July 26, 2012
Dear A list Celebrity/Reality Host/Model
I always thought you were the real deal. You seemed like the rare grounded celebrity and more importantly a good mother. You parade yourself on TV and flaunt your perfect body on billboards and always seem to look amazing. It makes everyone feel inadequate. New mothers always tell me they are jealous of how you were able to bounce back after your pregnancy/pregnancies. One moment you were heavily pregnant and the next moment you were sporting abs that would make The Situation jealous. It was like magic. After reading that you attributed your dramatic post-pregnancy weight loss and rubber band form to healthy eating and exercise, most women I spoke to thought there must be wrong with them that they could also not lose weight as quickly as you seemed to.
So, when I was visiting a friend who works at a plastic surgeon’s office, imagine my surprise when I saw you there surrounded by a wall of bodyguards. I couldn’t believe my eyes and I guess you were hoping I wouldn’t. Why lie and make the rest of us feel like crap for not being able to lose weight through diet and exercise?! In your profession who would judge you? I’ll tell you why. Apparently your visits are a more extensive project than just a nip here and tuck there. After chatting with the friend, I found out that in addition to the tummy tucks and the lipo, that you also preferred to have your deliveries scheduled several weeks early so that you would gain as little weight as possible.