short, bad marriage; Mom ran off to "live her own life", and the extended family babied him way past the age when it should have stopped.

So he turned into an adult who sponges off people, steals, lies and abuses prescription drugs.

Kid thinks he's written off because he's gay. Nope. I don't understand the gay lifestyle. He doesn't understand that the way he's conducting his life is why his dad wants nothing to do with him...right now.

That's a far different story from this guy. Dad doesn't know what he's missing. Sad.

Anotheramy said...

When Im at work, I read reddit and DM. Its really strange to have everything interesting show up here a day later.

dia papaya said...

Thanks @Mango. That same quote popped into my head, but I couldn't remember where it was from.

old ;ady said...

@dia papaya & @surfer Thank You for the hugs. Every one who wants to come to Michigan for the holidays is welcome. Like I said I always bake up a storm. I was lucky, to be raised by parents who told me that they always loved me. We all had friends who were gay. So did my parents. I don't understand how a parent could do this. Hatred is so evil. Thank you again for all the hugs and comments. You are all welcome any time really.

Audrey said...

F*ck the dad. The son deserves better people in his life than this guy.

Hazeldazel said...

so sad...


it's like, dude! It's just sex! Like, people like Kim Kartrashians wedding and Britney's 20-second marriage is better and preferable, than having your nice, upstanding son around because at the end of the day, he with someone who's genitalia is match-y instead of mix-y? Really?

And if the Dad is getting all this bullshit from Deuteronomy, then where do we line up to stone him to death for mixing different fibers in your clothes (the line before gays are bad, mm'kay). You can't just cherry pick your bible, now - that would just make you a dick.

jesus don't like dicks. be groovy instead.

Saja said...

Hi everyone , long time reader but first time commenting , this story makes me sad as my own father disowned me as a teenager and 25 yrs later I still don't see him and now I forget most of the time I even have a father , I really hope this young man is living and loving life as no doubt the father is living with anger and bitterness and that's his cross to bear when you judge and condemn others, just had to have my say :)

Ash said...

I hope the son finds his own family to fill the void that was created by his "father;" I use father loosely. Time and again I've found that genetics doesn't make family; it's the emotional bonds and relationships that count.

Steph said...

@libby-fantastic idea!


on to the letter,

What a class A douchebag! I cannot imagine cutting my child out of my life like that, clearly the man knows nothing of unconditional love. I can only hope that James is very, very happy in his life now and living well.

I have my parental issues but they've never disowned me. Sure my mother thinks I'll roast in hell because I'm pagan but she still welcomed me into her house, and still tried to get me back to Sunday Mass every once in awhile.

Feeling rather thankful to not have James' father as a parent.

s. said...

as always when i read about something like this, i am baffled by precisely what is behind such a rejection. when it comes down to it, how can "Dad" care about his sons sexual orientation more than he cares about his son? as a parent, i wish i understood how this prejudice works in a parents mind!

luckylass said...

That is heartbreaking!

I do have a happy story: I kept my then boyfriend's family (I have 3 mom in laws) a secret from my very bigoted father for a decade. It was my boyfriend's choice, not mine. When we became engaged, I insisted to tell him. He actually serendipitously met them while I was out of town and immediately figured out that they were gay. He promptly called me up and said, "they are a happy family, so who am I to find fault with that. I am more evolved that you give me credit for." Blew me, my family, my now husband, and all of my in-laws away!

In my own experience, I find that some people can spew ignorance and hate, but can change when it hits close to home. I hope this Father turns this around. So sad!

Lori said...

Terrible letter. unfortunately I've seen stuff like this and much much worse. People being physically and verbally abused by their parents and/or loved ones when they come out...pushed out of the house, disowned, etc. I dont understand how anyone could be like that, but it happens more often then we realize.

SueRH said...

What a crappy jerk! He'll be sorry some day.

lolaluvs2snack said...

