Thursday, April 23, 2009

Congratulations Mario Batali!! You Are Gwyneth Paltrow's Only Fat Friend


Apparently Gwyneth Paltrow is tired of Mario Batali being fat. The reason? Well if you believe the sources of the NY Post, it is because she doesn't have any other fat friends and so wants him to change. Yeah, I am actually pretty happy about this. Not the fact that she criticizes her friend for being fat, but for the fact that since I weigh significantly more than Mario, I am in no danger of ever attracting the friendship of Gwyneth. That really is a weight off my shoulders. Can you imagine if I ever said anything nice about her and then she decided she wanted to be my friend?

Now I don't ever have to worry about that possibility. It isn't something that is keeping me up at night, but it's good to know that you can't be Gwyneth's friend if you weigh more than 100 pounds. What kind of person picks their friends based on their weight? Oh, that's right. This is Gwyneth Paltrow we are discussing here. Ms. Superficial, and the person who thinks we are all idiots if we don't follow every piece of advice she gives us, because her life is perfect.

Whatever. At least I get to eat.

29 comments:

Sylvia said...

I wish I could put a smiley here with my eyes rolling up in the air. Can't stand this idiot person.

jax said...

cover your ears kids......but

FUCK THAT BITCH!
At least Mario can fill out that Ralph Lauren Pink Oscar dress better than your no-tit having ass!
Blow me, you pretentious lemon faced SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY.

-Jax

Sylvia said...

LOL@jax

Babs said...

I worked with a woman several years ago, who was herself significantly overweight, but who surrounded herself with even heavier women because she thought they made her look thinner.

She was a bitch, and so is that skinny-assed, pasty-faced bitch Gwynnie.

Ms Cool said...

WTF? Are there really people that think that way? I can't believe it because it seems so moronic.

MontanaMarriott said...

What a C U Next Tuesday?!?!?! Women like her give actresses a bad name

brew said...

Caroline Caz Pal - Michael Phelps’s hot Girlfriend.
Video from the personal archive of Caz !!!
Caroline Caz Pal

Audrey said...

Jax said it best!

Sporky said...

If I were Mario I'd given her a frozen fish stick and tell her to shove it up her puckered ass.

califblondy said...

Hey, what's the deal with pictures of Gwyn picking up the kiddies at school in LOS ANGELES? I thought she was too good for SoCal or anything American?

Note to Mario, jump on your moped and get the hell away from this boney, bland, bitch as fast you can.

Personally, I like my men on the healthy (thick) side.

selenakyle said...

My usual for this bitch...

BLLLLEEEECCCCHHHH.

*scraping nasty taste off my tongue*

shazzzba said...

OMG GWYNETH, MAYBE IF YOU JUST KEPT YOUR FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH IT WOULD BE SAFER....

AnonMom said...

The most ironic thing about all of this is that she starred in Shallow Hal. wearing a fat suit.

Sylvia said...

lol@shazzz

nancer said...

mario knows he's fat. i'm sure he knows he should do something about it, too. but how is this any of HER business?

newsflash, gwynnie. you too will die of something. no matter how skinny you are or how healthy you eat---you're going to fucking DIE!

KellyLynn said...

Dear Mario,

As soon as you decide you can do without the toxic friendship, please dump Gwyneth Paltrow. Then redo On The Road Again the right way, without all the pretentious bull.

Sincerely,

KellyLynn

KellyLynn said...

P.S. Real men have bellies. Just sayin'.

mc_lefty said...

The thing is that bitch will be taking credit for what Mario is already doing. Mario's business partner Joe Bastianich weighed more than Mario and then lost a lot of weight. I think there's an article in Men's Health about it. so Mario is taking Joe's example and taking the pounds off. If you saw the PBS Spain series Mario was huge. When he was last on GMA he lost considerable weight. GP is going to take all the credit when it has nothing to do with that pale scarecrow with the stick up her butt.

wineaux said...

dear goopy -

fuck off.

love,

america

stiffkittens said...

LOL Jax & wineaux!

If i thought she could stand seeing anyone eat (let alone have some curves on their body), i'd assume Gwenny would have all fat friends to make her feel like a twiglet.

West End Girl said...

Dear Wineaux,

Will you please take her back? We never wanted her.

Montana, a see you next tuesday is a less graphic way of using an immensely offensive expression.

ardleigh said...

I hope none of her children have a thyroid condition. Can you imagine the hell Oatmeal would give that child? Would she cease to be it's mother?

What a bitch! Please can she not just fall off the planet! Let's think real hard about her not existing & maybe the seahag will vanish from us having to hear about her again.

0 said...

Gwyneth Paltrow can kiss my fat ass.
Overrated twat.

Mooshki said...

"P.S. Real men have bellies. Just sayin'."

Hell yes! A bit of a gut on a guy is so sexy!

Tania said...

I heard a story about a young actress who was happy to hang out with a mixed group of non-entertainment-industry and industry types for a day in LA. But when it came to the evening and clubbing time, her girlfriends told her exactly which of the non-industry friends could come with them. They said the (pretty, slim) women could come, but excluded the one overweight guy. And our girl went along with it.
I heard this from one of the other women who was there, and I was saddened to hear it, because I do like this actress. I've met her a few times, she seemed 'real', and she's a fan favourite.
It seems peer pressure in Hollywood is hard to resist.

Gwyneth though, well, she's in a shallow class of her own... ;-)

slappywhyte said...

i watched a bit of their show, and goddam did he cook some good mfin food

and she didnt seem too bad, but of course it was on camera -- i think she is very good at sucking up/being cool around those she respects

bionic bunny! said...

i'm with enty. maybe i'll quit my diet.

aw, who'm i kidding. but i'm definitely riding jax's bus!!!

Prisstina said...

Shallowness runs in the family - her husband, The Pale Twat From Coldplay, also hates fat people. He did a mini rant about it a few years back on an Australian talk show.

http://www.abc.net.au/tv/enoughrope/transcripts/s1675852.htm

ihpguy said...

So sorry everyone. I like her GOOP blog. I love the New Ageyness of it. Some of the recipes are good and some, eh. I think it is fun, spiritual, a fast skim for the good read. Her Christmas salad dressing was super. Everyone wanted to know where it came from. Try explaining GOOP in Portugues to a bunch of Cariocas!!!