Monday, December 05, 2011

Virgin Diaries


I spent an hour last night watching one of the craziest shows I have ever seen on television. Judging by the amount of comments on Facebook last night while I was watching, many of you were watching too. Where do I begin? Last week I posted that promotional video TLC sent out about the show and it lived up to the hype.


The virgin brides? The bride had every second of what was going to happen on their wedding night planned to the final detail. What I don't think she expected was a husband who just is not that interested in sex. Or kissing. The groom was 30. Not only was he a virgin, but he had never kissed a woman on the lips. His wife had "french kissed" and loves it. Well, apparently french kissing to him means treating her face like rat gnawing on some cheese while she sticks her tongue down his throat as far as it can go and every once in awhile coming up for air and licking his face. That was basically the reception. Gnawing and licking while the guests looked on horrified and laughing and could NOT wait to be on television to talk about how they could not stop laughing. Note to the bride. You might want to be careful around your dad. Apparently dad wanted to watch his daughter on her wedding night.

Fudge Man - At first I thought fudge guy was just a 35 year old guy who had got unlucky and that was holding him back from having sex. The guy has a lot of friends and they are socially adjusted and doing everything they can to get fudge guy to have sex. They set him up with possibility after possibility, but fudge guy ruins it either by telling the date 30 seconds into the date that he is a virgin after spending the night before making his mother dinner and also telling her that he is a virgin or fudge guy just walks away from a sure thing. When a woman licks the top of your bald head while sitting in your lap, I am going to go out on a limb here and say that you could probably have sex with her. Just a guess. Apparently though even though he had previously stated that he didn't care who it was or if it was good, he just was not into her. Oh, and when he said he would do it with anyone he did reference Natalie Portman. Yeah, like that is going to happen.

The three roommates. Wow. Two were virgins and one was a reclaimed virgin which is just a fancy way of pretending you are a virgin. One of the roommates, who is 30 went out on a blind date with a guy and within two minutes was asking him his marriage timeline and informed him she was a virgin. He won't be calling again. Through the magic of TLC, the three roommates found themselves on a triple date with three guys who also happen to be virgins. What are the odds. All three women spent the night with their respective guys that night, but apparently did not have sex. What was the timeline for having sex? One said six months after dating and one said second date. Umm, that kind of begs the question that if you are willing to have sex on the second date, how did you make it to 30 without ever having sex?

I have to say that as much as I loved watching this horror show, I don't know if it can be topped. If it had been three stories without the virgin married couple, it would have been kind of boring. For one week though, it was a great hour of television.

16 comments:

Seachica said...

Is this a series or a one-time special?

Vicki Cupper said...

Seachica, I don't think there are enough virgins in America for a series. I think TLC blew its load with this one. So to, uh, speak.

selenakyle said...

I cannot bear to see that KISS again. Gyahh!!!

Patty said...

So, are they making fun of virginity by picking the looniest people they could find who happened to be virgins? I think the "L" in TLC went from being "Learning" to "Luniatic" or "Loser"

Rita said...

@Vicki - per usual, spot on!

Vicki Cupper said...

Patty, if they interviewed normal people, it would be boring! Reality Show 101!

She deserves better; not the virginal Marc Anthony.

Sue Ellen Mishkey said...

Anyone else think the fudge guy is gay? I was hoping his mom would hit him with that when he told her he was a virgin.

m said...

i watched this in morbid fascination. the married couple was awkward. painfully awkward. the fudge guy needs a prostitute. the three virgins were delusional. first, reclaimed virgins should opt for the "not a virgin but choosing to be celibate until marriage" tag, as it's much more accurate. the other two, oh boy, talk about unrealistic expectations. short of the tv producers arranging them to meet three other make virgins, they will grow old together.

Maja. With a J. said...

Could not bring myself to watch this show. The trailer alone made me cringe!

JoElla said...

Me either Maja. I just couldn't do it.

Miranda said...

I wanted to watch this so badly. I wrote an article about it and was dying to see the trainwreck.

Ladies, the reason you're not married is because you are so desperate to get married. You're convinced life is meaningless without a husband. HOW WRONG YOU ARE. Maybe if you didn't treat dating like a job interview, guys would wanna hang out. I also hate the implication that non-virgins are morally depraved. My sense of self-worth and identity is certainly not wrapped up in how many dicks I have had (or haven't had) inside my body, and NEITHER SHOULD YOURS.

selenakyle said...

Ha, Miranda--I love it: "by how many dicks I've had inside my body." Priceless!

(and I've had about 50, and they were all worth it to find THE ONE! (not really...jk about that last part...)

All I could think was how sore, raw and battered they'll both be after trying to make love if THAT is how awkwardly they kiss, for chrissakes.

RocketQueen said...

Ooh, I recorded this to watch with a friend - glad it sounds good!

jax said...

Sadly I am from the same town as the virgins girls and it is ALL about Jesus. We lived in the bible belt..can ya tell?

Oh ladies and gents read Miranda's awesome article!

Miranda said...

YEAH! Do what Jax says! (ha ha ha)

The Bible belt in this city is truly terrifying.

Maja. With a J. said...

Great article, Miranda! :)