I'm sure this kills the dad alittle everyday. This is so sad for everyone involved.

libby said...

Thank you so much, old ;ady. I'm sorry I'm late back to the thread.

When I waited tables, I spent all the holidays with my gay friends. This part of the country is pretty homophobic (especially my parent's generation). I had many friends who had shaky relationships with their parents, and would avoid the stress of the holidays by staying home. We'd have potlucks!

Sherry said...

I'm sure this is what my uncle went through God rest his soul. I just hope this outpouring of support heals whatever wounds he still has. And this "dad" should never have had kids. But truly you want people to change rather than letting them hide in anonymity, out them as the monsters they are and let the world see their ugly words. Maybe they will become more enlightened.

feraltart said...

Emiwii, thank you for sharing that link, I cried.

My husband and I can't have children. Why do the douchenozzles of the world get to have them? I don't care what your sexuality is. No-one chooses their sexuality, we are what we are. I think everyone should be able to get married. Live a life with consenting adults however you choose. I love this community and I don't care who you cuddle at night, or during the day, or how many as long as everyone knows about it. If you feel you are lacking unconditional love, just know you have it from me. Love to you all.

Dee said...

Sad

Dee said...

Sad

Dee said...

Sad

lostathome said...

They should disown him for being an asshole. I'm Very very fortunate, and I think god everyday, to have an amazing father. He loves me unconditionally and always will NO MATTER WHAT. I'm not gay or anything, but I know he wouldn't care one bit about who I date as long as they treat me right. It's too bad more people don't have parents like this. If I have kids one day, and one turns out to be gay, who am I to judge? I gave birth to him, it's my job to love him UNCONDITIONALLY. And I will.

Selock said...

Fuck that guy.

I hope the son can find peace.

libby said...

feraltart, I feel ya. I never found the right relationship when I was fertile, and I won't be having kids.
The stories of abused and murdered kids always hit me hard, and stories like this too.
Oh! We had a story here in Indianapolis in which some wealthy mom left her INFANT in the back seat of her Lexus in an upscale strip-mall--in 100-degree heat! The dumb bitch had all the windows down, like that made it okay (um, kidnapping? Pedophiles?). She went from store to store, dropping bags off in her trunk, while NEVER checking on her baby. This was an upper-class type lady too. She was not some filthy meth-head.
It just pisses me off when people who DO get to be parents take it completely for granted.

car54 said...

I want to give James a big hug.

I can't believe any parent cold say things like that to a child. It is the father's loss not the son's.

I hope he has gone on to surround himself with people who care about him and accept him.

Jessie said...

I feel bad that open minded parents like mine are wasted on a straighty 180 like me.

figgy said...

Dad's loss. The day will come when he will be sorry.

Brenda L said...

One word. Shameful.

Basil said...

Anyone who knows gay people has probably heard many similar stories like this sadly. It's not as common as it used to be, but it still happens. The thing that makes it worse (at least for gay people) is when the son or daughter dies and all of a sudden the family who haven't talked to them in decades swoops in and tries to grab as much cash and valuables as they can, and usually at the expense of the living partner. They may not care about their dead or alive gay son/daughter, but they care alot about any money to be had.

And THAT ladies and gentlemen is one of the big reasons we want to get legally married.

Bubbles said...

The father is a misinformed asshole so I say ciao pappa. But what I don't get is how so many people here use the word "lifestyle" as if it's a choice, which a lifestyle is. I'm a heterosexual woman and don't have the same lifestyle as Beyonce or Oprah or as Liz Taylor had. And I don't know too many gay people living like Ellen DeGeneres and Elton John so please people, enough with the "lifestyle" Your sexual preference isn't something you pick like flying first class or coach.

B626 said...

THe mom is secretly maintaining a relationship with the son, right? Bet she lives in fear too.What a piece of crap guy(and proud of it!)

Basil said...

