Monday, May 05, 2014

Dear Richard

Dear Richard,

I know it has been well over a year since I have written you, but I have been fortunate enough to not fly your airline so have not had to write. It seems in my absence you have dramatically improved the inflight entertainment. There I was sitting on a flight from London to Las Vegas and wondering how I was going to pass the time when I saw a woman seated in front of me with her parents. The woman, began ordering drink after drink. She obviously knows the best way to enjoy one of the items you call food on your airline is to get as drunk as possible so that the food is just a blur.

As she continued to drink, she was joined in the seat next to her by a young man who was also drinking. Because I was directly behind them I was able to watch as the two started to kiss and grope each other all the while continuing to order more and more drinks. They must have really been worried about their meal selection. During this entire episode, her parents, seated on the opposite side of their daughter seemed to notice nothing.

At some point, the couple in front of me decided they were wearing far too many clothes and were having trouble getting parts in the right places. They adjourned to the bathroom located just in front of them and soon loud noises could be heard emanating from them. Considering the meals had not been served, I wasn't sure at first what could cause such a loud commotion. Then, the unmistakable sounds of sex could be heard very clearly. Finally something to do on your planes besides count down the hours to landing. The pair was in quite good form and I began to rethink my position on the entertainment you provide on your flights. I hadn't realized that you were a fan of live action dinners and hoped that perhaps there would be a mystery themed show for the return flight. Alas, the performance was interrupted prior to the peak by flight attendants who knocked on the bathroom door. The couple emerged wearing next to nothing and were allowed back inside the bathroom one at a time to get dressed. The woman was particularly upset and yelled at the flight attendants that she hadn't finished yet.

Apparently some of your passengers found the show to be disturbing and the couple were interviewed by police upon landing in Las Vegas. I understand no charges were filed against wither of them. Just a warning. I do hope you will continue to try and find new ways to entertain your passengers.

27 comments:

FSP said...

I prefer Penthouse letters.

Seven of Eleven said...

What happens on the way to Vegas stays on the way to Vegas!

Sass71 said...

The unmistakable sounds of sex sounds like a great album title.

canadachick said...

boo i was hoping for a classic Dear richard rant that used to leave me in stitches....this was a poor comparison

Henriette said...

She didn't get off. How sad.

texas rose said...

What's the problem here??

texas rose said...

Branson should plant a couple like this on every flight and Virgin would never have another empty seat.

Renoblondee said...

That was stupid.

Froggy England said...

You'd have to be drunk to want to do it in those loos. Eugh, I don't even like peeing in there.

Dolphy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sugarbread maker said...

It doesn't stay in Vegas until you get in Vegas duh!

Dolphy said...

You had me until wither. In all fairness, I also have a tendency to type wither instead of either when I am typing really fast.

aemish said...

Best in-flight entertainment ever

'Lion King' Cast Serenades Australian Airplane

Count Jerkula said...

Lame article. Need pic of the skank to see if she is fap worthy.

sandybrook said...
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Sophie Helene said...

WTF.
that was indeed stupid and lame, and I don't believe it.

Eros said...

I would have bleach sprayed that flippin bathroom before I used.. yech...nasty booty juice on the airplane blankies & jizz on the walls.. *smdh*

Miss Demeanor said...

Classy.

Sherry said...

Well the F/A's did shut it down. Jeebus people...Are you so horny you simply cannot wait until you get some privacy? And damn skippy those bathrooms are gross. That should kill any normal boner in my opinion.

Dingle Barry said...

Why is this Richard's fault? And were they mixed drinks? Craft beers? Wine? How old were the parents? Was this a family on their way to a Vegas wedding? Enty, mind your own damn business!

I feel bad for Count.

Count Jerkula said...

Thank you Dingle.

Lulu said...

Damn… That kind of behaviour isn't normal when you're flying to Vegas??? ;-)

auntliddy said...

I really need more info , esp about the 'rents!

Dingle Barry said...

It always makes me smile when Count gets a juicy fap worthy story on his daily commute.

Countess Eden said...

She in her twenties. Why isn't her name released?

Dingle Barry said...

Why not pre-ejaculation Eddie's name released too?? Who knows he could be named Pituitary (nap time) Pete. Or, Whiskey Dick (got halfway Inn). But it's definitely not Satisfying Sven.

But NOOOOO, everyone wants to know who Poor Pussy Pouty Petals is, or maybe it's her cousin, Virginia (Flew) Virgin ...and remains one to this day.

Gabi said...

Virgin is such a shite airline!