@bubbles Even the most accepting straight people find it very hard to believe anyone would be sexually or emotionally attracted to the same sex because they aren't. Personally, boobs and vag do nothing for me, but I at least can admit that it is NOT a choice and don't worry myself over much about people that do. Even though they support equal treatment for everyone, and how cool they are for being so tolerant, they still don't really understand what it is like. But I say thanks for trying even if you don't mean it a hundred percent.

csproat said...

@feraltart @libby
Same thing here.
Xoxo to you both.

I cannot help but think of all the kids who came out to their parents and suffered a worse fate than James...
God bless them all.

Me said...

its hard to believe that this letter is real. are we sure its real?

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

That made my heart hurt.

1Jazzimom said...

It does happen. I have a friend whose mom did pretty much the same except, she disowned the grandchild and the great grand as well. All have been discarded bec of the mom's lifestyle.
It's very sad but you have to pick urself up and move on. It's been 10 years and my friend keeps bumping her head against a closed door. She repeatedly sets herself up to be rejected again and again bec she wants the relationship with her mom. Sad indeed!

Amy in MI said...

Wow, how ironic that I was asking my Jewish best friend if I can hang out with his family on Christmas because I am not speaking to my mom, have no siblings, and my dad lives in Tennessee.. I thought Chinese on Christmas was a myth!

old ;ady, where are you in MI? I am flying down to TN the week before Xmas but I don't know whats up for Xmas, if I'm going to be an honorary Jew for the day.

dia papaya said...

@old ;ady - Thanks for your sweet invitation. I wish I lived closer to you. Baked goods sound delicious! My birthday is on Thanksgiving this year, which is always bittersweet. I invited my family to see me but no one wants to fly to the west coast. Ah, family.

I promise I will look you up if I'm ever in Michigan. Please be well. I'm still praying for you. The grieving process is a long journey. Just let us know when you need a boost of love! Hugs and Kittens :)

ABlake said...

dia- I appreciate the description! Jusr can't get behind the whole 'bruises inflicted' thing.
Sorry gal :)

dirtydisher said...

I desperatly wish my son was alive and gay. That dad is an idiot with no heart.

faye said...

@old ;ady - thanks for the offer! where in michigan?! i just moved to ohio and we arent sure how we are going to make it home for the holidays. (home is 1200+ miles away) you might have a house full of cdan if you arent careful!

zombiecrush said...

What an asshole!

Shallow Gal said...

This is heartache times 100. Even some serial killers have still had the love of their parents and it floors me that this would be a reason to cut off from your own child.

Lelaina Pierce said...

BigMama said...
"As a Christian I would rather God question my choices later for loving unconditionally and accepting all, than have to answer for living a misogynistic hate filled life."
^YES!! Well said.

Ugh, reading this makes my stomach turn and my heart hurts. But I don't believe in the blood is thicker than water thing, either, especially if your family member is a shit head. I hope James has a life filled with good people, good friends, etc. "Family" is oftentimes what you make it.

redronnie said...

One of my greatest regrets is not having more children, I adore my only, during holidays I often think what if..I would be in line to be a foster parent, over the years we have opened our home to my husband's former students - to young people who just needed someplace to be and feel smothered by two old people. One year we had 26 people at our Thanksgiving table, young, old, and none were related I met them while they volunteered at a food bank. If my daughter was gay, if wouldn't matter..the only requirement for love is that she simply exists. I feel sorry for the father not recognizing his son's sexual orientation has nothing to do with his character, with his values or with his ability to be a wonderful human being..why are so many people still so bitter and hateful over who we love..who we marry. I am in a interracial marriage - once my husband had to rush me to the hospital and I realized in our haste I had one pink sock and a blue sock on my feet. My husband joined me after registering us at the emergency desk. A woman sitting near by said in a loud whisper to her companion, "She's married to him?" I know deep in her heart she was reflecting on how this handsome man could be attracted to a woman who wore odd socks.

Sunny said...

@redronnie
You're lovely, AND funny :)